Hidden Thoughts in Season 2

by Theodora McKee

Episode 1 – "For One Night Only"

Assumpta:   Oh, God! He just asked if I would do the play with him! I think I kept my cool, but all I could think of was the final scene. Would he be allowed to do that, be kissed by me on stage, in full view of most of Ballykissangel, and Father Mac as well? This is getting out of hand. I thought that having him stay was the only thing I wanted; now I want to kiss him too? C'mon! He's a friend, that's all. A good friend. Well, a friend that I have to admit I am madly attracted to. Every time I think I have it under control, something comes up to remind me that I don't. I said he'd have to get rid of all the sex scenes in this stupid play, and he agreed. Just saying the word "sex" to him felt….I don't know, sexy somehow. What the hell is going on in my head? I get to kiss him!

Peter:   I almost hoped she'd say no. When she said, "What, you and me?" my heart skipped a beat. Yes, I wanted to say, you and me. What is going on? I love this town, I love my work here, I love St. Joseph's. But Assumpta…..Do I love her? I know that the petition to get me to stay was her idea.  I was so touched that so many people had signed it, and then all I wanted to know was whether she wanted me to stay. There is often this undercurrent between us, but now, the play! All I could think of was the final scene. She will kiss me. I will kiss her. I should get out of it. What will Father Mac say? How will the town react to the sight of their priest kissing a woman? Just a play, I hope they'll say, just acting. But….I get to kiss her!
 

Episode 2 – "River Dance"

Assumpta:  Look at Niamh and Ambrose, how radiantly happy they are, glowing at the idea of a baby, these first early days of pregnancy. Ah, will it ever be me?  Hmmmm. And there sits the object of my warped affections, the man I keep thinking I would want to father my children, the man I long for as a lover, a husband. In spite of myself, in spite of everything I've ever said and believed. A Catholic priest! Wedded to the church I hate. And an Englishman. And not for me. Who else is there? Enda Sullivan, singing over there, and not at all badly? Well, he is certainly interested in bedding me, but I think not in wedding me. Ah, forget it, Assumpta! And Peter looks over at me with that rueful smile he often gives me. "What might have been?" Is he looking at the glowing Egans, the parents-to-be, and thinking the same thoughts? I know he has a thing for me, a crush…..half the town knows! But it's never going to happen, he'd never let it happen. Would he? Enough, Assumpta, enough!

Peter:  Ah, just look at them, Ambrose and Niamh, so happy with thoughts of impending parenthood. When I see that sort of glow, I sometimes ask myself if it was worth becoming a priest and giving all that up. Love, marriage, children. I used to believe it was, that my parishioners, my "flock", were my children. These days, I find myself wondering. Assumpta has that quizzical, bemused look she's been giving me lately. What is she thinking? There are times when I wonder…..could she have loved me if I weren't a priest? Would I have loved her? We have gotten so close. The days when I don't see her, even for a few minutes, I feel empty, something missing. I've never felt that way about anyone. Whoa, Peter, enough of that line of speculation. It's exhausting…..and pointless. Enough, Father Clifford, enough.
 

Episode 3 – "In the Can"

Assumpta:  Enda asked me out to dinner, and I agreed to go. Maybe that's what I need to jolt me out of daydreaming, a man who sees me as datable, as a woman. I don't really want to go, though. It's ridiculous; I'm only 24 years old! And I'm happiest behind the bar in my pub, with my friends around. With Peter around. Agh, I get so mad at him for putting me in this position! If he didn't look at me with that little half-smile, maybe I'd forget this stupid notion of him and me……And then I have to cope with Niamh, all agog with the idea of my having a date. I wonder if she has some idea of my feelings for Peter, if that's why she is so eager to foist me onto another man. Any man! Enda sent me flowers, and that was nice. It's been a long time since anyone sent me flowers. Still, when we were leaving, Peter had come in and was standing there, trying to look cheerful. I have an idea of what he was feeling though, and it made me furious! I have to go out with anyone who asks, because he won't….can't. I wonder if he felt the needle when I said "g'nite, FATHER" as I walked out with Enda. A reminder to both of us. In the restaurant, trying to forget the priest, who does Enda bring up but Peter! He thought it strange that Peter and I are good friends, especially since he thinks I'm an atheist. Why do people assume because the Catholic Church leaves me cold that I have no spiritual side at all? So here I am, out with another man, and put right back into thinking about Peter. Is there no respite from this?

Peter:      I am beset by feelings I have no right to have!  If I am truly Assumpta's friend, I should be happy for her that someone is interested in her, wants to take her out, send her flowers. She is entitled to that! But I'm not happy. What do I want? I think what I want is for her to be here behind the bar, dispensing food and drink and wit and friendship. Maybe it's that I don't trust Enda Sullivan. After all, Aileen didn't leave much to me imagination when she came to confession. And if that's still going on, if he's sleeping with Aileen, who is so young, even younger than Assumpta, what does he want with Assumpta? I'm afraid he will hurt them both. Maybe that's it, that I just don't trust him. So would I be happy for her if some other man came to take her out? Someone free, unencumbered, whose morals I didn't find suspect? I wish I could say yes. But I'm not sure. What do I want from this woman? Want do I want from myself?  I better get out of here and get back to the church, my church, and pray for some respite from this!

Episode 2.4 - "Facts of Life"

Assumpta  –  Every time I think I have these feelings under control, something happens to stir them up again! I was walking Fionn after closing tonight, and I saw Dr. Ryan's car parked outside of Peter's house. I was flooded with panic. Is he all right? Is he sick, hurt? So I knocked on the door, to find that someone had left a baby on his doorstep. The two of us stayed up most of the night, watching over the poor little thing. It's the first time we've spent that much time alone. It was…. nice. Watching him with the baby, so tender and loving, I thought what a pity this man will never be a real father. Any child would be lucky to have him as a father. What a waste. But it's a waste of my time to be thinking about this.  I have to put these ideas out of my head!

Peter  - There we were, sitting quietly together most of the night, looking after the baby. It seemed natural somehow, the two of us. She looked so lovely with the baby in her arms, it seems a shame that she isn't married, like Niamh, getting ready to have a child. Again, all these unbidden thoughts. What would it be like to be married to Assumpta, for her to be taking care of our child? She said the church encourages unwanted babies, but hers, ours, would be wanted!  A child would be lucky to have her for a parent. I'm a priest! I have to put these ideas out of my head!
 

Episode 2.5 - "Someone to Watch Over Me"

Assumpta – All it took was a few glasses of wine to take away any vestige of control! I came on to him! I don't believe what I did, asking him if he ever wanted what he couldn't have. There's no way he could have misunderstood me. But he didn't have to run away! I mean, what if what I said was innocent? Just conversation between friends? He's there for everyone else, but when I want to talk to him, he runs away. He couldn't even look at me! I'm really steamed. I mean, maybe it was innocent. Couldn't it be?

Peter - What was all that about? Do I ever want what I can't have? Of course! I mean, I am human, after all. Was she actually saying what I think she was saying? Or was she just teasing me, making fun of my commitment to celibacy? All I knew was that I had to get out of there, fast! But maybe it was innocent, her asking me that question. It could have been…..couldn't it?
 

Episode 2.6 – "Only Skin Deep"

Assumpta - I thought this whole ridiculous thing was over! I was so mad at him, and the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. Even if a little nagging voice told me these feelings were unjustified. So what! But when Eammon's niece, with her makeup and flirtatious ways started making eyes at him, I wanted to throttle her! In public. She just cooed at him, and he was as bad as the other men in this town. I mean, he's a priest! He should keep his distance. Push her away when she got too close…or take a step back himself. He does keep trying to act friendly to me, and when I challenged him one time too many, he said, "I'm trying, Assumpta." I guess he is. But when he came to ask me to talk to Siobhan about her fling with Brendan, I felt we both were addressing something else. I told him that sometimes these things work out. And he said, No, that these "complications" end up ruining friendships. Okay, Peter, I get your message. Our feelings are complications too, just as much, and can ruin our friendship. I don't want that, I don't. At least, let's stay friends.

Peter – I hate it when she's angry with me, and I don't really know what I've done. Sometimes her moods just make me angry too. Like how rude she's being to Eammon's niece. I mean, why act that way to a foolish young girl, who thinks she's so sophisticated? I decided to make a real effort to get back to our old relationship, but she seemed to want to stay mad. Until I told her about Brendan and Siobhan sleeping together, and how worried I was that this would ruin their friendship. Suddenly, I felt we were talking about something else. About us? I mean, we would never…..But our friendship does seem to be shaky, and I want so much for it to continue. I wish I didn't have other feelings about her, but I'm trying to get them under control. I really want us to stay friends.
 

Episode 2.7 - "Money, Money, Money"

Assumpta - I think things are back to normal. It's been quite a time in Ballyk, with Kathleen's house being almost destroyed by fire. Peter, the kind, caring man I am glad I have as a friend, took on the responsibility of raising money to get it sorted out. I don't know where he got that tip about backing the wrong dog at the track, but he was man enough to apologize, to be humble about his mistake. He really is a good man. And such an innocent! Imagine someone never having seen a poker game, let alone never playing it. When that strange little man, who turned out to be a wizard poker player, almost defeating Siobhan, told me to not have anything to do with a priest, I wanted to punch him! I hated when he said they're "all theory and no practice". I know! I'm glad I have those feelings under control. Even though Kathleen barely recognizes him as a priest of her church, Peter worked so hard at painting, scraping, trying to raise money. And of course she snubbed him at the end, because her beloved Father Mac, that hypocrite, was there to lead her to the refurbished house. Ah well, it's okay. We have our shop back. And Peter and I are friends again.

Peter - Things seem to be okay between Assumpta and me. She really is such a good, softhearted person under her tough exterior. When Kathleen's house caught fire, despite the unpleasant relationship they've had, it was she who spearheaded the effort to get the place livable again. And agreed to risk her license by having the poker tournament in the pub. When that sleazy guy tried to flirt with her, I wanted to punch him. But only because she's my friend! She forgave me for getting them to bet all the money we'd raised on the wrong dog. I wonder who Brian got that tip from! I had to laugh when Kathleen ignored both of our efforts on her behalf, and turned to Father Mac and to Niamh, as though they'd done it all themselves. All's well that end's well, though. We have our shop back, Kathleen has her home back. And Assumpta and I are friends again.
 

Episode 8 - "Chinese Whispers"

Assumpta - My head is spinning; I feel as though my whole life is out of control. The pub is falling down around my ears; the only way I could even start to pay for the repairs and still replenish my supplies was to get some duty-free beer, cheap but illegal. And then Sara called to see if I'd given any thought to going in with her on the wine bar in Dublin. And all I think of is that damned priest! I thought I'd gotten over it, but it's back again, that feeling, those feelings. Getting away from here may be the answer. The whole town is in a tizzy because of these two strangers, who are probably from the revenue. You'd think they'd have bigger fish to fry than us. Small peccadilloes, small potatoes. But I'm just as worried as the rest, with my illegal beer! Then, in the midst of all this, Peter comes to ask if I'm really leaving and says he cares for me! What the hell does that mean? He was all flustered, implied that he was special to me; I should have talked to him. What is he trying to do to me? One problem got solved, maybe two; those guys were not revenue men, and the party to celebrate Niamh's pregnancy was getting the bootleg beer drunk up. But the big problem is still Peter! He looked at me with such love, it made me weak in the knees, and said I could find whatever it is I'm looking for right here. What did he mean? Omigod! What am I going to do?

Peter - My life is spinning out of control, and I don't know where it's headed. The whole village upset because of these two strangers, who seem to take delight in the misery they're inflicting. I'm accused of being too pious, by Brendan and Father Mac, and by Assumpta. Assumpta! When I heard that she was thinking of leaving Ballyk, everything I thought I'd fixed in me mind came back and hit me like a sledgehammer. Life without Assumpta? Could I bear it, not seeing her, not having her here?  Niamh said she'd want a life, a family of her own. Aren't we all her family? Don't we all love her? Don't I love her? Oh God, I think I do….and not as a friend. I almost told her as much too. So even with the revenue scare off our backs, all I can think of is how I will live without her. I asked her what she was looking for, what she thought she could find in Dublin, and I told her whatever it is…..she could find it here. Did I mean with me? What did I mean? Oh, God, please help me. What am I going to do?