loquita's The Reverse Reckoning

A special thanks (as always) to my love. Thanks also to G the Chickadee for being my aid and my collaborator—I am renewed to our latest despite appearances! Finally, and most importantly—this story has been dedicated to the best adoptive parents in the world, Lynsie and Bryan, who have never allowed health issues or any other obstacles to get in the way of their dreams. "Details are unimportant when life matters."

The Reverse Reckoning

By loquita

"Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening"
~Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it's queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's been some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Part 1: Whose woods these are I think I know.

In the middle of the food fair at Fitzgerald's Peter met Assumpta's eyes. "Um, you got a minute?" he asked.

"Sure." She moved off to the side of the bar so the crowd wouldn't hear them talking. He looked her square in the eyes and said, "I love you." She took a sharp breath. It was too overwhelming to hear him actually say it out loud.

"Will you take that thing off before you say things like that?"

Peter grinned. "I can't help it."

With her heart dancing inside Assumpta smiled back. "I know."

The electricity buzzed and went out and Padraig called out, "I'll go."

"No, stay," Peter answered back, "I'll get it this time." He went into the cellar and the lights came on for a minute until there was a loud thud and they went out again.

Assumpta rushed to the ladder. "Peter?"

Brendan and Padraig were right behind her and Brendan called up, "Doc, Michael, get down here
quick."

Peter was sprawled on the ground, his arms and legs twitching and convulsing. Assumpta got to him first. "Peter, speak to me."

Michael got down the ladder, checked his pulse then called up, "Call a cardiac ambulance. Brendan, can you do mouth to mouth?"

"Yeah," he answered and they started chest compressions and giving Peter air.

Assumpta begged him, "Peter, don't leave me," the situation at last fully dawning on her.

Brendan and Michael kept working, but Father Mac stepped over and began administering last rites. This threw Assumpta into a fury. "No, don't," she wailed. "He won't die, he won't leave me. Stop!"

She grabbed at Father Mac, who paused only long enough to turn to her and say with disgust, "Have some respect." Padraig put an arm around her and Assumpta collapsed against him, she was sobbing now in way she'd never allow in public even at her own mother's funeral.

Peter was surrounded by warm white light and felt totally at peace. He heard a distant voice. It was Assumpta and she was calling for him. Peter then registered the fear in her voice and her sobbing; he began to panic now. `Have to get to her,' he thought frantically, pushing against the light around him. He heard something again, not Assumpta this time.
`There is much left to be done.' And with that Peter slammed into the ground. His chest hurt and he was struggling to breath.

Brendan froze. "Wait," he told the doctor. There was silence in the cellar while Michael checked Peter's pulse then informed everyone, "It's weak but it is there."

Peter never before witnessed Assumpta sobbing and he wanted to tell her he was coming. That whatever it was, he would help her and it would be okay. He struggled to get it out, hardly even a whisper, "`Ssumpta."

"I'm here." She rushed over to him, kneeling at his side and touching his cheek. His eyes opened briefly and closed again.

Father Mac reminded her, "He is a priest, Miss Fitzgerald."

Brendan took charge. "Everyone's got to clear out so the emergency people can get down here." He ushered everyone up the ladder except Michael and Assumpta.

She caressed the side of his cheek, willing Peter to live. "Oh God, don't scare me like that. Don't leave me."

The medics arrived and secured Peter to a backboard immobilizing his spine. They started a fluid IV and ice packets were placed on his hand, arm and both legs. Finally Peter was carried up and put into the back of the ambulance. Michael took the front seat and told Assumpta to stay with Peter in the back where she held his hand during the trip to the hospital.

By the time they arrived at emergency, Peter went into a full seizure. The doctors began shouting, injecting him with drugs, putting an oxygen mask over his face. Michael led Assumpta away saying, "We must stay out of the way and let them work."

Forty-five minutes later they sat in a tiny waiting room. A doctor with graying hair and a kind smile entered and introduced himself as Dr. Murphy. "Are you Mrs. Clifford?" he asked Assumpta.

She ignored the question. "How is he?"

"Stable. He's unconscious but this is not uncommon given what happened. It is simply the body's way of trying to rest so it can recover. He's young and strong so I'm optimistic that he's past the most life threatening. It is, of course, still too early to determine much about long term complications. We'll just have to wait and see now. I'm getting him transferred and then you can see him."

The doctor left them and Assumpta went over and over in her mind the words the doctor told her. She turned toward Michael. "Doc, what did he mean long term complications?"

"There are so many possibilities it's just not worth it going into it all now. Father Clifford may be fine in a few days."

"List some of them."

"Assumpta-" he warned.

Her temper was up. "List them if it takes all night." And he knew better than to oppose her now.

"Well," Michael sighed; he didn't want to have to consider these things about his friend. "There could be brain damage. A seizure might indicate that but the range of it... It may not even affect him, it was a good sign that he was talking before and knew who you
were. There most certainly is muscle and nerve damage. But that could happen anywhere and the differences in treatment would be vast depending on where and how much damage was done. There could be complications from the burns, all manner of things. Assumpta, it's like the doctor said, he's stable now. Try to focus on that."

An hour later Brendan, Padraig, and Siobhan turned up at the hospital and found them in the waiting room. Brendan told Assumpta they closed the pub and tidied up for her. All five sat in silence until the doctor came around again and when he did, Dr. Murphy sat next to Assumpta and patted her hand as he spoke. He explained the IV was to help stabilize and clear the now alkaline fluids from his blood and body. They also started a strong course of antibiotics to prevent infection of the burns and as a protective measure for any spinal cord and nerve damage that may have occurred. "Now remember, he's unconscious. It is a light coma but as I said before this is not rare. People report that they can hear their loved one's voices and it helps them pull out of it so when you see him I want you to talk to him." The doctor told them the room number and asked that they go in a few at a time.

Terror shone in her eyes so Brendan put an arm around Assumpta's shoulders and walked with her down the hall. They entered a small hospital room where the lights were low and Peter lay in a bed connected with machines all around him blinking numbers and lines. His eyes were closed and his skin was blotchy red everywhere, not just near his bandaged hand. At the sight of him Assumpta choked back a cry.

Brendan squeezed her. "We have to be strong for him. Where's your fiery, unbreakable stubbornness and determination, Assumpta?"

"I think it shattered the moment I thought I'd lost him." She turned to look into Brendan's eyes. "I love him."

"I know."

"And I never told him." She was near tears again.

"Tell him now," Brendan said as he guided her into the room. He moved a chair so it was close to the bedside for Assumpta to sit down. Then Brendan left the two of them alone and returned to the waiting room.

"How is he?" Padraig asked.

"White as a sheet and hooked to a thousand machines..." Brendan announced the next part as if he were reporting the weather, except his lips flirted with a smile. "Oh, and by the way, it seems our girl is in love."

Padraig was even more interested now, "Did she say that?" Michael and Siobhan also leaned in.

He mimicked her high, serious voice, "Brendan, I love him and I never told him."

"Ah!" Siobhan grumbled as she handed Brendan a fiver. "But she hates the clergy."

"Fickle, isn't she?" Brendan collected money from each of them and sat back in his chair looking satisfied. "I told you `opposites attract' is not just a saying."

"What are they going to do?" Michael asked seriously. "I mean you don't think they'd-" He stopped himself. He didn't know what to think about it, they clearly belonged together but at the same time it was wrong.

"No," Brendan said. "Peter's a good man. He'll do the right thing. He would never intentionally hurt her."

The others nodded but Siobhan looked troubled. Michael asked, "What do you suppose Father Mac'll say about this?"

Padraig held up a note. "I've got a fiver on him trying to throw Father Clifford out of the country." And the betting began again.

Assumpta watched the slow, even rise and fall of Peter's chest which was powered by a machine at the moment. She didn't know what time it was but it felt like days had passed since Peter leaned over the bar and told her he loved her. She made some stupid remark about his collar to cover the explosion of emotions she felt hearing him say those words to her. Everything was perfect for just one minute.

She looked at him now, so frail, so close to leaving her forever. Was this her punishment for turning him from the church? Was God that cruel to give her the fulfillment of her hopes, dreams, desires, and then steal it all away so fast?

Anger burned in her stomach. She would fight anyone even God himself to hold on to Peter Clifford. No one would hurt him or take him away or ruin their happiness. Peter will just have to get better, Assumpta decided, and she would do whatever was necessary to help him do it. The doctor told her to talk to him.

"Peter…" she began but then stopped, what in the world would she tell him? "I love you." It was so simple in three words, but how to express all the meaning behind those words was another matter. "I don't know, but I think I always have."

Assumpta's mind flashed back to that moment she stopped the car to pick up a drenched hiker in the rain. "When you rubbed your head with that towel you looked like such a young lost boy determined to take on the world but having no idea how much the world could hurt you." She shook her head as if to shake the memory loose.

Assumpta remembered how they disagreed over her name. It seemed they were always at odds from the start but somehow in the midst of those differences they still found a middle ground. Even on religion they were learning to find it.

She reminisced, "I never thought under any circumstances would I'd ever end up in a church again but I have to admit you've got me thinking about it now. If this is all some hoax to convince me to go than I give up, you've won." Assumpta smiled a little at the thought of him going to such extremes but tears rimmed her eyes just the same. "You've done it before, the time Quigley opened his bar and grill. It was you, your faith and optimism I was lookin' for that day. It's what I need now. I may never go to mass, Peter, but you give me… I don't know something like faith and I need your faith now." With agony Assumpta pleaded, "You have to wake up."

She listened to the faint hums and beeps of the machines surrounding him as her mind forwarded the day in her mind. "After I was hit by that rock and you took a look at my forehead." She sighed not sure how much she was willing to ever admit. But if anything at all could help him wake she decided it was worth it. "You put my face in your hands and I swear I stopped breathing for a second. I've never felt anything like that and it terrified me. I wanted you to kiss me and at the same time I was afraid you would. That's when I knew I would love you always, no matter what happened in our lives. Nothing was ever the same again."

Assumpta awoke suddenly to a hand on her shoulder. Sunlight filtered in through the blinds and onto the hospital bed where Peter lay. Michael stood at her side looking down at her, "Maybe you should go home and get some rest."

"How is he?" she asked, straightening herself.

"No change yet. I'll sit with him for a while, you go on home. I'll call if anything happens." She seemed to hesitate but Michael looked firm and ready to fight her.

She gave in. "For a short time, but you'll call?"

"I promise. Padraig is waiting outside to give you a lift back." As they entered the pub later Niamh was behind the bar and asked them, "Any word on Father Clifford's condition?"

"Not yet," Assumpta answered.

She went around the bar but Niamh stopped her. "Go on up, I can open for you."

"Are you sure?"

Padraig said, "I'm the only customer," looking around. "Sure Niamh and I can get by on our own."

Niamh ignored him and told Assumpta, "Ambrose's mother is here, trust me I'd rather an excuse to be here and leave her at home with Kieran."

"Alright, just for an hour." Assumpta climbed the stairs. She undressed, crawled into her bed, pulled the covers over her head and cried herself to sleep.

Part 2: He will not see me stopping here

Hours later Assumpta woke and quickly showered and dressed. She dashed down the stairs and grabbed her keys. "Niamh, I called Peggy and she'll fill in tonight. Has Dr. Ryan called?"

"No." Niamh's face scrunched up. "Assumpta, you're not going back over there?"

"Yes."

Niamh grabbed her friend's hand and yanked her into the kitchen. "Think about how this looks, you at his bedside all day and night. I know you're worried, we all are, but-"

"But what?" Assumpta's eyes flashed. "Worried about gossip when the man's lying on his death bed?"

"He's a priest. There has already been rumors about the two of you being close and this will only-"

"Oh, grow up, Niamh!" Assumpta shouted and stormed out.

Assumpta got to the hospital in record time. Michael and Brendan were sitting in Peter's room talking softly. And they looked up at her as she entered. Michael commented, "You're looking better."

"Thanks." She glanced down at Peter. Nothing appeared different except his oxygen mask was gone now. Apart from the bandages he looked as if he were sleeping the afternoon away.

"I have some appointments but call if you need anything," Michael said.

Brendan added, "Same goes," and they both left.

"I yelled at Niamh," Assumpta told Peter once they were alone. "I suppose my emotions are a little out of hand. She was warning me there was gossip about us and that it would only be worse now. The truth of it is what got me… she has no idea. Peter, I don't want
you to be hurt but this is Ireland, priests don't stop being priests in some people's minds and they won't be kind to you."

Assumpta sat for nearly ten minutes thinking through all the possible terrible things that could be said to him and who exactly would say them. A certain shop owner stood out prominently in her imaginations. Finally she admitted to him, "I'm selfish, I want you
despite it."

She thought back to a night she questioned his strength in the past. "Remember when we sat in your car in the woods? I asked what you would do if Father Mac shone a light in our window. You said you'd tell him to mind his own business." Assumpta searched his
face awhile thinking of that night, of how much hung in a balance and of how much they both were about to shatter. "I said that you constantly surprise me. It's true. But still I wonder how much you can take. How many times will you tell people to mind their own business before you grow tired of saying it?" Assumpta's voice got very quiet. "Would you leave me if it gets too difficult?"

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she didn't bother to wipe them away. It felt as if she'd done nothing but cry for the last 24 hours straight. It was so unlike her to let go of it like this. Assumpta always held things in and forced herself to be strong but now it seemed that every trick and defense mechanism she had abandoned her. She never before felt more frightened and helpless than in this moment.

"Assumpta," Niamh's voice came from the doorway. She saw her friend crying and came over to hug her. "Oh, don't cry, I'm sorry."

Assumpta hugged her back. "I'm a mess."

Niamh looked over Assumpta's shoulder at Peter lying deathly still in the bed and then sat back in a chair to look Assumpta in the eye. It was no use pretending any longer and Niamh was getting tired of the game anyway. The unsaid between them always bothered
her. She was willing to open up about her deepest secrets but Assumpta held back with hers. Maybe it was time for the more direct approach and to shock her friend with the fact that her secret was fairly obvious to all. Niamh said matter-of-factly, "You love him don't you. Have you told him so?"

"He's told me." Niamh's eyes went wide with surprise. Assumpta continued, "He told me yesterday that he was leaving the church so we could be together and before I could say... before..." Assumpta held on, trying to gain control of her emotions and shook her
head. "...this happened."

Niamh put her arms back around her friend. "Assumpta Fitzgerald, you always manage to find the most difficult path don't you?"

"I'm sorry if you don't approve, but-"

"I never said that. I've only said I want you to be happy." Niamh leaned back again and unconsciously her eyebrow went up with suspicion. "And he said he'd leave the church?" She never thought Father Clifford would do such a thing.

"If he ever gets the chance now- oh God, Niamh what am I gonna do if he doesn't come out it?"

"He will."

Assumpta told Niamh about the doctor's instructions to talk to him. So even though she felt a bit ridiculous, Niamh talked to Peter a while about what Kieran had been doing the last few days, about the warm weather and anything else that came to mind. Assumpta just sat and listened. Finally Niamh turned to her. "Look, I'll help with the bar all you need, you know that. I'm only giving advice because I don't want to see you hurt… think
it through Assumpta, if you want to start a life with him you can't have all of Ballyk going mad with stories before he's even out of hospital. Be careful."

Assumpta kept her eyes on Peter as Niamh left. How bad would it get before it got better, she wondered. It could ruin her business if everyone in the village wanted nothing to do with her. More than that, it would hurt Peter if the community rejected him.

Assumpta whispered, "Remember the time we were raising money for Kathleen's house and you convinced us to bet on the wrong dog." A smile flickered across her face and her voice grew stronger with nostalgia. "You thought all of us would never speak to you again. Why in the world would you believe that's all it would take? I've always admired you most when you're in the middle of a project like that, when you bring people together."

Around 8 the nurse told her visiting hours were over. Assumpta left thinking about how they'd let her stay throughout the night before. Maybe they didn't know if Peter would make it through then and it was a good sign that he was being treated as a regular patient tonight, maybe he was getting stronger? Assumpta clung to any small hope that she could find. She drove back to the pub but found no one inside.

Niamh climbed up the ladder and appeared behind the bar. "Oh, hi. The lights went out again earlier and I called my father. He knows someone and they're down there replacing the box now."

"Certainly don't need a repeat of last night," Assumpta agreed.

The following morning Assumpta arranged with Niamh to mind the bar for her during the afternoon and promised she'd be back in the evening to take over. Assumpta sat in the chair at Peter's side again, talking with him and helping him to remember their past. "Remember that last play practice you substituted in when we almost kissed. Do you know how many times I've been awake at night wishing no one had interrupted us? I was thinking this was my chance, one chance to kiss you and have that memory to hold on to
when I'm lonely. It seemed someone was playing games with me dangling you there in front of me, letting you get a centimeter from my lips and then… Father Mac, aghrrr." But she calmed herself quickly, anger wasn't going to help him wake up.

Assumpta hadn't slept all night thinking through what Niamh said and she knew her friend was right. Even if the worst happened and Peter didn't make it, Assumpta refused to be responsible for ruining his reputation and standing in the community. It meant something to Peter therefore it meant everything to her. And if- no, she told herself- when he woke up eventually he might be angry if she'd done damage in the meantime.
Assumpta decided she had to pretend she was nothing more than a concerned friend like everyone else.

And that's when Dr. Murphy entered. Assumpta remembered never correcting him yesterday in part because she didn't want to take the time. And a buried hidden part didn't want to have to correct him ever. That part of her where fantasy and dreams and hopes lived had trilled to hear someone call her Mrs. Clifford.

Straight away Assumpta explained to the doctor that there was some mistake yesterday. She babbled on without taking a breath, Father Clifford was a close friend, known each other for years, much like a big brother to her, she took her faith so seriously that... Assumpta half expected Peter to wake up at that point from a bigger shock than he'd
gotten in the cellar... and on and on she went trying desperately to explain away and convince the doctor of her innocence.

But Dr. Murphy waved her off like none of it mattered in the least. "I have test results if you care to listen?" Assumpta pulled herself together.

Peter's tests were showing some good signs, his brain activity seemed to be fine. His blood work looked as good as could be expected. The doctor was optimistic. "All that's left is for him to wake up," Dr. Murphy told her before he left.

Assumpta turned to Peter, who supposedly could hear all she said including her usual outburst for the doctor's sake. How could she explain herself? "I always knew forcing you to leave the church for me would hurt you. Would it shock you to know after that play rehearsal I even considered us being together without you leaving? I imagined meeting you in secret and having an affair. Do you remember when I was swamped during tourist season and you came that night to help me tidy up after closing. I pushed that night. I'm sorry for it."

She reached over and took his hand, the one without the bandage and squeezed it. "I was frustrated living with only your friendship and I pushed. Do you know how much I wanted to-" She cut off. "But even if you gave in I knew I couldn't actually go through with it. I just couldn't do something I knew would make you feel guilty or would break your vows and your beliefs."

Assumpta reflected for a moment, that was his reason certainly but it wasn't hers. Her reasons were far less obvious. "I knew an affair would change what you thought of me..." She choked up trying to get the words out. "And that was worth everything, Peter."

After gaining her composure back Assumpta said, "I won't let the gossips succeed. So we'll have to be careful for a while. It won't be easy being apart from you and pretending you mean nothing to me until you're recovered and we're both free. But I'll do whatever I have to for us."

She left the hospital with him lying in the same state he'd been in for nearly 48 hours. Assumpta wasn't sure at what point she should start to panic that he wasn't awake yet. But for her sanity's sake Assumpta told herself to hold out a little longer still.

She sent Niamh home since only the regulars were in the pub that night, minus Siobhan. They all sat around in dull, quiet moods. Not much conversation happening and not much drinking either, everyone seemed to prefer to be left to their own thoughts. It was
an early night.

On the other side of the village Michael Ryan was working late. He had been putting off this phone call for more than a day and that was wrong. After placing the call he hung up thinking he was as optimistic as he could muster with Peter's older brother. Thomas
Clifford was listed on his patient's legal advance directive. But Michael had hesitated because he suspected one day Assumpta would have been named instead. Shouldn't he as a friend try to honor what he knew Father Clifford wanted in his heart, even if not in writing?

It was just one more example of the hardest part of being a rural doctor. Michael had found it wasn't the lack of resources or being stretched too thin. No, in his career the biggest challenge was that he knew his patients too well. They were friends and neighbors and sometimes his duties as their physician were in opposition to what he
should do as their friend.

Michael got the impression during the conversation that at least some of the family would be traveling with Tom to see Peter. How complicated would it get now? And how guilty would he feel if something goes terribly wrong and the family's wishes conflicted with Assumpta's?

Father Clifford would've told him to pray about it and with that thought in mind, the doctor headed to St. Joseph's to light a candle.

The next morning Niamh and Ambrose were talking over breakfast about the events of the last several days. Niamh told Ambrose about her conversation with Assumpta and about Peter leaving the priesthood so they could be together.

"There'll be talk," Niamh concluded, "even if he leaves people will still say it's improper."

"We won't be those people. Will we?"

"No," Niamh answered. "It seems he makes Assumpta happy enough and that's all I've wanted for her." Niamh asked her husband, unsure, "She must know that?"

"She does."

Niamh ate a forkful of eggs while thinking things over. Ambrose ate too, knowing more was to come and he might as well take advantage of the brief break from it. Finally Niamh looked him in the eyes. "How did you turn it around and decide to marry me after thinking you wanted to be a priest?"

Ambrose paused to think before answering. Then said, "Father Clifford convinced me I was being a bit foolish believing there was divine intervention and it was really just cold feet. Wonder if when he wakes up he'll get cold feet as well?"

"Well you'll just have to talk to him." Niamh crossed her arms and gave him a stubborn look.

"Me?"

"Assumpta and Father Clifford helped us get married so we'll have to return the favor and do whatever we can. Won't we?"

"Niamh..." He crinkled his brow. "...don't you think it's best if we just stay out of it?"

"No, I don't," she insisted and took the breakfast plates before Ambrose was even half-finished and cleared them into the trash bin.

Brian heard from Niamh the day before all about Father Clifford and Assumpta's plans. And he was thinking about it while he pushed Kieran along on a walk that particular morning. Not that Brain was surprised by the news, the relationship had been developing for a long time now between those two and anyone with eyes could see it.

Brian didn't like change and he told Father Clifford so a few days before. The priest laying in a coma wasn't exactly the sort of change Brian had been worried about at the time. He was afraid that Assumpta and Father Clifford would create some scandal that could hurt Ballyk tourism and business. Or they'd run off and Fitzgerald's would fall to some developer from outside.

But now that the priest was fighting for his life there was a feeling deep in the pit of Brian's stomach, the sort he rarely felt at all and then only in association with his daughter. Brian felt strong, painful, unrelenting guilt. He wished he hadn't said those things because in retrospect, Peter Clifford and Assumpta Fitzgerald being a couple was nothing remarkable in the face of the traumatic injury and possible death of a member of their community.

Further, Brian respected Father Clifford and liked him on a personal level, had ever since the young priest tricked and trapped him into throwing a second wedding for Niamh. He didn't want to see a man he respected and liked struck down in the prime of his life. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. Brain had lost his wife, the love of his life far too young and he wouldn't wish that experience on anyone, even Assumpta. No one deserved to loose someone they loved so soon, with that much life still ahead of them.

Brain was ready to redeem himself and absolve the guilt in his stomach the moment Father Clifford woke. He decided he'd convince anyone, even Father Mac if necessary, that two young people in love should be allowed to do as they pleased. Brain would do what he could to make sure others stayed out of it and the two were left alone. But he did ponder himself taking a few jabs at Assumpta just for sport. After all she'd said and done the girl decides she wants a priest! Brian shook his head at his grandson. "Women are crazy bats who change their minds for no logical reason. My advice is to avoid the species at all costs."

Siobhan went about her rounds that morning visiting the local farms where she'd treated animals in the last week and checked on their progress. But she was having a difficult time keeping her mind on her tasks. She kept thinking about the display at the hospital, the fact that Assumpta acted as if Father Clifford and her were together and admitted to Brendan that she was in love. It wasn't like the girl Siobhan loved and watched grow up to have an affair with a priest. But it seemed obvious to Siobhan now that an affair must have been happening in secret all along.

She had pushed Assumpta, without success, several times to open up and talk about what happened with Leo and why the marriage was over before it hardly begun. Siobhan suddenly realized the affair must have been going on even while Assumpta was married and Leo discovered it. If Assumpta and Peter fell in love, why hadn't they done the proper thing and waited until they were free and able to act on those feelings?

Siobhan recorded Sally's temperature on her chart and moved over to the next goat, Mr. Pickles, for his check-up. As for Father Clifford, it was the last thing Siobhan expected of him. She didn't always follow her faith strictly but she had a healthy respect for basic right and wrong. It upset her that he would do something this wrong and let everyone in the community down. Father Clifford must have known how this could hurt Assumpta's reputation, her business, her future and yet that didn't stop him. Here he was usually the one trying to prevent people from getting hurt, not causing it himself.

Siobhan cared about them both, considered them both more than friends in fact. But this was Ballyk and the community would not react well to this news. Siobhan was a businesswoman with a child to support soon, she would have to be selfish in this and stay away from them for a while and the scandal they would surely create once Father Clifford woke. The community would take sides, just like with the woman's group Assumpta attempted not long ago. And Siobhan decided that Assumpta and Peter were going to have to handle this without her. As she put away her supplies, Siobhan wished for something to ease the disappointment and worry in her heart for her two friends.

Padraig pulled off to the edge of the road when he saw his son running in the field with Finn. Kevin came over with the dog as his father hung out the open window.

Padraig asked, "Want a lift home?"

"Nah." Kevin threw the stick and Finn went running. "And don't forget it's you're turn to cook tonight."

Padraig watched his son run off after the dog. He thought about how he should sit down and have a talk with Kevin soon. It would all be confusing to the boy… the man who was once the curate of St. Joseph's was now Assumpta's boyfriend. Padraig almost laughed aloud at the thought. He personally thought the whole situation was comical, better than any sitcom or soap opera on television. Padraig looked forward to seeing the entertainment play itself out and he planned to a have a front row seat for the show.

As usual when he fished, Brendan's thoughts were deep and needed sorting out. He cast his line then stood listening to the soft noise of nature around him, poetry in his mind.

"This heart that flutters near my heart
My hope and and all my riches is,
Unhappy when we draw apart
And happy between kiss and kiss;
My hope and all my riches- yes!-
And all my happiness..."

He'd have to remember to recite Joyce for Peter at his next hospital visit. Brendan was worried of course for his friend still unconscious and no one knowing what his future would be. But he was also worried for Assumpta. She always held a soft place in his heart. Watching her sob in that cellar like she never did when she lost her parents, well it made his heart break for her and simultaneously grow for her more than ever.

A tiny smile played with his lips, leave it to Assumpta to fall in love with a priest. He already knew she felt strongly for Peter but Brendan wasn't sure until now just how strongly. Assumpta's temper made many people believe she was straight and open about anything and everything she felt. Only Brendan knew Assumpta suppressed her most important feelings. And finally those feelings were too big and too meaningful to be held back any longer.

And Peter and Assumpta were well matched in his opinion, even if most others could see only differences. Initially there would be some rough times if Peter had a long recovery ahead. But he knew in the long term it would work between them. Brendan had always known it would take a special person to handle Assumpta's temper and stints and moods. Peter got her from the start and always knew how to turn her around.

And although she came off as difficult, underneath Assumpta was special as well. Peter was a lucky man to win the heart of one that doesn't give it away easily. And Brendan knew she would be loyal and strong for Peter even in the most challenging times in life. Only, the man had to wake up in order to enjoy his future with Assumpta. Brendan sighed, cast his line again and spoke out loud to the trees, "Though love live but a day?"

Part 3: To watch his woods fill up with snow.

The rumor around Fitzgerald's that night was Father Clifford's brothers had arrived. Liam and Donal passed Michael Ryan driving on the main road to Cilldargan with strangers in his car, assumed to be Clifford brothers headed to the hospital. They were giving a full report to the pub. "There were three people in the car." Donal said and held up a hand
with four fingers raised.

"Not including the Doc," Liam corrected, "but one in the back was female."

Donal scratched his head. "No. They were all men. Besides, Father Clifford has brothers and no sisters."

Brendan pointed out, "What about a sister-in-law?"

Donal had taken a long gulp of his beer while Liam pointed at Brendan, a gesture exactly like Brian did at times. "That must be it," Liam said, "Father Clifford's spouse's sister." Donal nodded in agreement and look another drink. Brendan met Padraig's eyes and they both silently agreed it wasn't worth it.

Assumpta's mind was not on the conversation around her, she was thinking about Doctor Ryan's call last night requesting rooms for Peter's family. Staying under her own roof while she played her game of pretend sounded far too complicated to her. And it was her
faulty electrical box that did this to him so maybe Peter's family would blame her?

Assumpta scrubbed the bar with more intensity than normal. Worse, she thought, was wondering what Peter told his relations. Certainly there wasn't time enough in the days before his accident to tell them what had been changing? Or was there? Still, there was plenty in the past they may know of… why Peter was forced to go on retreat for one. This could all go very badly and Assumpta was worried.

Later that night, Assumpta noticed Siobhan hadn't stopped in the pub, again. "Doc Ryan," Assumpta got his attention, "everything alright with Siobhan and the baby?"

This got Brendan's attention too. He looked up from the discussion of the Uruguay versus Argentina qualifying round match to hear the Doctor's response as well.

Michael nodded. "Far as I know. I saw her yesterday she seemed fine."

"Right." Assumpta locked Brendan's eyes next. "Wouldn't have any idea of why she's not been in recently, would you?" Brendan shrugged and turned his attentions back to the football conversation.

Soon after, the Clifford family members returned to Fitzgerald's at the end of hospital visiting hours. Tom, the oldest of the Clifford boys, joined right in the football analysis as if he'd been friends with all the others for years. His wife, Sarah, sat at the bar sipping a glass of white wine and complimented Assumpta on the fascinating maps decorating
the walls, she was a world civilization professor. Peter's youngest brother, Andy, age 17 and acting every bit of it, slouched in the corner.

After a time Andy slipped out and Assumpta followed. He was slumped now on one of the benches outside smoking. She sat next to him and said, "The doctors think he's past the worst and will wake up any moment."

When Andy didn't respond Assumpta's attention strayed over to the steps in front of the shop. She thought of sitting next to Peter long ago. It was one of the rare times they were alone together early on. When she handed him the petition to support him, Peter's eyes filled with tears and Assumpta remembered not having the faintest idea what to say next. His wishes were very simple, to love those he cared for and to be loved in return. She said, "Your brother is well loved in the community-"

"Some more than others." Andy's voice carried the angry sarcasm that teenagers often perfected.

Assumpta didn't know what to say to this Clifford also. She didn't know how much or little he knew. He flicked his cigarette into the street and then crossed his arms in front of him. "Andy-" she tried.

But he knew that adult lecture tone all too well and he cut it off. "Save it. I don't want to hear your explanations. Mum was always proud of him most. She up and dies and suddenly he's different? It's as if I don't even know him. He is a good priest and now you're ruining that for him. And I'm supposed to what? Be real happy for him? The Peter I know would never let some slapper hurt him or Mum."

Assumpta buried her own feelings. "There's no doubt he's a good priest. But-"

"I said save it," Andy yelled, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking away.

Assumpta watched him go thinking about her own temper. One would think that she knew how to calm someone else's, but honestly she was better at getting angry than cooling one. She hadn't a clue how to explain things to Andy. And Assumpta felt she was letting Peter down besides. It was obvious that Peter was both hero and human to Andy.

The irony was she knew exactly how Andy felt about a woman who believed Peter belonged to her. Just like that Jenny Clark made her feel once. Wondering if Peter had let you down, worried that someone was trying to force him into an impossible situation, exploit him, and ruin him.

The next morning Assumpta was working behind the bar with Niamh. The conversation, which had been very one-sided on the part of Niamh so far, finally came to Assumpta getting a word in. "Niamh, ahm, have you seen Siobhan lately? Maybe she stopped in when I wasn't around?"

Niamh thought for a moment. "Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her." Assumpta brushed it off and asked Niamh to watch the till while she went to Cilldargan for supplies. But before leaving Cilldargan, Assumpta couldn't keep away from Peter even if only to see him for 5 minutes. She stepped into his room and was surprised to see his family. Somehow she'd forgotten they would be there.

Tom took his wife's hand. "I was just saying to Sarah we need to get something to eat and ring the others at home but I didn't want to leave Peter alone. Could you sit with him for a while?" Assumpta nodded.

They began to leave but Andy stayed in his chair until Tom scolded, "Andy, we're going." Andy met Assumpta's eyes hard and accusing, and then followed out.

Assumpta took a breath before speaking to Peter. "Weeks ago, when you rang Dr. Ryan from Manchester he came into the pub and handed me a slip of paper saying, `I told him you were back Assumpta, here's his number if you want to call him.' I wondered if it was Michael's idea or if you asked him specifically to give me the number. I wanted to ask more details but I was afraid I'd give myself away, so I didn't. I wrestled with it, wondering what to do. I knew you were grieving and I wanted to comfort you. But I knew I wouldn't be able to hold myself back and hide my feelings so I didn't call. And I thought about a woman calling for you... I didn't know what your family would think or say." A dry tone crept into her voice. "I think I'm gettin' an idea now."

She was interrupted by a nurse who'd worked that first night but apparently not in the last few days. The woman now gave Assumpta a look over and said, "You look knackered."

Assumpta returned a polite smile and the nurse kept talking as she took blood and recorded Peter's readings on her chart. "Well of course you're worried I'm sure but I can relate when my husband is away on business I can't sleep at all. The bed is so cold and it feels strange and I cannot get comfortable and relax."

The nurse looked at her chart again and smiled. "We're not due back for several hours." She leaned over and on the left side of Peter, the side without burns, she pulled the covers back and looked at Assumpta with a gleam in her eye. "Go on, I'll close the door and watch it to make sure no one disturbs you, you deserve a bit of rest."

After the nurse left and closed the door, Assumpta looked at the narrow but empty space in the bed next to him. It was so inviting. She wasn't sure what Peter would say about it. Maybe he wouldn't approve.

Assumpta took a deep breath, slipped off her shoes and under the covers settled her head on his shoulder. She had to lay on her side and press up against him in order to fit in the narrow bed with Peter. She hugged him across his chest and closed her eyes. It felt right to be this close but heartbreaking that it was under these circumstances. Would she ever be able to hold him while he was awake and healthy? She fell into a deep and peaceful sleep almost immediately.

"Assumpta..." It was hardly a voice at all. "Assumpta."

She pulled herself out of sleep, was she late for school? Where was she? Assumpta opened her eyes and focused, she was in a hospital bed… with Peter. The emotions she'd carried around the last few days flooded back into her heart. Then Assumpta felt his hand which had been lying limp when she fell asleep, it was now moving.

"Assumpta." His voice was quiet and gruff as if he'd had a cold for days. But it was his voice saying her name and it was the most wonderful sound she'd ever heard. She lifted her head and looked into Peter's open eyes. He gave her a crooked smile. "If you're thinking of taking advantage of me..." Peter took a ragged breath. It was obvious he was drained of strength and speaking was taking considerable effort.

"Oh, Peter." She tried to be strong but couldn't help the tears in the face of all the worry and fears of the last few days finally able to evaporate.

"No don't cry." He wiped her tears.

"I was worried. I was so scared, I thought I lost you. Don't ever do that to me again." The last said with a touch of anger and it helped her, as it always did to gain control of her softer emotions. Then Assumpta could focus on him. "How are you feeling?" His good hand still skimmed up and down her cheek, caressing, loving.

"Like I've been hit by a bus but waking to a beautiful women next to me certainly has a way of restoring a man's health." Peter was trying to lighten up the mood.

Assumpta played along for him. "Ha. Just any woman?"

"No." He paused while he gathered energy again and mimicked a New York tough guy accent. "My woman." Assumpta gave him the smile he was looking for. It didn't quite reach her eyes but it was still beautiful. Before Peter began falling back asleep he told her, "And thanks for reminding me... all my favorite memories."

The next morning Tom, Sarah and Andy were up early and off to the hospital to see Peter. He had woken the night before just minutes before visiting hours ended and they hadn't had the opportunity to talk with him themselves.

Assumpta was restless this morning as well. She wished they could've had more time last night but Peter quickly grew tired. And today the family would want to spend time with him so she knew to keep her distance. The part Assumpta hated most was not knowing when her next chance would be. And in the meantime, pretending she wasn't counting the minutes.

The pub was busy most of the day. Brendan stopped in for lunch and by three Padraig was settled in Fitzgerald's for the remainder of the day. Brain stopped in to have a drink with Father Mac, neither gave her much attention. And as the afternoon went on the pub filled up. Assumpta was carrying a stack of plates in one hand and a stack of empties in the other and the phone was ringing. She dumped the dishes in the sink and picked up, "Fitzgerald's."

"Assumpta?"

"Yeah." It took a minute to place the voice that sounded a little familiar but not quite right. She realized it was Tom. "Is Peter alright?"

"Doing well. I just... he's been asking for you."

Assumpta's heart rose, and sank as she remembered to keep up the charade. "I'm swamped with customers I couldn't possibly. Would you tell him tomorrow I'll try to come by?"

There was a long pause, as if Tom was mulling over his response. "I'll tell him."

Later that night Tom watched Assumpta move about the pub. She was a difficult woman to read, quick wit, in control, capable, but the sense there was more underneath. Every now and then her eyes gave her away. Only a hint, and a second later she'd be back in control.

When Peter was in Manchester recently the two brothers talked about the things Peter had been struggling through. Tom recognized Peter was deeply in love, even if his brother hadn't sorted it all out himself at that point. But they had a funeral to arrange and their mother to bury and Andy had been a handful. Unfortunately in the midst of it all, Tom hadn't really taken the time to listen and help Peter.

Tom was the eldest and therefore always looking out for the others. But it was unusual for him to have to help Peter out. Of all of them, Peter was the one who seemed to never need anyone, to always know what he wanted and go after it, and when something was wrong Peter always knew how to make it right. That's what made the whole situation intriguing to Tom. This woman was the first thing in his brother's life to stir him up so completely that Peter couldn't go on being the same old Peter, not needing anyone and always knowing what to do.

If that wasn't love... Tom thought with a smile.

Tom got up and followed Assumpta into the kitchen. "Here's more." He set the empty glasses on the kitchen table for her.

She turned from the sink. "Thanks."

Tom put his hands in his pockets, a family habit they all inherited from their father. He pondered what he was about to say before speaking. "If I were in hospital and my idiot brothers showed up calling me names and telling bad jokes I think I'd last for maybe an hour before begging and pleading for Sarah to come and clear them out. Peter lasted more than half a day. But he always had more patience than the rest of us combine."

Assumpta didn't say anything but was listening.

"He's most like Mum, the rest of us much more like Dad. But by three in the afternoon and about the 10th time he asked for you, Peter was about ready to lose it today just like Dad would."

Assumpta looked down, it was hard to tell where this was going but after Andy she was anticipating the worst.

Tom took a breath, still no response from her, so he kept talking. "Peter and I have always been close. The younger three, they look up to him and that's partly Mum's fault. But Andy especially, Peter is Andy's hero and was even before Dad died." Now Tom softened his tone, knowing he was about to hit the target. "Whatever Andy said to you-"

And there it was in her eyes, hurt, confusion, helplessness, she'd be a terrible poker player, Tom thought. He said, "I'm sorry for whatever it was my little brother said. There's no excuse but he's taking Mum's passing hard and I suspect he's afraid of losing Peter as well even though he's awake and improving." Tom waited.

Finally Assumpta spoke. "Andy was right, not that I'm a slapper but-" She saw Tom cringe at that. "But I promise you nothing's happened yet."

Assumpta didn't have to tell him, Tom knew his brother all too well. But he didn't know this woman yet so he asked, "Do you love him?"

"Yes." She didn't hesitate.

"Will you marry him?"

"If he'll have me."

Tom gave her a lopsided smile. It was exactly like the one she'd seen on Peter thousands of times. Tom almost laughed as he said. "There's no doubt of that."

Assumpta wasn't so sure. "When all of this is done and he's healthy, I'm not sure how much it will change him. He may change his mind."

"Peter wouldn't be leaving the priesthood for something that could go away that quickly." Tom sighed. "Assumpta, he's dated women before. He's felt strongly about other career paths for a while but I've never- even when he decided to go into the priesthood, I've never seen him more devoted to something or someone than he is to you. I know him well. I know it's been a struggle accepting this, not in his heart but in his head. Peter knows how difficult it will be to leave. But he is devoted to you above all else."

There was silence, Assumpta seemed to be absorbing it all and Tom gave her a few moments before he said, "You should see him."

Tears threatened her. "I shouldn't be around him all that often. It's inappropriate to even appear-"

"I'm not asking you to seduce him, I'm asking you to talk to him. Priests are allowed to do that."

She closed her eyes and exhaled, wanting to give in. Tom saw the first tears. He'd never learned how to handle a woman crying and panicked, both for now and for later when Peter found out that Tom made her cry. Peter would torture any brother without mercy for making his girl cry.

"Oh God, don't do that," Tom said as he dashed to the door. "Sarah? Could you come in here for a moment?"

Sarah saved him, she always did. His wife put an arm around Assumpta's shoulders and spoke soothingly, "...and I'm sure Peter's afraid right now. He's trying to be strong for his family and put up a good front. But he was looking for you today because I suspect you give him strength and he's running a little short on his by now. You're probably the only one he can really let go in front of. He needs you." It was exactly what Assumpta needed to hear. That in spite of it all, Peter still wanted her and needed her. And at least part of his family understood and trusted her.

Sarah offered, "I'll give Niamh a hand and Tom can give you a lift over."

"What am I going to tell them?" Assumpta gestured at the door. "Andy and all the rest."

Tom winked. "That you and I are going out on a date. Let's stir things up with a little scandal."

A short time later, they snuck to Peter's room after visiting hours by avoiding the nurse's station. Tom stopped outside the room. "You go in. I'll wait out here and keep watch. But take your time."

The lights were low and Peter's eyes closed. She stood at his bed and reached a hand out, wanting to touch him but still unsure.

Peter didn't hear her come in but the scent of her woke him. He would know it anywhere, vanilla and spice, and something else unmistakably Assumpta. Peter's eyes opened. "Hiya." His voice was still gravely but it sounded much stronger than yesterday.

When Peter smiled at Assumpta the world around her blurred and disappeared and there was only him. Her hand went to his cheek. "How are you?"

"Good. Better today." He drank in the sight of her like finding water in a drought. It had been too long of a day. "My brothers are driving me crazy."

"I heard."

"It was busy today?" Peter seemed sad as he asked.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you're here now." He wanted to kiss her but sensed Assumpta wasn't ready for that. So he settled on taking her hand and holding tight.

"How are you?" Assumpta asked again remembering Sarah's comments about Peter putting up a strong front, "The truth."

His eyes dropped. "I can't feel or move my legs but Dr. Murphy's convinced that's temporary. They'll run tests tomorrow." Peter worked to hide his fears from her. Dr. Murphy explained to him earlier that temporary paralysis of some form, usually the legs, was a common side effect of electrical and lightening accidents. It was due to combined damage of muscles, blood vessels and nerves. But Peter sensed the doctor was hiding some concern and being upbeat for his sake.

Assumpta's heart skipped a beat at the news. But she simply wouldn't believe that after everything they'd already been through, even more obstacles lie ahead. So she decided to stay positive, for them both. "I'm sure Dr. Murphy's right and you'll be back to normal soon enough."

Peter glanced at her. "I will if you lay here again for a while." He ached to have her in his arms again.

"I'm not sure..." Assumpta looked away. "You're still a priest."

"Well than you're not going to like what I'm gonna ask you to do next." Her eyes cut to his, wide with wonder and a touch of panic. "See Father Mac for me tomorrow and get the paperwork for me to sign. Will that make you feel better?"

"It's not about what I think or feel. It's about how others see you, people who look up to you and need to feel you haven't let them down."

Peter looked puzzled. "Has someone said something to you?"

"No. I- I just don't want to hurt you."

"I know." He squeezed her hand.

After a beat, Assumpta crinkled her brow in disgust. "Father Mac? Those medications are makin' you delusional."

Peter knew she wouldn't do it but it would be awkward asking someone else. And he was afraid if requested to come, Father Mac wouldn't find the time to visit for weeks.

Assumpta squeezed his hand back and said softly, "It's a good thing I'd do anything for you." Then she added a mock warning, "But you owe me."

Part 4: Between the woods and frozen lake

Father Mac confronted the defiant woman standing on the other side of his desk. "Have you thought about what you're doing to him?"

Assumpta's eyes narrowed as she hissed. "You have no right."

"I care about him but not in the selfish manner that you do. You, Assumpta Fitzgerald, as usual are only interested in yourself. Father Clifford will be granted dispensation so that he is no longer required to fulfill his priestly responsibilities. But faith is another matter. He'll never be allowed to marry in the church because technically he will always be a priest according to the church, just not a practicing one. It is like being the child in the classroom who has misbehaved, he isn't sent home from school, no, no. It's much more embarrassing to make him stay and wear the dunce hat."

Father Mac believed in his heart he was looking out for Father Clifford. What the young priest needed was more time to carefully consider what he was doing. There may be women in the world worth leaving one's vocation for but Assumpta Fitzgerald was not one of them in his estimation.

So Father Mac continued. "And there is a separate process to be released from his vow of celibacy. It takes decades and the Vatican almost never grants it. Just how ashamed do you think you'll make him feel persuading him to do something he took a vow to abstain from? Oh, I know that none of this matters to you Assumpta, but it does to him. It's what Father Clifford believes and you expect him now to reject all of it? How long do you honestly expect this shameful affair to last and is it really worth destroying a man over?"

"How dare you." Assumpta's anger flashed.

"No, how dare you." Father Mac was keeping his voice carefully controlled and almost mocking her. "If not faith, my dear, then think of more practical matters, the private insurance the church provides will guarantee him the best care. The moment he leaves the church his care will be significantly less than optimal. Are your selfish needs more important than his full recovery?" Father Mac seemed almost cheerful now as he handed over the papers she'd requested.

Assumpta considered for half a second beating him to a bloody pulp. But she knew even that wouldn't make her feel better. As much as Assumpta wanted to get angry and yell and fight, more so, she wanted to collapse. Part of her, buried deep down, knew her worst fears were contained somewhere in Father Mac's comments.

In her van, Assumpta looked the papers over. The repercussions were carefully detailed and just as Father Mac said. It made her heart stop for a second. She put her vehicle into drive and headed to the hospital. Assumpta didn't even say hello when she entered his room. "The church doesn't release you from your vow of celibacy."

Peter put down the newspaper Brendan brought him earlier and looked at Assumpta like she was nuts. "You been reading Canon Law in your spare time?"

Temper was tempting her but she was doing everything she could to keep calm; it was very unAssumpta-like. "This isn't a joke, Peter."

He agreed. "No, it's not."

Assumpta crossed her arms at her chest. "And you can't marry in the church. Why didn't you tell me you couldn't do many of the things you believe in? Leaving the priesthood is one thing, but I'm not trying to turn you from you from your faith."

"That's nice to hear but honestly I'm not sure what the Catholic Church tells me I can and cannot do is important to me any longer." Peter shrugged, "If I can't marry in the church, fine."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

She was incredulous. "How can you say that?"

"I'm not sure how to explain it to you." Peter wished she'd calm down and just accept that he knew what he was doing. "For a long time now I'd say the words, just repeat the things the church tells me a priest should say. But I don't live them."

Assumpta's sarcasm crept into her irritation. "Oh, I'd say a woman lying in bed with you proves that point." Reminding him of the night he came out of the coma.

"But don't you see this isn't just about you. I think about the things I've done… gamble money to have enough to pay for Kathleen's house reconstruction. I bribed Brendan into participating in `The Battle of the Bars' to mend his friendship with Siobhan. I didn't even back down when he called it blackmail. I helped you cheat in the publican's race so you could keep the pub from Brian. Time and time again I know without a doubt when those ideas came into my head of how to solve the problem and help that person, that was God acting through me to do good in the world. Helping people sort things out is why I love being a priest. But, those actions were not things a priest should have done. If I truly subscribe to Catholic doctrine then the means did not justify the end."

After a beat he went on. "But I don't believe that, Assumpta. I know I was meant to solve those problems in that way. So, where does it leave me? I still have faith, I haven't lost that. It's just that in day to day life, well, the way I go about things... I don't think my faith is quite as Catholic as I once thought it was."

"Are you saying you're not- will you still go to mass?"

Peter titled his head considering, "I don't know. What I'm saying to you is I want to marry you and I want you to be my wife." He reached a hand out to her, "If they don't let me do it in the church that's not going to stop me from marrying you as soon as I can."

Though it had been hinted at between them, it unhinged her mind for a second to hear Peter actually say it plainly out loud and when Assumpta was uncomfortable she relied on sarcasm. "Married? Peter, we're hardly dating."

"Do I need to take you to a fancy restaurant to impress you?"

She gave him a look, "No."

"In time," he watched Assumpta's eyes change from annoyance and frustration to something softer. "There's plenty that needs to happen first, but my love for you doesn't change no matter what Father Mac or anyone else says."

Assumpta seemed calmer now. "Ah, but insurance does change things." She sat down next to him on the bed and told him what Father Mac had explained. Peter was angry hearing the way she was treated but she waved it off.

Assumpta suggested, though it killed her to do so, that he wait to file the papers and remain a priest while he recovered. Private insurance would ensure he got the best healthcare, much better than public insurance could offer. And she reminded him they couldn't be together until her divorce went through anyway. Peter didn't like the plan but he eventually gave in.

Over the next several days, Peter started to be bothered by the litany of tests they were running on him. Dr. Murphy and Dr. Ryan saw Peter several times a day, explaining things like what a Myelography was and how a different diagnostic would measure the
time it took for a nerve impulse to travel down his leg. Today was a needle test called an EMG they said would help determine the severity of his injuries and the type of treatment he'd need in order to make a full recovery. Peter was becoming exhausted by all the medical jargon.

All he knew was his hand and his feet where the current exited his body had turned an ugly yellowish color. But the burns were healing as far as Peter could see. He still couldn't move his legs, he couldn't feel anything at all below his hips and as the days passed and they did more and more tests, the bother went away and panic replaced it. But he kept pushing the fears aside and focused instead on Assumpta.

Peter was feeling so optimistic about her and their new future together, he refused to let anything spoil that optimism. Though it was temporarily on hold, at least the plans were there and that alone made Peter's heart soar and his head overflow with possibilities every time he thought of Assumpta. Peter had the decision of what path to choose behind him and with it, all the worries and confusion were behind him as well.

He recalled how the doctor referred to Assumpta as Peter's girlfriend in passing this morning as they were talking. Even though hearing the words caused butterflies of joy to come alive inside him, Peter reminded, "She's not my girlfriend."

"Right," Dr. Murphy gave a flash of a smile, "your cousin or whatever she is."

Everything was finally coming together and Peter felt he hadn't been this happy ever in his life. He had wonderful things ahead of him. All that was left to do was get up and walk out of this hospital any day now.

Assumpta pulled her van off the road on a whim and stopped in front of Siobhan's house. She hadn't seen her friend in at least a week, maybe more, and it was starting to worry Assumpta. She let herself in and walked back to the kitchen like she had since childhood.
This house, along with Brendan's was one of her solaces back when her parent's fighting got out of hand.

"Siobhan," Assumpta smiled. "I was worried about you. I haven't seen you around and I thought maybe something was wrong with the baby."

"No," Siobhan shook her head but stayed focused on her paperwork, "everything's progressing normally. Michael says we're both healthy."

"That's grand, really good." Assumpta felt uncomfortable and wasn't sure why. "You haven't stopped in the pub."

"No, I haven't." Siobhan looked up at her friend and decided to get right to the point. "Look, Assumpta, it's not personal. I just don't want to put myself in a position where I'm seen as being on the side of something improper."

"What?"

"You must have known there'd be talk."

"Excuse me," Assumpta blinked a few times, "if I'm a little confused about what you're talkin' about."

"You and Father Clifford..." Siobhan's face turned to worry and sympathy, "Assumpta, how could you? You know better, and not respecting the church is not an answer."

Now Assumpta's fury made its first appearance as realization at last dawned on her. "Oh, that's brilliant, Siobhan. That's fantastic." Her voice was acid. "I expected it from Kathleen, Father Mac, others, but I never expected it from a friend."

"I am your friend and that's why I know I can be straight with you. I'm worried is all, about you and him and the community and... And I just need some time to adjust."

"Right," Assumpta walked out as gracefully and pulled together as she possibly could have. She and Peter weren't having an affair, not physically. But their minds and hearts were another matter and Assumpta wasn't sure that clarification would make Siobhan feel any differently.

She managed to get only halfway home before tears blurred her vision to the point that she couldn't see the road. Assumpta pulled off and realized she was at the site of the little grotto built into the hillside. She met Peter here once before, but that seemed like a lifetime ago. Assumpta got out of her van, walked the small distance toward it, sank to her knees and cried like she was draining every last drop of liquid out of her body.

A day later, Peter brightened up when Assumpta came into his room, "Hiya."

"Hi," she said but kept her distance.

He asked confused, "Even when we're alone?"

"Tom and Sarah are just behind me and about to walk in." Her voice was flat, her mood was off, it seemed like her mind was somewhere else entirely.

"Assumpta," Peter crinkled his brow with apprehension, "this isn't like you to worry about what others think." He couldn't figure her out. "Honestly, if this is about you being unsure, or needing space, or any other reason of your own-"

She interrupted him, "No, that's not it, Peter. I just want..." Assumpta looked down at her twisting hands. "I don't want others to question your integrity."

"But I won't allow anyone to come between us, not anymore." She still wasn't looking at him and Peter knew that something serious must have happened. "I don't want you to be uncertain or embarrassed." He reached for Assumpta's hand as he had every time she'd visited since waking up. She took it and Peter sighed relief. "We're going to do this right because I don't ever want you to be ashamed of us."

Assumpta met Peter's eyes then. "I could never be."

Tom and Sarah came in. Sarah carried fresh flowers that she set on the table then kissed Peter's cheek. She asked cheerfully, "How are you today?"

They all talked for a while about Peter's progress. Tom, Sarah, and Andy were booked on a flight home that evening. Sarah teased, "You're well looked after," she winked at Assumpta. "I don't think you need us around here, Peter, getting in the way."

"One parting gift though." Tom said as he pulled out something from his pocket and held it up. Peter watched the light flash across the gold band. "Mum's," Tom explained while handing the ring over to Peter.

Peter's heart tightened in grief only for an instant, it was slowly getting better as time passed. He said to Tom, "I didn't know you had this."

"No one did. I wasn't sure what to do with it. Sarah has Gran's ring. Scott's wife has her outrageously expensive designer one, and Andy has Mum's engagement ring for someday." Tom turned to Assumpta. "And Luke would probably say something like rings were meaningless symbols of an anarchist society looking for control in a chaotic world."

"What?" Assumpta asked.

"Exactly," Tom agreed.

Peter chimed in, "Luke doesn't even like football."

Assumpta mocked. "Ah well, burn `em at the stake."

Tom finished off his list. "Then the last brother is a priest, so what does he need a ring like this for?" Tom smiled at Peter. "But maybe he won't be a priest forever. See if you can put it to good use."

Sarah added, "And don't forget to invite us when the time comes." She patted Assumpta's hand.

Peter locked Assumpta's eyes briefly, conveying a thousand emotions in one look. Then turned to his brother, "I'll have to think about it," Peter said putting the ring in his pocket and with a smirk taunted Tom, "the inviting you part."

The next day in the pub, Assumpta was preparing for the lunch rush and Padraig came in. She had been waiting for him to show. "Padraig, a word?" Assumpta asked she pointed to the kitchen and he followed her in. Assumpta gathered ingredients as she spoke. "I was wondering if you could offer some legal advice." Padraig's attention perked up but let her go on. "Leo and I- ahm, we were married in London in a civil ceremony and I need to sort out if I have to wait the required 4 years time in Ireland to file for a divorce. Or if I should file it over there, and would that be quicker?"

"Going for the fastest divorce you can find? You two having a race, can you ditch Leo faster than Father Clifford gettin' the collar off..." Padraig was enjoying himself and he leaned in conspiratorially. "What does the loser have to do for the winner?"

Assumpta gave him a glare. Padraig shrunk back and said, "I can make some inquires for you."

"Thanks. Oh, and Padraig," Assumpta halted his leaving, "with discretion," she reminded.

"Discretion is my middle name."

"Right," she snorted a laugh.

"England and America are two countries separated by the same language" ~Shaw

Part 5: The darkest evening of the year.

A week later the flood of flowers and cards finally stopped flowing in, the tests were completed, and Peter still had no indication of feeling in his legs. Dr. Murphy called Assumpta and Michael Ryan ahead of time so they'd be with Peter when he informed the young man of his diagnosis. Now standing in the room with them, Dr. Murphy cleared his throat. This was the part of his job he never became fully comfortable with, even after nearly two decades at it.

"Father Clifford, your tests indicate that you can expect some recovery but it's difficult to determine how much. Your spinal cord appears normal and the paralysis is due to nerve damage in your legs. But the good news is those nerves still have some synaptic potential. Although you have muscle damage, it's merely patchy. You will have feeling return slowly but will have numbness and weakness while nerve regeneration and vascular regrowth occurs.

"It's difficult to know how much improvement we can expect but I feel strongly you could benefit from rehabilitation. However, you must prepare yourself that it will be a long process, for some up to a year. There is a rehabilitation hospital in the north of Dublin that can take you immediately and it is your best opportunity for a successful recovery."

Peter sputtered, "Dublin? A year?"

Michael broke in. "Peter, there's no doubt they can treat you much more effectively than I, or Dr. Murphy can." The two doctors left the room so they could begin making arrangements for the transfer.

It was like hearing glass shatter. The realization came to Assumpta just as fast and broke her into just as many pieces, Peter may not walk again. Of course they weren't saying it quite that way, but it was the underlying message. They wanted Peter to go to a specialist to help his chances. Nevertheless, there was a chance he wouldn't fully recover. The feeling that her future was crumbling buried Assumpta.

Peter refused to believe it. It wasn't that he thought Dr. Murphy incompetent or that the tests were wrong, it was that he just couldn't get his mind to accept it as real.

Then Assumpta took his hand. Peter's voice was lifeless, his face unreadable. "It is hours away and could take a year."

"I'm coming with you," Assumpta said.

"No. You will not." Peter swore sometimes she disagreed with whatever he said only for the sake of disagreeing.

"Oh, it's my fault, is it? My faulty electrical box."

Peter shook his head. "I don't blame you."

"Than why are you putting distance between us?"

He tried reasoning with her. "Your life is here. What about the pub? Niamh and your friends?"

"You are my life, Peter, if you're in Dublin than my life is there. It's a year at most." There was too much finality in her voice, Peter knew he couldn't change her mind. Assumpta spoke just above a whisper. "The very thought of not seeing you for months depresses me and maybe not being here in Ballyk will be nice for a while. I won't have to think about how often or how long I'm visiting you before it'll look suspicious or the
self-righteous will start lookin' down on me-"

"Who's doing that?" Peter asked, annoyed that Assumpta still hadn't explained to him what was happening to hurt her this way.

She shook her head. "I think going away from here might be good for both of us and I really don't have the energy to fight you on it."

He knew Assumpta loved Ballyk, it was her home, and now she couldn't wait to get away? Was he responsible for doing that to her? Add another one, Peter thought bitterly, to the list of ways he was hurting the people he cared for instead of being a benefit to them.

Two weeks passed. Assumpta took the first job she could get in Dublin so she could be closer to Peter. At Club Q, Assumpta was required to bartend and occasionally wait tables from four in the afternoon until close. It was a modern, slick, stylish place trying to attract urban Londoners and New Yorkers with its frosted lamps, splashy modern paintings, and brushed chrome everywhere. She hated it.

And it wasn't the overstressed, mobile-appendaged, uninterested, on-the-way-to-the-top overachievers that filled the place each night. It was not even the "uniform" she had to wear of a tiny black skirt that hardly covered her arse and fishnet tights matched with a tight, black, stretchy top that was cut so low her mother was probably turning over in her grave. It wasn't even the unpractical black heels she had to balance on all night that left her poor feet throbbing. Surprisingly, it also wasn't the hourly hand grabbing in places she would not allow a man to get until at least three dates.

Currently, one customer in a business suit was squeezing her bum and leering at her. Assumpta delivered her standard threat for the 6th time that night. "If you don't remove your hand I'll damage you to a point of insuring you will never have children." She carried her tray back to the kitchen, dumping it there with a bang.

Assumpta hated it because she didn't want to leave Peter even for an hour.

Time seemed to drag by until she could get home, drop to sleep for a few precious hours, and finally be back at the rehabilitation hospital to see him for as long as she could before she was due for work again.

They told the staff at the hospital that Assumpta was family but explained no further about her relationship to Peter, and gave her new phone and address in Dublin as emergency contact information. He had a private room; the insurance allowed him that luxury. Others with public insurance shared a large dorm-style bunkroom.

Apparently nearly everyone in his situation, following a diagnosis like his has thoughts of suicide. So doctors, nurses, and specialists kept asking Peter daily if he was having any thoughts of it. He wasn't before, but they were certainly doing everything they could to
keep putting the idea in his head. Peter wondered if maybe they knew the situation was hopeless.

It started small, but as days passed by, it became like a fog that Peter spent hours trying to walk through. The thick blinding mist took over and it was a struggled to see through it, the depression wouldn't allow him to. He put on a fake smile for Assumpta when she'd visit but even the pretending was becoming too much of a chore.

Peter knew why this happened and he'd asked for it, hadn't he? God was punishing him. If you leave my church look what I can do for revenge. I can leave you broken and useless. You can't do the things a husband should do. You can't protect and love your wife if you can't even dress yourself. As a result, within only a few weeks of being at the new hospital, Peter stopped praying.

Assumpta arrived home to the tiny apartment, still unfurnished except for a bed and a table. She poured herself a large glass of wine and took a gulp. She felt it slide into her stomach and burn there, starting to relax her a little. It was becoming increasing harder to fight back the tears on a daily basis.

She once thought the priest dangling in front of her like a carrot on a stick was the worst way to live. Now Assumpta knew differently. Peter promised her that one day they'd be together but since that moment they'd lost everything else that mattered, his health, their friends, their home.

How she missed Ballyk. She would give anything to be there now listening to Brendan tease Siobhan, or Padraig attempt to croak out a tune, Niamh bring Kieran in for a visit, or even Eamon shine with pride over the birth of a new animal. All the while, she would be keeping an eye on the door, hoping tonight Peter would stop in for a beer and he might smile at her.

Assumpta thought it strange that everything seemed such a struggle then. Now Peter never smiled at her or anyone. He was slipping away in body and in spirit and Assumpta was helpless to stop it. She drained the glass of wine.

The following day, Assumpta sat at a table during her break. She'd given Leo the address of the club a few days ago and asked him to stop in to sign papers. They both were informed by their solicitors that though the forms would be filed in London immediately, as per law only at the one year mark of their marriage would it become official. Leo acted all business, signed the papers, and pushed them across for her to sign as well. Assumpta commented, "I thought you would make this difficult."

"Difficult," Leo almost laughed, "is being with you and I've known you long enough and well enough to know that when you set your mind to something, no one can change it."

"I am sorry, Leo. I was confused for a while."

"I know." Leo paused. "How is he by the way? Already moved into the pub and sleeping on my side of the bed?"

Assumpta frosted like winter. Leo didn't know about the accident or anything since. She wasn't sure she could hold herself together long enough to explain. Leo saw the fear on Assumpta's face but not understanding it asked, "Or did he tell you he'd do the honorable' thing and wait until he's gotten the collar off?"

She sucked in a breath. Struggling hard not to dissolve into a flood of tears, Assumpta controlled her voice as best she could. "He's in hospital, Leo. There was an accident and he may not walk again. He's been on suicide watch the last week."

Leo felt his heart drop into his stomach. As much as he was hurt that Assumpta didn't want him, he did want her happy almost as much. Leo had no idea what happened and certainly would not have said a thing if he had known. The concern in Leo's voice was genuine. "If there's something I can do."

She shook her head. Leo looked like he wanted to say more but he took her hand instead, squeezed it and left. A half hour later, Assumpta's manager told her some flowers had been delivered for her. There was no card on it but Assumpta knew they were from Leo. He was hurting and angry, but she knew Leo never meant to be cruel.

Assumpta still spent hours each day at the rehabilitation hospital under the false hope that one of these days Peter would begin to try during therapy sessions. But she watched day after day as he went through the motions, like a shell of a person dead on the inside.

Though Assumpta knew she was getting worn down, there wasn't time to stop and she caught a cold at work. The hours and lack of sleep were making it difficult for her to get over it and the cold had lingered for more than a week now. During their weekly phone call, Niamh heard the tired, hoarse voice on the other end. "You're not still sick, are you? Have you seen a doctor?"

Assumpta sighed. "I'm fine, Niamh. I'll be over it any day now."

But Niamh was worried about more than just the cold. Assumpta seemed adrift and though she didn't say, Niamh got the impression that things weren't going well for Peter at the new hospital. She had Kieran, a husband, and now a pub to look after. Consequently, she couldn't go herself but Niamh was convinced someone needed to visit Dublin and lend a hand if it was needed. She spoke with Brendan about her concerns and it took nothing at all to persuade him to go and see Assumpta.

Brendan dropped in on Siobhan at home and watched her waddle about the kitchen fixing tea. He smiled on the inside, knowing not to give away any indication that he found Siobhan entertaining to watch as she gained weight and yet tried to move around normally. In his head, Brendan had taken to calling her `plumpy penguin' recently. But as a term of endearment, he internally maintained.

"What're you lookin' at?" Siobhan caught his expression and knew there were dubious thoughts going on inside his head.

"Nothing. I was thinkin' we should go up to Dublin in the morning, just for the day. We could visit Peter in hospital and see Assumpta. What'd'ya say?" He took a bite from a biscuit he stole from her plate.

"I don't know. I have a lot to do tomorrow."

Brendan didn't like her tone. "Siobhan, I need your car in order to get there and back in one day. Come on now, be a friend."

It didn't take long for her true reasons to eventually come out. Brendan was furious with Siobhan for being unsure how she felt toward the situation. He tried convincing her that Peter and Assumpta had done nothing wrong. They'd only admitted their love, there was no harm in that, and they were waiting on the rest of it until they were both free.

"For God's sake, Siobhan, this is Assumpta we're talking about here. You've known her since the day she came into this world kicking and screaming, in only the way Assumpta can. You've watched her grow up and never once did she lie to us or do something wrong. And now she's in love and yes, it's complicated, but she's doin' this the right way. The least you could do is be supportive."

"How can you be sure that nothing's happened yet?"

Brendan stammered, "Because it's Assumpta."

Siobhan gave him a look. "She kissed a boy at age 12, Alan Whyte, and he was 18 at the time. Only, Assumpta swore me to secrecy to never tell you because she knew you'd be angry and protective. You'd probably march over to Alan's house and murder him in the night." Siobhan's eyes softened. "She's human, Brendan. Assumpta makes mistakes and sometimes she's impulsive when she's emotional. But you've never been objective when it comes to it. You can't see her as anything but perfect."

Brendan was still reviewing the Alan Whyte bit and plotting his payback… taking advantage of a young innocent girl, if only Brendan knew where Alan Whyte lived these days... But he snapped to the present as Siobhan ended her lecture. "It's only that I'm not sure what to think, or what it's all going to mean. I'm worried."

"Ah but," Brendan gave a smirk, "you can't argue with this part of it- there's Peter Clifford- you can't get more perfect than that."

As the argument subsided and discussion prevailed, Siobhan seemed to sway, at least enough to give into going up to Dublin the next day.

But the car was quiet during the drive the next morning. With the exception of the fourth time she had to stop to use the toilet. That's when Brendan made a comment. Siobhan, in not the kindest of terms, reminded Brendan he was also at fault for the stops because he was half of the child inside sitting on her bladder.

When they arrived at the address of Assumpta's new apartment they knocked, but got no response. The door was unlocked and Brendan swung it open and called out, "Assumpta? You home?" as he took a few steps inside.

Siobhan took stock of the place, it was bare. There was little furniture, no pictures, nothing to make it feel like a home. It wasn't like Assumpta, who was always doing little things to make the pub comfortable and inviting. They wandered through until Siobhan saw a figure hidden beneath blankets in the bedroom. Siobhan asked. "Assumpta, are you sleeping? Brendan and I came for a visit." She pulled back the covers a bit. One look at Assumpta's ashen face had Siobhan panicked. She put her hands on Assumpta's cheeks and felt them on fire with fever. Assumpta's skin was clammy despite the heat and her breathing was even, but shallow.

"Brendan," Siobhan called, "in here. Assumpta's sick with fever."

As Siobhan stood to find things she would need, Brendan entered the room and sat at Assumpta's side. He also felt her forehead and terror griped his heart, it was hotter than he'd ever felt a fever before. "Maybe we should get her to emergency?"

"I know I can care for her better than some strangers." Siobhan said. "I'm sure it's only a fever that'll come right down."

Brendan didn't look very convinced. Siobhan looked eyes and said, "I promise if it gets worse, we'll take her. Now go and get some ice water from the kitchen."

Siobhan took her temperature, it was over 39 degrees but she didn't tell Brendan that. She managed to get Assumpta to swallow some aspirin and she and Brendan soaked towels in the icy water then bathed them over Assumpta's face, arms, and neck for twenty minutes.

When Siobhan took her temperature again and it was already falling, Brendan finally let go of the breath he was holding. He looked up and with gratitude said, "I would not have known what to do. I'm glad you were here." Siobhan smiled at him, they were finally back to their usual friendship between them.

Somewhere in that long afternoon and evening, Assumpta began mumbling in her fevered sleep, most of the time Siobhan couldn't make out what was being said. Assumpta moaning, "Mama," made Siobhan's heart collapse. Like always with Assumpta, her strength made everyone forget how much the young woman had lost and longed for still. Being grown up didn't change the fact that there were times in your life you still wished your mother could be there.

"She's not here," Siobhan said. "I'll take care of you, don't you worry." There was more incoherent muttering and then Assumpta began to get agitated, shaking her head back and forth on the pillow. "It's alright, Assumpta," Siobhan told her, caressing her cheek. This time Siobhan caught enough to understand she was wrong about Assumpta all along.

Assumpta told her mother that Peter was slipping away from her, that she was helpless, and she never even had the chance to be with Peter. "I love him, Mama," Assumpta whimpered with a tear sliding down her cheek. "I can't stop."

Siobhan whipped the tear and whispered, "It will be okay, you'll be together with him soon. We'll make sure of it."

In the middle of the night, Assumpta's fever broke. She woke in her bed dripping with sweat and feeling stiff as if she hadn't moved any of her muscles in days. She sat up in bed and was startled that someone was next to her. She almost reacted but then heard Siobhan's voice, "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," Assumpta breathed out. They both looked at each other in the dark in uncomfortable silence.

Siobhan got out of bed and found a clean, dry t-shirt for Assumpta as she explained. "Brendan's out on the sofa. We thought we'd come in for the day to visit you and Father Clifford and found you were sick..." She helped Assumpta pull of the soaked one, handed over a damp cloth to wash down with and helped put the clean shirt on. Finally Siobhan sat down on the bed. "I know what I said before, Assumpta, and I was wrong. I'm sorry for it."

"You had a right to feel the way you did." Assumpta's voice was still scratchy with illness. "You're not the only one."

"Why didn't you tell me I was jumping to conclusions?"

"Because I wasn't sure it would help. I'm certainly capable of what you were thinking. If this hadn't happened to him I'm not sure… Siobhan, I don't want to disappoint you."

"It was more worry than disappointment. I know how much Peter loves being a priest. I was afraid he would never leave it and you'd be forced into a situation forever that… I suppose I wanted more for you. For both of you."

"He promised." Assumpta could offer no more, Peter's word was all she needed and she hoped it was enough for Siobhan.

Siobhan took a deep breath. "Now to replace one worry with another," she said as she felt Assumpta's forehead.

"I'm fine."

"39 degree fever is not fine, Assumpta. You shouldn't be pushing yourself."

"Peter-" Assumpta took a second to collect. "He's not…" She trailed off, looking down and her folded hands in her lap. Assumpta had considered prayer recently and it was a sign of how afraid and how desperate she'd become. "If I lose Peter before we ever even have a chance to-"

"Hush that talk," Siobhan scolded.

Hearing the tone of voice made Assumpta smile a tiny bit. "One thing's certain Siobhan, you'll make a brilliant mother."

When Leo walked into Peter's hospital room that morning, the first thing out of his mouth was, "How could you hurt her like this?" Peter looked up at Leo and his eyes flashed. It was the first real emotions Peter felt in weeks. First came the anger, and second the fear, because Peter knew that he couldn't fight back if it came to that.

Leo's voice was biting and accusatory. "Peter Clifford, you're awfully selfish thinking that suicide is the answer. Do you know how much Assumpta is suffering now because of you? All she wants is a future with you. I wanted it to be me but you're the lucky one, she chose you. Now you're going to toss it away? You're a stupid man so. I swear to you if you hurt her anymore…"

Peter got heated and told Leo he wasn't going to kill himself and he had no intention of hurting Assumpta. In truth, the anger was the best thing for Peter, because it finally got him feeling enough that Peter sensed a little of himself start to come back as the row went on.

As Brendan entered that morning, he didn't notice passing Leo on his way out. Brendan's mind was preoccupied running through Siobhan's full report on what had been happening. It wasn't like Peter to be anything less than optimistic, sometimes excessively so. Therefore, Brendan was finding it hard to imagine that same man was depressed to the point of being on suicide watch at the hospital.

But as he talked with Peter that morning, Brendan calmed. He realized that though the young man was depressed and confused, he didn't appear to be suicidal. They talked for an hour but Brendan had no success in convincing Peter he did have a future with Assumpta, even in the face of this diagnosis.

Over the next week, the medications they had been giving Peter were starting to take effect and help his mood. The fog didn't surround him and he could think clearer

Peter began bargaining with God. He didn't ask to walk again because he honestly believed this was his punishment. Over and over in prayer, Peter promised to go back to the Church devoutly, if only God would release Assumpta from her feelings and allow her to fall in love with someone else.

Part 6: He gives his harness bells a shake

Assumpta was once again at full health, Brendan and Siobhan had returned to Ballyk, and Assumpta worked up her courage to visit Peter again. He seemed a bit more himself than anytime since the move. But as Assumpta reached for his hand, Peter pulled away. He
sighed at her look of pain. "Assumpta, don't you understand? We don't have a future. I can't feel anything below my waist."

Assumpta knew what he was implying but she wasn't going to bite. There was a larger issue here, one that was fueling this. "What are you, a country and western singer now?"

When Peter gave her a look of confusion, Assumpta elaborated. "You can't walk, you have no job, your girl is leaving you, what's next? Your truck broke down and the dog ran away?" Assumpta put her hands on her hips. "What's worse is you're doing half of it to yourself trying to push me away. You'd rather be a martyr instead. Being a martyr going to help you walk again, is it?"

"That's not it. I think you deserve…" Peter lowered his eyes, "better."

"I am not holding out for a Bishop."

Peter ignored the joke. "There is still no guarantee that they can help me. What good am I to you in a wheelchair for the rest of my life? Maybe it's best that you move on now."

"I will not!" She was exasperated. "Peter, I don't care if you can walk. You're alive and that's all that matters to me and I can't just snap my fingers and move on from you. Don't you think by now I've tried every way I could think of to do just that? None of them worked. Not a single thing will ever work because it's impossible for me to stop loving you." She swore, and that got his attention.

Assumpta added, "This conversation is driving me mad," as she tossed a package at him. "Happy Birthday," Assumpta whispered and went down to the café for some tea and to calm herself.

Peter sat for a long time not moving, but his mind spinning in all directions. He had even forgotten today was his birthday. In the grand scheme it seemed trivial. Finally, Peter opened the gift, inside was an old pocket watch and on the back it was engraved.

P, I'm counting the minutes, A

He hadn't cried at all through the tests, diagnosis, moving to the hospital in Dublin, but now tears came hot and intense.

Over the next two weeks, he still kept his distance from Assumpta and didn't bring up the subject of the future again. But Peter did begin to put effort in at his therapy sessions. Assumpta could see improvement in only three weeks time, both in his mood and his strength. They were building up Peter's arms and chest through exercise and he could now hoist himself in and out of the wheelchair and into the bed or bath by himself.

Assumpta was to work a double shift that day even though she desperately wanted to be there at the hospital in support of Peter's afternoon session. She knew he was a little worried about it. They said he was going to hopefully stand today on his own with the help of parallel bars on either side to hold himself up, straight and steady. This job was
not worth missing the important things, but unfortunately she needed the money. It was close at the end of each month paying the bills and having anything left to buy groceries with. Hence, the double shift today.

Hours later, her manager at the club, who looked like a pig crossed with a giraffe, found Assumpta and said there was an emergency and she needed to get over to the rehabilitation center immediately. Though the manager looked like a mutant animal, he was human enough to feel sorry for Assumpta and let her go early without deducting from her pay.

Assumpta stood in the open doorway and put a hand to her chest in a vain attempt to slow her racing fearful heart. Peter was lying in the bed, eyes closed, but breathing and alive and with no obvious injuries. The nurses informed her a moment ago that he had a bad fall and was in a lot of pain, but they didn't think anything was broken.

The painkillers given to him only took the edge off, and they made Peter feel heavy. But he sensed a reason to open his eyes and try to focus. As Assumpta crossed the room, he blinked a few times trying to determine if this was real or a dream. "What are you wearing?"

Assumpta blushed, she'd forgotten about the ridiculous work uniform and of course, she had not taken the time to change. She never wore it here before.

Peter was still very confused. The drugs working their way through his system were playing strange things in his mind and he wasn't entirely sure that this wasn't another of his old fantasies were Assumpta came to him wearing something sexy and wanting him.

He squinted at her. "Is this for me?" Peter asked. He traced his finger along the hem of the short skirt where it met the fishnet stockings.

Assumpta gasped as Peter's fingers on her thigh gently teased her, it was doing dangerous things to her. She knew Peter was confused, and if he were in his right mind he wouldn't touch her like this. "Peter, it's for work."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed, even as his words garbled a bit. "I wish you'd wear it for me."

Must be the drugs, Assumpta thought. She was sitting on the bed next to him and Peter moved his hands to her waist now. All this reaching for her and touching her was something he hadn't done since before the accident, and it was overloading her senses.

Assumpta tried to focus. "They told me you fell?"

"It's all good. No big."

"No big?" She asked with an eyebrow raised.

He slurred, "Watched Paris Hilton's show earlier."

"Right." It was almost funny if she wasn't also worried. They obviously gave him so high a dose that Peter was loopy to the point of entertaining. But it also meant he was in that much pain earlier. Peter slowly slid his hands up her side with mischief on his face, and he brushed a thumb under her breast.

"Peter!" She only had so much strength left and he was testing it. Assumpta took both his hands and held on tight.

He grinned a goofy young grin, "'ssumpta, you're hot."

She couldn't help it. It was so unlike him, especially lately, that Assumpta couldn't hold back and she laughed. "Thanks."

"Paris said, `That's hot,' and I thought of you because you're hot."

She briefly wondered if Peter would remember any of this. Then Assumpta said softly, "You should rest some now."

"I don't want to," he whined like a boy, "and I don't want you to go. I don't want to be all alone in the dark." His voice turned grim and hopeless, it was clear to her Peter was finally admitting the thing that had been blocking his heart and mind all this time. "I'm afraid."

Her heart burst for Peter. Assumpta cuddled him. "I know. I'll stay right here."

"Please don't leave me, Assumpta." Peter clung to her. "Please don't ever leave me."

"I won't. I promise I'll never leave you." Her words allowed his mind and heart to settle. Peter slept in her arms, at last finding relief from his tortured fears.

Admitting it and talking about it to Assumpta helped. He also joined a group session at the center where patients could talk about their fears and feelings. Peter began to enjoy being around Assumpta when she visited, just like before in Ballyk. He smiled now, all the time when she was near.

One morning, Peter felt a numb tingly sensation on the top of his left thigh. The doctors told him this was a sign the nerve damage was healing and they could expect further recovery, but just how much was still uncertain. As the feeling returned in patches, it would sometimes last only a minute or two, sometimes for hours. It never felt very good and a lot of the time it was incredibly painful. It was often like a thin line of fire running through his leg and it tickled, but not it a good way, in a sharp, raw sort of way. Peter refused to give in to the pain or any feeling of distress because of it. He said it was a good sign of healing and progress, and he insisted on being happy about it. That's when Assumpta knew her Peter was finally back.

One afternoon, Assumpta was alone with Peter in his room. She was proud of him for managing to take a step at the parallel bars earlier and Assumpta rewarded Peter with a kiss. It was long and full and they hadn't ever gotten into it like this before. But Assumpta didn't care about anything else, other than the fact that she loved him and was proud of him. As their kisses generated heat, Assumpta forgot everything but him, forgot he was a priest still, forgetting they'd promised not to do this until she was free as well. Her hand moved up his leg aiming toward a goal her mind hadn't even registered.

Suddenly, Peter exclaimed, "Assumpta. Wait! Oh." She jumped back, embarrassed at what she'd been caught doing. After all her dreams, being this close to fulfilling them had blurred the lines of reality for her.

Assumpta turned red and apologized. "I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"I felt it." His eyes were filled with wonder.

"What?"

"Assumpta, I felt you. I felt your hand. I felt everything without an interruption or numbness or pain and I responded normally, and do you know what this means?"

There was a very long pause as she reviewed his words and the moment, then, "You're horny now?"

Peter gave her the biggest grin she'd ever seen, took her hands, and looked Assumpta right in the eyes. "I think it is proof of what I already knew but I somehow had forgotten. You heal everything."

"I'm no miracle worker."

"Want to bet?" He leaned in and met her lips.

At first, it was just a few steps, and Peter mostly dragged his legs more than walked in the beginning. But he was slowly gaining strength and endurance each day. After two months of working at it, Peter progressed to the point that he could walk with the aid of crutches and the pains in his legs and arm were subsiding with time as well. The doctors were happy with his progress and even if he got no further, Peter was already satisfied. He was mobile and capable of taking care of himself. Besides, Assumpta looked at him with such love and pride in her eyes that Peter was pretty sure she didn't even notice the crutches half the time.

Today, Assumpta couldn't seem to wipe a silly smile from her face. Peter had the radio on in his room and she could hear it as she approached.

`...Sometimes I think God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer, doesn't mean he don't care...'

Peter brightened as she came in. Assumpta looked between the radio
and him. Peter supplied, "My new favorite song."

`...Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered
prayers...'

Peter switched it off. It was the third time he had listened to it. The lyrics resonated for him to the point that he could not let it go. Assumpta was still looking at him funny so he shrugged. "What? You're the one who told me I was destined to be a Country and Western star. I'm just doin' my homework."

"Ah, huh," even though she wanted to deliver it differently, Assumpta could not for the life of her keep that grin off her face.

Peter noticed it now. "What's goin' on?" he asked suspiciously.

She leaned over, kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear. "Officially today, I'm free and single again."

"You're on the market?" Peter's tone was teasing. "I'll have to think about maybe asking for a date and making my move."

This time, Assumpta hit her customary sarcasm perfectly, "A priest? Where in the world would you get the idea I'd give a priest the time of day?" Assumpta sat down and stacked the books she'd brought him on the bedside table.

"Oh, right," Peter remembered. He never wore a collar and no one called him `Father' in many months. Somewhere along the line, Peter had just adjusted to the idea he wasn't a priest any longer, despite the fact that on paper he was still Father Clifford.

Assumpta and Peter discussed how in a week's time the doctors were allowing him to leave the facility and he was only required to do outpatient physical therapy. Peter didn't need the private insurance any longer for that, and now that Assumpta was free, he would file his own paperwork.

A week later, Assumpta helped Peter into the apartment for the first time. He was looking around, trying to take it all in. But this meant Peter wasn't concentrating on walking with his crutches and it frightened Assumpta. She scolded him. "I don't want you to fall."

"I'm fine. I just want to see." When Peter finally sat down on the sofa, she sighed relief. "It looks nice, Assumpta."

Assumpta supplied. "Siobhan came one Saturday after she had Aisling. I wanted to see the baby. She also brought with a load of extra furniture and kitchen things she had, or had collected from others.

"Siobhan even hung pictures on the walls. Brendan is to thank for that one." Assumpta pointed to a framed print of a penguin posed, wings out, about to do a belly flop into the ocean from an iceberg. "She told me Brendan was very shady about it. He bought it while she was pregnant and had it hanging in his kitchen. Then all of the sudden after Aisling was born, he gave it to Siobhan saying he didn't have a use for it any longer. I didn't even know Brendan liked penguins." Assumpta said with a shake of her head and a touch of a smile on her lips. No one would ever figure out the inner workings of that man's mind, she was certain.

Peter told Assumpta he wanted to sleep on the sofa, saying, "Just for now," at her look. But what he didn't want to admit was that he was nervous being alone with her. Finally. Too many thoughts seemed to be circling in his brain, what he wanted, what he wished for, what he dreamed of, what he was afraid of. Peter decided on space until it sorted itself out.

Assumpta shrugged, making it look on the outside that it didn't matter in the least. But inside, she buried her hurt and longing to be near him. He wasn't a priest and she wasn't married, yet Assumpta still slept alone in a cold bed, as she had for far too long now.

It was the middle of the night and the apartment was black. As his mind floated toward consciousness, Peter panicked before he even knew why he should, or what was causing it. Once he was fully awake, he finally registered Assumpta screaming. He sat up, pushed
his legs over the side of the couch and searched around in the dark for his crutches. His heart was pounding now with fear racing through him, hating himself that he wasn't at her side already.

Peter stood with the crutches but his eyes weren't adjusted to the dark, he was groggy, and a few steps told him he was too unstable. So he grabbed for the wheelchair. Then when Peter was certain that he'd never been more afraid in his life, she stopped. All was quiet.

Now was his worst fear realized, "Assumpta?" he called out while getting into the wheelchair and maneuvering himself into her room. Moonlight filled the room and Peter could see Assumpta sitting up in the bed, head in her hands.

"Oh, thank God," Peter said, relief flooding him that she hadn't been taken from him in the night. Peter got to her bedside as Assumpta looked up, becoming aware of him now for the first time.

"Ah no," she said, "I woke you." There were tears in her eyes and her voice was trembling. Peter hoisted himself from the wheelchair, into the bed beside her.

He asked, "Was it a nightmare?" Assumpta nodded her head as she sunk against his chest and Peter's arms held her.

She vaguely registered how much his strength exercises in physical therapy had changed him. Peter's arms and chest were built up considerably and hard with muscle. He was certainly not an invalid and for some reason it was comforting to know he could defend her from imagined or unimagined terror in the night. Calmly she said, "I'm fine now, I'm sorry you got up."

"I'm not sorry. This is nice."

Assumpta could hear Peter's heart racing wildly despite his best efforts to appear normal. "Did I scare you?"

"Yeah," he admitted, hugging her a little tighter, "I didn't like that I couldn't get to you quick enough."

"It was only a nightmare."

"Could have been masked men stealing you away in the night and holding you for ransom or even alien abduction." Peter heard her snort a laugh.

She said dryly, "You've been watching too much television."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"No."

He was sarcastic. "Of course not, you'd be opening up and letting me in. You honestly think that whatever you're afraid of is going to change how I feel about you?"

Assumpta felt warm and safe and she'd waited too long to be here in his arms. Therefore, she couldn't help but give into him. "It's the same over and over. I come home and you're on the floor and there's blood everywhere and you have been like that for hours... and if I had only come home earlier-" She was choking up, so she stopped herself.

Peter thought of how the doctors and everyone else focused on his recovery. But no one paid attention to how much Assumpta had been through, and still needed to recover from.

Peter had counted on her strength all along, forgetting how masterful Assumpta was at covering her own emotion underneath. He made a decision then, their life together started now. Peter would never deny her all the hugs and kisses and love Assumpta needed to feel secure.

"Please hold me tonight," Assumpta pleaded. If he hadn't already decided to do just that, her small weak voice most certainly would have been his undoing. Peter lay back with her, Assumpta resting her head on his shoulder, snuggling close to him.

As he pulled the covers over them, Peter promised, "No more nightmares tonight." He whispered, "I'm here with you now and forever."

Part 7: To ask if there is some mistake

Assumpta finally had a day off and was thankful. To celebrate, they planned to cook a nice meal together and settle in on the sofa to watch a film, instead of the usual routine of Assumpta dashing off to work and Peter spending the evening alone. Truth be told, Assumpta spent all day secretly dreaming of ignoring the film and having a stimulating make-out session with Peter. But the dream faded the moment they returned from his afternoon therapy to find three children standing outside the door next to their apartment.

An older boy and girl were with a young toddler, who was crying. The children watched Peter slowly make his way up the walk using his crutches. Assumpta unlocked the door as Peter turned to the kids. "You three alright?"

They only stared, as kids often did when someone had an obvious handicap or disease, not knowing how to act. Assumpta realized now that the little one was crying. "Where's your Mom?" she asked him.

The older boy answered, "Mom sometimes can't get home before school's done. Today, Anna forgot the key so we can't get inside and Ryan here has to use the toilet real bad."

"Well," Assumpta smiled, "isn't it lucky that I have a toilet he can use."

She helped Peter through the door. He waved Assumpta off as he headed toward the couch saying, "Go help them."

The three kids huddled in conference. Assumpta figured they had been warned not to talk to strangers and were currently weighing getting into trouble with Mom against Ryan's more pressing problem. Assumpta interrupted the whispers. "If you tell me where your Mom works, I'll ring her and tell her you're with me." She thought this would reassure, but the little girl looked even more frightened now.

The older boy spoke. "No missus, she doesn't have to be bothered." With that, they followed Assumpta inside.

Peter watched Assumpta with fascination. In the past, he had watched her interact with strangers often in the pub but they were almost entirely adults. There had been precious few times he'd seen her with kids. Now, she made sandwiches with the children in the kitchen while having a serious conversation about a cartoon show and debated which were their favorite characters. Soon the children were singing a song along with Assumpta about bears and bunnies and laughing. By the time they all sat at the table, the kids were relaxed and the littlest one who hadn't said much so far, crawled onto Assumpta's lap and ate at the table from there.

Peter smiled to himself, the tough exterior Assumpta always wore was such an act, underneath it was all this softness and love just waiting to give. He joined into the conversation then, learning that Ryan's older siblings were twins, named Jacob and Anna.

"He doesn't talk much," Jacob explained about his little brother.

Peter asked, "Where do you go to school?"

"Up the road," Anna answered.

"And do you like your teacher?"

"Anna doesn't, but I do. Mr. Franks used to play Rugby and he says he's gonna teach me some famous plays."

Assumpta was trying to put it together in her head. She asked, "Where does Ryan go while you're at school?"

Jacob took a huge bite before he started talking but Peter stopped him. "Chew and swallow first, then speak," Peter reminded.

For some reason this comment caused Anna to begin to watch Peter carefully. She seemed to study Peter as if captivated by a long extinct animal.

Jacob did as he was told and swallowed before answering, "There's a daycare next to the school. We come and collect Ryan before we walk home."

Assumpta was afraid the answer would be something like this. Who expected children to watch after a toddler? Who expected a toddler to walk all that way? Unconsciously, Assumpta's arm tightened around Ryan in her lap. She knew some single mothers were hard-pressed but Assumpta hated to see children forced to grow up so fast. She knew a little too well what that felt like.

While Assumpta's thoughts were drifting, Ryan attempted to sip his water but spilled down the front of himself. Ryan froze for a moment, and then began to cry.

Assumpta reassured, "Oh, no, honey, it's okay. Don't cry." She grabbed a towel and dried him off. Then looked up to see rest of them, Jacob, Anna and Peter, all focused on her. Peter had an unusual expression on his face and Assumpta couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

Jacob broke the connection. "Ryan doesn't know how to drink out of that kind. He has a special sip-cup for babies."

Assumpta said, "I'm very sorry, I don't have any special cups." Ryan was calmer but still had a few tears rolling down his red cheeks.

"Here," Jacob pulled something from his pocket, "it's his favorite sweet and it always makes him to stop." Ryan put the sweet in his mouth and his tears stopped completely.

Suddenly, a door slammed in the next apartment. Anna and Jacob locked eyes for a split second, before flying into frantic motion. Anna took Ryan's hand and the three dashed for the door as Jacob said, "Thank you," and they were gone.

Peter stated the obvious, "Something's not right." And he got that look Assumpta had seen so many times before, when Niamh lost the baby, or tinkers were staying on Quigley's building site, or while promising he knew what he was doing and wouldn't let her down. When Peter looked like that, he'd find any means to fix things and make it right. And people said she was stubborn, thought Assumpta.

Peter asked, "Why are you smiling at me like that?"

"No reason." She started clearing dishes.

"I never noticed before how good you are with children. You'll be a fantastic Mum." She stumbled, but kept on cleaning up.

"Assumpta?" He took the glasses out of her hands, set them back on the table, and pulled her into his lap.

Assumpta started to get up. "That can't be good for your legs."

"You're not heavy, and I'm supposed to be getting back to having a life and doing normal things."

She exhaled a laugh. "This is normal?"

"We should talk about the things that normal couples talk about before they get married."

"Oh yeah, like what?" she asked.

"Having children."

Assumpta took a sharp breath. This was exactly where she was afraid this conversation was leading.

What was she going to tell Peter? Yes she wanted children… but then again, Assumpta was afraid he may not be able to. Wouldn't Peter feel he disappointed her and fall back into his depression? Having children wasn't worth almost losing him again.

Peter sensed Assumpta's distress and he didn't like it. He didn't want her uncomfortable or unable to talk to him. "What is it? Talk to me," he begged.

"Can you?" She was embarrassed to even ask, Peter unmistakably could see that.

"If I couldn't, would you still want to marry me?"

Assumpta looked at Peter with devotion in her eyes. "Of course. I've told you before all that matters is you're alive and we're together. We'll find ways to express physical love if it comes to problems there. But it won't change the way I feel about you."

Peter was relieved. "I have responded to you before," he reminded. But he was afraid to promise, just in case, so Peter chose his words carefully. "I hope we'll be able to make love, in time."

"There could be other reasons that result in us still not being able to have children."

"We can adopt," he offered, "if it comes to some problem with me or with you." His arms tightened around Assumpta. Peter could tell her mind was wresting with it all. "What now?"

"I'm thinkin' of how many former priests in the history of Ireland have said those words," Assumpta fought a smile as she repeated, "we could adopt. And how many women have answered, `That sounds fantastic.'"

"Do you mean it?"

"Yes," she replied and kissed Peter's cheek. Assumpta settled against him, enjoying simply being in his arms.

The following night, Assumpta came home after work and found Peter sitting up watching late night television. He dozed through most of it but perked up when she came in the door. Assumpta set down her keys. "What're you doing up?"

"When you called at your break you said there was some good news."

"Tomorrow," Assumpta pulled off her heels, "I said I'd tell you tomorrow," and she sank into the couch next to him on a dramatic sigh. "Now tomorrow you'll be whacked for your therapy session."

"I'm fine. What's the news?"

She put her feet up on the table and sighed again. "The day manager quit today and they asked me to take over, I was promoted."

The irony hit her. She once was the boss, not somewhere in middle management. Assumpta liked being in charge, everything done her way, no one to answer to. Besides, it was not only her pub but it was also her family inheritance. She wanted to protect, nurture and cherish it.

Peter said, "That's great."

She tried sounding enthusiastic. "Yeah." But her feet were so swollen and cramped from the heels, that she had to wiggle her toes to get them to relax a bit. "Day hours, bigger paycheck, and I won't have to wear this repulsive outfit any longer. The top, yeah, but I can wear pants and sensible shoes."

Peter was never awake when Assumpta returned from work and it didn't dawn on him until now how much her job was taking a toll and how much she hated it. Assumpta never once complained.

Peter's heart filled up, Assumpta was doing it all for him, leaving Ballyk and the pub she loved, to work at a job she hated and made her feet hurt, all so that they could be together. "Why didn't you say your feet were sore? I can at least help with that." Peter reached for her legs, swinging them around until they lay across him, and began massaging her left foot.

Assumpta moaned low, "Mmmm," and her sound of pleasure went through Peter's veins. It was amazing to hear. It sent thoughts into his head that he'd do anything to get her to make that sound again. "Feel good I take it?"

"Humm," she agreed and lay her head back against the armrest and closed her eyes, "I can't wait to burn this outfit."

"You don't mean that?"

Assumpta opened one eye at him. She knew why Peter sounded disappointed but wondered if he remembered any of that night. She said innocently, "You have a suggestion for what I need these stockings for?"

A blush crept up from Peter's neck and into his cheeks. Assumpta battled back the smile desperately fighting to come out.

A few weeks later, Peter was doing paperwork for Assumpta that Niamh needed completed for Fitzgerald's. Assumpta simply didn't have time to get to it. Peter paused to check the clock. Assumpta would be home from work in a little more than an hour. He could surprise her with cooking something and giving her a relaxing night, he decided.

Peter figured maybe if he gave Jacob and Anna a list and some money they'd go down to the shop for him and pick up some groceries while he minded Ryan. So, he went next door prepared to offer the twins the change from the shop as a reward, perhaps to buy some ice cream if they'd like. Peter leaned on his crutches heavily while he knocked, and smiled in anticipation of Jacob's lively commentary on the list of groceries. He was not expecting a woman to answer the door.

"Hiya," Peter said, "I'm your neighbor, Peter Clifford. I don't believe we've met?"

She asked, "What'd ya want?" with liquor wafting from her breath.

"Are you the children's…. nanny?" he tried, hoping there was some other, any other explanation.

"Ha! I wish. Then I could quit me job." She noticed the crutches and looked Peter over, trying to gauge what the problem was. "Broke me leg a few years back. Took forever to heal."

"Yeah," Peter was non-committal.

His heart was collapsing as he tried not to jump to conclusions. But her appearance, her harshness, and drunk at three in the afternoon were not helping to keep Peter from jumping. He cleared his throat and showed her the list. "I was hoping the kids could do me a favor and go down to Dunnes. I'll give them some extra money so they could buy themselves an ice cream. Would that be alright?"

"I suppose." With a shrill voice she yelled, "Jacob, Anna, get over `ere."

Peter was afraid to push his luck but he couldn't help it. "I've noticed there were a few days you haven't gotten home from work before they were home from school. The kids are always welcome next door. It's no problem."

"You some child molester?"

Peter's stomach turned with disgust. She clearly wasn't a mother to them, possibly an alcoholic, and she had the nerve to question his motives and integrity? He forced himself to stay calm and decided to ignore her. "Assumpta and I have met Jacob, Anna and Ryan a few times now and think they're terrific kids. But if you feel uncomfortable and would rather have them home alone and unsupervised than that is obviously your choice."

"You expect to be paid or something? Lookin' to cheat money from me?"

Jacob and Anna were at the doorway behind her and heard most of it. Peter smiled at them now, trying to look reassuring. He said, "No. Just wanted them to know they are welcome, anytime."

Once outside and alone, Peter asked Jacob and Anna if they were okay. The twins seemed reluctant to talk and were noticeably embarrassed. Peter let it go for now, handed over the list and money, and watched as they walked down the road.

Assumpta came home late and her arms were filled with groceries. Peter felt sorry at the sight of them. He stirred the pasta sauce and smiled a lopsided grin at her. "Surprise," he said rather pathetically.

"I didn't have had to stop," Assumpta realized and shook her head as the absurdity of the situation occurred to her. Then she kissed Peter's cheek as thanks for the thought.

Peter helped unpack the bags and noticed Assumpta had bought a child's sip-cup, the type that Jacob mentioned Ryan used. He smiled on the inside thinking of how amazing she was.

Peter relayed the earlier encounter with their neighbor and his concern for the children. "I wish we could get the children out of that situation. They'd be much better off living here."

"Oh, no you don't." Assumpta pointed a bag of frozen vegetables at him, shaking it warningly before putting it away in the freezer.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Don't `what' me. I feel bad for them too. But we do not have the money or the time and energy to support three children, Peter, it's difficult enough round here and I'm trying my best but-"

"I know," Peter cut her off, "I know. You're right." But he was looking at her with those puppy dog eyes that were always her undoing. No amount of logical arguments could stand up to that look.

"Don't do that," she warned.

"Do what, Assumpta? I said you're right."

"Oh, you get that look you know I give in every time." She growled and tossed a yogurt into the fridge with a bit too much strength than was warranted.

"Which look?" Peter switched to a mischievous one now, "and what exactly are you going to give in on?" He wagged his eyebrows at her.

Father Moloney had gone to seminary with Father Mac and it was through that connection Father Moloney had first met Father Clifford, after a baby had been abandoned on Father Clifford's doorstep. That day, long ago, Father Mac called to ask for some assistance since Father Moloney worked most of his career for Catholic Charities in children's services.

Father Moloney had also, of course, heard of the unfortunate accident in Ballyk last year and of Peter Clifford's subsequent recovery. He'd heard, moreover, about the young man leaving the priesthood. But since all of those details came through Father Mac's mouthpiece, Father Moloney knew to take it with the proverbial grain of salt.

When Father Moloney got a phone call one morning out of the blue from Peter Clifford, he was surprised. But as the young man went on about three children living next door, Father Moloney recognized that though all the changes one thing remained constant in Peter's character, he wanted to help others to live the best lives they could.

When Peter pressed Father Moloney about information for fostering children, Father Moloney explained. "Well, there are rules, of course, for who can foster children. They can't go to just anyone."

"Of course."

"For example, the state requires children are placed either in the home of a relative. Or if that is not possible then only with eligible married couples."

"Well, the married part's not a problem. Assumpta and I served notice months ago and it will happen next week. What else must we do to be eligible?"

Father Moloney became nervous. As much as he wanted to protect Peter, giving him false hope would be much worse in the end. "Peter, I'm sorry. They would never give you the children because you can't look after them properly with your… your condition."

There was a brief silence on the line. "Right, obviously." Peter seemed to choke the words out.

"I'm sorry, I know you would do a fantastic job. It's the rules of law, I have no say in it."

"No, of course, I understand."

"I will do what I can though. I'll alert the proper agencies to help the mother with her problems. We will certainly do our best to help these children."

"Yes, thank you, Father. I appreciate it." Peter hung up and for a long time stared at the crunches leaning against the table.

Abruptly, he recognized the signs, with density like fog it blurred his eyes and was too thick to breathe in. No, Peter told himself, he refused to give into the sadness that was rolling through him. Now he had resources and an effective strategy to handle this feeling, before it became too overwhelming. He should, and would talk about this incident in his group therapy session tomorrow and work through his fears. Including those about the ways in which his accident might one day affect his relationship with Assumpta.

Peter knew he had to trust there was a plan, believe in something greater, a big picture. Every pain and sacrifice would be worth it, in time God's plan would reveal itself and this would all make sense. He just had to believe.

Part 8: The only other sound's the sweep

Assumpta lay in the orange-pink glow of morning sun, thinking of how she was once secretly apprehensive. But in the past month, suddenly without warning, she let go of many of the worries she had been harboring. Because of that, Assumpta felt light this morning as if she herself were weightless along with the sunbeams.

She knew that for Peter this next step was a commitment for life. Assumpta also knew that before she made this commitment, she had to be ready to do it at a level Peter expected. It wouldn't be fair otherwise.

But all along, the problem was that anyone who grew up in Assumpta's house would believe implicitly in divorce. Assumpta had spent her life seeing how people change, grow apart, and believed it was natural to one day stop loving the person you once did. Those beliefs had directed much of her life in the past; splitting with Leo was a good example of it.

But the lightness in her body this morning was because Assumpta knew, she just knew that it was right. There were bound to be difficulties. But they'd been through plenty already and maybe that was why, Assumpta considered, she now trusted that they could get through anything they may face. They both had learned how to work though it together instead of giving in and giving up. As a result now, Assumpta was ready and knew her commitment to Peter was also for life.

Assumpta's eyes rested on Peter sleeping next to her and she whispered. "Someone once told me that Heaven is where the donkey finally reaches the carrot."

"You calling me a donkey?" Peter teased, catching the hitch in Assumpta's breath indicating that she was surprised he was awake. He hadn't yet opened his eyes.

Assumpta softly chuckled then corrected, "I'm the donkey. You're the carrot."

Peter leaned in and kissed her on the lips only briefly before asking, "And this is Heaven?"

"Yes." Assumpta kissed back, full of meaning and promise.

After a moment, Peter pulled away. By his tone and his eyes locked on to hers, Assumpta could tell he was feeling self-conscious to even have to say the words. "I don't want to disappoint you tonight."

Assumpta knew what Peter was referring to. Though they slept in the same bed now, there were many boundaries they had yet to cross and she'd been patient and understanding. But today they were going to the registry office to get married. That meant tonight was their wedding night and all the implications carried with it obviously had Peter worried.

"You're not going to disappoint me, Peter, I've told you before and I'll say it until you believe me-"

"I know, I know." He sighed. "You don't care so long as I'm alive and we're together."

The day seemed to be on fast-forward and for Peter it seemed ironic after all the waiting. It was like a blink, time sped by, and he was suddenly a married man.

As they entered the pub and grill that evening, Assumpta's lips curled into an enigmatic smile. As much as she was anticipating the surprise reception she'd planned, Assumpta also slightly regretted not being alone with her new husband right now.

With suspicion Peter asked, "What are you smiling like that for?" interrupting her thoughts.

"Oh, there's just somethin' inside for you, is all."

Waiting in the small back room was Niamh, Brendan, Brian, Siobhan, and Michael. Even Peter's family, Tom, Sarah, Andy and others had traveled great distances to be there. They all raised a glass to the happy couple upon arrival, ate, drank, laughed, and celebrated.

Assumpta noticed that Ambrose hadn't come. When Assumpta had a moment, she asked Niamh about it and Niamh noticeably tried changing the subject. But Assumpta pressed, and the more she did, the more Niamh seemed to close up.

Siobhan overheard the entire exchange. As Niamh moved on to talk with her father, Siobhan put a hand on Assumpta's arm. "Ballyk just isn't the same without you and Peter."

Assumpta was confused. "Is everything okay?"

"We just need the both of you," Siobhan said cryptically, "I think to balance things."

"We miss Ballyk, certainly. But Peter is still attending sessions at the center. He insists he can get stronger still." Assumpta's eyes softened. "But I hope we can come home soon."

"And that is what you should focus on, Assumpta, on him gettin' better. The rest of us can wait." Siobhan smiled at her friend. "You'll be home soon enough."

As Siobhan followed Brendan to the bar, Peter's brother, Andy, carefully approached Assumpta. "I'm- ah… I don't like bein' wrong but I'm sorry or whatever."

Assumpta held back the retort she was tempted with and instead said diplomatically, "I want your brother to be happy and healthy, that's the most important-"

"Yeah, yeah, you don't have to convince me anymore." Andy sounded a touch like his older brother, thought Assumpta.

Andy suddenly seemed genuine for a passing moment. "Look, I get it. You both love each other and I get it now so…" Then Andy snapped back to his teenage attitude. "How much ya gonna rub it in?"

"Not at all," Assumpta said while maintaining an impartial appearance.

Peter walked up and automatically put an arm around Assumpta. She made a point of looking up at Andy and reiterated, "We're happy, Andy. I want you to find happiness as well."

Peter's attention bounced between Assumpta and Andy, back and forth, like a tennis match. "I gather I walked in on something," he said.

"Your little brother was just wishing us well."

Peter had progressed to using a cane instead of crutches only the previous week. That, combined with the excitement of the day, and with never having been on his feet so much since the accident all left Peter worn out completely.

When they returned home later that night, Peter stretched out on the bed with a sigh, hardly keeping his eyes open. But he mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"Forget it. We have our whole lives together and I will not allow you to overshadow the focus of this day with your foolish worries." Assumpta crossed and sat next to him, she caressed his cheek gently. Her voice was rich and warm as she reminded, "I promised today to love you forever, no matter what."

"Yeah," Peter smiled faintly, "my wife. I still can't believe it, my wife." It sounded strange on his tongue and yet so thrilling that he couldn't help testing it out again. "My wife."

"Careful or you'll wear it out." She returned his smile.

The first few weeks of their marriage, Peter was distressed when they got into bed at night and the light was out. It wasn't that he didn't know what to do; it was that Peter was sure he couldn't. There wasn't a clear physical problem but he refused to tell Assumpta that because he was using it as an excuse.

His problem was that he had no confidence whatsoever. Being intimate with Assumpta was always going to be nerve-racking enough before his accident happened. Now, not trusting his own body, not knowing, he found his insecurity intensified. It was worse than it ever could have reached before the accident.

He concentrated on Assumpta and loved the texture of her skin, the taste of her, and those little moans he could get her to make. Peter would loose himself until suddenly the fears would flood him. What if he disappointed her? What if he wasn't a normal man anymore? So Peter had yet to even attempt to take things very far.

Assumpta would tell Peter that he made her very happy and she didn't need anything more. She was so understanding that killed him. Peter didn't want her understanding; he wanted her to have a normal husband. He was embarrassed that this was the last barrier between them and it was his fault it remained. Peter was afraid he would never be the kind of husband he wanted to be for Assumpta, in every way he should.

Only a few weeks later, Niamh rang the apartment in such distress Assumpta could hardly piece together what she was saying. Finally, it became clear that Ambrose had fallen to his death in an unfortunate accident. Assumpta promised she and Peter would come home the following day for the funeral. Then stayed on the phone with Niamh for hours, trying to console and support in anyway she could.

They arrived in time to meet the crowd walking to the cemetery for final prayers. Peter and Assumpta stayed at the back. He rested his cane against a stone wall and stood behind Assumpta with his arms around her and leaned into her slightly. His crutch, Peter thought, and not just in the literal sense.

Peter's mind went back to that moment less than a year ago when his own accident occurred. He also contemplated Niamh's circumstances. What would he do without Assumpta? He would be lost. How would he possibly go on?

The reflections prompted Peter to whisper into Assumpta's ear, "Did I ever tell you that when I was lying in the cellar I heard you? I came back because I heard you and I didn't want you to cry."

Tears rolled down Assumpta's cheeks, what did he have to go and do that for? She was already upset standing in a cemetery and thinking about poor Niamh and then Peter had to go and recall the night he was almost lost.

Peter pressed his lips to her cheek and mumbled against her skin, "And I'll always come back to you."

After the funeral, all of Ballykissangel gathered in Fitzgerald's. It had been so long since Peter walked into the pub that it felt odd. Like returning to your primary school and thinking it seemed much bigger back then.

Details revisited him like ghosts; the map where Father Mac demonstrated the parish on Peter's first day, the stool next to Siobhan's that was most often his. Peter couldn't count the number of nights he sat there stealing glances over the bar at Assumpta, memorizing every detail of the way she looked. Even the kitchen door, which Assumpta had slammed in his face on several occasions, was good to see again.

Assumpta noticed Peter's silent review of the place. She asked, "You thinkin' about death again?" with a tone that was slightly angry but to Peter's practiced ear, also colored with delicate emotions.

Peter met her look. "Assumpta, it was just a memory. I'm sorry it upset you, I didn't intend to."

"I know," she gave in. It was easier letting go of these moments now. There was a time when she would have allowed her temper to run wild and not gained control of it for at least a day. Now it seemed silly, life was too short to bother.

As the evening went on, Assumpta concentrated on helping Niamh, who finally admitted what had been happening between her and Ambrose. Things were falling apart in the marriage and Niamh had fallen in love with another.

Assumpta sighed, thinking about the irony of life. "You once told me I always choose the most difficult path."

Niamh wailed, "I didn't choose for Ambrose to die."

"No, you didn't." Assumpta leaned forward and hugged Niamh but beyond that, didn't the faintest clue how to help. "I know you didn't and I know you'll get through this."

At the end of the night, Niamh and Kieran went home with Brian. Assumpta tidied up after everyone left. Then she and Peter climbed the stairs to her old room.

Assumpta felt bizarre coming up here with him. Memories assaulted her, and the contrast to now was starting. She was a married woman, married to the man she spent all those lonely nights longing for and dreaming of.

Peter's mind was going down the same path and as they reached the door to her room, he realized, "I've never seen your bedroom before. It feels a little scandalous, like we're back in the days when I was a priest."

"You have a few fantasies from back then you'd like to work out now?" Assumpta teased but noticed the blush in his cheeks despite the dim light.

As they lay together in the dark, she told Peter about Niamh's situation. "I don't know what to tell her. I can't possibly make this any better, though I wish I could. You're better at this sort of thing than I." Assumpta sighed with frustration. "I always start out trying to listen to her and talk things through with her. But usually I only manage to make Niamh angry with me."

Peter wondered and worried aloud, "Why didn't she come to me? There might have been something I could have done. Niamh always used to come to me when she and Ambrose were out of sorts."

"You were recovering," Assumpta tried reasoning. "Niamh probably didn't want to bother you."

"They might've had their problems still but if I were here I would have gotten them talking constructively. At least they would have been working on the problems, instead of so far apart."

"You're a good man," Assumpta ran a hand down Peter's cheek, "and it's not your fault."

"I even took you away. Her best friend was taken away, at a time when she needed you most."

"Peter..." Assumpta's tone was a warning. "Don't do this. We'll help Niamh now going forward but I am not going to allow you to blame yourself and feel guilty about this."

In the morning, Assumpta opened her eyes to Peter's chest. Enough light peaked around the edges of the curtains in her childhood room that she could study Peter's face as he slept. He always looked so young, but even more so in sleep with a slight smile and his face totally relaxed.

Assumpta teased him the night before about fantasies. She'd had a few of her own and now here he was sleeping in her bed. She leaned in and gently kissed Peter's lips.

"Mmmm," a sleepy moan came from Peter, eyes still closed. Assumpta scooted ever so slightly closer and kissed him again, this time with a little more impatience.

Peter's eyes flew open and he looked a bit stunned. "I was dreaming," his voice was groggy with sleep, "that I was ridding a horse and then suddenly the horse was kissing me."

"You calling me a horse?"

Peter ran his hand through Assumpta's hair. "Positively certain you're not a horse." His hand caressed her cheek and then moved down her throat. "No, not a donkey either..." Then to Assumpta's shoulder and under her arm to her side. "Not a sheep..." Peter skimmed down her side. "No, not a dog either..." His hand got to her hip. "Not a mouse," and it took a sharp turn.

Reaching behind Assumpta, his flat palm resting where her lower back curved, Peter pulled suddenly so Assumpta was smashed tightly against him. Each part of his body was now in full contact with every curve in hers. "Absolutely the most beautiful woman." And Peter kissed her deeply, exploring her mouth with his tongue.

Assumpta could feel the effect she had on him prominently between them. But Peter slowed and kissed her lightly on the lips and sighed as he drew away. He began drawing lazy circles on her lower back with his finger. It became clear to her that Peter intended to just rest with her and ignore his… rather impressive… problem.

Assumpta realized suddenly what the real setback was. Peter obviously wanted her and was obviously capable. But was he really going to fight her on this, because of fears that existed only in his mind?

She had been very patient with Peter up till now, thinking there was a physical issue. But Assumpta thought patience was perhaps the wrong approach for confidence issues. Besides, the man had far too much control
and restraint- it'll likely kill him.

"Peter," Assumpta murmured and kissed him again while moving her hands down his chest.

But just as she got close to his waistband Peter suddenly grabbed her arms. "Ah… Assumpta…"

Ah ha, she thought triumphantly. There was maybe was a limit to his control after all. Assumpta instinctively knew they both needed this for their own reasons. She pleaded with him, "Make love with me," and watched Peter's eyes glaze over with desire.

But then Peter shook his head no.

"What?" Assumpta found the dead end of her patience. "Peter, what is the problem? I can feel you so don't lie to me and tell me there's a physical problem. This is all mental." Tears rimmed his eyes but Assumpta ignored them and insisted, "We need this, we need to heal from that trauma and be whole and healthy. We can try. We can at least try and..."

Assumpta could see she wasn't going to win him over. So she added an extra incentive in a husky voice, "And I want to be on top."

Peter's control abandoned him because it was just so Assumpta. She knew what she wanted, she was going to find a way get it, and she was going to be forward with him about it. Aggressive Assumpta had always been Peter's biggest turn on. He was craving her and incapable of fighting it any longer.

They were like anxious teenagers and then like a flash of lightening and a clap of thunder, it was fast, and hurried, and over. She lay sprawled across his body completely zapped of energy.

As Assumpta dozed later, Peter felt cheated, that somehow things weren't quite right. They meant more to each other than some hurried animal mating.

Maybe he also felt a bit guilty, Peter admitted to himself, since it had all gone much more successfully than he feared. There was nothing to worry about in terms of his physical abilities after all and he'd wasted all this time over it. He only had to think of enjoying showing Assumpta how much he loved her.

Time to do this right, thought Peter. He woke Assumpta by kissing her tenderly.

"I love you," he said and then began to make love to Assumpta very leisurely, drawing it out, whispering in her ear all the secrets in his heart and all the things he loved about her. This time it was sweet, and amazing, and worthy of the love they shared.

"Peter."

"Humm…?" He was drawing on her lower back again. The delicate arch there mesmerized him. It had become his favorite spot on her body. Peter reconsidered; well, one of the top four at least.

Assumpta had never said the words to anyone other than Peter and many of those times where while he lay in a hospital bed unconscious. But Assumpta had never fully understood their meaning until recently. "I love you."

"It's incredible to hear you say it."

Assumpta raised her head to look at him. Peter pushed the hair out of her eyes, asking, "Say it again."

"Why?"

"Oh, just because." Said with a touch of naughtiness in Peter's voice and his look.

"And you were worried about a physical problem," Assumpta said dryly. "My God, Peter you'll wear me out."

"Years and years of celibacy to blame… say it again," he urged, with a smile.

"I love you, Peter Clifford."

Part 9: Of easy wind and downy flake

When they came home from school that day, Jacob opened the apartment door but didn't go inside. Everything was tossed about and it looked like the biggest mess Jacob had ever seen. Anna and Ryan were at his side, and Jacob ordered them not to go in the house.

"Why?" Anna wanted to know. Jacob didn't answer. He pushed Anna and Ryan over to the Clifford's door because he knew instinctively that he couldn't handle this one by himself.

Assumpta answered the knock at the door. "Hi, you three. Want to bake a pie?" But they didn't cheer, bounce up and down like coiled springs, and push past her to get inside to see Peter. She knew something was terribly wrong. "What is it?"

Jacob asked quietly. "Can you and Peter look inside our house?"

Assumpta's expression turned to confusion, "Sure." She ushered the kids inside and waved for Peter to follow her. Once next door, she suddenly understood, the place had been ransacked.

"Hello?" Peter's voice echoed into the apartment and with concern said to Assumpta, "You stay with the kids. I'll call the gards."

"Peter, don't go in there-"

"I wasn't planning to." He put an arm around Assumpta while walking slowly back inside their own apartment together. "There was a time I would, but now that I can't outrun criminals, I leave it to the gards." With that, Peter picked up the phone.

The gardai spent plenty of time going through the apartment carefully. To Assumpta's relief they did not find a dead body. But they did find a scrawled note addressed to the kids. It only said, "Have a nice life." Gard Fillmore explained that they would try to match the handwriting to that of the mother. It was possible she made the mess and ran off. Or it was possible that someone wanted it to appear that way and the woman was
in danger.

Later, Assumpta was allowed to go into the apartment briefly and take a few necessities for the kids. When she returned, Gard Fillmore was still chatting with Peter, trying to glean any information about the children's mother that Peter could supply. Peter explained that he had contacted people about the mother's drinking problem only recently. "The authorities were trying to convince her to enter rehab. Perhaps it scared her off?"

"Possible, Mr. Clifford, it's possible. But then, anything is possible at this point." Fillmore turned slightly, caught sight of Assumpta leaning down and offering Ryan a sip-cup filled with milk. "The kids'll be alright for a day or so with you and the wife, yeah?"

Peter nodded. "They're comfortable here."

"We rang services but it may take a few days, you know how it goes."

"Yeah, sure," Peter said distractedly.

"And us spending the next 8 hours trackin' down a relative or someone else to take `em in will only delay us getting started on finding that mother of theirs."

"I understand and we don't mind, really." Peter took a breath, trying not to think of what the future may, or may not hold for them. "They're great kids. They don't deserve this happening to them."

Anna didn't once worry all evening about what Ryan was getting into because she saw Peter keeping a close eye on her little brother. She didn't once worry about when, or if, any of them would eat because after the garda left, Assumpta made a big meal. She even gave Anna and her brothers chocolates before bed.

Anna overheard Peter teasing Assumpta. "Must be special. You never share your secret stash of chocolates with me." Assumpta shushed Peter and they said nothing further.

Anna drifted to sleep on the sofa. She dreamed of a merry-go-round that night, but there were no horses or animals to ride on. All the poles were empty so Anna could only stand and watch it go by. She desperately wanted it to be like everybody else's merry-go-round.

Late the following afternoon, Peter sat on the front step and watched the three kids playing. Jacob was kicking a football around. Anna was keeper and was pretty good at it. Ryan was toddling about, mostly following Jacob or just getting in the way of the game.

A woman drove up in a brown car, parked, and got out. Peter watched her make her way over. He stood, and with the aid of his cane, met her halfway.

"Can I help you?" Peter asked.

Her eyes flickered down, to the cane in his hand, then back up to Peter's face. Peter didn't miss the look. He was getting used to it now, that first impression he made. Strangers were always trying to figure what was wrong. They probably thought they did a good job of not being too obvious about it.

The stranger was curt and introduced herself as the social worker who's come to take the kids. She showed credentials and official paperwork. Peter's heart rate shot up. Inside he felt miserable knowing the kid's lives were about to become even more disrupted and confusing.

Peter said carefully. "We can continue to mind them until their mother is found. They seem happy, all you have to do is ask them."

She spoke in an `I'm on official business' voice. "I'm sorry. I have to take them with me today. You must file paperwork to gain temporary custody. I'll have to take them with me now."

"But-" Peter began, not sure what to say.

By now, the children realized something unusual was happening and they abandoned their match and came over. Assumpta too, upon seeing the strange woman through the front window, came outside to investigate what was going on.

Peter told the children to gather up their things inside but they seemed reluctant. Even with their slowness, to Assumpta it seemed only seconds passed and they were ready to leave.

Assumpta buried all her emotions for the sake of the kids, plastered a smile on her face, and hugged them each briefly. "We'll see you very soon."

Anna said goodbye and helped Ryan into the car. Jacob accepted Assumpta's hug but stuck his hand out for Peter to shake, like a man did.

Jacob said, "Thanks for helping us," in a voice he thought was very grown up.

Peter fought the urge to gather the boy close, knowing how turbulent his life was. Yet Jacob was putting on a good front. Peter felt helpless himself, so he could only imagine what it must be feel like for Jacob.

"You take care, Jake." Peter said. "Be strong and watch after Anna and Ryan. We'll see you soon." Jacob nodded, and then he got into the car as well.

As they drove off, Assumpta could see Ryan's round face and wide eyes looking out the rear window. She watched the sight fade into the distance.

Peter and Assumpta stood on the front walk for several moments in silence. For some reason, Assumpta didn't want to say it aloud. But she knew both of them were thinking it, so it would be silly to pretend otherwise.

"I want them back," she said.

Peter leaned in and kissed Assumpta on her forehead, then pulled her into an embrace. He wanted to make Assumpta happy. He also wanted what was best for the children. Certainly, their mother alive, well, and taking proper care of them was the best possible outcome. But that scenario was looking less and less likely.

He said to Assumpta, "I told you once I wouldn't let you down. I meant it."

A few weeks later, Peter and Assumpta entered one of the government buildings without Peter using his cane. He leaned heavily on Assumpta. But with their arms around each other they appeared to anyone else as a couple in love and nothing more. No one would know he was attempting to hide his disability from the state social workers, solicitors, and child psychologist waiting inside.

Once the State determined that the children had no immediate family to take them in, Peter and Assumpta had filed the necessary paperwork. Today was only a hearing to determine whether Peter and Assumpta's home was in the best interest of the children for temporary fostering. Most likely the children wouldn't go home with them today, but this was a necessary first step.

Judge Sutton ran the proceedings. She began by reviewing the files on Peter and Assumpta, asking questions and checking facts. Then the children were allowed into the room. Jacob smiled and waved at Peter and Assumpta. Ryan tried to run to them, but the social worker wouldn't allow it.

Judge Sutton asked the three children to sit in front because she wanted to ask them some questions. The twins nodded in response to her but Ryan was distracted looking backwards toward Assumpta.

"You have been to Mr. and Mrs. Clifford's house after school before, yeah?" The Judge asked, "Is it fun being there? What is the best part?"

It never took much for Jacob to talk, but he seemed reluctant for the first time Assumpta had ever seen. Instead it was Anna, usually the reserved one, who jumped at the chance to tell the Judge everything.

"We play games or sing songs," Anna replied, "and Assumpta always cooks us food and we eat at the table. We never ate at a table before. Our Mom never even remembered to get food most of the time. If she did, it was to give us money so we could buy something at the chipper up the road. And Peter makes Jacob stop talking when he's got food in his mouth."

As few adults in the room chuckled at this, Anna was trying to think of more to say. She tried to remember any good thing that she could because Anna wanted the judge to let them live with Peter and Assumpta.

Judge Sutton asked, "And what about Ryan? Does he like it there?"

Anna nodded, "Oh, yes." She knew there was no doubt of that, but trying to explain it to someone was difficult. "Assumpta always hugs him. He likes hugs but other than me and Jake, no one ever hugs Ryan. He really likes hugs."

It surprised Assumpta. It was Anna she was most worried about not wanting to live with her and Peter. The little girl was hard to read because she kept to herself and wasn't as outgoing as Jacob was.

For Judge Sutton it wasn't difficult to understand at all. She was once this little girl. She knew all about longing for a place where people wanted her and loved her. Also about not being in control of the situation, having adults deciding your fate, and most of all, the Judge remembered knowing. Just knowing when it was right.

"Jacob," Judge Sutton turned to the boy, "do you like your school?" Jacob nodded but didn't say anything. The Judge pressed further, trying to get him to talk. "Would you like to continue there or go somewhere new?"

Jacob responded in what he believed was a mature voice. "I want to stay there. I like my teacher, Mr. Franks is teaching me Rugby. Also Maths and other stuff too."

But Jacob's heart was pounding wildly in his chest as he carefully answered the Judge. He always was the one to take care of Anna and Ryan and make all the decisions for them. Now this woman they never met before was going to decide? He didn't like that.

Jacob suddenly turned. "Why do you get to tell me where I can live? Who made you in charge?"

The Judge smiled at Jacob, noticing both the anger and the fear in the boy's voice. "Why don't we decide together?"

Jacob crossed his arms and huffed at her. "Anna, Ryan, and I want to stay at Peter and Assumpta's. We already went there one night but that woman took us away." Jacob pointed back toward the social worker. "Why did she do that? We wanted to stay."

"Ms. Harlen wanted to make sure it was the right place for you. She was trying to help you."

"But she took us away, that wasn't helping." Jacob stopped short, as if he'd suddenly thought of something. "Unless they don't want us." He turned in his chair and looked at Peter and Assumpta. Jacob asked them, "Don't you want us?"

Peter's heart clenched. "Yes we do, that's why we're here, Jacob."

Assumpta wanted nothing other than to take Jacob in her arms. All three of the children shouldn't be feeling this way- lost, scared, confused.

The social worker, Ms. Harlen, cleared her throat. "Judge, there is one concern noted in my report regarding Mr. Clifford."

The Judge scanned it again. "I don't see that him being a former priest matters much."

"No, Mr. Clifford is receiving treatment for his disability."

Judge Sutton looked up from her notes. "Mr. Clifford?"

Peter spoke up. "I have some strength building exercise at a rehabilitation center a few times a week but I'm fit enough to keep up with three lively kids." He played it off. Assumpta forced herself to keep a neutral face and give nothing away.

The Judge read from her files. "Your doctors have reported your health `much improved' and `nearing normal.'" She looked up and suggested to Peter. "Do you mind alleviating Ms. Harlen's concerns?"

Peter stood and Assumpta held her breath. He'd never before walked without any assistance at all, if not his crutches or cane than at least someone to lean on, or a wall, railing, something to balance with and guide himself.

Assumpta was worried on three accounts. If Peter couldn't do this, he'd never forgive himself that they lost because he couldn't walk. If Peter fell, he could hurt himself seriously and then Assumpta would never forgive herself. Or if he couldn't do it, the kids would see. Both Assumpta and Peter didn't want them to be unsure of Peter's abilities to take care of them.

Assumpta would later use the word `saunter.' Peter made it over to the Judge's chair, put a hand on Jacob's head and ruffled his hair, then returned to Assumpta and sat back down next to her without incident.

Assumpta clutched Peter's hand and squeezed. She wasn't sure how he did that just now but if there was a God, he was working in that moment. She wanted to cry and laugh all at once and kiss Peter long and hard. She'd never been so proud in all her life.

Peter leaned into her a little. "Assumpta, I'm starting to lose circulation in my fingers."

"Sorry," she whispered and let up on her grip.

Judge Sutton looked at the social worker. "I don't see a problem. A little strength exercise would do us all good I'm sure." She then addressed the courtroom in general.

"The detectives tell me the investigation could drag on and be quite lengthy due to the lack of leads. Therefore, the children involved in this case need a stable environment perhaps for some time. Further, the fact that Mr. Clifford is not only healthy, but also unemployed at the moment and will be home with the children each day after school I believe is a benefit to this case given their history of neglect. Mrs. Clifford has a strong employment record. The children seem happy to be with them both. I'm willing to try this arrangement for four months, starting today. We'll send someone over several times to check on the home situation and we'll reconvene in four months time and reevaluate."

Judge Sutton smiled because this was the part she loved about her job most of all, she never got tired of day after day seeing the scene she was about to watch.

"Go," the Judge said to the kids and the three scrambled from their seats and ran. Peter and Assumpta had arms open, ready to hug the kids.

In that moment, the Judge made a decision. Of course things could happen that were out of her powerful hands, but Judge Sutton would do whatever she could to keep those five together. They already were a family.

"Of course we want you to stay with us." Peter told Jacob and then he looked to Anna, "All three of you."

Assumpta met Peter's eyes. "Did she say today?" Assumpta was in shock a little, it all happened so fast.

"Today," he confirmed putting one arm around her. Ryan already had crawled up onto Assumpta's lap.

After Assumpta gathered herself for a second, she teased, "And are you going to be sauntering out of here?"

"With an arm around the two most beautiful ladies in the world." Peter winked at Anna, who smiled back.

Peter did lean on Assumpta as they left, but not as much as on the way in. Anna, Jacob and Ryan ran ahead of them wound up from the excitement.

When they got into the car Ms. Harlen stopped at Assumpta's window. She looked into the backseat at the kids and said to Assumpta. "Ryan is young enough still to need an car safety seat."

Assumpta kept her tone in check. "I wasn't prepared to take them home today. Someone told me that it would be weeks still, so the car seat was left at home. But if we were given accurate information…"

"I'll be watching." Ms. Harlen turned on her heel and marched off.

Peter noted. "Kind of reminds me of Kathleen."

"Enjoys holding things over my head in a condescending, self-important manner and I'd like to stick a fork up her-"

"Assumpta," Peter warned. He had heard the end of that phrase more than a few times from her and it certainly wasn't a choice for the audience now in the backseat.

"Right," she let go of her irritation.

Then he asked, "We have a car seat at home?"

"No," she looked back at the kids through the mirror, then to Peter. "It'll be your area to teach them never to lie." Peter snorted a laugh. She sighed and admitted. "We don't even have food in the house. I would have been prepared if we knew there was a chance…"

He concluded. "So we're off to the shops."

It was a long afternoon. Peter sat in the carpark with Ryan as the twins went in the shops with her. The kids were crazy with excitement and energy, wanting to buy sweets, or asking her endless questions. Assumpta loaded up with everything, including the most expensive car seat she could find and a toddler bed with rails for Ryan. She bought extra pillows, blankets, towels, and enough food to feed an army. She cringed at the total and handed over her bank card.

The government would give them some money for taking in the children. It was also tourist season now so Fitzgerald's should be making a decent profit and she and Niamh would split it. The extra money was badly needed. Assumpta added finances to her mental list of things she'd now worry about endlessly.

By the time they got home, it was dark and everyone was hungry. The twins were still going strong with energy to burn. Assumpta whipped together a quick meal, gave Ryan a bath, put him down to sleep in the new bed that Peter and the kids assembled while Assumpta was bathing Ryan. She made up the couch for the twins to sleep on and Jacob and Anna lay down, one on each end. Peter put a movie on television for them to watch. It took mere minutes for them to fall sound asleep.

Now, Peter found Assumpta refilling the tub. He leaned on the door frame. "Time for my bath?"

"No, mine."

Peter could tell by Assumpta's expression that she had a pounding headache. "Long day," he said while closing the door behind him.

"Yeah," she lit the candle kept there for when she indulged in a bath and Peter shut off the overhead light for her. "Thanks."

Peter watched Assumpta strip her clothes and slide into the tub. He crossed and sat on the closed toilet seat next to the tub.

"You okay?" Already his fingers rubbed slow circles on her forehead before Assumpta answered.

"Just a headache," she admitted, "and knackered. I didn't know we'd get them today or I would have been better prepared." She sounded guilty and sad.

"It's alright, Assumpta. You can't be prefect."

She closed her eyes and gave into the sensation of Peter's fingers relaxing her mind. "They deserve so much more than they've had. Everything in their future is uncertain."

"We'll do our best. They're happy and safe and well looked after now. That's all we can promise them… right now."

Assumpta heard the unsaid in his tone. She responded, "It's human nature to want to belong and be needed, to be wanted."

"Are we still talking about the kids?" Peter met her eyes as they opened. After a long pause, he knew Assumpta wasn't going to go further with that line of thought. So, Peter redirected the subject, to something he'd been worrying about. "We are cramped for space. I'll talk to the apartment manager tomorrow and see if we can move into a larger place, if one is available."

She groaned. "More rent."

"You worry too much, we'll manage."

"My optimist," said Assumpta.

After several minutes soaking in silence, Assumpta remembered what she wanted to ask him all afternoon. "How did you walk like that today?"

A smile spread across Peter's face. "I have no idea. Motivation, I suppose."

Assumpta reached up and put a wet hand to his cheek. "I'm proud of you."

"Do I get a reward?" At her look of puzzlement, Peter reminisced. "When I was first back on my feet and they were trying to get me to walk at the center, I remember this beautiful woman standing a few steps away. She told me if I got to her, I received a kiss as a reward."

It felt like it was so long ago that Assumpta had nearly forgotten all about it. Peter was still fighting off the last of his depression in those days and she was doing everything she could to keep him happy. It was a little selfish a well, Assumpta wanted those kisses just as much.

Peter teased. "Wonder what happened to her?"

Assumpta's words were full of her typical dry humor. "You married her and all the excitement wore off."

"Never wears off." Peter said sincerely. He dipped a hand into the water and traveled along her wet skin. "Headache still bothering you?"

She exhaled, "No," as the stress began leaving her body.

Peter moved his hand lower, rousing her, still amazed that he could be with her like this. "Want to go to bed early?"

"Mmm, yes."

In addition to Frost's journey, I've decided this about sums up my story:

"I walk slowly but I never walk backward." –President Lincoln

Part 10: The woods are lovely, dark and deep

The first few weeks were chaos. Peter, Assumpta and the kids moved into a two bedroom place. The twins shared the second room and the new layout had an alcove for Ryan's little bed as well.

There were more doctor appointments, even though the children were already deemed healthy, growing, not malnourishment, and no sign of physical abuse, but the kids were still under constant medical evaluation. Assumpta insisted on being 15 minutes early for each appointment and along with Peter, conferred with the doctors afterwards. All reports were positive and both Peter and Assumpta were thankful.

The mornings were rushed every day and the twins were late for school twice. After Assumpta dropped them, next Peter and Ryan were dropped at the rehabilitation center, and then she finally arrived at work. Later in the day, Peter and Ryan took the bus home. When it came time for school to be over, they sat out in front watching for the twins.

Peter and Ryan bonded that first week. It took less than two days for Ryan to figure out that he wasn't going back to daycare and instead got to spend all day with Peter. Other than the time at therapy, where Ryan sat nearby coloring, playing, or charming the nurses, Ryan had Peter's undivided attention and it was obvious that Ryan was thrilled with it.

Even though they needed the extra money, Assumpta refused extra hours those first weeks so she could get home to them as soon as possible. She still had visions of Peter helpless on the floor. Not that she didn't trust him completely with the kids, it was just that old fears die hard.

Assumpta also had gained a new respect for her own mother that week. She had raised Assumpta and ran the pub, both almost entirely on her own. After one week of trying to juggle it all, Assumpta was amazed that her Mom made it look so easy. Of course, there was only one of her instead of three. But then again, Assumpta's father was never around. Assumpta had Peter, and he was the saving grace in far too many ways. Peter was brilliant with the kids; he joked and played and helped with schoolwork. Most important, Peter kept Assumpta from allowing the strain to get to her.

They needed more organization though, Assumpta felt. The apartment was always a mess because the kids left things everywhere. Peter never had chance to do the dishes and other chores during the day because he was too busy minding three children on his own. Clothes weren't washed. They were out of groceries constantly- three kids ate more food than she could've possibly imagined.

Organization was the goal this weekend, Assumpta decided, as she came through the front door that Friday night. Especially since Assumpta refused to have the twins late for school again because it could be used against them in the next evaluation.

Suddenly, any thought of organization went out of her mind entirely. Peter was on the floor and the three kids on top of him. Assumpta's heart stopped, her nightmare was real.

Slowly, Assumpta registered the roaring sound Peter was making and the kids laughing and screaming excitement. She breathed again. They were playing, everything was fine.

Anna looked up and spotted the panic on Assumpta's face before it was hidden away.

"He's only pretending to be a bear," Anna reassured. "It's not real. We woke him from hibernation and he's hungry and eats little kids."

Peter looked up then, "Hiya," he said to Assumpta.

"Hibernation?" Assumpta asked, skeptical.

"One of Jake and Anna's spelling words. I decided to demonstrate."

Assumpta responded, "Right," while thinking for the hundredth time that week how adorable Peter was with the kids.

But as Assumpta looked away, and noticed that of course the place was a mess again, she sighed. She hadn't even begun to fix something to eat and she was exhausted enough to go immediately to bed.

"We made pizzas." Jacob got up off the floor and hurried over to her.

"Pizzas?" Assumpta asked distantly, as she locked the door and set down her purse.

Anna came over as well. "Peter told us we could put whatever we wanted on top. But Jake wanted chocolate and olives and that's when Peter said we could only choose between toppings he put out."

"Wise choice," Assumpta added.

Jake insisted, "Chocolate and olives would've been awesome."

Peter got up from the floor with more ease then Assumpta expected. There were moments when she realized he was still making small improvements she hadn't yet noticed. Peter reached for his cane nearby with one hand, and took Ryan's hand with the other, leading the child over to the sofa. Seeing the papers scattered on the table there Peter announced, "Jake, you have to finish your work like Anna did."

"But it's Friday," Jacob whined.

"Then you'll have your schoolwork done and you can enjoy the rest of the weekend." Peter reasoned with him.

Assumpta listened as she went into the kitchen to check on the pizza. Sure enough, two large pizzas, one with veggies and the other plain cheese were almost ready. Anna followed her in and sat on a stool as Assumpta washed dishes.

"Do you wish we didn't live here?" Anna asked.

"What?" Assumpta looked up. "Anna, we went to that Judge to tell her we wanted you and Jake and Ryan to live with us."

"I know. But maybe you changed your mind?"

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know." Anna shrugged. "You looked scared when we were playing before."

Assumpta could tell Anna was trying to be casual but that real concern was under the surface. Assumpta knew that trick very well, having been an expert at it for most of her life.

"Anna, it had nothing to do with you." Assumpta shook her head and searched for the right words while she filled the kettle and pit it on. "I thought for a moment that Peter fell on the floor, I thought he was hurt."

"Because he was hurt before?"

"Yes, and it scared me before. I suppose I'll always be afraid it will happen again. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Anna looked down. "I'm scared too. But not about Peter. I'm afraid we'll have to go back to Mom and I don't want to."

"I know." Assumpta put an arm around Anna's shoulders.

Anna's voice was very quiet. "I don't like her. I know I'm supposed to but I like you and Peter better."

Assumpta wished Peter were part of all this. He was much better at handling these kinds of situations than she was.

Anna continued, softly. "I never had a Dad. Sometimes I wish Peter were my Dad," she looked up with watery eyes, "I wish you were my Mom. I know it's wrong but I can't help it."

"Oh, honey," Assumpta hugged Anna close then, "no, it's not wrong. It's confusing."

The buzzer went off to indicate the pizzas were done, the kettle whistled, and Jacob came running into the kitchen declaring, "I'm putting olives on my slice anyway."

Assumpta touched Anna's cheek. "We'll talk more later." Anna nodded and got down from the stool.

Peter handed Anna a stack of plates and Ryan the napkins and met Assumpta's eyes, he could tell they had walked in on something.

Later that night after the children had gone to bed, Assumpta told Peter about her conversation with Anna. Together they decided to participate in a picnic coming up with other foster families. Peter felt it was important for the kids to be with others like them, so they can see they were not alone.

A few days later, the twins had the day off school and Peter brought all three along to physical therapy. One of the staff, Mary Louise, who'd become a good friend of Peter's over the past months watched as Peter pushed himself to lift leg weights that were heavier then he'd ever attempted before.

Mary Louise glanced over at the three kids nearby who were busy, but keeping a close eye on Peter. The kids didn't seem affected by what Peter was doing, as if they simply enjoyed being near him no matter what the circumstances.

Mary Louise smiled at Peter as she remarked, "Now it all makes sense."

Peter finished the rep and took several deep breaths. "What?"

"All the extra effort and pushing yourself more than ever… you've been crazed lately. At first I was a little worried and I was going to mention something to Dr. Hanson. But it's for the kids, isn't it?"

"Sort of," Peter shrugged, trying to play it off. But he met Mary Louise's smile. Pride shone in Peter's eyes, and he began another rep with the weights.

The weeks became less chaotic as they all settled more or less into the routine. Peter had given the twins chores to do and that helped with the mess and gave the children structure. Also, they got through the first visit by the State and it went well in Assumpta's opinion.

One night, Anna snuck out of bed and spied on Assumpta and Peter while they were up late watching television. It was because Anna felt so good inside just to look at them that she didn't want to be in her room apart from them.

Anna watched as Assumpta leaned over and whispered something into Peter's ear. Peter blushed, but he put his arms around Assumpta and they kissed. Suddenly, Peter stopped and looked right at Anna.

He asked, "Is that a little girl who's supposed to be in bed but is instead hiding round the corner?"

Assumpta came over to her. "You should be in bed. It's late and you have school in the morning." She put an arm around Anna and Anna went along with Assumpta, back to the room she shared with Jacob who was snoring softly in his sleep.

"You were kissin' him." Anna stated as she climbed back into bed.

"Yeah," Assumpta answered absently, busy arranging the blankets around Anna.

"Why?"

"Because that's what two people do when they are in love."

"You're in love?" Anna's nose crinkled up like something smelled bad. Assumpta couldn't help but smile a little.

Assumpta confirmed, "We are."

"Like, forever?"

"Yes, like forever." Assumpta swept Anna's hair back off her face. "Now enough questions for tonight. Go back to sleep."

"Jake thinks boys get `girly slime germs' when they kiss a girl. It makes a boy's lips turn green and then fall off. Is Peter's lips gonna fall off?"

Thought Assumpta, Better not, I've got plans for them tonight… Then as she considered seriously, Assumpta wasn't sure how to address this fantasy for Anna, never having been an imaginative child herself. So instead of answering she turned it around, "And what do you think?"

"I think just like you." Anna announced proudly. "Or at least I'm tryin' too."

The weight of responsibility all of the sudden pressed down hard on Assumpta. It wasn't as simple as just looking after them, feeding them, and getting them to school on time. She was also a role model. Assumpta felt uncomfortable. Peter was an indisputable, first- rate role model but Assumpta wasn't so sure about herself.

"Anna," Assumpta took a breath, "I don't always have all the answers. But I'll try to always be honest with you."

"I know. That's why I liked you from the start. Jake thinks it's because I liked your pretty hair, but that's not it. Not completely."

Assumpta chuckled on the inside. "Well, I have a secret. I liked you and your hair from the start as well. I always wished I had very straight hair just like yours. The boys in school used to make fun of my curls."

Anna snuggled down further under the covers and closed her eyes. "Will you do plaits in mine tomorrow? No one's ever before."

"Sure, we'll do your hair however you want."

"Together?"

"Together," Assumpta assured. "We have to stop talking before we wake up your brother. Sleep now and we'll talk more in the morning."

Jacob had noticed a bottle of wine in the kitchen the very first day they moved in with Peter and Assumpta. But as the weeks passed, he also noticed that it sat there for many days in a row untouched. Peter had a beer or Assumpta drank a glass of wine now and again. But they would just have one or two, not 12 or 14.

Jacob never told anyone, but it actually wasn't the drinking that he disliked about his Mom anyway. It was that she didn't care about Anna and Ryan and half the time didn't even notice if they were around or not. Jacob didn't like having to take charge, even though he knew he was good at it.

Assumpta and Peter were different. Those first few weeks, Jacob lost count of all the ways in which he was grateful for them. They took over and ran everything, and Jacob was left only having to think of the easy things like getting his schoolwork done or when Rugby tryouts were.

Assumpta talked to Jacob like he mattered, Anna and Ryan too. Peter nagged him to do his schoolwork and his chores, but Jacob even thought that was nice because someone noticed if he didn't do the things he was supposed to.

They ate together all the time. Jacob thought of before, all those times there was no food and his Mom hadn't been home for more than a day and he went to bed so hungry his stomach complained. Ever since they came home with Peter and Assumpta, Jacob had three meals everyday. They even let him have more if he asked and remembered to say "Please" and "Thank you."

Never in his whole life did he have as much fun as he did now. Jacob didn't even want to be outside with his friends sometimes because it was more fun inside watching a match on television with Peter, or helping to make something with Assumpta in the kitchen. Jacob learned he was especially good at mixing things in the bowl or the pot. Anna's job was always measuring stuff, and Ryan got to sit nearby and bang a spoon against a pan. Assumpta called Ryan "Tico," whatever that meant.

But above the rest, Jacob's favorite times were when Assumpta brought home a film on her way back from work. Like last Friday, when they all watched the new Harry Potter. It was the best film he ever saw. And they all watched it together. He and Anna lay on the floor. Behind them, Ryan sat on the sofa next to Peter and Assumpta and fell asleep half way through. Those were Jacob's favorite times because he felt part of something, something he couldn't name but it felt good.

Jacob noticed that Peter had his arm around Assumpta while they watched the film. Peter was always doing stuff like that. He even kissed Assumpta twice during it. Once missing the very best part of the whole film, the Quidditch match. He didn't understand why a man would want to get girly slimy germs doing that. But if Peter had to kiss someone, at least it was only Assumpta. She probably didn't have girly germs that bad because she was such a good cook and everyone knew that ran off the germs.

But even with the kissing stuff, Jacob still thought Peter was better than anyone else in the world, even his favorite footballer. Assumpta was just behind in second place because she took care of everything and was the exact opposite of his Mom. He just hoped that Judge lady didn't change her mind. Because Jacob decided he'd do anything necessary to stay here with Peter and Assumpta.

Part 11: The woods are lovely, dark, and deep

One Saturday morning the apartment was quiet until soft footsteps could be heard creeping toward Peter and Assumpta's bed. Jacob put his finger to his lips to remind his brother and sister to be quiet until he gave the signal. The instant he did, all three were up on the bed jumping up and down and giggling.

Peter's sleepy voice rumbled in Assumpta's ear. "Good thing nothing was going on in here for them to interrupt."

She grinned without opening her eyes and whispered back, "Is that a complaint? I though I wore you out rather thoroughly last night."

"That was last night. I'm well rested now and I'm installing a lock on our door today."

"Park! Park!" Jacob chanted.

Ryan was laughing and trying to jump as best he could. "Park," he imitated his older brother.

"Enough jumping," Assumpta warned the kids. But her voice softened as she reached for them, "Tickle time."

They ran from the room, playfully screaming, with Ryan trailing behind the twins.

Assumpta laughed, "No lock necessary," and kissed Peter good morning.

At the park that afternoon, they ate and mingled with other adults and kids in foster situations. Soon, Jacob, Anna and Ryan ran off with several other children to play on the swings and slides. Peter and Assumpta found a spot on a bench under a tree and Assumpta leaned against him, watching Anna help Ryan up the ladder of a slide.

Jacob appeared to be in deep conversation with two other boys about his age. Assumpta briefly wondered if he was talking their ears off swindling them to buy a cheap used car. She chuckled softly, thinking of how they were such a wonder to watch grow.

Peter heard Assumpta giggle, and smiled. "Happy?" he asked, even though he knew the answer.

Assumpta was softer, warmer and more relaxed, even in her moments of stress, than Peter had ever seen. It was a side of her that was always there, but had been hidden away. She wasn't exactly a different person these days; it was more that the hidden away side of her had become prominent.

Peter was fairly certain it was the happiest Assumpta had been in her whole life, judging by Brendan's comments the weekend before. Brendan, Siobhan, and Aisling had come up for a visit. It was an eye-opening experience to share the kids with one another. Peter felt for the first time in his life like everything should freeze in that moment, so he could live it forever. It was too perfect.

"Very happy," Assumpta confirmed. "You?"

"I keep on thinking that it's the best day of my life. But I'm wrong because I wake up the next morning and it's even better than the day before." Peter watched Anna and Ryan join Jacob and the two other boys in a circle, the discussion continued.

Peter cuddled Assumpta closer and whispered into her ear, "Did I tell you lately how much I love you?"

"Everyday-" Assumpta was about to say something further but she stopped short. The discussion on the playground was obviously becoming heated. Jacob stepped around in front of Ryan, to block his little brother from the two strangers.

Anna stood in a stance that looked vaguely familiar to Peter. Suddenly, it clicked into place —it reminded him of a common stance of Assumpta's, one hand on her hip, defending or arguing a point.

"Look," Peter pointed out to Assumpta. "It's just as if she had your genes." After a beat he teased in a monotone, like a straight man in a comedy duo. "I think it's called the `hands on hips until I get my way or I'll kick your arse' gene."

Assumpta shot Peter a look.

He answered, "Yep, that's the one."

Just then, Anna threw a punch and it landed square on the nose of one of the boys. Assumpta and Peter jumped up and dashed over.

"Anna," Peter scolded, "tell him you're sorry."

Another couple arrived, obviously the foster parents of the two boys. The woman pulled out a tissue and was cleaning up the bloody nose while the man shot Peter and Assumpta a disapproving look. He spoke to his wife, "I think we're leaving now."

Assumpta and Peter made several attempts to determine what had happened. But both Anna and Jacob stood before them silent, stoic, looking down at their shoes.

Assumpta made one more, last ditch effort. This, if she were honest with herself, was more about her own buried anxiety than anything else.

"Why would you do that? Of all the places, in front of the very people who decided to allow you live with us?" Assumpta pointed vaguely in the direction of the social workers and other staff present at the picnic as she spoke. "Do you want to go live somewhere else? Are you not happy with us? Because all you have to do is—"

"No!" Anna suddenly looked mortified at the mere suggestion. It was the very last thing she wanted.

"Then what is it?" Peter asked softly.

Ryan had stood shoulder to shoulder with the twins as if he were also one of the troops being inspected by the general. He'd been quiet up till now, but that was normal for him. Besides, he was too young to really be involved in whatever had happened. So Peter and Assumpta had largely left him out of the interrogation. Until Ryan spoke up, "Cripple," he said, confident and strong.

"What?" Assumpta asked, astonished. "Where did you hear that word?"

"He say cripple," Ryan stated plainly, and stuck his thumb in his mouth as if the subject was settled.

"Who said that?" Peter asked warily, his mind already leaping ahead and pulling the bits and pieces together. Ryan pointed off in the direction that the two strange boys had gone a few minutes ago. The twins were still examining their shoes.

Peter spoke in a manner to make it clear that they would not be introuble. "Just tell me what they said."

Anna shrugged, "It doesn't matter," but was obviously fighting off tears.

Jacob said, "Just tell `em," nudging Anna a little.

When Anna remained silent, Jacob looked up at Peter. "Those boys were calling you… stuff."

"No, Jake." Anna cried, the tears flowing free now.

Peter put his arm around Anna, soothing her. "It's alright. I understand."

That was enough to break Anna's strength, she'd tried, but it was impossible to hold it in any longer. She felt so much for the two people who had given her a home and so much more.

"They said mean things that are not true," Anna cried. "I hate them! You're not a cripple and just because you can't walk right doesn't mean…" Anna's voice hitched. "They shouldn't laugh at you. I don't care if you walk different than everyone else. You're better than the whole lot here."
She dissolved into more tears.

"Thank you, both of you for defending me." Peter held Anna close. With the other arm he gathered Jacob next to his other side. "But I don't care what anyone else thinks or says. I don't care what names they call me. The only thing that matters to me is what you think of me." After a moment, Peter could hear Anna calming a bit. "But no more punches, okay?"

Anna and Jacob nodded. Ryan joined into the hug, squeezing in between the twins and wrapping his arm around Peter's leg.

Peter smiled down at Ryan, saying, "And you too, Rocky." Ryan returned a silly grin.

Assumpta didn't quite know how to react. The sight of the four of them made her heart flip-flop. The sum total of her love for all of them was greater than the love for each individually.

Assumpta finally said to Peter, "Would you look at that? More people in this world that love you the same no matter if you can walk properly or not." She winked at Peter and he smiled.

A week and a half later, Ms. Harlen arrived unexpectedly at the door of the apartment. Assumpta let her in; grateful she'd just finished mopping the floors.

"I have fantastic news," Ms. Harlen said to the children. "They've found your mother. She's just fine. But the most fantastic part is, she wants to see you three as soon as possible and I can take you there now!"

Peter spoke carefully. "Their mother…" He considered his words for a second, being that the children were listening. "Had some issues."

"They're being worked on." Ms. Harlen almost seemed chipper. "It's in the best interest of the children to be with her so long as she's making progress on those issues."

The kids didn't move from the sofa. They stared up at Peter and Assumpta, waiting for them to do something.

Assumpta shook her head at the children. Then used the most optimistic voice she could marshal. "Didn't you hear? You'll get to see your mother again. That's wonderful news."

"I don't want to," Anna said flatly.

Peter looked painfully at Anna. "It's for the best Anna, you'll see, your Mum has changed now. Things will be better, not like before."

Ryan didn't quite understand all that was happening but the mood in the room was enough for him to flee from the sofa and cling to Assumpta.

Assumpta hugged Ryan tight, trying not to think about whether or not she would ever see him again. Otherwise, she'd cry for certain and Assumpta did not want the children to see that. They were frightened enough.

Jacob stood. "I'm not going. You can't make me."

"Yes, Jacob," Ms. Harlen said gently. "You must come with me. But you'll be glad you did when you see your Mom. Now, come along."

Ryan screamed and cried as Ms. Harlen pried him from Assumpta. But the twins seemed to give in to their fate, understanding that in an adult world and they had very little power. Jacob put on a tough act, playing his role of an adult. It was a role that he was very talented at for his young age. Anna, with eyes watery, hugged Assumpta and Peter but couldn't bring herself to say what she wanted to say as she left. There was just too much, and no time left.

That night, Assumpta settled into bed trying to force herself not to think. She and Peter had tiptoed around each other all evening, neither mentioning the children. It was excruciatingly quiet in the apartment- an apartment that held too many memories… The echo of Jake saying, "I can't find my football cleats." …Assumpta stirring soup with one hand and holding Ryan on her hip with the other and shouting back, "Try under your bed. You left them there yesterday." …Anna asking for help with her schoolwork, "How do I draw the circulatory system?"…

But tonight, there were no football cleats or schoolwork, there were no sleepy little faces to say goodnight to. And Assumpta couldn't do it any longer. It felt like all the pressure of water behind a dam was inside her. The sobs came, heavy, hard, and painful. Peter held her, a few tears of his own escaping. It wasn't fair. It seemed the world had once again tipped in the wrong direction.

After a while, Assumpta calmed. "We should move back to Ballyk."

It was the very last thing Peter expected to hear from Assumpta in that moment. He asked, "Are you sure?"

"It's too quiet here, Peter. There are too many memories. I can't…" Assumpta pulled herself together. "They said you're at a point you can continue your therapy anywhere. We should go home."

"Then let's go home," he concluded.

Assumpta tried to get back into her old routine running Fitzgerald's, the routine she used to love so well. Now that Niamh was off taking her own break from Ballyk, Assumpta missed her more than she was willing to admit. There were a few new faces, but otherwise life in Ballyk was much as it was before.

After a few days home, Father Mac entered the pub for the first time and said, "So good to see you, Assumpta." It was subtle, the sardonic undertone, but to the practiced ears in the pub it was obvious.

Peter internally groaned knowing Assumpta's temper was about to break from its cage. He was certain that Assumpta and Father Mac were about to have another of their infamous encounters.

But Assumpta shocked them all by absently responding, "Afternoon, Father. Cup a tea?" with the same attitude she'd use for ordinary customers and without a sneer on her face.

The regulars looked to Peter as Assumpta disappeared into the kitchen, hoping some explanation for the bizarre behavior was forthcoming. Peter responded only with a shrug and a baffled look.

Father Mac interrupted the silent dialogue and introduced his new curate to Peter. "I believe you haven't meet Father Vincent. Father, this is Peter Clifford." Father Mac introduced.

"Will we see you on Sunday?" Father Vincent asked. Peter smiled but didn't answer. Instead, he changed the subject.

But a few days later, Peter did walk down to St. Joseph's and entered the quiet church. At three in the afternoon on a Tuesday the church was empty. The last time Peter had walked into this, or any church, he had been wearing a collar. Now it was gone, and instead he wore a wedding ring.

It also felt like just as long ago that Assumpta had covered up her softer emotions by getting angry. It seemed to Peter that the old reflex of Assumpta's had virtually disappeared. Peter guessed it was due to all they'd been through and how much closer they'd become.

Peter believed almost anything would be better nowadays than the quiet sadness that surrounded Assumpta. He even desperately missed Assumpta's temper. It was, in the very least, something productive and an outlet.

Peter stood in the middle of the church for a long time just looking around, taking it in as if everything were new. In many ways, life was simpler back when this was his church. Well, at least simpler on the surface, Peter amended. Yet his heart was still heavy today, for new reasons. Peter turned toward the altar. He didn't bow or cross himself, he didn't even sit.

"How long?" Peter asked aloud. His voice echoed and bounced between the statues and stained glass. "How much longer are you planning to punish me? Do you want to hear that I regret it?" After a long pause Peter added, "I don't."

He'd never done this out loud before. He had only ever been on his knees, mumbling to himself but there was something very cathartic about doing it this way.

"You can put me through Hell and I'm sure you will, but I won't leave her." Peter's face turned to disgust while he spoke. "To hurt Jake, Anna, and Ryan– innocent children– all in your mission to punish me. This is not the God I once knew."

Tears rimmed Peter's eyes as he continued. "You leave her and the children out of this, do you hear me? This is between you and me and you leave Assumpta out of this." Peter was shouting now. "She's been through enough pain already. She has nightmares still. Yet you take the children from her? Take what you want from me but don't take them from Assumpta." Peter yelled to the rafters. "What kind of God does that? She doesn't deserve this. I will fight you– I swear I will find a way…"

The echoes boomed. Peter heard his own voice reflected and suddenly realized how ridiculous it all sounded. He dropped to a whisper, acidly, "Forgive seven times seventy- seven for everyone else but me."

Father Vincent watched from the sacristy. At first he intended to step in and try to help Peter sort through whatever was troubling him. But as he saw and heard the anger, Vincent realized that this conversation between a man and his God must happen. Stepping in would only delay the inevitable.

Peter's tone of voice was growing with rage and disgust again. "Are you jealous? You think perhaps I love her more? That I betrayed you in order to be with her, just as many in Ballyk believe I did? I thought you knew me better than that." Peter bent his head for a moment, tears dropped to the tile floor.

"I love her. Not more than you, just different. But I love her and I won't ever pretend otherwise. I won't go back to pretending ever again." His voice gained strength again. "I can't change part of who I am.

"Here I was, believing in you still. I even accepted your will when the doctors told us we couldn't have children. Don't you know how much I want to see Assumpta swollen up like a watermelon with our child inside? But I believed in you even then, that you had a purpose for us and I trusted that. Then Jake and Anna and Ryan came along..."

It welled up again, and Peter had to take a moment to gain control of the heartache that came from just saying their names.

"When they came along, I understood it was meant for them to belong to us and us to them. If Assumpta and I could've had children of our own, we may not have been ready to take them as our own. In that moment, I understood your will was done. I realized what your mission in this life was for us."

He yelled suddenly, "So how could you take them away and hurt them? Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? You are not the God I thought I knew and loved and served, but jealous and spiteful. Gloria in execlsis deo."

The last, not said the way Peter used to say it while a priest, but now with bitter sarcasm and anger. Peter left the church believing he'd never return.

Part 12: But I have promises to keep

Jacob sat in the vacant activities room. In his hands, was the letter he'd written to Peter and Assumpta weeks ago explaining where he, Anna, and Ryan where. The letter had been returned that morning.

Jacob turned it over and over. Trying to think of a good reason why, instead of all the disappointing ones that came to mind, but he couldn't help it.

"Maybe they didn't want us?" Jacob asked the empty room. "Maybe they didn't know? Maybe they don't care?"

Through the open window, Jacob could hear the other kids outside playing. But he didn't want to join in. He wished he could see Anna and talk to her about this. But the boys and girls weren't allowed to mingle together until tea. He hardly saw Ryan either, he was in a younger age group with a different schedule and they almost never overlapped. Jacob missed Anna and Ryan. Mostly, he missed all of them living with Peter and Assumpta. Just for a little while it was perfect.

It wasn't so bad, Anna reminded herself again tonight as she lay in her bunk in the girl's dorm. She had clean sheets to sleep on and a warm blanket. The best part of this place was that everyone else had a story like Anna's. Some had it worse. So it was understood among all the kids that they never talked about it. For the first time in her life, Anna didn't have to worry about the looks or teasing from other kids. She didn't worry about how to answer questions from adults.

There was also plenty to do after school here, like field hockey or crafts or other planned things. They were allowed to watch one hour of television each night. Sometimes the whole lot went to the zoo or a museum. They kept her busy all day so that Anna hardly had the time to think about other things.

Except nighttime, when Anna had no more distractions, it would come back. Though this place wasn't so bad, Anna had memories of something better. A home, a life with Assumpta and Peter would flood her all over again. This place was nice if all she'd ever known was living with her mother. But Anna had begun to believe she belonged to the Cliffords and everything would be right, forever.

Anna lay each night in a bed that was warm, but not comforting. In a room filled with other girls, but she felt alone. She tried to be like Jacob and not cry and she tried to close her eyes and dream of anything else but before, but it just wasn't fair. If she'd never known Peter and Assumpta, she'd be happy right now.

Peter had contacts. As a former priest, he was once a part of a large network of individuals working in all areas of charity. So Peter had put the word out to keep watch and inform him of anything related to the kids. He was worried that if their mother ran off on a drinking binge once before, she may very well do it again and this time no one would be there to step in and help.

Father Garrett, who worked in hospital counseling services in the West, rang one night. Father Garrett related how friends of his that worked in the morgue said there was a woman who died in a pub six weeks ago and it was being ruled suicide. She went to the toilets in a public house and according to the reports, took two bottles of aspirin there. A staff person found her after it was too late.

Father Garrett finished his story with, "Since there was no other family, the three children were taken away by the State."

Peter's heart thudded so loud, he was certain Father Garrett could hear it over the phone. "Do you know where they are?"

"Sorry, Peter, I don't. Only know they weren't with their mother in the pub when she died."

"Thank God for that."

"He works in small miracles."

"Yeah," Peter shifted in the kitchen chair, uncomfortable. "And thanks, Father."

"I'll ring if I hear anything further."

Peter hung up and returned to the bar.

Assumpta raised a brow. "That's the fourth call from a priest in two weeks, Peter, if I didn't know better I'd think you were in on some foolishness with Brendan—having priests ring here every three days and count how long it takes before I go mad?"

"No, nothin' like that," Peter said and began pulling a pint.

Brendan didn't look up from his paper as he added. "But that's a good one. We'll have to remember it."

Assumpta ignored Brendan and said, "Or is it you're thinking about going back?"

There was a time, early on, when she'd have honestly feared that Peter was thinking of leaving her and going back to the priesthood. But now, Assumpta was so confident in her relationship with her husband that she knew Peter would never leave. So confident in fact, that nowadays she could tease him a little about it. "Celibacy not so bad after all?"

Peter gave Assumpta a look. He set the pint on the beer mat to settle. "Don't worry. It's just a little project of mine and I'll tell you everything about it when it's done."

Assumpta accepted that. She leaned in and placed a small kiss on his cheek. But before she could pull back, Peter caught her and held her for a moment. He whispered in her ear, "And so long as you're in this world, celibacy is not an option."

"Good to know." Assumpta kissed him gently, again. "And good luck on your project. Let me know if I can help, yeah?"

"Of course," Peter said as they parted.

He knew Assumpta had no idea just how much it meant. But Peter was grateful for her support and her faith in him. Peter had once promised not to let her down, and that was half the reason he was going to do anything he could to find Jacob, Anna, and Ryan. The other half was that Peter loved the children as his own.

Weeks of phone calls and going in circles had Peter nearly mindless. Until one day he got word that an orphanage in Dublin had the children's names listed in their records.

Peter considered whether he should tell Assumpta. But he still didn't feel ready to get her hopes up, in case this was a false lead. He decided to drive up for the day by himself and investigate. Besides, Peter concluded, if it was a false lead at least he'd have the long drive home alone to let go of his own emotions and pull himself together before seeing Assumpta again.

Upon arrival, it appeared to be a rather cheerful place. The walls were painted bright colors with murals done by children adorning them. Peter could hear distant laughter and the mumbled sounds of activity everywhere. It was alive, happy, and Peter took a relieved breath. If they had been staying here, at least the children were being looked after appropriately.

Peter spoke with a staff member for quite a while, trying to explain the situation. But she kept insisting that visitors were only allowed on the third Sunday of the month. Peter pushed, "Just five minutes, that's all I'm asking. I want them to know I've been looking for them. Please?"

She sighed. "Okay. But I could loose my job for this, so don't say anything to anyone."

After she left, Peter said, "Thank you," toward the sky before he could catch himself and stop.

After what seemed like eternity but was really only ten minutes, and the twins entered the room. They simply stared at Peter as if in shock.

The staff woman said, "I'm sorry, the youngest is having a nap. But five minutes with them." She reiterated before leaving.

Jacob shifted his feet. Anna's eyes filled up with threatening tears.

Peter smiled at them, "Come'ere." They needed no other incentive. Peter's fierce hug enveloped them both at once. "You be sure to pass my hug along to Ryan as well, all right?" Peter fought to keep his own tears at bay.

"We don't hardly see him," Jacob complained. "And I wrote to you. How come you returned it?"

Peter felt guilt spread through his bones at the sound of Jacob's lost voice. "Oh, Jake, we moved back to Ballyk and the post must not have forwarded it. I would never return your letters." He looked at Anna now. "Are you both okay? I mean, are they taking proper care of you?"

Anna nodded, "But I want to go home with you. I want to see Assumpta."

"I know. She misses you both as well." Peter gulped back his emotions. "But I'm not allowed to take you with today."

"Is it that judge lady?" Jacob sounded angry. "She won't let you have us?"

"Jacob, I- I have to find out how to do all of this."

Peter remembered how he had lectured to Assumpta long ago to be careful about what they told the twins. All the while they had temporary custody he never wanted to give the children reasons to be hurt if things did not work out. But Peter could not help it, not now when the children needed something to believe in, needed some sense of having a future. He deliberately used the "P" word he had warned Assumpta against.

"I promise," Peter said. "I will find a way to get all three of you to come home with Assumpta and me very soon." Peter wasn't sure how he could stop hugging them when he never wanted to let go.

Jacob and Anna were strong, they agreed to be brave, and they said goodbye to Peter without crying or making a scene. Peter was so proud of them, and at the same time hurt that they were this good at being tough. He wanted them to just be kids, to be carefree.

After, Peter was wandering the streets of Dublin and did not consciously notice where he had happen to enter. Drawn to it despite himself, Peter found he was inside Christ Church Cathedral. For a while Peter explored along with tourists, passing the gift counter and the elaborately adorned walls and windows. He chuckled when he came upon Lord Edward Fitzgerald's tomb and stood before it for some time wondering if Lord Edward was distantly related to Assumpta.

Eventually, Peter found a seat not far from the entrance to the crypt below. As people walked past whispering or flashing pictures, Peter floated to a world that existed only in his mind and in his heart. He didn't fight them when the tears came. Peter wanted to expel it all before seeing Assumpta anyway. He did not want her to have to deal with this pain also. She deserved happiness, not sadness and worry. As the tears began to dry, Peter looked up toward the altar. He was unsure why he was here.

"It's Peter Clifford," a woman's voice interrupted, "isn't that right?"

Peter twisted around suddenly, surprised that someone knew him.

She said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

Peter recognized her as the woman who served as judge in their appeal to foster the children. "Judge Sutton," she supplied.

"Yes," Peter smiled.

"You can call me Nan." Her gaze drifted toward the altar. "It's a beautiful place. Not far from work and I have a niece who's sick so I come here sometimes to…"

Nan cut herself off. None of that mattered right now, she had seen Peter crying a short while ago and went back and forth whether she had a right to interrupt. This man's life was only his business. Nan scolded herself, just because she had once sent children to this man's home did not mean she had the right to rule over all aspects of his life.

But Nan kept thinking of that little girl going on about all the ways in which she loved having a home, finally. Nan knew she wouldn't sleep at night until she knew that little girl was safe and happy. Nan purposely used a very casual tone. "How are the children doing?"

Peter's heart pinched but he tried to be factual, not emotional as he told Nan all that had happened, including the trip that very day to see the children at the orphanage.

"Bureaucracy," Nan said flatly. "I live with it every day but it never ceases to astound me. It's likely because when their mother..." Nan took a breath, cleansing the fury and frustration. "Since it happened in another county, your names weren't on the foster record there. So the children went into the system instead."

"They should be with us," Peter insisted, a slight edge of bitterness on his tongue.

"Yes," Nan agreed, remembering that day long ago when she made a promise to herself to keep the newly formed family together. "Yes, they do belong with you. I'll look into this through official," she winked, "and unofficial channels. I can't make promises and I'll likely have limited control. But I'll see what I can do."

"That would be fantastic," Peter was suddenly his enthusiastic, normal self. "Anything at all that you could do. You're like an answer to a-" he stopped short.

Nan's smile reached her eyes, they twinkled. "Well, we are in the right place for it."

After Nan left, Peter stayed for a while longer. Finally, he looked toward heaven and whispered, "Well, it took you long enough."

Peter hadn't actually planned to keep a secret from Assumpta, at least not forever. He decided to delay telling her because he worried that it might not work out. Assumpta having hope and then losing it again might be too much to handle. Peter told himself it was best not having Assumpta involved until it became reasonably necessary.

Judge Sutton became Peter's advocate and friend. When it appeared that the entire process would come to a halt due to the fact that Peter and Assumpta lived above the pub and given the children's history there was understandable concerns, the Judge gave Peter a call. She suggested–none to subtly–that they move into a house somewhere else in town. They could both work at the pub but living apart from it would help Peter and Assumpta's chances.

Peter immediately began house hunting, at first thinking of renting, but when a home just up the main road posted for sale he couldn't help becoming excited.

"I don't know, Peter, why do we need all this space?" Assumpta questioned, while twirling around to take in the openness of the first floor. She used a skeptical tone even though she'd always secretly wished for a back garden, never had having had one as a child.

Besides, it would be fantastic for Finn, far better than his situation living in the pub. She was imagining a dog door just to the right of the tall cupboard in the kitchen so Finn could come and go in the garden as he pleased when Peter interrupted her thoughts.

"Oonagh working nights gives us the chance to come home from the pub together at a reasonable hour and I just want a place for us to go. So we can be alone." Peter still wasn't ready to admit the possibility of children. But more so, Peter realized he wanted this house even if that part of the plan didn't work out. "I want a home for us, Assumpta, a real one."

"And the money?"

"Always the pessimistic worrier," Peter mumbled, and then met her raised-eyebrow look. "We're doing all right."

He was right, Assumpta silently acknowledged. As much as she never liked her job at Club Q, it had taught her a great deal and therefore Fitzgerald's was running far more efficiently than ever before. It helped that tourism had been at an all-time high due to some popular television show being filmed locally. The pub was busy all season now. It was likely to continue for some time, even once the show went off-air some predicted.

Assumpta was hedging, "Maybe."

Peter said, "I could bring in something extra perhaps. Brendan mentioned needing a coach up at the school a few afternoons a week. He thinks I'd be perfect for the position."

Brendan had told Peter about it only yesterday. He explained to Peter that he was looking for someone that would improve the on-field skills. But more important, Brendan was hoping that someone like Peter would also help with the kid's troubles and worries that were more easily discussed and resolved with the aid of a coach, rather than a teacher or headmaster. Brendan believed it was Peter's off-field skills that were most valuable and therefore made him Brendan's first choice as the new coach.

Peter tried to contain his enthusiasm over the idea and casually asked his wife, "Well, what do you think?"

Assumpta sensed immediately Peter wanted to do it. He loved sport, he loved kids. She met Peter's smile while saying, "It's perfect."

"The house? Or the job?"

"The job certainly, you'll be fantastic." Assumpta looked away and began scanning the room again, "The house, I'm still thinking on."

But Peter knew her well, a challenge was all Assumpta needed. "Is this really a bigger leap than you deciding to fall in love with me?"

Assumpta closed the space between them. "Ha, I had no choice in the matter. I fell in love before I even knew I was in love."

Peter took her hand and squeezed. "I'm with you on this, Assumpta. I want you to have the best and I won't let you down, ever." When he put it like that, Assumpta couldn't resist.

Even after the move and the court proceedings looking positive, Peter was still apprehensive. He couldn't seem to find the right moment to tell Assumpta. But most of all, he didn't want to displace the delight Assumpta felt over their new house. Peter believed he could be worried but Assumpta didn't deserve to be.

Besides, Peter knew the long, drawn out process would likely involve court, home visits and paperwork, all of which would require Assumpta's participation. So, he anticipated eventually sitting down with her and explaining what he had started. And because he had plenty of time, it was easy to constantly put off that discussion.

But what Peter hadn't planned on was the assistance of the influential Judge Nan Sutton. Suddenly, court transcripts from Peter, Assumpta, and the children's previous appearances were accepted. Paperwork was miraculously streamlined, lawyers were available, and it seemed that measures were held and passed before Peter even knew they were scheduled.

Today, Peter watched Assumpta using the sweeper on the floor of their new home and considered bursting out telling her everything. The secret, and the knowledge of how much joy it would bring Assumpta, was becoming too much.

But just as Peter said, "Assumpta, I wanted to-" he suddenly had a grand idea and closed his mouth.

"What?" She asked. Turning her head in time to catch a small smile on Peter's face that resembled a cat who'd just swallowed a goldfish. He knew his owner would discover it shortly, but the cat thought waiting for the discovery was part of the fun.

Assumpta raised a brow at Peter. "Now what's that look for?"

"Nothing," Peter moved to her, put the sweeper aside, and took Assumpta in his arms. "I just love you and I want to make you happy."

Assumpta let go of her breath. It was still a little astonishing to hear Peter say those things, even now.

"You make me happy," she said. He hugged tighter and Assumpta insisted, "I am happy. I know I was down for a little while but I'm fine now, really."

"I know." Peter kissed her temple. "You're always strong."

Just as he moved to kiss her on the lips, the phone rang and Peter answered. It felt like he had been waiting his whole life to get this news.

Part 13: And miles to go before I sleep.

Several days later, Niamh was helping Assumpta hang crape paper from the ceiling of the pub. Niamh had gotten a rushed call from Peter only days before insisting that she come this morning and spend the day with Assumpta.

Niamh was puzzled by the way Peter was acting. Saying to Peter, "I was planning to be there for Assumpta's birthday of course." She arrived, as promised, and was now helping Assumpta prepare for the party later in the day.

Assumpta was sarcastically joking with Niamh about that same suspicious behavior of Peter's. "First the parade of priests, then the sudden urge to buy a house, and now he won't tell me where he's off to all morning. If I didn't know better, I'd think my husband lost his bottle. Or is tired of me and is lookin' to run off with another woman." Assumpta grumbled under her breath, "Probably a tall, skinny, blonde, with big-"

"That's not a comment on me and Sean I hope." Niamh raised a brow at Assumpta and crossed her arms.

Assumpta turned, with a little fear in her, knowing how easily Niamh took meaningless comments the wrong way. "It wasn't, Niamh, I swear."

Niamh sighed into a crooked smile. "I know. Just still a bit sensitive, I suppose." Then she changed the subject. "Peter loves you. I'm sure it's nothing more than not having a birthday present for you and he's at the shops in Cilldargan."

"Yeah," Assumpta agreed dismissively. "It's sort of pathetic, don't you think," she asked while climbing onto a chair with crape in her hand, "decorating and making the food for my own party?"

Niamh reminded, "And Aisling's."

Assumpta gave Niamh a look that said, `oh, sure that makes it much better.'

Brendan came in the door at that moment with Aisling in his arms. The little girl twisted her head around and gave Assumpta a big grin.

"There she is! The birthday girl!" Assumpta said held out her arms. "We were just talking about you."

Brendan passed Aisling over to Assumpta.

Niamh wondered aloud, "Isn't interesting that Siobhan had Aisling exactly on Assumpta's birthday, almost to the minute. Almost as if the whole thing were planned." Niamh turned to Assumpta. "We missed you on that day, in particular."

"Trust me," Brendan interrupted, "nothing about Aisling was planned."

Assumpta chuckled and moved behind the bar with Aisling balanced on her hip. Brendan sat at his stool and Assumpta pulled a pint one handed while bouncing the little girl a bit, to get a giggle out of her.

Niamh raised a brow, again. "Well look at you, the natural."

Assumpta's mind flashed to all the times she held Ryan while doing tasks around the apartment. The twins running through, chasing each other, laughter… Assumpta shook her head and cleared the images. No, not today, she told herself.

Brendan agreed with Niamh's remark. "You are that, Assumpta."

Niamh asked hesitantly, "You wouldn't have a little unplanned surprise of your own comin' soon, now would you?"

"No," Assumpta said uncomfortably. "No, they'll be no surprises for us, or planned ones for that matter." Pain and awkwardness wrestled in her stomach.

Assumpta was keeping her focus on Aisling and trying to cover, but Brendan sensed it. He knew, without further explaining, and sorrow sank into Brendan's heart as he lowered his head.

Niamh, however, didn't quite catch the meaning. She was operating under the theory that Assumpta didn't want to have children. "That's silly, Assumpta. You'd make a fantastic mother and Peter has always been wonderful with Kieran."

"Yeah," Assumpta said non-committal. "But today is about this little darling's birthday and," Assumpta tickled Aisling's tummy and changed the subject, "I've a present for our Birthday girl."

Other than that one, brief moment of sadness, Assumpta's day was turning out to be quite enjoyable. Her friends arrived, one by one, all afternoon until the party was on full. Aisling was having the time of her life, eating cake with her hands, loving all the attention and gifts. For Assumpta, there was something about sharing her birthday with such a beautiful, miracle child that make it all the more special. But as the afternoon began fading into night, Assumpta grew worried about Peter. Where was he? He'd certainly planned to be back by now, hadn't he?

A few weeks ago, Peter slipped the paper between sheets Assumpta had to sign for one of her suppliers. He knew Assumpta did paperwork absently, never reading the forms that were the same week after week. She signed the bottom line `Assumpta Clifford' in swooping handwriting without knowing how significant that signature was. Peter smiled looking at it now. His name now hers, a reminder that Assumpta would always be with him.

Siobhan, who was driving, glanced down at his papers and then back to the road. "She has no idea, so?"

"None."

When Peter and Siobhan arrived, Jacob, Anna and Ryan were standing next to a staff member from the orphanage and a few lawyers. The instant they saw Peter they ran at him, throwing themselves into his arms.

Peter embraced all three at once, tightly. He closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, his name was theirs also.

"Did they tell you?" Peter asked them, drawing back only slightly so he could look at them, all three faces were full of joy in return.

Anna eagerly asked, "We get to live with you?" Peter nodded in response.

Jacob made sure, "Forever right? They won't make us leave again?" and Peter nodded again.

Peter met the smiles growing on the twin's faces. "That sound good to you hooligans?" Then he turned to the youngest. "What about you, Ryan, what'd you say?"

Ryan reached up and Peter knelt down. Ryan wrapped his arms around Peter's neck and asked, "Sweets now?"

Peter laughed, "Soon."

He stood so the kids could see Siobhan but kept them close, arms around them, clutching them to his sides. Peter briefly wondered if it would take weeks, months, or years for him to feel secure again. If the anguish of having them taken away, even just for a few months, would ever fully dissipate.

"You remember my friend, Siobhan," Peter re-introduced since it had been a while. As they drove back to Ballyk, Peter explained to the children that it was Assumpta's birthday party right now and they were going to be surprises.

Anna looked concerned. "But we didn't get her any present."

Peter turned in his seat so he could look at her. "Believe me, you are the best present she's ever gotten."

Then Peter handed back the papers to Jacob saying, "But I did pick up a few things for you. First, Jake, when I give you the sign you hand these to Assumpta."

"What are they?" Jacob asked, looking them over.

"Those are the papers that say she's your Mum now and no one can take you away from us."

Anna and Ryan grinned wide. Jacob looked them over carefully, trying to read all the fine print. Peter mumbled to Siobhan, "God help us, he's gonna be a solicitor."

"Not like you've not spent enough time with them." She joked back.

"Next, Anna." Peter said, and Anna perked up while Peter passed back a very small box wrapped in pretty yellow paper. "There is a ring inside and it was expensive so I'm trusting you not to lose this."

Siobhan's eyes went wide. "How expensive was it?"

Peter glanced at is friend at the wheel. "Enough that I had to borrow money from Brendan and it'll take me years to pay him back. But Assumpta never had an engagement ring." With a touch of remorse in his voice he said, "We didn't have much of an engagement."

Siobhan's heart tightened with guilt, she would always regret not being more supportive in the beginning. But at the time, she just couldn't see how it would all end up here, Peter and Assumpta happily married and now with children. It was something Siobhan had trouble getting her mind around at the start. She had been consumed with so many worries for them both due to the complication of the circumstances under which the couple began their relationship. Now, watching Peter glow with pride for these three kids and him doing all this so that Assumpta could have this wonderful surprise, Siobhan wondered how she ever doubted this man and his choices.

Peter turned his attention back to the kids. "Anna, that ring is very special. It has each of your birthstones in it, two rubies for you and Jake, a diamond for Ryan's birthstone. Even when you're at school it's like you're right with her always." Anna nodded and held the box carefully in her lap.

"And Ryan," Peter turned to him.

Ryan stuck his arms out and enthusiastically said, "Kiss!"

Peter smiled back at him. "Perfect."

They arrived at the pub and Peter picked Ryan up in his arms. Anna and Jacob stood at either side, looking up at the Fitzgerald's sign. "Welcome home," Peter said to them.

Siobhan went in first, to make sure all was ready. Then stuck her hand out of the door and waved at Peter, it was the sign they'd pre-arranged.

"Now," Peter warned the kids so they wouldn't be alarmed, "don't forget she's probably going to cry."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Girls always do."

Peter clarified, "But it is because she's happy, not sad."

Anna looked up. "Is it okay if we cry happy too?"

"Yes," he said, taking her hand.

As the four of them entered the pub, there was a hush, as all inside turned their heads. Assumpta was sitting at the bar and she almost dropped her glass of wine when she saw them. Brendan saved the glass by grabbing it out of her hand.

"Oh, God," she whispered, not believing what she was seeing.

"Down!" Ryan insisted, wiggling in Peter's arms, so he set the boy down. Ryan rushed to her and Assumpta met him halfway, crouching down and hugging him tight. The predicted tears came then. "Anna, Jake," Assumpta said through the tears, reaching for them as well.

They all clung to each other until Jacob said, "You're squeezing me so tight I can't hardly breath."

"Sorry, Honey." Assumpta let up and just soaked in the sight of them. They'd grown so much, Anna's hair was getting long and Jacob had lost a tooth in front. She'd missed all that.

"We have presents for you." Anna said proudly.

Assumpta ran a hand down Anna's hair. "I don't need presents when I have you here."

Assumpta looked up to Peter, questioning in her eyes. Her heart cracked knowing as wonderful as it was to see them, it would only be harder when they had to leave again. Then she asked the kids, "How long can you visit?"

Jacob stole a look back at Peter, who nodded, so Jacob handed the papers to Assumpta. "Here."

"What are these?" Assumpta asked while trying to skim them for some understanding.

Jacob happily answered. "You're our new Mom. We get to live with you forever."

Assumpta's face turned to shock. Her shaky hands flipped through the papers, now seeing the signatures, the seal, the description of the terms of adoption. It all began to dawn on her and she looked up at Peter, "How?" She could hardly talk.

"I didn't want you to get your hopes up and then be disappointed if something went wrong. I didn't want to tell you until it was final. It is now."

"My turn," Anna interrupted, handing over the box.

Assumpta's hands were still shaky as she opened the wrapping, she gasped as she saw the ring. Again she looked up at Peter. He could not afford this, she knew. "You shouldn't have."

Anna explained to her, pointing to each of the stones in turn. "This one's for me, and this one's for Jake, and this one's for Ryan."

"It's beautiful." With watery eyes, Assumpta gave the three children hugs and kisses, then stood and crossed to Peter. "Thank you." It was said so full of meaning that he knew it extended beyond the ring, beyond the kids. It was for all they were blessed to have.

Brendan, who heard all about the ring in detail, for weeks now endlessly on and on… cleared his throat and said loud enough for all in the pub to hear. "I think Peter's supposed to get down on one knee now?" There were a few chuckles in the crowd gathered.

Peter did just that. He looked up at Assumpta, took the ring and asked, "If you had to do it all again, would you still have me?"

She smiled. "Without a doubt, I'd marry you every time." He slid the ring on and stood to kiss her.

It was just getting good when Jacob said, "Eeuuww, you'll get girly germs."

Anna shoved him. "There's no such thing." She hated that her brother interrupted them, they looked so happy together and the more she saw them in love, the more Anna felt safe.

Ryan was pushing himself between their legs, trying to get in the middle of the embrace so Peter and Assumpta parted. But before bending down to pick up Ryan, Assumpta whispered suggestively to Peter, "Later."

The kids fit in straight away with the residents of Ballyk. Jacob told jokes and he soaked up being the center of attention of all in the pub. Peter leaned into Assumpta at one point and remarked, "I'm betting on Jake becoming a solicitor."

"Really?" Assumpta said dryly, "I was going to go with politician or lounge act. Possibly both at the same time."

"Won't it be fun to watch and see?"

Ryan hung close to Peter and Assumpta at first, interested in all the things stacked and stored behind the bar. He looked over it all, touching bottles, and glasses and most of all holding on to either Assumpta's or Peter's leg whenever he pleased. But it didn't take long for him and Aisling to become reacquainted friends over her new birthday toys.

Anna wriggled up on a stool next to Brendan, between him and the wall. Assumpta put big bowls of stew in front of her and her brothers, later biscuits and tea also. She relaxed immediately and watched Peter and Assumpta all night, moving about serving drinks and talking to friends, and kissing when they thought no one was looking. Anna practiced in her mind the words "Mom" and "Dad" each time she looked at them and it made her tummy get all jittery with excitement every time she thought of it.

Brendan chatted with Anna and told her he was the headmaster at her new school. He even told Anna a few stories about Assumpta, when she was Anna's age. Until one story started and Assumpta abruptly cut Brendan off with a warning and a glare.

Brendan winked at Anna. "Believe me, whatever trouble you get yourself into, Anna, your new Mum's done the same but on a much grader scale." Anna giggled. "I'll give you all the blackmail you need to get out of punishment for nearly anything. I'll be our secret."

Anna giggled again. She knew nothing anyone could tell her about Assumpta or Peter would change the fact that Anna thought they were the best people in the whole world.

At one point, Assumpta moved off to the side of the bar with Ryan at her hip, exactly the stance that had started the conversation earlier today. Niamh noticed it, and the way Assumpta suddenly seemed to glow in a way she hadn't that very morning. Didn't seem to matter that she'd never given birth to the children herself, motherhood looked good on Assumpta just the same.

At that moment, Peter glanced around to see if anyone was watching. Then he leaned over bar and looked Assumpta square in the eyes. "I love you."

Assumpta blushed ever so slightly and smiled at him. "I love you too." She leaned over and kissed him. After they parted, Peter placed another kiss on Ryan's forehead.

A few hours later, Peter managed to yank Jacob away from his card game with Liam and Donel before the boy won all of their money. The twins said goodnight to their new friends and along with Peter, Assumpta and Ryan, they walked up the road together. Headed home as a family for the first time.

Assumpta carried up the half-asleep toddler and put him down in the room next to her and Peter's. It was close by so if Ryan woke up, they'd be able to hear him. Meanwhile, Peter showed the twins each their own room.

"Really," Jacob asked, "I get my own room?"

"Yes, the rest of your things are coming tomorrow and we can arrange your room however you like. This weekend we'll buy paint in any color you chose and paint the walls together."

"I want purple." Anna was running around now, from her room into Jacob's and back again.

"I want green," Jacob called out and they both started jumping up and down like springs, as they always did when overly excited about something.

Now he had done it, Peter thought, bedtime was going to be a challenge with both wound up. He watched the twins jump around some more. Peter thought of how he couldn't even jump once like that, let alone 12 times in a row as they were now.

With his left hand, Peter was leaning on his cane. He only needed it now when he was tired, it had been a long day on his feet and he was losing his strength. But most of the time he managed without it.

The doctors told Peter as he aged and wasn't as fit and young, he'd probably need to rely on it more, maybe all the time. But that was fine with Peter. The kids never cared or noticed and it was only while they were young and jumping like springs that he needed to keep up.

One day they would be all be grown up. Then he and Assumpta wouldn't have this noise and activity around them, and he wouldn't have a reason to keep up without a cane in hand. But that day was a long way off yet and in the meantime, Peter was determined to cherish every moment.

"Come on now, bedtime." Peter put a hand on the top of each head, one at a time, to stop them from jumping and guided them into their new rooms.

"What're we doin' tomorrow?" Jacob wanted to know.

"I don't know. We'll ask Assumpta in the morning." Peter answered him, helping Jacob find his pajamas.

"Mom," Jacob corrected. Peter smiled, that sounded good to hear.

Then he checked on Anna, who was changed and in the bed already.

Peter said, "We'll get you a smaller bed tomorrow if you want." He thought Anna looked too tiny and vulnerable in the middle of the big double bed.

Anna shook her head. "I like this one. I'm a princess in it."

"Yes you are." Peter leaned over and kissed her forehead.

She put her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight, Dad." It sounded strange on her tongue, she'd never used that word before. And her tummy did that nice little dance of happiness again. Anna knew she would fall asleep tonight and have nothing but good dreams.

Peter swallowed the lump in his throat. "Goodnight, princess."

Later, Assumpta and Peter climbed the stairs headed to bed themselves. He was worn now and slow at it. She paused at the top, "I'm just going to go have a look." Assumpta peaked in on each of the kids sleeping soundly, happy smiles on their faces. Then she snuggled into bed with Peter, his arms went around her.

"Happy Birthday," Peter whispered and kissed her.

"Happy life," Assumpta corrected.

"And miles of it left."

"Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening"
~Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it's queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's been some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

*The End*
Thanks for reading :) Jen W