loquita's All Roads Lead to Your Heart

All Roads Lead to Your Heart

By loquita

Part 1: When A Child is Born

Two life changing events dominated village gossip that week in Ballykissangel. First, Niamh Egan gave birth to a healthy baby boy in the backseat of a car. The second incident involved a sweating statue at St. Joseph's, causing crowds of pilgrims to come see the miracle for themselves. There was a third life altering event that would have far overshadowed the other gossip if anyone ever found out what transpired. But only two people know the true story of how their lives were forever changed that week.

"Here he is, The Moving Curate," Brendan said to Siobhan as Peter entered Fitzgerald's.

"Coffee, Assumpta," Peter asked as he met her eyes.

"That was a fightin' speech Father, Woe unto thee…" Siobhan said to him.

Peter's face turned to disgust. "Well, a sweating statue," he began.

"Oh, simple people, simple faith," Assumpta said.

"Simple isn't the same as stupid, Assumpta."

She put the coffee pot down while rolling her eyes. "So where does simple end and stupid start," she placed the cup of coffee in front of him. Assumpta picked up speed as she made her point, "I mean we're asked, no, you ask us to believe a whole load of things that on the face of it are just as incredible as-"

He cut her off, "I'll tell you where stupid starts. Stupid starts with people believing a statue that doesn't move or speak or even bleed… that sweats." The last word coming out like a swear word.

Assumpta laughed, "Well that's a bit rich coming from you considering what you claim to do on a daily basis up there on the alter!" Even Siobhan and Brendan looked uncomfortable now. Peter slapped coins on the bar and his voice went dangerously low. "I do not need this right now." He turned and left.

"Assumpta, that's his vocation you just kneed in the groin," Brendan said.

"Shut up Brendan," she snapped as her guilt began building, why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut sometimes? She never meant to hurt him, she was only giving her opinions and wasn't thinking. Why she never explained to him that her feelings for the church and her feelings for him were totally separate…Oh, you know why, she told herself, because it would lead directly into a conversation about exactly what those feels for him were...

She went into the kitchen to fix sandwiches but her mind was not on the task. It was on him, as usual. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to pretend to be his friend. She had tried pushing him before. One night in the pub, after closing and after a lot of wine, came to her mind immediately. It never worked, he never gave in and let her see what was behind that exterior. Always hiding behind the dog collar and only hints, here and there, that he had some feelings. But it was never clear to her what those feelings were. They were friends, certainly. Was that all it was, a friend helping her tidy up? The way he looked at her sometimes, that meant nothing then? Or was it guilt? He was a priest- forget acting on them- did he believe even having feelings was wrong? Just admitting it, just once, was that a sin? But then what would she do then if she knew for sure… Wouldn't that just make the longing worse? Too many questions and no answers, it was making her head hurt.

Peter seemed to be moving through a fog these days. The crowds of people kept coming. His disagreements with Father Mac were always something he didn't like but somehow handled, now they were painful to him in a way he'd never experienced before. Worse was Peter's suspicions, he had them about everyone he cared for and it was beginning to tear him apart, feeling he was betraying them and equally loathing each in turn.

And now here was Assumpta attempting to apologize for her comments in the bar and his hurting somehow began to give way to anger. "I sometimes think there is a very fine line here."

"Don't say that." She stood wringing her hands, worried for him.

"Why not? It's how I feel. It's how you feel isn't it?"

"It doesn't matter how I feel," she was wishing she could fix all this for him, "having a belief is a different matter…"

"Right at this moment I'm not sure what I believe in, people, me, you," he said and turned to looked at her with accusation in his eyes. She stared at him as if he was an alien, where had the real Peter gone? "Excuse me," he said and stormed off.

That night Peter stood on the bridge over the river staring but not seeing. His focus was not on the shadowed beauty in front of him but on the battle raging inside himself. He felt so confused and pain, anger, fear, sadness, all swirled in a massive storm in his mind. He didn't have a clue how to calm it. His feelings about the church had been mixed for a while but the events of the last few days had brought them to an almost violent clash. And putting the collection box as priority one was not what he went to the seminary for. It wasn't why he took vows. It wasn't what he believed. Why was he serving an institution that forced him to think of clearing out their pockets before helping people with their problems? In fact this circus with the sweating statue had actually begun to turn him against the people in his community that he most cared for. Assumpta. How could he be suspicious even for one second? It turned his stomach.

His mind flashed to her standing next to him, apologizing, the look of worry on her face. Her beautiful face pained because of her worry for him. He hated himself for doing that to her. They always argued but he knew it was only surface stuff. She liked to debate him, it didn't mean she didn't respect him. So he always took her words in stride especially when her temper was up. But this time he was feeling sorry for himself. What she said this time cut too close to his own conflict, and the fact that he agreed too much with her frightened him. So he'd chosen to lash out in anger instead of just dealing with his own problems. He never meant to take it out on her, the one he loved so absolutely. Even though he long ago promised himself he'd never tell her, he could at least make sure the row was behind them and their friendship was intact. If he at least had her friendship he knew he could begin to put his life together.

Assumpta stood behind the bar cleaning glasses and listened to Brendan tell the story of chip oil spread on the statue and of Peter chewing out Liam and Donal for doing it. He, along with Padraig and Siobhan had stayed late into the night celebrating Brian parting with more cash then he wanted to- due to Padraig's short career as an investigative journalist. Eventually the three staggered out and she locked up and clean up before shutting off the lights and beginning up the stairs. She knew a sleepless night filled with loneliness and worry was ahead of her but at least laying awake was better than the dreams she had of Peter. In recent months they had become increasingly more graphic and they where leaving her achy and restless in the morning. There was a quiet knock at the door and she doubled back to answer it.

"Hi?" she eyed him.

He stood in her doorway looking a mess and asked, "Can we talk?"

She let him in and he sat near the fire that was nearly out. She moved to put another log on but he grabbed her wrist. "No, please, just…." She stopped and sat on the arm of the chair.

Peter gazed into the dying fire as he spoke, "I'm so sorry Assumpta."

"No it's me who's sorry, I wasn't thinking, as usual. I went too far with what I said but I never meant for you to take it that personally. I never wanted to hurt you."

Peter put his head in his hands. "I am sorry because I feel like I'm letting you and everyone else down. I just…I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What?"

"Pretend. I feel like everything I know and feel is spinning out of control around me and I have no idea what's up and what's down and I'm so, I feel so lost." He ended on a whimper and began to cry.

"Peter, come here." She reached for him and he put his head against her neck and his arms came around her. She smoothed a hand over his hair as he cried. "Shh, It's OK."

"I even suspected you," he said through the tears.

"Me?"

"See what a horrible person I am, I can't be a priest if I'm this way. But I don't want to fail everyone either by just giving up."

"You're not horrible and you're not giving up, you're just upset. Peter, you have to know that I would never disgrace anything that was important to you, that statue or you beliefs. You mean so much-"

The comforting was making her open up more than she normally would but she realized it in time and stopped herself from going to far.

"What would I do without you? You don't just allow me to go through the motions, be blind, you force me to think, you get me to face things that otherwise I'd rather ignore. And when everything is spinning out of control, you're the one and only thing that still makes sense." His tears had stopped and he tightened his arms, clinging to her. Then after a breath, began kissing her neck working his way up to her mouth and for a moment Assumpta was lost in sensation. Then she remembered and pulled back, ready to tell him that this was wrong, but his eyes where filled with such desperation and tenderness that she said nothing. Peter leaned in and kissed her so lightly on her lips it was like a whisper

She put her hands on either side of his face knowing she was loosing the internal battle of will and she kissed him back with everything she had inside, emotions poured out, the worry, the support, the joy, the desire, the love.

Peter was overwhelmed. He felt like a man drowning and coming alive both at once. He'd thought of a moment like this so many times and then punished himself for thinking these thoughts. Now that it was real and the women he loved for so long was kissing him like this, it felt as if he'd spent months tossing on the waves of the sea during a storm and now all of the sudden, here she was throwing him a rope and pulling him to shore. Saving him.

"Peter." Assumpta pulled back just enough to speak but her breath was against his lips. "I don't know if this is…you shouldn't be..." How could she tell him to leave when every atom in her body was screaming for him. This was everything to her, to give him comfort, to show him how much she loved him, it was all she had in her life, it was the only thing that mattered and yet worries nagged at the edges of her mind.

"Please Assumpta don't judge me." He kissed her again, his hands moved from her waist, up her back, into her hair and the kisses grew urgent and powerful. She stood with him and their eyes met as she took his hand. She lead him upstairs to her room and closed the door behind them. When they were undressed he gazed over her curves with a look of reverence on his face and when he finally met her eyes, he saw no doubts there. They made love then kissed and touched each other, exploring with gentleness until their passion built up again and they made love a second time.

She lay in his arms unable to relax and sleep. Assumpta knew this was supposed to be wrong. He was clearly in crisis so he couldn't be responsible for making the right choices. No, it was her responsibility to stop them, push him out the door and honor his vows for him. But she couldn't, she was too weak. Now his regrets tomorrow would probably change everything. But oh, she'd have this one night, the memory of this to hold on to forever. He was wonderful, so sweet, so caring and it was so much more breathtaking than anything she'd dreamed. He treated her as a precious gift and she loved him all the more because of it.

Part 2: Changing Times

Peter slipped out of her room before the sun rose and hurried back to his house. He climbed into his own bed knowing no sleep would come but he wanted to think. He needed to find some space and time to sort this all out. He didn't want her to be the mistress of a priest, she was better than that. And what he felt for her was better than that.

Attempt to maintain the status quo and pretend last night never happened? Go far away from her and never look back? Leave the priesthood? He'd wrestled with leaving for a while now but hadn't come to a conclusion yet. Could he just jump to one now? Was last night a sign? Memories of Assumpta in the moonlight, her kiss, her sighs… it all got in the way of his reasoning out what he should do. She was too distracting. The sun had risen now and he was on his side looking out the window. Bells were ringing, he noticed them and looked at the clock. Oh, no, he thought and jumped from his bed, late for a funeral.

Assumpta got out of bed minutes after he left. She had her eyes closed but wasn't sleeping when he slipped out. Her heart sank. She knew what Peter was thinking at the exact moment he left her bed, temptation, sin, guilt. Assumpta hoped that he'd wake with her in the morning happy. That maybe they would talk and together figure out where to go from here. But no, he held himself to a higher standard than he ever expected of anyone else. Peter forgave all sins but his own.

Assumpta made tea in the kitchen and sat at the table warming her hands on the mug. She felt so cold. Right then she made her decision, she'd follow his lead. If Peter pretended it didn't happen, she would as well. If he said he was sorry and wanted to be friends, she'd accept that he would at least be in her life in some small way. And if he came knocking late at night ever again, she'd never hesitate to take him to her bed when he wanted to. She could deny him nothing. The strong willed, independent, doesn't need anyone's help for anything big or small, and you'd better stay out of my way Assumpta Fitzgerald was weak after all.

A week and a half later the talk of the town was `The Badgers.' Brian Quigley would not put his new road around the woods and many members of the community were outraged that the orchids and the badgers that lived in the wood would become extinct from their area. Peter came into the pub as usual for a sandwich or a drink and didn't volunteer any opinion, he even sidestepped when pressed to an opinion. How could he make a decision on a stinkin' badger when he couldn't decide his own life?

Assumpta noticed the change in him. He was obviously troubled but at least he wasn't totally avoiding her. He would chat with her about the events of the day but never in any situation except in the pub when it was busy with people. She followed his lead and acted kind to him, talked with him, but said nothing important.

That night both Peter and Assumpta brought food and hot drinks to the protestors at the building site in the wood- all three of them. Seeing backup had arrived Michael, Brendan, and Siobhan left to put on warmer clothes leaving the two of them alone to watch the site. Peter sat in the car next to her thinking that this was exactly the kind of situation he'd been trying to avoid. Assumpta kept looking at him and then off into the wood, her insecurities playing on her mind. Wishing she could tell him she was sorry it happened, but she wasn't. An owl hooted and he felt it necessary to break the uncomfortable silence. "An owl," he told her.

"I know." She knew what he was trying to do, find something safe, something easy for them to talk about besides the obvious thing they were avoiding like it was an elephant in the backseat. "Look at all that work out there."

"Yeah."

She continued, "Money's gonna gush up through the floor Quigley says, fine, but what's the cost?"

"Nothing's ever simple is it?"

"No." A long, strained silence and then Assumpta quit playing the game. "We don't really have a lot to say to each other do we?"

"Don't we?" Peter kept his eyes on the woods, he knew if he looked at her he'd fall apart. She was pushing him and he wasn't ready to deal with all of this yet.

"No." Another hoot from the owl and she added, "The owl's quite chatty though." Out of the blue she remembered another night out parked in a car long ago and she laughed.

"What?"

"I'm just thinking back to when I was 16 there was this priest in the parish who used to sneak up on parked cars and shine a torch through the window."

"Lookin' for?"

Assumpta gave him a `you've got to be kidding me' look. "What do you think?"

"Oh, yeah," he said shaking his head. But when Peter turned again to look at Assumpta, her eyes were now unreadable and he asked, "What?"

She gave him a shrug. "Just thinking."

And he did too, her lips whispering, pleading his name, her eyes dark and heavy with desire, her body moving against his- "What," He said trying to shake the memory away and stay focused.

"What would you do if Father Mac shone a light through our window?"

"I'd tell him to mind his own business."

"You surprise me."

"Do I?"

"Constantly." She took a sharp, deep breath and rubbed her hands on her thighs. It was instinctive for him always wanting to take care of her, he didn't even think, and naturally took Assumpta's hand saying, "Are you cold?"

"Yeah. No." Her heart beat widely and her mind raced, it was too sweet and too painful all at once.

"You feel cold."

"No."

Her hand in his, it was the first time Peter touched her since he'd left that morning and now the contact brought back all the things he'd been fighting. Peter put his forehead to her hand. He wanted to take Assumpta in his arms and keep her warm but instead he turned at the sound of the car. The three protestors had returned and Peter got out of the car to tell them there were no problems. Brendan's "I hope you were paying attention Father" stung. Assumpta exited as fast as she could and tried to make a quick escape but he followed her to her car door.

"Assumpta," he began. But she cut him off. "Goodnight," she said and tried to escape again. Peter turned her around and touched the hair blowing around her face.

"I'm a priest…" he attempted to explain and then lost all the rest of his words.

"That's fine, be a priest," and she got into the car and drove off.

The next day Peter hoped to have a conversation with Father Mac about the role of a priest and why one chooses this life when he can serve God in many ways without being a priest. It was meant to be a philosophical sort of discussion until Father Mac told Peter that his problem was Assumpta Fitzgerald and that they live in a small community and he hears things. Peter felt panic shoot through him. He was sure Father Mac somehow knew about their night together and he suddenly felt a stronger need to protect Assumpta above all else. "Nothing's happened," Peter lied to him and before he knew what to think, Father Mac had convinced him to go on retreat.

Peter came to the pub to speak to Assumpta in the kitchen and put an end to the mistakes he was making and stop causing more trouble for her. The last thing in the world she deserved was stories going around that she was the mistress of the curate. She deserved better then that.

Assumpta could tell it was bad news when he stayed on the other side of the room from her, as far from her physically as he could get. She started tidying up to keep her hands busy so maybe he wouldn't see them shaking. He began rambling about not wanting to be like Father Mac but it would do him no harm to be as good of a priest as he was.

"Still sitting on the fence." She shook her head in disbelief.

"No," he said with force, "I've got off the fence. Father Mac shoved me onto a ladder."

"What sort of ladder?" Don't shut me out, she wanted to shout, don't let Father Mac maliciously control you like he did my parents.

"He's ordered me to go on retreat."

"Oh yeah, when?"

"Next week."

Assumpta didn't want to believe this was happening, it was all falling apart. She had to hear the words. "So that's it, is it?"

"Yes." He fought everything inside that threatened and said the exact opposite of what he felt, but it was for her sake. "That is it."

She struggled to hold on to her control but it was far more than Assumpta could take and the tears came to her eyes. She looked at her feet in a vain attempt at hiding her pain. "Well thank you for telling me." And Assumpta knew in that moment she had to get away from Ballykay and everything around that reminded her of him. "At least I know I made the right decision." They were interrupted by an impatient Padraig yelling and she left the kitchen. Peter couldn't stand seeing her tears and he knew that the image of her in so much pain would haunt him forever. He did that to her and that was more unforgivable than breaking his vows.

Days later, Assumpta packed while still trying to fight the same crying jag that wanted to take her over. How had it come to this? She knew he'd feel guilt but she never imagined that the consequences of her actions would be this void between them. It was such a wonderful memory for her, it tore her apart knowing it was not the same for him. Just the opposite, Peter told her he wanted to be a `good priest,' he was disgusted by her actions, oh how much she hated the stupid church now.

Assumpta arrived in the middle of the night at her friend's flat in London. Liz wrapped her arms around Assumpta in a hug and then ushered her up to the guestroom. She told Assumpta to get some rest and they'd talk in the morning.

She'd slept very little and now watched the sun just rising and light beginning to filter into the guest bedroom. Assumpta rolled over but when she stopped rolling her stomach kept right on going. "Oh, God" she said out loud and dashed for the toilet.

She washed her face and brushed her teeth and then stared at herself in the mirror. She looked tired and old. Each day that went by and she got older, the more her dreams felt like they were slipping away. Taking the pub after her mother's death was supposed to be temporary, she'd always hoped one day she'd have a life and a family of her own separate from business. But now the business was all she had. Family of her own… family of her own… the thought lingered in the recesses of her mind. Assumpta looked at her image in the mirror stunned, she realized she was late.

She flew into motion, pulling on jeans and a shirt and heading out to the shops down the street. She bought the test and a croissant, juice, and at the last minute threw a chocolate bar on the counter as well. Moral support, she thought. Walking back she nibbled on the croissant and was almost finished with it when she emptied what she'd already eaten in a trash bin along the sidewalk.

She crept back up to the guestroom so she wouldn't disturb Liz and her boyfriend. 20 minutes later she lay on the bed eating the candy bar. Antibiotics. Dr. Ryan put her on the pill years ago when she had fainting spells because of her cycle. But she wasn't on it for birth control reasons so she never paid much attention to that aspect, only now she vaguely remembered being told the antibiotics she'd taken in the beginning of that month interfered. That night with Peter…well, thinking about anything was difficult once he'd kissed her but she only thought about being on the pill, not the antibiotics.

Assumpta was actually surprising herself at how calm she was. She never once even considered not having the baby, or giving it away. But how to handle the situation was an entirely different matter. He had chosen the church over her. If she told Peter it was his child he'd feel obligated and might even leave the church. But it wasn't what he wanted. She couldn't do that to him, she loved him too much to manipulate him like some soap opera character. She would not ruin his life. No, Assumpta decided, she'd tell everyone at home that she met someone in London and it happened while staying here. She would raise the baby alone.

The fears and doubts where there of course. Could she really do it alone? Would she be a good parent? Making ends meet would be even more difficult now. Assumpta couldn't run the pub on her own and still have the time to care for and feed the baby, she'd have to hire someone full time for the evenings. During the days Niamh would probably help her.

Her imagination took over now. Once the child was older he'd come back to the pub in the afternoons together with Brendan from school, just as she'd done all those years ago. Brendan used to talk with her about anything and everything. He was her confidant always, her protector when necessary. Once again, he'd quietly and happily step in and serve as a substitute father when necessary for another Fitzgerald. Assumpta could picture him walking through the pub door holding the hand of a 7 year old little boy with brown hair and Peter's eyes, her boy. The two would be smiling about their secrets they'd shared, whispering and giggling.

She may never have Peter in her life again but she'd always have this part of him, this cherished gift they created on the most beautiful night of her life. And she knew there where people in her life that would help raise her child. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she thanked whatever kind of God actually was up there for this wonderful surprise.

Later she sat drinking tea in Liz's kitchen. Her boyfriend John was off at work and the two old friends were chatting about news and gossip. "They'll all be at the pub tonight and everyone will be thrilled to see you Assumpta."

"Yeah." Assumpta smiled.

"You seem a bit brighter today, did you sleep well last night?"

"It's very comfortable and I suppose I just needed to get away."

"Did something happen?" Liz asked.

"I'm pregnant." Saying it out loud for the first time brought butterflies to her stomach and she couldn't help but smile, the joy inside wanting to burst out of her.

"Really? Congratulations! Who's the lucky guy?"

"That's the thing. I'm happy about it but he's… he won't be a part of this."

"Oh." Liz wasn't sure what to say.

"It's OK, it's for the best for everyone involved. I'm incredibly happy and that's all that matters now."

"Well, we've certainty got something to celebrate tonight!"

Liz announced Assumpta's news in front of all their friends gathered that night at the pub. Among them was Leo, who didn't say much to her that night but the following day came by Liz's flat to take Assumpta to dinner. She was fighting awful morning sickness which really came and went whenever it pleased, morning or not. She picked at her food and stared off into space.

"Come on now, Assumpta, what's the deal with this man? You used to have men falling all over themselves trying to get you to marry them. I know, I was one of them." Leo flashed her a grin. "What's wrong with this guy that he doesn't want to make an honest women out of you?"

"There's nothing wrong with him." She sounded annoyed.

"Oh. Maybe he can't marry you. Other obligations?"

"And what does that mean?" she asked, the Fitzgerald temper was working itself up and Leo knew he'd better watch himself.

"Look, I may not be your oldest but I'm your wisest friend," he winked at her and she gave him a little smirk. "My guess is..." He dragged it out like it was a joking suggestion, "Father Clifford!" and watched carefully, he saw the sting briefly flicker across her face before she hid it back away.

"Leo, all that matters is that I'm doing this alone and I'm going to get the questions and," she emphasized the word, "outrageous accusations from a lot of people. I'm prepared for that but the least I ask of my friends is that they're not encouraging that part of it."

"You're right. I'm sorry." He paused and looked into her eyes. "I have a proposal for you."

She laughed, "Marriage?"

"Yeah."

Oh, God, he was serious, Assumpta was stunned and sorry for him. "I can't Leo."

"I know you obviously have feelings for someone else, I can accept that. But I still love you, Assumpta, and now you need someone. Don't be stubborn, think about the child. I'll raise it as my own." Leo took her hand. Her mind flashed back to that night in the wood, how much Peter warmed her whole body just by taking her hand. She felt nothing like that with Leo. But the past was over and she needed to begin a life for her baby now.

"Let me think this through, Leo, I'll talk with you in the morning about it."

Peter arrived days before at the retreat site, an old hunting lodge in the middle of nowhere that had been converted. Each priest was there for his own reasons, each given a tiny sparse room with a single bed and a cross on the wall. There was a great room with dark wood beams crisscrossing high above his head and always a roaring fire in the fireplace. There were three meals a day, scheduled required sessions, but also plenty of quiet time for contemplation and prayer. It was a peaceful place full of nature and few distractions.

Yesterday all those staying here had gone to confession one by one talking with the old priest who ran the retreat lodge. Peter discussed his concerns with Father Jim, confessed he had broken his vow of celibacy but explained that part no further. He told Father Jim that he felt he was a failure, not just in the eyes of God but in the eyes of his family and friends as well.

Today, Father Jim found Peter alone in the chapel and sat down, waiting until he finished his prayers. Peter looked up and sat back.

"Didn't mean to interrupt," Father Jim said.

"No. I was thinking more than praying."

"Father Peter, what do you tell members of your congregation who come to the confessional telling you they've had pre-marital sex?"

Peter shrugged, "I say it's a sin but that God is probably far more understanding than we give him credit for."

"Wise counsel. Father Mac told me before you came here that your greatest strength as a priest is your ability to help people when they are in trouble or in conflict. For many men, this is the part they struggle with the most but I can see Father Mac is right. It seems to come naturally for you."

Peter looked to the altar. "God's gift," he said while letting his eyes rest on the virgin mother. "And do you believe it yourself, what it is that you tell these people?"

"Yes."

"Have you forgiven the woman you were with?" Father Jim asked, searching Peter's face for any small signs of his feelings. Peter fought tears, it was difficult to think of Assumpta and he'd been trying not too. He missed her.

"I have forgiven her." After considering his short answer for a minute, Peter continued, "But I also know I never needed to because it's not what she believes. She would never feel she had committed a sin. And she'd be angry with me if she knew I felt any guilt over it. She'd say to me, "Who says it's a sin? How do they know what they're talking about?" her famous temper…" Peter was struggling. "She never lets me blindly believe something without questioning and thinking it through."

"She sounds like an interesting woman." Father Jim smiled and his eyes twinkled. "So you'll forgive others in your parish for having pre-marital sex even through you know it's a sin, you've forgiven her even though you believe what the two of you did was a sin. But you're unwilling to forgive yourself?"

"I'm a priest, I'm held to a higher standard."

Father Jim's eyebrows rose. "That's true, but how high does this standard go, Peter?"

After a few seconds of silence to let that sink in, Father Jim continued, "Your problem doesn't appear to be you believe this is an unforgivable sin. It seems to me that you don't accept you're a human being. Only God is that perfect. You can strive to be like Him but you can't BE Him, Peter, forgive yourself for having laws."

"I know I have flaws…" Peter shook his head, searching the altar for some sign of aid, "I just don't…shouldn't I be stronger if I am truly a priest, shouldn't I not have these weaknesses?"

"You are not the first priest to fall victim to the temptations of physical gratification." Father Jim patted Peter's hand. "But you can still be a good priest by putting it behind you." He rose and left Peter alone to think.

Father Mac had also called her a temptation, convinced him that was the real reason he was dissatisfied with his vocation. Now Peter started to see that these wise priests giving him advice didn't quite understand the whole situation. Father Mac said to him "scrub this women from your mind forever." But she wasn't in his mind, she was in his heart.

It wasn't that he was tempted to seek pleasure in some woman's body just as a means to an end and therefore ashamed for committing that sin. It was that even though he felt guilty about it, breaking his vow didn't feel wrong to him. He loved Assumpta, and only her,with everything he had and all he'd done was express that love to her.

He loved her more than he loved his life, his family, his vocation. He felt guilty for taking vows never knowing that this kind of love was inside him, could even be possible one day. He felt guilty for making her life harder because he wasn't just any man who came into her life, he came with complications.

And there was the other part, the part of him that knew he disagreed for a long time with many aspects of church doctrine, but as he always seemed to do, he ignored it because it was too difficult to deal with the conflict. The fact that conflict even existed in his life always made him feel like a disappointment. That was his father contributing to the whole ordeal. Assumpta was the one always trying to get him to face things. He felt most guilty for ignoring his turmoil for so long instead of just facing it, accepting it and dealing with it.

If he truly had faith in God, than he believed that God gave him things in life for a reason. And Assumpta was given to him for a reason. Father Mac and Father Jim would tell him it could be that she was his test and nothing more. Peter would agree with them if it were only her body that he wanted. But she was in his heart and he wanted her heart in return. That told Peter God was giving him something far more complicated to learn. And it was time to stop ignoring it and to start learning the lesson.

Part 3: I Know When I'm Not Wanted

Several weeks later, Peter returned to Ballykissangel to find the mood at Fitzgerald's considerably less cheerful than when he left. Soon, he made a pact with the publican from Cilldargan to wage the "Battle of the Bands." And now Peter was explaining to Niamh how the tournament would help mend the battles that seemed to have developed between everyone while he'd been gone.

"But that's just it," he told her, "this place needs a big event to get everybody talking again."

"We've already had one of those." Niamh instantly regretted the slip. "I shouldn't have said anything." Kieran began crying and Niamh went to him but Peter followed.

He urged, "What's all the mystery?"

"It's not my place to tell you."

"I'm your priest, if you can't confide in me…"

Niamh seemed to be searching for words. "You remember Assumpta's old boyfriend Leo from college?"

"The reporter who came to cover the election? What about him?" Peter asked absently.

"He got married."

"Oh, who to?"

When Niamh didn't answer him, he suddenly understood the one name she couldn't say. Peter could scarcely get it out himself. "Assumpta?"

Niamh went on now with all the details, they'd met in London, got married in some registry office, no friends around… Peter was looking at Kieran trying to fight back the rush of emotions so jumbled together he couldn't identify any single one. Suddenly she had stopped talking and expected a response from Peter.

He took a breath, "Assumpta's a grown woman, she can make her own decisions." He forced himself to smile then looked around for anyway out, fast. "Ah look I've got to start organizing this tournament."

He stepped out on to the street, his mind flashed back to the memory of Leo surprising Assumpta with a visit. She smiled her dazzling smile at Leo and hugged him close. It was the kind of welcome home response from her Peter had dreamed of.

He walked down to the church, mindlessly bowed at the alter making the sign of the cross before entering the sacristy and there, Leo's voice from a conversation long ago floated in the air like a ghost.

"There's something else I wanted to ask you," Leo said. "About Assumpta. You see when we were in college we were very close."

"You were in love," Peter clarified.

"I don't think I've ever really loved anyone else."

Those last words echoed in Peter's mind as he wandered the village. She was married to someone else now. So quickly. Was it that easy for her? He stopped in the middle of the bridge and looked out over the water. Suddenly her voice was in his head, "Oh that," it was the night Peter stopped to help her after closing and she'd had too much wine, "it was something about me always wanting what I couldn't have." He remembered how Assumpta didn't deny it. Maybe he was nothing more than the forbidden fruit. Now she was over it, moved on, had someone new in her life.

Peter couldn't feel anything but numbness now but he knew in a short time the pain would begin to take over. He put his head in his hands. He loved her. The storm inside that had begun to calm itself while he was away on retreat was now swirling and threatening again, building its power. But Assumpta was in love with someone else.

Later that afternoon Assumpta entered the pub. "Hi Niamh, so you've rounded up the usual suspects." Brendan, Siobhan, and Padraig were the only three customers.

"Assumpta," Niamh smiled.

Leo walked in. "Are you three still propping up the bar? You must be a national monument by now." Assumpta stood at his side looking smug.

"Where's the camera crew?" Siobhan asked. "Are you chasing another story?"

"You could say I landed an exclusive, may I introduce my wife." Leo held up a bottle of champagne.

The three looked to the open door waiting for someone else to enter. Assumpta laughed, "Don't all congratulate us at once."

Niamh moved around the bar to hug her friend. "Come here you." Siobhan got out of her seat saying, "That's wonderful, that's great, well done the two of you." Padraig kissed her cheek. "Congratulations, Assumpta," and he shook Leo's hand, "well done Leo."

Brendan sat at the bar staring at the floor until Siobhan said, "You'll have to forgive Brendan for getting all emotional." Brendan was shaken out of his thoughts and he stood and repeated Padraig's motions. But Assumpta knew his heart wasn't in it. Peter walked in, seeing him made Assumpta's stomach turn over and she couldn't breathe.

"Hello Assumpta," he said and took a few steps. "And Leo, hi." There was a moment of silence and Siobhan provided, "They're married, Father."

As his heart began breaking into tiny pieces and floating away, Peter went through the performance he'd carefully constructed and rehearsed over and over. "Married? You two?" He put a look of surprise on his face and stepped over. "Well that's fantastic. Both of you." He reached to shake Leo's hand but took his place by the bar avoiding Assumpta. He knew he couldn't touch her. Maybe one day he would find a way to look in her eyes, even touch her hand, without waves of pain threatening to drown him. Without looking at her Peter told her, "You couldn't have chosen a better man."

Assumpta was afraid if she started to speak she wouldn't control what tumbled out, we have a child, Peter, a beautiful baby, growing bigger and stronger every day, and I love it as much as I love you, I'll never stop… But instead she clamped her mouth shut, twisted it into a smile, and went through the motions of celebrating her marriage.

A while later she came walking up the road, she forced herself to be calm, lecturing herself to have a nice, casual conversation. Peter saw her coming toward him, sun in her hair like a halo. His heart clenched so he covered it by returning to working on his car. "Hiya," he said to her.

"We didn't really get a chance to talk back there, how was your time away?"

He shrugged, "OK, thanks."

"Good. Ah, Niamh told me about this tournament thing it's a great idea."

"It's a stupid idea. I don't know why I get involved. If people want to waste their lives squabbling with each other who am I to spoil their fun." He put the battery on the ground.

"You're a priest," she laughed, "spoiling fun is your job."

"Yeah right."

"Oh come on, you're doing it because you care." He kept working, ignoring her, so Assumpta kept encouraging him and cheering him up, "you're good at bringing people together, helping them make sense of their lives I mean it's thanks to you I finally realized that I needed to sort out-"

"Please." It was more than he could take, her compliments, her thanking him for putting her on the path to another man's arms. "Don't."

Her temper was threatening. "Peter will you look at me when I'm talking to you?"

He stopped and turned. It was the first time their eyes met since he left and it shook her. His face turned to disgust. "Assumpta," he said leaving it hanging at that but his eyes said much more.

Her voice went soft, "Tell you what, aye, we can get all the tournament takings and put it toward the church roof." She was fighting not to loose it, desperately wishing this rift between them didn't exist and knowing that she'd only made it wider. Trying any means possible to mend things even a little, maybe supporting something that mattered to him.

"Thanks, but there's nothing wrong with the church roof."

"Oh right, well ah, maybe we could send Father Mac on a pilgrimage. Don't they have any shrines at Alaska." She'd like to send Father Mac to hell.

Peter attempted a laugh, "Do you think Leo would be interested in being on the quiz team."

"Why don't you ask him yourself, aren't you going to stay at our place."

`Our place' echoed a few dozen times in his brain. If he had to see them together again he knew the sight would fatally wound any last remaining crumbs left in his chest where his heart once was. "Actually no I've already made other arrangements."

"Well, your not going to stay in that thing are you?"

"Why not. Sacraments on wheels, 24 hours a day, christenings, confessions," his sarcasm was dripping, "instant weddings."

"Right." Her voice was flat. "See you later."

She hurried back to the pub and slammed the door behind her racing to her room before her tears began. She could see the misery in his eyes and it matched her own. How they both ended up this way constantly hurting each other was beyond her. She was only trying to do what was right by marrying Leo. It was supposed to help them both to move on with their lives. That was what Peter wanted. Why did he make her suddenly feel that getting married to someone else was the worst mistake she'd ever made. Assumpta cried until she had no more tears in her. All the sorrow was rocking her stomach, as everything did these days, and she ran to the bathroom. It was then Leo returned and went up the stairs finding her in the bathroom with red eyes, leaning over the toilet. He mistook the situation knowing she hated the morning sickness and put his arms around her. "It'll be alright. Crying about it won't stop it from happening."

The Battle of the Bars began that night with Father Mac showing up unexpectedly. He told Peter he could use "a referee or some neutral person to keep an eye on things." Peter took the microphone and announced the singing competition. A young woman from Cilldargan stood on the stage and began a haunting tune.

"Oh love is teasin' and love is pleasin'
Love is a pleasure when first it's new
But as love grows older and love grows colder
And fades away like the morning dew"

Peter suddenly felt uncomfortable as if the words and the mournful melody were coming form his own broken heart.

"I wish, I wish in vain
I wish I was a maid again
But a maid again I ne'er shall be
Till apples grow on an ivy tree"

Assumpta tried to keep her face impartial but her mistakes and regrets seemed to be callously on display for all.

"Forgive me love if I forsook you
I was mistaken I'll ne'er deny
But what cannot be cured…"

He looked up meeting her eyes across the room and it was suddenly as if no one existed but the two of them. Grieving for what could not be, there seemed to be an invisible touch reaching out to each other. That link so hopeless and frantic, needing, searching for something lost that could only be found in the other and now left dreading the lonely abandoned life that lingered. Suddenly there was clapping and each turned away from the other.

Peter moved through the crowd but his head was full of voices of the past. "I've never really loved anyone else." Assumpta's "that's fine, be a priest." Peter went through the motions of running the competition. "Shall I tell you what the problem is? Assumpta Fitzgerald." Memories assaulted him. "They're married Father." "But most priests, most serious priests use these temptations…" "You're good at bringing people together"

The Battle of the Bars ended with Fitzgerald's team triumphant by one point in a tie-breaker won by Donal. Cheers and laughter could be heard while the money was turned over to Assumpta.

"Well done, we've raised enough money to send Father Mac to the moon," Assumpta told Peter in the middle of the celebration.

"Yeah. Look, about Leo..." Peter tried.

"He can make his own excuses." She referred to the trivia team.

"Well it's just that we did throw him in at the deep end… maybe he felt a bit intimidated."

"No he didn't. But he will."

Over the next few weeks Assumpta grew increasing edgy and it wasn't the pregnancy hormones to blame. She began searching, without knowing it, for any outlet to pour her restless frustrated feelings into. She came up with the women's group. Assumpta printed flyers and handouts announcing that women were repressed and needed to gather together to learn to be more assertive and fight economic inequality.

Peter avoided Assumpta and Leo as much as possible. He went back to ignoring his feelings and conflicts, the old illusions providing comfort in a time of crisis. And he busied himself with the complex task of caring for Father Mac's poor health while keeping it a secret. But at night he either dreamed of Assumpta vividly or couldn't sleep at all because she haunted him.

This night, Peter wandered outside to look up in the sky, than paced back inside the church. He was looking at the alter thinking of her when her voice echoed in the dim light.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Assumpta asked. At first he was startled, thinking his daydreams had come alive.

"What?"

"Whatever it is that has you looking knackered." She walked up the aisle to him.

"You think talking solves everything don't you."

"Well, trouble shared." She offered but he shook his head. Her frustrations came to the surface. "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, priests only talk to God."

"I haven't got the strength Assumpta." He sounded so dejected that it pulled at her heart. "Most of it's your fault anyway."

Did he really want to have THAT conversation? "Look, I…" she started.

"No I mean, I'm living in the sacristy, I have a lot on my mind and I don't need half the parish upset coming up to me about your women's group."

Assumpta shook her head in confusion, "What?"

"I know it's stupid," he agreed, "but you put ideas in their heads." He turned to the alter and a silence settled around them. That was once what he valued in her but now in his heartache, putting ideas in his head made everything so much worse now. Suddenly Peter turned back to her with fury in his voice. "You put ideas into people's heads."

Her eyes went wide, he kept going with his accusation, "I mean you just don't think, do you Assumpta."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and she turned to walk away but stopped. "Peter."

"What?"

She searched for something to say, anything close to all the love she had inside for him. "You can tell anything to a friend."

He threw her words back at her in anger, "Priests don't have those kinds of friends." He immediately regretted it. Peter was in such pain that he was turning it against her, trying to make her feel as awful as he did and it was unfair. He wished he could get past it and move on as she so obviously had moved on from him.

Leo saw Assumpta walk out of the church and Peter watch her go. He wondered how long she'd been meeting her lover behind his back, since the day they returned? Is this why she insisted on being here and not staying in London, because she couldn't keep her hands off him? Did he take her in the sacristy? Leo's insides burned with revulsion and grief. All the while claiming her feeling sick meant she couldn't let Leo touch her. Would she ever stop going to Peter or would they live this lie always, their marriage only serving to cover her sins?

Over the week, it became clear to Assumpta that she wasn't the only one miserable; she was making Leo miserable too. After closing she asked him, "Has this all been a mistake?"

"I don't know, has it?"

She looked at her lap. "Maybe you can't go back to things. Maybe we had a chance the first time and didn't take it and now it's gone."

"I don't think I've ever thought second times or first times. I only ever thought you and me. I've always loved you Assumpta."

When she couldn't say it in return his suspicion and hurt got the better of him. "I don't mind the one, but how many more of his bastard children do you expect me to raise?"

The next day Niamh dropped Kieran with Peter so she could have a talk with Assumpta. "Leo's gone," Niamh explained. Peter tried to dampen the hope rising in his heart.

Niamh started her lecture about Leo inside the pub. "The poor man's broken hearted."

"Oh and I'm not?" Assumpta snapped.

"As a matter of fact I don't think you are, No. There's a perfectly good man walking out of your life. Did you even lift a finger to try and stop him?"

"He didn't want stopping."

But Niamh kept lecturing, "That's not the way it looked to me. Have you two talked? Have you told him how you feel?"

"Niamh, I'm pregnant." Niamh looked shocked and Assumpta sighed. She hadn't meant to burst out like that with the news. "He doesn't want the baby. I do. And that isn't something that can ever be fixed no matter how much talking we do."

That night, Peter hoped to pull Assumpta into the kitchen and sort out what exactly was going on. Leo had made accusations to Peter then he walked out on Assumpta and Peter was worried about her. His hand was on the front door when the phone rang. It was his older brother, their mother's failing health was at a point of crisis and she'd been rushed to the hospital. The doctors were sure the end was near and the family was gathering at her bedside. He never made it to Fitzgerald's that night.

A week later, Peter was alone with his mother in her hospital room. She had finally pressed him on why he was looking so troubled. He didn't want to burden her, but she pushed and poked at him until Peter finally opened up, "I know in my heart, for so many reasons, that I'm not right for the priesthood… but I don't want to let you down, or my friends, or my parish. I couldn't stand it if people I cared about believed I failed them. So I just go through the motions day after day."

"Don't you know by now you could never fail me?" After a few minutes of silence she started to reminisce with him, "You were always different from your brothers growing up. Your father loved you so much, yet because you were so different he never understood you. Remember when you were 8 and you had that shouting match over Molly Kemp's birthday party?"

Peter hung his head, how could he forget the first time in a long line of fights and disagreements with his father. It started from such a young age.

"You never yelled, no, you were always the peacemaker among your brothers. Imagine how shocked I was to find my little quiet Peter shouting at his father, `I want to kill you' you were only 8!"

"I remember." Pain and guilt in his voice, knowing that the stress he gave his father eventually did kill him.

"You were a child and children say such things all the time. But do you remember also what you told me when I came to your room later? You said `it was my thoughts that wanted to kill him but not my heart so it doesn't count.' You learned that lesson at 8, Peter, how could you forget it now? What's in your heart matters far more than what's in your mind."

Tears came fast and hot to his eyes. "There's one more thing. I've never said this to anyone and it's hard for me to... In Ireland I met someone. I love her with all my heart but..."

She smiled and cut him of getting right to the point, "And you believe that by loving her you've failed. Who have you failed exactly, me? God? Peter, I'm amazed that you never considered the fact that God may have already finished needing you as a priest and now needs you to serve Him in a new different role. Perhaps this woman was put in your path for a reason that God sees and you've yet to see."

She took a breath and his hand. "And as for me, I say go home to her and make it right." She closed her hands around his, handing him something that brought a smile. Peter could tell she was tired now and needed rest. He kissed her cheek as she drifted off in a peaceful sleep and he stepped into the hall. He went downstairs to the hospital chapel to pray.

Three nights later Michael sat in his office going over records when his phone rang.

"Hello Michael, its Peter."

"How are you? How's you're mother doing?"

"That's why I'm calling. She passed away yesterday morning."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Thanks. I called to say I'd be home next week. And also I knew it would help just to hear a voice from Ballykay. In fact, I tried calling the pub earlier but there was no answer."

"Assumpta was here in the afternoon for a checkup." Then Michael cringed at the slip, he'd forgotten no one knew yet.

Peter's alarm was evident in his voice. "Is she alright?"

"Yes, she's fine." Michael hesitated, "You know I can't say."

"Of course."

"She needs a friend. But I'm sure she'll talk when she's ready." Michael left it vague purposely.

Peter understood. "Could you give her my number here in case she wants to reach me?"

Part 4: The Reckoning Resurrected and Rearranged

Peter approached Fitzgerald's within minutes of returning to Ballykay. He stopped and appreciated the lights shining through the windows and hearing distant laughter from inside. He pushed open the door and met Assumpta's eyes. After going through the loss and the loneliness, seeing her now for the first time was like finding water in the desert. His mother's words repeated his mind, `make it right.'

"But when you've got to tell a serving marine officer that he's just lost a loved one," Padraig was so involved in the telling of his joke and he didn't notice Peter behind him. Peter signaled to the others to keep quiet. "Well, that requires the most exceptional delicacy. Now look, Kowalski's mother has just died and I want you to remember what I've just told you when you tell him so…"

"Padraig," Brendan warned, watching Peter's face for any sign of grief.

"Shut up, Brendan, I know you've heard. And then he says, any man on board this ship who's got a mother, take a step forward."

Peter took a step to Padraig's side. The silence in the bar was painful. Padraig was visibly shaken but pretended to continue with far less enthusiasm, "Not so fast Kowalski." It fell flat.

Peter corrected, "No, no," then imitated Padraig's gruff voice, "Not so fast, Kowalski. Like that, then it might work."

"I'm really sorry, I don't know how to say."

Peter nudged him. "Buy us a beer. Tell you what, everyone in this bar who can tell a good joke, take one step forward- not so fast Padraig." Everyone chuckled and the tension was broken.

After getting the round of drinks, Assumpta began to think. Michael and Niamh knew but she hadn't told any of the others about the baby yet. She'd been very worried about how to tell Peter in particular without giving too much away. Assumpta made a sudden decision to get it done all at once in the crowd.

"Ah, a bit of hush." She got the bar's attention. "I have some good news I'd like to share with everyone. Ah, I'm pregnant." There was bewildered silence. Everyone knew Leo was gone, the unsaid hung in the air.

"Right," Assumpta said wryly, "no need to hurry with the congratulations then."

"That's terrific Assumpta!" Siobhan exclaimed, reaching to hug her friend. And the others quickly followed with their own words of congratulations. Brendan looked into his pint, why did everything in her life have to be so hard? Just once he wished for her an easy path instead of always being handed the difficult one, again. If he could have, he never would've permitted Leo to come anywhere near her.

"Brendan?" Siobhan jabbed him to pull him out of a trance.

"Assumpta, fantastic news." He kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks Brendan." Assumpta knew he was just going through the motions for her sake. Why did he so often lately make her feel ten years old again? And always disappointing him?

Peter shared his own congratulations in the midst of everyone else's. His mind was spinning trying to figure out how this would change things now. It didn't weaken his feelings toward her at all, if anything made them stronger because there was now her baby to love too. He also ached for her knowing Leo left and she was alone. Peter wasn't sure how he'd handle the details yet, but he made up his mind to find a way to take care of her and the baby once he got his own life together.

Assumpta began clearing plates and took them back into the kitchen when the lights flickered. Padraig yelled for her and she came back out grumbling, "Am I deaf as well as blind?"

"I'm only saying." He shrugged.

"OK. I'm dealing with it." She climbed down the ladder into the cellar.

Brendan watched her go then, "Peter, know your way around a fuse box?"

"Some."

"She doesn't," Brendan said with a hint of mischief in his eyes. Peter descended the ladder asking, "Can I help?"

"Probably." Assumpta said over her shoulder while struggling at the fuse box. He stepped over to her and then stopped. He longed to touch her but instead focused his thoughts on the task at hand. "I think it's gonna be more than just a fuse."

"Oh, it's always a fuse- Oh," she said as it went dark.

"What have you done?" he asked.

"I've dropped it. Have you got a light?"

"No, I'm sorry. It could be anywhere, I'll help." They both got to their knees searching the floor with their fingers. Her shoulder touched up against his and she turned her head saying, "You're shivering."

Peter was embarrassed. "I know."

"Why?" she asked.

"Lots of things."

"Oh of course." She realized Padraig's joke was more hurtful then he let on.

"Yeah."

She wanted to reach out to soothe him but she didn't trust herself. "Your Mother."

"My Mother. My life."

"The little things," she said and he laughed a little. Padraig's voice called out from above, "You alright down there?"

Assumpta called back, "Yeah, we're fine Padraig."

Peter whispered to her, "I have some news to tell you as well, we need to talk."

But someone was coming down the ladder behind them so she whispered back, "Another time."

Brendan stepped toward them and asked, "What's the problem?"

"We've dropped the fuse," Peter answered. There was a great deal of shuffling and then Brendan announced he found it.

"Oh well done Brendan," Peter said as the lights went back on. Assumpta looked around at the group that had gathered in her cellar.

"Three of you?" she snarled at them.

"Four," Brian corrected looking at Peter, wondering why he didn't seem to count. She began up the ladder seething, "Do you not have homes to go to?"

"What's wrong with her?" Padraig wondered.

Peter answered, "Well it is a bit crowded down here."

Brendan asked, "Sure doesn't she like to be the boss in the roundhouse?"

"You know Assumpta," Peter replied.

Brian was eyeing the ancient electrical box. "A fuse is the least of her problems."

That Sunday, Mass at St. Joseph's was celebrated by Father Mac. But as they agreed before hand, at the homily Peter rose and took the pulpit wearing regular clothes.

"I'm afraid I have to give you a bit of shocking news today but once you've heard my explanation and thought it over, I hope you'll come to the same conclusion I have. That is, this decision is the best for everyone in the community. I also hope that you'll forgive me and support me as a friend."

He took a deep breath, "When I was home in England, papers were processed there to release me from my vows."

There were murmurs in the crowd. Peter looked down at his notes and then continued once it was quiet again, "I want you all to understand that I still have a very deep faith and I'm not leaving it, I'm only leaving my position within the church and becoming one of you, a member of the congregation. I'm not leaving Ballykissangel either as I have come to call this home and I want to continue to be surrounded by all of you who have become friends and neighbors. Especially now, while I go through this time of meditation and change."

"Many of you may be aware that I lost my mother a few weeks ago. But I want to be clear that this decision of mine was already in the works before she passed on. I won't lie and say that her passing hasn't influence me however. The discussions I had with her in the last days of her life caused me to reflect back on my life and many of the decisions I made in the past in a new light. It certainly has played some role in leaving my vocation. But I didn't make this decision lightly or in a moment of grief when I wasn't thinking logically."

"There have been so many little things that have played a role in my decision that I couldn't and won't list them all here today. But I did not want any of you to believe it was because you have let me down or turned me away. Quite the opposite, so many of you have influenced me so positively, well, I thought I'd give just one example. We have a very young member of our parish who seems to have adopted me as an uncle." Peter's eyes rested briefly on Niamh holding Kieran. "I came to realize that this was very special to me, so special that always only being an uncle isn't enough for me. And obviously a priest can't be having those ideas."

There were some chuckles from the crowd but Father Mac didn't look pleased.

"I'm just trying to say that this is one example out of many that obviously demonstrated I'm not cut out for this job. I wish I were because I have enjoyed being your confidant and sharing your joys and your tears. I will miss many aspects of being your priest. I hope that I am still your friend. All of you have inspired me, enriched me and I am grateful to you all. It is hard for me to leave and feel like I am letting you down. But you deserve someone who is fully dedicated and a new curate at St. Joseph's will do all of us good. You will all always be in my prayers, I hope that I will continue to be in yours."

Peter paused and looked as if he was about to go sit down, then he thought of one last thing, "Oh, ah, and if any of you hear of a job opening somewhere…?" The giggles in the congregation lightened the mood and he smiled at them and went to take his seat.

"Well that was something you don't see every Sunday." Siobhan took her seat at the bar still wearing her Sunday best. Brendan was with her and his eyes cut to Assumpta's.

Assumpta raised a brow and asked, "Father Peter shake the rafters today?"

Siobhan and Brendan looked at each other unsure of how to handle the situation. Brendan decided to be neutral now and take her aside later. "Homily was interesting today is all. Pint please Assumpta."

"Sure, Siobhan?"

"Orange juice," Siobhan requested. "And how are you feeling today? Any morning sickness? Michael said I am lucky not to have much problem there."

"I'm fine." She set the orange juice down. Ambrose and Niamh were next to come in, it wouldn't take much longer for it to get busy now that mass was out.

Niamh turned to the others, "I wonder what happened exactly while Father Peter was home, maybe he met up with an old girlfriend?"

"What are you going on about?" Assumpta looked puzzled.

Everyone turned to look at Assumpta but no one said anything for a beat. Finally Brendan answered, "Assumpta, Peter announced today that he's left the priesthood and we're getting a new curate soon."

"He's left, but," Assumpta sputtered, "well, did he say why?" She couldn't figure out how she felt about the news, shocked certainly, but beyond that she was uncertain.

Niamh picked up again in her gossipy voice, talking so fast that none of it made any sense. "He went on about his mother dying, but that's not really why, just helped him to reflect he said, and about Kieran, and that he's sad to leave but he's just not cut out for the job…Well Ambrose and I have to dash, going to Dad's for Sunday dinner."

Assumpta was trying desperately to cover any emotion that might surface and she was saved by the phone in reception ringing. "Fitzgerald's," she answered.

His heart warmed at her voice. "Hi."

"Peter. What happened? Are you alright?"

"Oh, no, are the stories flying already? I didn't want you to hear it that way."

She tried again, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I wanted to tell you in person, but it's been so busy tying up things that I honestly didn't get a seconds peace until just now. I know you're busy but could you get away for a few minutes, met me at the river?"

"Yeah, sure."

"It's complicated." Peter began explaining it to her while they walked, "I've been dismissed from my vows, it happened rather quickly because I have a friend at the Vatican and he was able to move things along and plead on my behalf that I was a special case."

Assumpta's mind was twirling in all directions but she told herself not to analyze or feel, just listen and be there for him. She kept him talking, "How so?"

"I took my vows two weeks after my father died. He and I were arguing about my choice of vocation when he had a fatal heart attack in the middle of us shouting at each other."

"Oh my God, Peter, I never knew. I'm so sorry."

"Few people knew." He took a deep breath, "Maybe if the timing of things had happened differently I would have figured out earlier that I wasn't right for the priesthood. Then again, if I never took those vows I never would have come to Ballykay." He paused, then, "And I'm glad I did that."

"I am too."

"I only got released formally because it seemed important to my family, but for me… I feel so detached from it now that it feels more like just some bureaucratic requirement. I'd already broken them-"

She hadn't meant to say it but it just popped out, "And I, the wicked temptress..."

"No," he was firm, "it wasn't like that and you know it." Peter looked her in the eye, "If I wanted to honor my vows I would have. And I didn't leave only because I didn't honor them. It was thousands of little things that all added up to the same answer." This seemed to break the tension between them and the friendship started slowly awakening. "I actually feel better than I have in ages… just unemployed."

"I think you can forget Pope for a start."

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't suppose there's anything going on at your place?"

"Ah, well you see I hardly know you at all. I mean you could be an alcoholic for all I know," she quipped.

"So, who's lookin' after the bar now?"

"Um, Brendan, Siobhan, and Padraig."

"Uh, huh..." He smiled as they so easily fell back into the old banter they'd always shared.

"OK, OK so the jobs yours." She smiled back.

"And this-" He pointed to her middle, "You sure you're OK?"

"You can say the word Peter, it won't kill you. I'm fine, I wish everyone would quit acting-" She hesitated, "I'm happy about it. Really."

The started walking again and settled into a comfortable silence between them for a while. Then Peter asked, "Aren't you even a little scared? I mean, you're smart, caring, and I know you could do anything you set your mind to it's just…" He gestured in the
air, searching for the right words, "Doing it alone… well, four hands are better than two I guess, especially once they start running around."

"You became a parenting expert while you were away?"

"Sort of spent a lot of time with my nieces and nephews. Absolute chaos." He smiled like he was off in a distant place. "There weren't enough adults to keep the sanity but it was also fantastic." Then the look vanished. "Well, besides the reason we were all there obviously."

She sidestepped the comment and asked, "Do you miss living there?"

"Nah, this is home. I do sometimes miss seeing everyone, but one of the perks of leaving the church is hopefully more time to visit them."

"I've been pointing out the perks to you for years but you just never listened," she taunted.

His tone very somber, "I always listen to you Assumpta."

"I was just… never mind." She was trying to keep the balance between being a supportive friend and keeping things light to cheer him up. This is what she should have done the first time he came to her with his crisis, not taken advantage of it. She moved the guilt aside, focus on now she told herself.

It felt right that if he were opening up to her, that she should open up to him as well. And just because she wasn't going to tell him that the child was his, more than ever while he was going through all of this. Assumpta felt she still had an obligation to talk to him about the baby as much as she could. Peter was entitled to it even if he didn't know it. "I'm terrified," she admitted.

He was startled. Peter couldn't remember once hearing Assumpta admit weakness. Not even something as little as being cold.

Assumpta continued, "I want to do a good job but I have such a horrible example from my parents of how to raise a child that I'm scared. I always wished I had a family like yours." A brief smile flirted at her lips and disappeared. "Maybe then I'd be better prepared. I wish the baby had a father. I know this isn't going to be easy but I never for a second thought about not having it. Even knowing I'd have to do this alone." She looked up at him, "It's as simple as this, I love this baby already."

"And about Leo?" His voice changed to something darker and icy.

Assumpta didn't want to ruin the rebuilding they'd been doing and she knew this subject could, and probably would, turn things ugly between them very quickly. She wanted the constructive part of their talk and the rebirth of their friendship to keep going, "Maybe some other time, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet." She sighed, "I'm sorry." Those two words meant so many things on so many levels for her.

"For a lot of reasons." Peter stopped but it was far too important to ignore. "I know this is bold of me to ask. And you're probably too stubborn to accept," and she gave a little "ha!" in response that he ignored and kept going, "but I would be grateful if you'd let me be a part of it."

"Four hands are better than two?"

"I'll already be around the pub, why can't I help with more than just washing dishes?"

She knew even if it were Leo's she couldn't refuse Peter. She carefully kept the tone of her voice free of emotion. "You can be as involved as you want."

"Really?" His face lit up.

"Amazed or horrified that I'm not as stubborn as you thought?" He laughed and reluctantly she said, "Look, I've really got to get back."

The next evening Peter entered Fitzgerald's and saw Brendan in his usual spot. "Can I have a word?"

Brendan nodded. "I'll buy you a pint once the landlady finally shows up again." Peter looked around, it was busy and Assumpta was no where to be seen. "She's in back," Brendan explained, tipping his head to a lot of 20-something males around a table nearby. "The Americans over there are complaining about the food and she's having an awful time trying to make them happy. Apparently Thai food in Ireland is a disgrace and they came here for "traditional corned beef and cabbage" whatever that is."

"Brendan, I was hoping I could stay at your place for a few days. Until I figure out where I can rent a room?" Peter asked.

"Stay as long as you like," Brendan winked, "two bachelors living it up together." Assumpta appeared in the doorway of the kitchen trying to balance 4 plates at once.
Padraig asked Peter, "Have you found a job yet?"

"Yeah," Peter said, "and it looks like not a moment too soon." He met Assumpta halfway saying to her, "Here, I'll take them over."

"Thanks." She sighed and went back behind the bar to serve drinks. It dawned on Padraig and Brendan what Peter had implied.

Brendan met Assumpta's eyes, "Converted him to your religion now have you?"

"Sure it's just until he finds something permanent. Hey, I'm not complaining, I've been looking for good help for months."

"I'm not sure about the `good' part but we'll give him a chance," Padraig teased.

Assumpta took pints over to the young Americans. One of them pointed to the Greek letters on his T-shirt and began some cheer that the others joined in. They'd had quite a lot already.

"Honey, you are lookin' fine," one of them said to her. The guy next to him, the one with the T-shirt, whistled at her. Assumpta raised an eyebrow at him but didn't respond.

The one sitting closest to where she stood suddenly reached around and grabbed her butt. He declared, slurring his words considerably, "Nice piece of ass, baby, I could show you such a good time you'll be beggin' for more from the Jeff-meister!" His buddies high-fived and laughed.

And before she could respond to his oh-so-appealing offer, Peter was behind her. He put one arm around Assumpta and pulled her toward him, away from the fast hands. Then while glaring at the boys, Peter's voice boomed, "You are barred!" He pointed to the door, fire in his eyes. "OUT!" he yelled.

"Aw, come on, we were just having some fun. Weren't we, Honey?" one of them complained while two of his buddies dragged him to his feet. "We didn't know she was your girlfriend, dude, sorry." And they all shuffled out.

Peter hadn't let go of her, Padraig and Brendan had also gotten out of their seats in the middle of it and stood on either side of Assumpta.

"Three of you?" she grumbled and only then become conscious of just how snugly pressed up behind her Peter was, Assumpta could feel every inch of the length of his body and his muscles coiled tense ready for the fight. Liquid desire flooded her and pooled low in her belly and she nearly let out a moan.

"Are you alright?" Peter asked, now turning her around to searching her face for some hint of hiding something.

"Fine." It came out strangled and she hurried into the kitchen away from him.

"Tourist season has officially begun," Padraig announced with flair and headed back to his bar stool.

During the Food Fair the next night, Peter couldn't keep his eyes off her and he daydreamed about taking her aside and just coming right out with "I love you." But Peter reminded himself that first they needed to rebuild the foundation, their friendship. Allow her time to get over Leo leaving, and then try to win her heart for
himself. It was his three point plan. The lights went out and Padriag yelled, "I'll go."

"No. Stay, I've got it," Assumpta insisted, but Peter took her arm.

"Let him go," Peter pleaded, "I didn't think the other night until after, but what if you fell down the ladder or slipped in the dark or got a shock? Even a small one maybe wouldn't do anything to you but would hurt the baby."

"Peter, I'm perfectly capable-" she started to say but he cut her off.

"I'm not suggesting that you aren't. It's not about being capable, it's about being sensible." While she was distracted with Peter, Padraig, Brian and Brendan crept around the bar and down into the cellar. The lights came back on.

"Pregnancy isn't a terminal illness," she pointed out to Peter. Then the men climbed back up the ladder and they all froze at her look. "Three of you! Again!"

"Ah, Assumpta," Padraig said, "don't touch that down there again, it's so old the wires are fraying and they're coming loose and exposed. It can't wait to be fixed, it's too dangerous." Peter threw Assumpta an `I told you so' look.

She ignored Peter, instead told Padraig, "I haven't got the money right now, it'll have to wait."

"It can't." Padraig tried to appeal to her mothering instinct, if she had one. "You don't want the child going down there and getting electrocuted now do you?"

"Padriag, I haven't even had it and then it's still more than a year before they walk and then there's the whole climbing down the ladder part. Do you not remember Kevin?" she asked in amazement. "I said it'll just have to wait until I have the money for it."

"It needs doing. We'll figure out a payment plan... how about free pints for life?"

"We're not talking billions here Padraig."

Peter stepped in. "I have the money for it, we sold the house and my brothers and I divided the money."

"No." Assumpta spun back to Peter with her hands on her hips. He knew that stance, so he yanked her into the kitchen before she could say more.

"Just listen," Peter told her, cutting off the protests already forming on her lips. "I want to invest my money and be part of the pub. It's already important to me, so why not have it be financially important as well. Let me be a partner… please," he begged with his puppy dog eyes that always got her.

Her eyes narrowed knowing this was not a fair fight. "Any chance you'd be a SILENT partner?"

"No chance at all." He smiled still giving her `the eyes.'

"Fine." She threw up her hands in defeat, that look worked every time and he knew it. "Just don't expect this to change your toilet cleaning responsibilities."

Part 5: A New Beginning to an Old Friendship

Peter was reading one of the stack of books he'd purchased on pregnancy, birth, and babies, today's choice happened to be something called "The Nine Month Voyage." He explained to Assumpta that he was going to be fully educated and ready for any situation.

"You going to deliver it then?" she teased. But he was determined and no amount of her famous wit and repartee was stopping him from reading book after book. Here he was AGAIN standing behind the bar with his head in a thick book, oblivious to the conversation going on around him. There were only a few customers that night and she was waiting on them but kept watching his face. She loved to see his expression change as he read, usually he looked shocked, sometimes she'd caught him looking a bit green as if he was about to lose his supper, and once in a while, like now, he had a look of utter confusion on his face. She couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" He looked up at her. She moved away from her customers and came to stand by him peeking at the page he was on.

"Peter! Looking at naked pictures again!" She pretended to sound mortified. "And you an ex-priest, disgraceful!"

"What? No! I was just looking at-" He finally caught on that she was mocking again as she smirked at him. "Right."

"The look on your face, priceless."

"Did you know about this, Assumpta?" It was a page on breast feeding and the illustration showed a cross-section detailing the changes that happen so a mother can feed her baby.

"Breast feeding?" she said dryly, "Yeah, I'd say I'm aware."

"No, I mean about this stuff, the changes. Did you know near the end of pregnancy they get considerably bigger and you're supposed to rough them up a bit, like with a sponge or something but it's so that they're ready to give milk." She knew he was only trying to impress her with his knowledge, he wasn't really thinking about her body and what part of it they were actually talking about here. He was so adorable sometimes, naive, but so adorable that she couldn't help but tease more, "Volunteering for the `roughing up part' are you?"

He turned bright red, even his ears, and she laughed hard. Peter wasn't sure if he was more embarrassed about all of this or the fact that memories of the one night he actually did touch her breasts came out of no where and he was having a difficult time putting the images- and the feeling they were waking in him- away. He was glad he made her laugh but he swore to himself to be more careful in the future.

The regulars at the other end of the bar heard Assumpta's laugh. Brendan couldn't help but feel his heart lighten, he hadn't heard her laugh like that since she was in a schoolyard. Chuckle maybe, but it had been years since he'd heard a full laugh from her. And wouldn't you know it's Peter that brought it out of her. Siobhan was watching Peter and Assumpta as well and noted, "Have you noticed how Assumpta's temper seems to have disappeared these days?"

"Pregnancy hormones make normal women crazy and crazy women normal." Brendan declared and took a sip. Siobhan and Padraig contemplated his comment for a moment, then Siobhan asked, "And which category would you say I fit into Brendan?"

The following week Peter and Assumpta took a walk along the river before the pub opened. He walked slowly so that he wouldn't wear her out. He'd noticed she always seemed tired and the books told him that was normal so he wasn't too worried. But he still stopped and took a deep breath, "Beautiful day."

"Yeah." She stood next to him and looked out at the river. Quiet moments like these were rare between them in a busy pub but when she got them, she cherished it. Assumpta's mind sometimes wandered to a daydream of him taking her in his arms but she shoved it aside and focused on how nice it was just to have this. Only a short time ago he wasn't even in her life at all.

"Assumpta, I've been thinking," he began. It was like being drenched in cold water, she felt like she was back in the kitchen the day he told her "that is it" and walked out.

He continued, "I think I'd like to go back to school just part-time somewhere nearby. Maybe Niamh came come by those days. I could take time off right after the baby's born but once we've got a routine down then maybe I'll go back for a few more courses. What do you think?"

She felt herself start to breathe again and relief washed the cold feeling away then she finally found her voice, "Well, I think it's a good idea but you don't need my approval. What do you want to take courses in?"

"Counseling. I was thinking maybe being involved in youth groups, or schools, or support groups at the hospital, I don't know for sure. Probably only occasionally or even just something volunteer, somewhere down the road of course it'll take me years to finish the degree first but I want to work toward it anyway." He took her hand and squeezed. "But only if you're sure you're OK with it, Assumpta, helping you at the pub and with he baby comes first. You know that right?"

It was the most amazing little speech, here he'd made plans including her and the baby like they were a family, the three of them. Assumpta was overwhelmed and closed her eyes to hide the emotions from him before they got to out of hand. "Peter, it's a wonderful idea and we'll find a way to make it all work. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, Assumpta." He continued to hold her hand as they walked further on.

Weeks later, he sat in the kitchen eating a sandwich during the lull in customers. She was out washing the windows but only after she promised to let him climb up to get the higher ones later. He was thinking how after all that turmoil he was finally beginning to feel settled and going in the right direction. His thoughts turned to Assumpta and he smiled, she was certainly a big part of his turn around.

He sometimes wished she'd never married Leo so they could have mended things sooner. Thinking of Leo at all, but especially of him getting her pregnant, was something he'd been trying to avoid because any hint of it got him instantly furious. Part of it, of course, was that anyone who hurt Assumpta made Peter furious. But it was also the constant reminder that Leo had her, just as Peter did for one night and that knowledge tarnished the memories for him and burned inside. He hated Leo for touching her and he wished he was the only one to have ever loved Assumpta. But then there would be no baby on the way, and Peter was so happy about that so he was trying very hard to forget the rest.

The only way things could be any better was if she'd gotten pregnant after being with him, instead of a month later with Leo. But then Peter began thinking about that time, the confusion like a fog he was always carrying around his head. He decided he couldn't really be sure what he would have said or done at that time. He had been so lost.

His mother had reminded him that God had a plan. Perhaps God knew confusion, loss, and conflict were necessary so he could come to this new turning point in is life, to love what Leo had so stupidly tossed aside. Maybe without all that he'd never have ended up here? God's plan… in time, even the worst in life makes sense and serves a purpose. He looked at his watch, if he was quick he could make mass at 6.

"Assumpta, I'll be back in an hour," Peter shouted as he dashed out the door of the pub and down the street.

She said nothing, only raised an eyebrow. Then she went into the kitchen and saw the half-eaten sandwich on the plate. What could possibly be so urgent, she thought, I'll never understand that man.

A month later Padraig told Assumpta about the Beast of Ballykay sightings last night while Peter dried glasses behind the bar. She was showing now and was forced to wear the maternity clothes Niamh let her borrow. The largest of the clothes made Assumpta a little nervous and she'd refused to try those on in front of her friend and then shoved them to the back of her wardrobe once Niamh left.

It was early evening and the day's news was being shared around the pub as usual. Brian offered his, "Kathleen and Father Mac had a discussion about Peter in her shop, overheard by Liam this morning. Seems Kathleen's insisting Father Mac send Peter away so he'll stop `disgracing' the village."

Peter frowned, "Brian, Father Mac has no authority over me any longer."

"I know that but some people don't choose to believe it. Once a priest, always a priest."

"And just how is Peter disgracing the town?" Assumpta's hard tone had everyone turning to look at her. Some of it was the same old fear that Peter might actually leave, it was after all Father Mac who ordered it last time.

Brian answered her, "Carryin' on with the Publican."

"WHAT!" Assumpta yelled and stormed around the bar toward the door.

"No, Assumpta, wait," Peter pleaded and got to her just in time to stop her from leaving. "Don't. You'll only fuel it." He put his hands on each of her shoulders. "I don't care what Kathleen says or thinks."

"But you're not `Carrying on with the Publican' and she has no right to even-"

"I know that and you know that and everyone here does as well. But people like Kathleen are going to tell stories no matter what I do or don't do. I don't care, Assumpta."

"But I do. Anyone who speaks ill of you, I've got something to say to them and I swear I'll make them sorry."

"I'm sure you would and I appreciate the gesture, Batgirl." He smiled at her, "But all I care about right now is that you getting this upset will raise your blood pressure and that could harm the baby."

"My God Peter, will you please stop reading all those books? You're throwing more facts and rules at me than Doc Ryan and it's driving me mad."

"One of us has to know what we're doing." He joked but she threw him a look of ice. "Alright," he said, "I'll make a deal, I won't read anymore pregnancy books if you just forget about Kathleen."

"Fine," she huffed, turned on her heel and went back to the kitchen. Peter shook his head as she left and returned to his place behind the bar.

"I've never seen anyone but you successfully talk her down from a brawl," Brian observed. "Those who have attempted it usually don't lived to tell the tale." And with that, tossed down his whiskey. Padraig and Siobhan chuckled.

"Watch it Brian, she hears you and you'll join the casualties," Peter warned.

"You seem to be getting on fine here, Peter," Siobhan pointed out. "There was a time when I would have thought you working here could result in a murder- suicide after three days."

"Three minutes," Padraig added.

Peter smiled, "Yeah. There was a time. But she's really happy about the baby coming and nothing seems to overshadow that," he glanced in the direction of the shop across the street, "well hardly anything anyway. And even when I bait her into it she usually lets it go."

"And you too," Brendan noted. "You're much happier as well. A while back you looked so done in it was like "Night of the Living Dead" and your temper was a sharp as hers. Getting out from under Father Mac would you say?"

"I'm sure that that's part of it." Peter laughed and handed Brian another whiskey. "How could I not be happy? I'm enjoying being around the pub with friends all the time now, the classes I'm taking have given me a new direction, even though I miss her at least I'm not worrying about my fail mother all alone, and I've made my peace with God."

"And Assumpta." Brendan looked at his friend with a sparkle in his eye.

"And Assumpta," Peter agreed.

After the others had begun their side conversations, Brendan added under his breath so only Peter could hear, "I always knew you were good for her but I never realized the reverse was true as well."

Weeks later Ballykissangel was in the middle of the worst storm in decades and everyone was home except Peter who walked from Brendan's to the pub and then got a worse lashing from the landlady for being so stupid. But Peter was glad he'd done it, especially now that the electrical had gone out all over Ballykay and he and Assumpta sat together near the fireplace in the dark empty pub. He was studying for one of his courses and she was flipping through a book of baby names Niamh had given her. His gaze wandered from his notes to her and he watched firelight flicker on her face. So beautiful, he thought.

Peter said suddenly, "How about Sarah?"

"What?" She looked up at him. "You're supposed to be studying."

"OK, then Eve? Mary?"

"Peter!" She glared. "Just how many bible names did you guess you'd get through suggesting before you thought I'd notice?"

He grinned, she was so smart and he knew the baby would be just the same.

Assumpta kept going, "If I didn't know any better I'd swear sometimes you aim to get me mad at you."

Peter shrugged and said, "You're so beautiful when you're mad." He froze, maybe she hadn't noticed.

Her eyes cut to his but instead of commenting she changed the subject, "And anyway I think it's a boy."

"You do? I mean, did Michael say that?"

"No. I have an ultrasound next week and he told me to decide ahead of time if I want to be told the gender or not. What do you think?"

"Can I go with?"

"Sure." She flipped a page in the book. "How about Methuselah?" she asked with heavy sarcasm.

"And I would vote to wait and find out after the baby's born, that's how God intended it anyway."

Assumpta was quiet for a long time while she stared into the flames wrestling with something on her mind. He returned to his notes to let her think. Finally she broke the silence, "Would you take him to Church?"

He looked up at her but didn't respond. She could see the fear in Peter's eyes and Assumpta sensed that he thought this was the start of a row between them. It wouldn't be, she'd already been won over to his side but Peter just didn't know it yet.

"I didn't mean it as a question, Peter, I was asking you to do it. I won't go but I would like you to take the baby to church with you. Please." She had shocked him into silence and was a little afraid she'd given him a heart attack.

"Of course, any favor you ask of me." He was still not quite right, Assumpta could tell by his voice being a little too high.

"Did I shock you?"

"A little," he admitted. "Can I ask why? Ah, without starting World War Three?"

"I will of course tell my side of the story too. I only want children to be offered different viewpoints and allowed to make up their own mind. Not have one and only one thing shoved down their throat…ah, sorry, didn't mean…" She took a deep breath and changed direction. "Most of all, because it's important to you. You'll want to share your faith and I have no right to stand in the way of- Oh."Assumpta startled and put her hand to her abdomen.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" Peter was panicked and he stood up in a flash and was at her side. "Tell me what's wrong."

Her face suddenly beamed with joy. She placed his hand under her jumper to the right of her bellybutton. "Oh, there, did you feel that?" It was a little more than a flutter and some pressure.

"Is that…?" He met her eyes, his rimmed with tears but a grin on his face.

"That's the first time I felt him move," she whispered still locked with his eyes.

"Assumpta!" He leaned in and kissed her cheek, wrapped his arms around her burying his head in her shoulder, "it's wonderful!"

"Ugh. Peter, you're a bit heavy."

"Oh, sorry." Peter wasn't thinking about the past or repercussions, he just was responding to all the happiness he felt at sharing this with her. He pulled her up, sat in her chair and pulled her back into his lap. With one hand he set her head against his chest, running his fingers in her hair, and the other hand settled on the same spot again. "Tell me when it happens again. I want to feel it again."

She listened to his heartbeat and sighed with joy. He was like a kid on Christmas morning tearing paper off a new toy. And after all this time back in his arms, well, she wasn't sure which of tonight's two big events inspired more love. They were quiet for a long time, both left to their thoughts. He rubbed her belly a little and kissed her on the top of her head but made no move to go further or to get up. Holding each other seemed to be acceptable to both and neither said a word about it.

Hours later, Peter awoke with a start. Assumpta was still in his arms, sound asleep he guessed by her deep even breathing and he couldn't help a smile. The fire had faded and the storm outside howled louder than ever.

Then he realized what woke him, his hand was still across her middle and the baby was really moving around. "Sh, now little one," he whispered, "Mummy needs her sleep. Don't wake her." He caressed the spot where he felt the movements most for a time. Then he gently put his arms under her and lifted her as he stood. Assumpta was whisper light, and then he smirked, but getting bigger and heavier everyday. Peter carried her upstairs and into her dark bedroom. He set her carefully on the bed and pulled several blankets over her. His hand went to her cheek and he wished desperately he could climb in beside her and cuddle her the rest of the night. Assumpta stirred in her sleep but didn't wake. He whispered, "Goodnight, my two angels," and crept from the room.

The next morning the sun shone bright and the mess from the storm was everywhere. Assumpta was listening to radio reports that the downed electrical lines could be fixed before the day was over. She lit the fire in the fireplace and was making tea when Peter came downstairs.

"You stayed here," awareness dawned on her. "Kathleen'll have enough gossip for months."

"She'll never know," he shrugged and dismissed her concern. She was moving about the kitchen taking out what she needed to make breakfast. Peter noticed her shiver.

"Cold?" He asked. Assumpta's mind went directly to the night in the wood when Peter took her hand to warm it.

"Yes." She waited for his touch, stealing it in bits and pieces was a habit now. She craved it night and day and it hurt to get such small doses.

"I'll go up and get you a jumper." Peter dashed up the stairs to her room. Surprised she hadn't even argued and insisted on doing it herself… but then again, he thought, since the growing weight in the front of her made her a bit unbalanced especially going up and down stairs, he suspected she was a little scared of her own abilities.

In her room he took the jumper lying across the bed and started to turn. Then something caught his eye, papers lying on her bedside table that looked official. They were open for him to easily read and he scanned the document, his fury building. Peter knew she and Leo had divorced but she also apparently granted Leo's request for an annulment.

Peter was back down the stairs in a second. "An annulment?" his eyes flashing with anger. "He asked for an annulment and you just went along without a fight? You have proof right there," he pointed to her stomach, his voice growing louder and more disgusted with each word, "I mean really? Saying the marriage was never consummated? Did he really think he'd actually get away with that? That bastard-"

"Peter." Assumpta sounded like she was warning him but it was really panic.

"I hate him Assumpta, I know I'm not supposed to because it's a sin but this crosses a line. To hurt you like this and now to make sure that your baby is born without a father's name. I hate him. It is the sickest thing I've ever heard someone do. And why? He wants some fancy career or something and you and the baby will what hold him back? That's stupid." Peter was pacing the room, loathing in his voice. "And what does he do? He doesn't even realize what he had and just tosses it aside like trash. I hate him for touching you and I hate that he never deserved you. I hate that even for a brief time you belonged to him. And I really really hate that the baby belongs to him. If only it were mine, Assumpta, what I wouldn't give…" Peter trailed off when he looked at her. She stood with her back to the cooker so much like all those months ago fighting tears when he told her he was leaving on retreat. Now her tears were even heavier and the sight evaporated his anger in an instant.

Peter crossed to her. "Don't cry," he pleaded as he took Assumpta in his arms. "I'm sorry. It's OK now please don't cry. I'm so sorry."

She whispered, "I'm the one who's sorry. I was trying to protect you. You were a priest and you choose the Church and I didn't know you'd want this, I wasn't going to force you to-" She was shaking now, her voice scarcely auditable, "I wasn't Leo. It's you, you're the father."

Peter dropped his arms and took two staggering steps back. He searched her eyes, his wide with disbelief. He stood there shocked and dazed trying to process her words but it just wouldn't happen. It seemed like a dream.

She felt panic, fear and pain well up inside. "Oh, God, don't leave me, Peter, please not again. I know you're angry but I just can't take it twice. If not for me, think what it'll do to the baby if I'm broken hearted again." Her voice so thick with tears now she could hardly speak. "Please don't leave and I'll promise I'll just be you're friend I won't ask for more. I'm so sorry. I know I made mistakes, maybe I should have told you anyway but I only did it to protect you because I-" She couldn't finish as he embraced to her with such force he nearly knocked her over.

He lifted Assumpta off her feet and spun her around. "Am I dreaming Assumpta? Please tell me it's real and I'm not dreaming." He giggled like a boy and spun her all around the kitchen then shrieked, "I'm gonna be a Daddy!" He kissed her on her cheek. Then his eyes turned soft and he kissed her on the lips pouring all his love and
desire and joy into it.

For a split second Assumpta was stunned, she was begging him not to leave and suddenly this? But then she melted and all the months of longing and missing him flowed out of her. He backed her up against the counter and pressed his body to hers while they kissed. Than Peter finally felt he had to cool things before they got too out of hand, he kissed her forehead. She sighed, coming down from her high. "So I take it you're not leaving then?" she asked.

"Not ever." He hugged even tighter. "How could you even think that?"

"Because you did before," she said with hurt.

"Oh, no, no, no." He pulled back a little so he could look in her eyes. "I was lost then and I don't know what I was doing or thinking it was like… It was nothing I'd ever experienced before but I think I had to go through that to figure out what's important in my life. It was a mistake then and I won't make it again, I'll never let you go. I love you." He leaned in and spoke against her lips, "I want you in my life, I'll do whatever it takes, whatever you want."

"Well, you'll never get to heaven if you break my heart." She smiled at the memory. Assumpta was about to say more but the phone rang. She moved to get it, but Peter beat her to it. "Fitzgerald's."

"So you're alive then I take it." It was Brendan.

"Oh, Brendan, I'm sorry I didn't think to call. I'm fine, I ended up taking one of the guest rooms here."

"Yeah sure, `guestroom.' You don't have to explain it to me, all alone with a beautiful woman on a dark, cold, stormy night…" Brendan explained suggestively. "I get it."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Brendan," he admonished.

"Oh and not to worry, after all it's not like you could've gotten her pregnant last night," Brendan added dryly. "Peter, you're a free and single man now and you've a right to sleep anywhere and owe no explanation. I was just making sure you weren't lost out in the storm somewhere. And her ladyship?"

"We're both fine. But thanks, Brendan, for checking. I'll give you a ring if I head out later."

"Don't hurry," Brendan teased, "I won't keep you warm the same way she will."

While Peter had been on the phone, Assumpta began making breakfast. In a short time they were sitting at the table eating together and Assumpta had gone for second helpings. She contemplated something and then said, "You hate him that much? You know, I never would have taken you for the jealous type. Didn't they teach you in seminary "thou shall not yearn for thy neighbor's BMW" or whatever that commandment was exactly?"

He gave her a wounded look as a response. She continued, "You shouldn't be so hard on Leo, he knew it was yours and he was only trying to help me. It's not his fault, it's mine."

"He knew you were pregnant before you two were married?"

"God, I'm not that manipulative. He suggested it actually and I guess it sounded good to me initially because I was so scared to do this alone. But then he finally realized I was still in love with you and that it would never change. He couldn't live with that. And I couldn't live the lie anymore."

"You were in love with me then?" Peter was astonished.

"Yeah! What do you think? I seduce any man who comes to the pub late at night and take him up to my room?" Her eyes narrowed slightly. "What kind of a woman do you take me for?"

Peter turned slightly pink and then after a moment asked, "But if you loved me, and you knew I loved you then why-"

"How would I know that?"

"Assumpta, dogs on the street knew."

She sighed, "I thought you were going through such a crisis that you had no idea what you were doing and you just wanted someone to listen and comfort you. I felt guilty for taking advantage of you in that state."

"You didn't. I told you before that you didn't tempt me to do something I didn't want. You shouldn't feel guilty."

"Said the Priest to the Publican."

He rolled his eyes and pushed his plate back, some eggs left on it.

"Are you going to eat that?" She pointed.

"No, you go ahead." He laughed as she dug into his leftovers with enthusiasm.

"You better not laugh at me, it's you're doing that I'm in this state."

"Yeah, I still can't believe…" He said softly and shook his head.

She spoke around a mouth full of eggs, "So much better now without the morning sickness. When I was in London I was sick day and night I practically lived over the toilet it was awful." She paused and met his eyes. "I used the morning sickness as an excuse, Peter, it's a big part of why Leo's claim is true… on the annulment."

"You mean he never…?" Peter wasn't sure if he should ask.

She smirked and shook her head no. "Feel better now?" He smiled back at her and Assumpta added, "Funny how it turns out you owned the BMW all along."

Part 6: The Waiting Game

A week later Niamh was watching the bar while Peter and Assumpta went to see Dr. Ryan for a checkup and an ultrasound.

"So what did you decide, Assumpta?" Michael asked as he applied the gel to her skin where the wand would scan her.

"Not to know ahead of time," she answered. If Michael was surprised to have Peter here with her on this visit, he didn't indicate and acted as if all was normal. She lay back on the examining table and Peter stood at her side holding her hand. Michael put the wand in place and turned on a computer screen. Peter could hear a steady rhythm and when Michael explained that was the healthy heartbeat of the baby he was hearing, Peter grinned from ear to ear.

Then the screen came alive with a white image on black, it was grainy and hard to figure out but Michael began to point out what they were seeing. "Here's the head, one arm is here and the legs. You can almost see the toes." Peter stood in awe, his mouth hung open, frozen. Assumpta was so good at keeping her softer emotions in check but now couldn't help a tear or two. It was beautiful, their baby. After a few minutes of capturing a couple of images, Michael turned off and said, "Well, everything looks
good, Assumpta, you have a healthy baby from what I can tell." He printed out a few of the pictures for them and sat down looking over her chart.

"Michael? Can I ask something."

"Of course." He looked up.

"On the birth certificate, how does it work with the father's name?" Assumpta kept her voice neutral. Peter's head swung to look at her, they hadn't discussed this and he wasn't sure where she was going with it.

"Well." Michael looked back and forth between them trying to gauge the situation. "If a woman is married her husband is automatically listed." He paused, hoping she'd clue him in as to what she was thinking.

"I'm not married. It was annulled," she explained. "So what then?"

Peter looked down at his lap, he was conflicted. He wanted to shout to the world this was his baby that he was the proud Daddy, but to do that meant admitting to everyone what happened- while he was still a priest- and he didn't want Assumpta to have to deal with all of Ballykay knowing their private life. Michael looked at Peter and noticed he was uncomfortable with the conversation.

"It is partly the mother's choice, it could be left blank if she refuses to name someone. If there's some confusion, the family doctor can run a test for parentage." He sighed. "Look, whatever you want to do Assumpta, I'll back it."

"Would you say anything to anyone?" She pinned him with her eyes.

He was taken back. "Of course not, that's not only doctor-patient confidence it's also that I consider you a friend and I simply wouldn't do that to you."

Peter broke in, "Thanks, Michael. Especially for printing these off." Peter held up the ultrasound pictures. Assumpta got the message and added, "Yes, I should get back to the pub." Peter and Assumpta left the office.

On the way back Peter stopped and faced her. "We need to talk."

"Yeah." She looked down at her feet and then back up. "What do you want, Peter? I'll do whatever you want."

"I want to be a Dad." He was silent for a second. "But I don't want you hurt. If you say it's mine people will realize what had to have happened while I was still a priest and worse yet, they may think it happened while you were married. It'll be hard on you."

"You too."

"I don't care," Peter said. "I just want to protect you and the baby. I don't want it growing up with stories…"

"But you're the father, Peter, and you will be amazing."

"Maybe we should leave it blank and just let people think it's Leo's," he suggested but she could tell his heart wasn't behind it.

"Michael will never tell if it's your name down on the certificate."

Peter sighed, "But people could find out."

"We'll tell everyone you're going to adopt the baby as yours, so it'll grow up with a father and call you Daddy because we've decided it's best for the baby." She was firm, "But your name will be on that birth certificate," and watched him wrestle with the idea.

"OK," he said, "OK, it seems about the best we can do. What matters most is that you know I love you and our baby." He held up the ultrasound pictures, pointing to the baby's face. "And that he's going to be a hot lookin' ladies man like his Dad!" She rolled her eyes.

Two weeks later Peter entered the bar in the middle of the mid-day lunch crowd. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," he pleaded and dumped his books on the bar taking a few orders immediately.

"It's OK," she said over the buzz of conversation, "how was class?"

"Good. I had a study session after for exams next week and I didn't realize," Peter apologized while she set sandwiches in front of Ambrose and two tourists at the other end of the bar. Peter handed change to another customer.

"Oh, did you hear Siobhan went into labor early? Had her baby this morning, a little girl." Assumpta told Peter.

Ambrose added, "Did you hear WHERE she had it." Peter looked puzzled. "Brian's whirlpool." Ambrose explained, "Wanted an underwater birth and couldn't make it home in time. Niamh rang me, she was there." Both Peter and Assumpta laughed.

"Promise me you're not doing that," Peter asked Assumpta.

She shot back, "I wouldn't be caught dead in Brian's whirlpool no matter what I was doing. You couldn't pay me enough to stay away from it."

"And no crazy underwater births or anything like it. You're going to a hospital where they can help you if something goes wrong." He was in his lecture mode but she wasn't listening.

OH!" She clutched her belly. Peter looked at her with concern, "You OK?"

"Yeah," she answered, trying to catch her breath, "baby's kicking. He'll be a football player like you Peter, mark my words. My liver is currently serving as the ball. OH!"

He took her arm and guided her into the kitchen and sat her down saying, "Just sit here, I'll make you a cup of tea."

"No, Peter, there's a pub full of people."

"Sit," he ordered. "Relax. I'll take care of everything."

An hour later the pub was slowing down. He came into the kitchen saying, "Padraig, let me know if there's a customer." And Peter sat with her watching her rub her tummy.

"That bad?" he asked concerned. "Want me to call Michael?"

"No, I'm OK. It's just usually like this only at night." Assumpta explained.

Peter's doubts were growing. "Doesn't it keep you up?" He put his hand to where she was rubbing and could feel the kicks, hard and constant.

"Yes, but it is normal. You're supposed to be the one who's the expert and read all the books."

Peter leaned closer to her middle and spoke right to the kicks, "Very funny, now stop it before you hurt Mummy." He looked up and said to Assumpta, "I'm going to move in here into one of the guestrooms-"

"Oh, no you're not." She shook her head, "You'll fuel the gossip."

"Assumpta, will you think please? What if you had trouble in the middle of the night, what if you or the baby had a problem and needed the doctor. Or even if it's normal, like the kicking, it just would help if I was there to make you more comfortable or something, anything I can do." He was pleading with worry and fears in his eyes, the puppy dog eyes.

How did this man always get what he wanted from her? "Fine," she said coolly, "But you'd better move in under the cover of night and not breath a word to anyone."

"Oh, how romantic," he teased.

Assumpta sat near the fireplace. Her feet, which were propped up on the other chair, ached and throbbed. Her back was in knots, chiefly the lower part since it took so much out of it just to keep her weight balanced. In the last 40 minutes she had consumed a sandwich, two bowls of soup, 6 biscuits and a whole box of chocolates. Ironically, she was still hungry and at the same time feeling dreadfully fat. And she was ugly. Peter kissed her and hugged her but obviously wasn't exactly keen on her body since he never wanted to take things any further. She felt fat, unsexy, pathetic, tired, frustrated, hideous and oh yeah, hungry. Grrrrrr. She lay her head back against the chair, closed her eyes, and tried not to think. The door of the pub opened and shut, it had been empty most of the day and she had been glad. Now, there was no way she was moving. "We're closed, go away!" she ordered.

"Oh that's very nice," Peter said. "Your pleasant welcome will keep them coming back for years." He set down his books and crossed to her. Her eyes opened at his voice and she gave him a rueful look.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, just tired… How was the exam?"

"Good I think. I'll hear for sure next week." He took her hand and kissed her on the cheek. She turned to kiss him on the lips but he pulled away. Assumpta couldn't help it, with the hormones going crazy her emotions seemed to be out of her control lately and tears came. She tried to wipe them away and hide them from Peter but it didn't work.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." She tried changing the subject, "I was thinking I'll pick the boy's name and you pick the girl's and we'll keep it a secret from each other until the birth, what do you think?"

"Talk to me," he begged.

She sighed, "I know I'm fat and ugly but I just-"

"No," he said and embraced her. "No, you're not, you're beautiful."

"Right. If I was than you wouldn't keep so distant from me. I'm hideous, I know it." She drew back to look into his eyes, there was something else here she was missing.

"What? How could you believe I think that?!?" His brow was wrinkled with concern and confusion.

"You don't want to be in my bed! I gave you an open invitation last night and you just…" then asked directly, "Am I so ugly that you have no desire for me?"

He blushed and looked away. "I...of course I want..." He struggled, not looking at her still, "I want to be with you but I want to wait."

"Until the baby is born?"

"No." He stood and went up the stairs saying, "Wait here."

"As if I planned to go anywhere?" she said dully to the empty pub. He came back down with nothing in his hands and she raised an eyebrow at him. He got down on his knees next to her and took her hand.

"I wanted to do this at a nice restaurant or something but I can't explain unless I do this now, so I'll have to improvise."

"What are you going on about?"

He look a big, deep breath, "Assumpta Fitzgerald, will you marry me?" It felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She reeled, what did he just say?

"Assumpta, say something."

Still stunned she said, "Will we have to do it in a church?"

"Yes. A lot of people worked very hard on releasing me from my vows so I could marry you in the Church. I want our friends and family around us and you in a white dress and flowers and rings and everything… including the wedding night." Because of his nerves he was rambling on without taking a breath, "I want to wait until then. And I promise no mass. I was thinking we could do a short and simple ceremony, but I want to say those vows to you in front of everyone. I want that, but I'll give on the rest."

Under her breath Assumpta said, "Humm, I was prepared to compromise more, Peter, you're just making this too easy on me." Her eyes twinkled. "None of the Catholic trappings, just a simple ceremony?"

"I promise." Peter was still nervous. "I have a friend who'll do the ceremony-"

"Of course you do." Her tone was dry.

"-I've known him since seminary and he'll be glad to do this however we want it… wait, did you say yes?"

She fought giggles looking at his confused and nervous eyes, the poor man was still on his knees. "Of course I'm saying yes!"

"I thought it was going to be harder to convince you."

Now she laughed, "Convincing me to wait until our wedding night- that will be hard. The rest-" Assumpta met his eyes to make sure this point did not get lost. "Yes, I want to marry you. I'm glad to walk down an aisle and say `I do' in front of friends and family. I want to be your wife," she put his hand on her belly, "I want us to be a family, and I want to do what I can to make you happy. A simple ceremony with flowers and rings and all that… it sounds wonderful."

His eyes rimmed with tears. "I love you."

"And there is the side benefit, if I do this for you," Assumpta gave him a mischievous look, "I'll forever use it to make you do all manner of favors in return..." Her kiss quickly escalated and he withdrew.

"Ah, Assumpta, I'm trying to keep a little distance because in theory I'd like to wait until our wedding night but in practice, well, keeping my hands off you is testing me. You're so beautiful, now more than ever."

Assumpta looked as if she was ready to call herself fat again so Peter cut her short by putting a finger to her lips. He spoke softly, "Don't you know how much I want to show you how grateful I am to have you and the baby in my life, show you how much I love you, show you everything I feel?" He moved his finger tracing her lips with it, "I think about you every minute of every day, I can't sleep because you keep me up at night, am I getting through to you?" He caressed along her cheekbone, never breaking eye contact. "But I want to do this right. We got off to an unusual start but now I want to do the right thing, the right way, with the ceremony and the wedding night and everything that you deserve… I have something for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a diamond ring and slipped it on her finger.

"Oh, Peter," she held up her hand, "you didn't have to do this."

"Respectable, decent, proper thing to do in this situation."

"Can I kiss you again? I promise to be good," she leaned in and spoke against his lips, "maybe."

Later that night Assumpta was resting upstairs when the regulars came in. Now he served and listened to the news. He asked Brendan about Siobhan and the baby and he talked with Brian about his restaurant. Assumpta came downstairs looking a little sleepy-eyed but refreshed. She stepped behind the bar next to Peter and yawned.

"Oh, I remember that." Niamh said. "Feeling like I could sleep 14 hours and it still wouldn't be enough. Now I'm lucky to get 6 and then I'm grateful."

Peter turned to Assumpta, "Can I get you something to eat?"

"Always," she grumbled, and rubbed her eyes, still trying to wake herself.

It was then Niamh caught sight of the ring on her finger, "Oh, Assumpta, when did you get that?!" She dashed around the bar and threw her arms around her friend. Assumpta caught Peter's eye and he cleared his throat. Niamh let go and everyone looked to Peter.

"I asked Assumpta to marry me and she said yes." Cheers went up. "Also, I'm going to adopt the baby." He met her eyes again seeking reassurance that this was what they decided. "I'm going to be a Daddy!" He declared with joy.

Niamh hugged Assumpta again saying, "You didn't tell me it was this serious between you two." Assumpta shrugged with a smile. Brian bought everyone a round and this time Brendan was first in line to kiss Assumpta on the cheek. Michael, Ambrose, Padraig, Liam, Donal and the others in the pub all offered best wishes to them both as well.

Niamh exclaimed, "It's such a big diamond!"

"I know," Assumpta joked, "It weighs me down on one side and I'm walking sideways."

Peter said to her, "Well, if you don't like it I can always change it."

"No, it's perfect." She only gave him a brief peck on the lips but the bar whooped and whistled anyway. "Do you not have homes to go to?" she shot at them.

Brian noted, "After the vow of poverty, and of course we know she doesn't pay much, how did you get the money for that?"

"Brian, leave him alone," Assumpta scolded. She had been thinking the same earlier but wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he'd done to come up with the money, so she hadn't asked.

Peter didn't hesitate, "Fair question, easy answer. It was the ring my father gave my mother and she gave it to me just before she died. She told me to stop being so thick and come back here and go after what was in my heart." Assumpta's mouth hung open, she couldn't believe he'd been planning it for that long.

"Look, a miracle, she's been struck speechless!" Padraig quipped.

A little while later Brendan took Peter aside when the excitement died down a bit. "I just want to say because I feel I have to, I swear if you hurt her-"

"Brendan, you know I won't. I'd rather hurt myself first."

"Yeah, I know it. I just had to say." Brendan paused, seemed to weigh if he should say more, then, "Even before her father died I tried to be there for her but she was always struggling to keep up appearances, always independent and capable. But she wasn't always hard." Brendan sighed, "That came after she lost them both. You've brought back that softness to her and I say this with all confidence, you're the best thing that's ever happened to her."

Peter's eyes shone. "Thanks. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me too. Well, her and the baby."

"And take it from me, you've nothing to worry about there. Raising another man's child isn't as difficult as people think it is, somehow, you just forget she's not your own and you love her just the same as if." Brendan winked at Peter.

After a pause Peter asked, "Would you do me a favor?"

"Anything," Brendan didn't hesitate.

"Ask her if you could walk her down the aisle. I know she won't ask you even though it's what she really wants."

"Down the aisle?" Brendan shook his head, "You're dreaming my friend, you'll never convince her to go to a church for a ceremony."

Peter smiled a knowing smile, "I already have."

Brendan grinned, "Good man. Either she's in love or she's lost her mind."

"Probably a little of both." The two men laughed.

The following week, Peter was pouring pints with one hand while cradling Aisling in his other arm.

"You're a natural," Siobhan noted.

"Just getting some practice in." Peter joked while handing her an orange juice and Brendan his pint. Assumpta came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel, these days she waddled more than walked. As soon as they saw her, Padraig and Brendan starting mooing. She sent them a murderous look then spoke to Peter, "We're out of bread but I see you're busy flirting with the pretty girls," Assumpta tickled Aisling, "so I'll go across."

"Ah, you sure that's a good idea?" Peter asked carefully.

"If they moo again I may take my kitchen knife to those two, but Kathleen I can handle." Assumpta waddled across in the rain and into the shop. She heard only, "and now they're engaged-" before Kathleen stopped short and gave change to her customer in silence. Once the customer left Assumpta glared, "Say what you want but the Vatican's letting us marry in your Church."

"I thought you didn't care about such things."

Assumpta's eyes still shot daggers as she grabbed a loaf of bread. "And do you know what I think? I think the only reason you're so condescending is because I have someone who loves me and wants to marry me and a beautiful baby on the way," Assumpta seethed, "and you're just jealous."

Kathleen's eyes went wide and her hand moved to her chest, "Well perhaps you're right," she fingered the cross she always wore, "but the difference between you and me, Assumpta Fitzgerald, is that instead of shouting about it, I would be saying prayers of thanks for the things not everyone is lucky enough to be given in life."

Assumpta opened her mouth and then froze, she had no retort. So she turned on her heel and left without the bread.

In the pub, Peter tuned in the radio and a soft melody filled the gaps in conversation.

"...No matter what they tell you, no matter what they do, what you believe is true,
and I will keep you safe and strong and sheltered from the storm,
no matter where it's buried, our dream is being born..."

He went into the kitchen with Siobhan to put the baby down. Then Assumpta slammed the door behind her and stood in the middle of the pub, anger burning in her eyes. Brendan and Padraig turned in their seats to look at her while they mooed. Brendan asked conversationally, "Forget the bread?"

She didn't answer him but instead burst out into sobs. She didn't know why she was crying when she was angry. It had to be the hormones, Assumpta figured, she felt like she was on an out of hand rollercoaster ride these last months. For no reason it would go up or down and she had little time to prepare for the next move, it was getting embarrassing. She was mad that gossip about Peter was being spread. It was her fault and he didn't deserve it. But instead of screaming like she wanted to, tears just kept coming. Padraig nervously said, "Oh, that's a new one," then louder, "Peter! Better get out here!"

"Assumpta," Brendan got up and put an arm around her shoulder, "you've got to have this baby soon so you can go back to the yelling, it scares off fewer customers." He wiped a few tears from her cheeks.

Peter came out of the kitchen. "Come here," he opened his arms to her as she came round the bar. He held her as she cried.

"...however they attack, no matter how they judge us, I'll be everyone you need,
no matter if the sun don't shine or if the skies are blue,
no matter what the end is, my life began with you..."

When her tears subsided she took a deep breath trying to ignore her embarrassment. Peter asked, "What in the world did she say?"

"Never mind, it's just the hormones that set me off." Assumpta put a hand to her tummy and looked down at it. "You know I'm thankful don't you? For everything..."

He smiled, "I know."

But her tone was combative. "I'm grateful," she insisted.

"I said, I know." Peter touched her chin and lifted her face. "Just who else do you think you need to convince?"

She gave him a blank stare. "I don't know. I have to think about that." She bent across her huge belly to give him a little smooch only Peter instantly forgot they had an audience of any kind. These days he was increasingly in a fog when she kissed or touched him and his ability to resist her was disappearing hourly.

"This is worse than the crying," Padraig groaned.

Brendan smiled, he hated to do it but, "Ah, hem," he cleared his throat. Loudly.

Her lips still locked with Peter's, Assumpta heard Brendan. Just in time she caught Peter's hands, and stopped them on their journey to places on her body that would really have put on a show. She pulled back from Peter, "Oh Brendan," she shot over her shoulder while watching Peter open his eyes and mentally shake himself, "just because you can't find a single cow willing to kiss you, doesn't mean you should take Peter's fun away."

"...I can't deny what I believe, I can't be what I'm not,
I know this loves forever, that's all that matters now no matter what..."

Part 7: And Baby Makes Three

Peter spent the day on the fringes of the village acting as arbitrator in a tense neighbor dispute involving a stolen tractor, three kids, a broken window, gallon of paint and a threat to deport someone. It was stressful, but Peter liked knowing the community was still coming to him with problems. He had a quick mind in these situations, always finding a way to resolve things before they went too out of hand. He fancied himself as a `life referee.' What's more, it was another clue to him that the community was accepting his new role while still honoring the past.

Peter arrived back at the pub in early evening. Assumpta handled the bar on her own all day but now she simply couldn't stand on her feet for another minute. Peter sent her off to bed and called Niamh. Later, someone made an inappropriate remark about a priest living in a bar and with a married woman and Pardraig and Brendan showed the man the door. But otherwise it had been a pretty quiet night and Niamh was just saying goodnight to get home to Ambrose and Kieran, but stopped when Assumpta appeared on the stairs in her bathrobe.

"Are you alright?" Peter hurried over.

"I'm only in labor." She said calmly with a strange expression on her face then, "AHHH," she yelled clutching her middle and nearly collapsing on the stair if it weren't for Peter there to steady her.

"I'll get the van." Peter's voice was frantic. The others rushed over from the bar and Michael had just taken Assumpta's arm when another contraction hit.

"There isn't time, the baby's coming fast. We'll have to get her upstairs." Michael began ordering others, Niamh to get towels, Brendan to call an ambulance...

"But," Peter held tightly to Assumpta who was breathing deep. "No, I don't like this, she should go to the hospital."

"It will be fine, Peter, Assumpta was born here." And together they began guiding her up the stairs.

Assumpta tossed over her shoulder at the punters, "After insisting on changing the fuses for me, fixing my electrical for me, fighting off my suitors for me, and all the rest, for once I gladly turn this task over to you three- AH."

"No thanks," Brian yelled up after her, then turned to Brendan and Pardraig, "We'll do what God intended for men to do during labor- have another round."

Michael and Peter got Assumpta into her bed and Niamh entered with all the supplies Michael asked for. He measured and told Assumpta she was close but couldn't push just yet. Another contraction hit and she yelled, tears rolling down her face, she felt like she was being split into two. Peter was frightened watching her go through this much pain. He didn't expect it to be this hard to see her like this, he wanted to take it all away and make her OK. He felt so helpless. Michael sensed Peter needed some help here. "Peter get in with her." Peter looked up but didn't move. "Get behind her, prop her up a bit so gravity will help her, and support her back." Somehow it seemed appropriate that the last time he'd been in that bed with her they'd created this child and now they were together here again and she was giving birth. "Peter, do it, you need to help support her and give her some comfort."

"Comfort?" Peter looked baffled but he got into the bed anyway and put his arms around her. "Assumpta, I'll be OK." It sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

"Oh, really?" Her sarcasm full force, "Well that's just fantastic Peter because you- AHHHH!" She was cut off with another wave and he held her tighter, wiped her tears, kissed her cheek. It seemed to take her energy away and she lay limper now in his arms, gasping for breath.

"Assumpta, on this next one I want you to push as hard as you can." Michael was positioned at the other end of the bed. "Niamh, I need you to stand right here and hold the towel ready in one hand and my scissors in the other, don't touch the sterile end, hand them to me like this when I ask." She nodded her head. Peter really panicked now. He was afraid for Assumpta, something could go wrong and they weren't in a hospital where doctors with machines and medicines could help her instantly. He wanted this baby, of course, but not at the expense of Assumpta, he wouldn't be able to live without her.

"I love you," Peter whispered in her ear, saying it with such conviction that she turned her head to him.

"I know." Her voice was weak with pain.

"I'm sorry this hurts so much, I wish I could take the pain away. I'd take it for myself if I could." He kissed her cheek and he clung to her so tightly that he could feel the next one building. She began writhing and her breathing became shorter.

"Push Assumpta," Michael ordered, "Push more, come on." Assumpta pushed but was weak and the effort was little. "You need to push hard, I know you're drained. But you have to."

"I can't," she said in her fragile voice, "I can't do it." Tears come down her cheeks. Peter began thinking, he knew her so well sometimes, she was tired and she was scared but giving her support wasn't going to help. Peter knew of only one way to get her to do something even if it was the last thing in the world she normally want to do…

"She's right, she can't do it," Peter declared. Michael and Niamh looked at him like he'd lost his mind.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Assumpta, you can't do it. It's too much. The ambulance will be here soon and they can take care of things."

"She can't wait," Michael insisted. "It could be very dangerous for the baby at this point to just give up."

"But Michael, she said she can't do it." Peter insisted.

"What is wrong with you?" Assumpta directed her voice to Peter, it was still weak but was defiantly gaining. Peter could even hear a hint of her stubbornness in it.

"I'm saying I understand that it hurts and it's just too much. I don't blame you. I just don't think you can."

"You are such a man." Her anger was definitely there now, he hid a smile. "Women have been doing this forever and not needing hospitals, what do you think that I'm some weak, pathetic- you know Peter all through this pregnancy you've been treating me like I can't do anything, even washing windows or going down a ladder to deal with the electrical, I swear you-" She was cut off again with another contraction but this time she grabbed his hand and pushed with everything she could.

"That's it Assumpta, one more. I can see a head full of dark curly hair." Michael was smiling now, finally realizing what Peter had been doing. Assumpta kept going on her tirade, she was calling Peter every swear word she could think of. He thought a few of them thrown in there were even in French but before he could ask, another contraction and she screamed as she pushed. He hated hearing her scream, it felt like a piece of his heart cracked off. Then the sound of a screaming baby filled the room instead of her and Assumpta collapsed against him.

"Well she's got good lungs! You came out screaming just as loud, Assumpta."

"A girl?" She asked confused. Peter turned her head and kissed her fullon the lips with such intensity it made Niamh blush.

Downstairs in the pub the place had been silent for several minutes, all ears strained to the second floor listening for any sign of what was happening. Suddenly the screaming baby was heard loud and clear and the pub erupted in applause, laughing, clinking glasses and celebrating. Brendan popped a cork on a bottle of champagne he found in the back earlier and began filling glasses.

Michael finished up and handed the baby wrapped in a blanket to Assumpta. "You have a beautiful healthy girl." Then he and Niamh made their exits.

Assumpta cuddled her daughter close and looked down at her face peeking out from the blanket, black hair curling in every direction around her forehead. The baby's eyes were closed and she was sleeping now.

Peter had his arms wrapped around Assumpta and he touched his finger to his baby's cheek and caressed it, amazed and speechless. He closed his eyes and sent up a prayer, `Thank you, thank you, thank you for this blessing and for both of them being healthy and safe. Please, I beg, don't take them from me, don't ever let anything bad happen, I'll do anything to protect them just let them stay here in my arms forever.'

"She's beautiful." Assumpta said, causing Peter to opened his eyes.

"As beautiful as her Mum," Peter answered and kissed Assumpta's cheek. "You did so well, I'm so sorry it was difficult." He whispered to her, planting kisses along her neck as he spoke, "I'm proud of you."

His arguing with her had suddenly turned supportive now that… Assumpta smiled. "You used what you learned in some lecture didn't you? On me! For God's sake Peter, reverse psychology, I didn't figure it out until just now."

"Humm" he was busy kissing and purposely ignoring her.

"You are perfect for me, you know that? I love you." He stopped and just looked her. Assumpta so rarely said it, so it stopped his heart when she did. She gave him a quick peck on the lips and said, "I'm proud of you too, Daddy."

"I am a Daddy." He grinned at the baby, "And it's a girl so I get to name her."

"Yes, that was the deal." Assumpta snuggled closer to Peter, settling back against his chest.

"Just out of curiosity, was that deal made because you were so convinced it was a boy?"

"No." She didn't sound very persuasive. "Come on now, out with it."

"Regan." He looked at his little girl and asked Assumpta, "Do you like it?"

"I do actually."

"I was reading through that book Niamh gave you and it has plenty of pretty names. It also had the meanings, Regan means "royal" or it can mean "furious and impulsive" and it sort of reminded me of you- a royal pain in the neck." He flashed her a playful grin and she rolled her eyes and said, "I am warning you..."

"I thought it was perfect for our baby. When we're 80 we can still fight over which of the two she gets from me and which she gets from you." He was smiling wide. "I love you so much Assumpta, every part of you, I wouldn't change a thing."

She melted, "OK, Regan it is."

Peter held his little girl while the emergency medics worked to examine Assumpta and get her ready for transport to the hospital. Peter carried Regan out into the hall and slipped down the stairs. Everyone in the pub turned. Peter smiled at them and said, "My little girl has finally arrived and I'd like to introduce you all to Regan." They all came over to Peter to get a peek.

"Is Assumpta alright?" Padraig asked.

"She's fine." Peter answered and listened to comments about how pretty Regan was and how she looked just like her Mum.

"Funny though, how she also looks a little like you Peter," Brendan pointed out.

Finally they made it to the hospital where Assumpta and the baby would stay overnight for observation. Peter slept in her room in a chair at her bedside, holding her hand all night.

They returned from the hospital the next day and got Assumpta back up to her own bed. She was so worn out she looked white. "Are you alright?" he asked as he tucked blankets around her with one hand. In the other arm, Regan was fussing, she was hungry.

"For the hundredth time I'm fine Peter." She was grumpy and he was getting on her nerves with his constant concern.

He sat on the bed at her hip. Assumpta unbuttoned her blouse, took Regan from him and began feeding her. Peter just stared at the sight. In moments like this, it would hit him again, he couldn't believe Assumpta was in his life like this. And they had such a perfect, healthy, tiny baby girl to love together. Assumpta knew why she was getting such a smoldering look but couldn't resist a chance to tease, "Try not to be jealous. You'll get your chance soon enough."

Peter turned six shades of red, as she knew he would, and she laughed. Then, "Oh!" she said.

"What?" The concern was instantly back in his face. She regretted bringing it back and replacing the sweetness of a moment ago.

"It was only the laughing, it's just when I move sometimes it's painful." She sighed and lay back against the pile of pillows, still feeding.

"I don't like this. I don't like seeing you hurting and everything."

"Peter, you read all those books, you knew what would happen."

"Yes, but it was more… academic reading about it then when it actually happens to you. We're talking about your body now, not just some picture in a book. We're not having any more."

"Any more what?" Assumpta was knackered and really wanted to fall asleep for a few hours.

"Children. We're only having Regan," he decided, "I'm not going to watch you go through this again."

"Only a man with a death wish would bring up a conversation about MORE children to a woman who'd given birth less than 24 hours ago. Are you suicidal?"

"But I'm saying no more," he insisted and Assumpta was quiet for a while. Looking at Regan feeding at her breast, she couldn't imagine not having her baby in her life. It would be the most cruel kind of torture to never have this. Assumpta knew she'd finally found the thing she understood instinctively at age 6 or 7 she was missing in her life, and had always searched for, never knowing exactly what it was.

She finally spoke in a hushed voice, "I was an only child and it wasn't right. Think of your brothers. Think of how you still have family now that your parents are gone."

Peter's eyes softened. "You have me and Regan. You're not alone anymore."

"Yes, so anything, even the worst pain, is worth it for me to have you two. Probably worth it for Regan to have brothers and sisters as well."

Peter smiled at her. "We'll talk about it in a few years, once I've forgotten the more graphic parts."

She looked at him. "You and Regan are everything to me."

"I know it." Peter touched her cheek and Assumpta closed her eyes, she was so tired. The baby was finished feeding and Peter took Regan, saying to Assumpta, "You sleep, I'll take care of her, just rest." And he slipped from the room as she drifted off.

Weeks later, Peter heard Regan crying in the middle of the night but Assumpta was so sound asleep in her room that even the noise through the monitor didn't wake her. He slipped downstairs and took a bottle out of the fridge of the extra pumped milk and crept back into the nursery. He picked up Regan and together they rocked as he feed her the bottle. He began to tell her the story of how he met Mummy on the road in the rain, and then how they fell in love and one night he came to the pub... "You know what, maybe when you're older I'll tell you this part, a lot older. It doesn't matter really, all that matters is that we love you."

Assumpta woke to the sound of Peter's voice, it took her a minute to figure out what was going on. Then she smiled with the memory of the "Ballykissangel Liberation Organization" that used a baby monitor as spy equipment in the past.

"And I will tell you I love you every single day so you never doubt. Mummy doesn't say it much because she likes to keep that stuff inside most of the time. I mean, she doesn't tell it to me very often either but I know it's true. Just don't let it fool you, I promise you she's a softy really and she loves you very much. She wanted you from the start, she loved being pregnant with you."

Assumpta's heart broke a little, she resolved right then no matter how strange she felt, she would tell him and Regan all the time, her family would never wonder even for a second.

"But we're glad you're here now. I like that you're not kicking Mummy all night long and keeping her up. Now you can kick as much as you like now. And you can be a football player too, I promise I'll teach you how to play. And I like holding you, it's not fair that Mummy got to hold you inside her for nine months and I had to wait all this time. You're so pretty. You look so much like her how could I not love you?"

Assumpta's heart swelled, he really was the most extraordinary man. How did she manage to get so lucky?

"But you're so tiny, I'm afraid too. I don't want anything to happen to you. I promise I'll protect you from everything. You and Mummy, I just want to keep you both so close and hold you and protect you and... I ache knowing that I can't always do that. Your Mum is such a stubborn self-sufficient women and I love that about her but sometimes I just wish she'd let me do things for her. I only want to show her I love her by trying to do nice things, but she thinks it's because I don't believe she can- Oh, I suppose you'll be just the same. Very soon you'll be saying `Daddy I don't need your help I can do it on my own.' And you will be right because you'll be just as strong and smart as your Mum. But I'm still going to want to do things for you just because I love you that much, my pretty little angel. And Regan, when you're older, no boys better even so much as look at you. There's no one in this world good enough for you. You should be Daddy's little girl forever, got that? Can we make that deal right now? There, we'll shake on it."

Assumpta laughed. Oh God, she thought, at the age of 16 this `deal' is going to be thrown back in poor Regan's face. But it was wonderful to hear him. She knew he would be a wonderful father and the proof was already there. She got up out of bed and crept in the dark to the nursery. When she appeared at the doorway he looked up.

"Sorry, I was trying to let you sleep for once," he explained.

"No sorry needed. I just wanted to tell you that I love you." And the three of them snuggled together for a long while that night.

Part 8: A Miracle Begins

Assumpta stood at the back of St. Joseph's with Niamh and Brendan. Peter had insisted on this date until she finally figured out why, it was exactly 1 year from the night Regan was conceived. He told Assumpta he wanted his anniversary to celebrate both of the women in his life. And he felt he had made a commitment to her on that night, much like he would today, so it was fitting.

Niamh was adjusting her dress here and there and Assumpta groaned, "Oh, stop fussing with it, it won't get any better since I still haven't lost all the weight."

"I think you look beautiful," Brendan told her, taking her arm.

"Thanks, Brendan."

"Now," he said in a serious tone, "do you want to go through with this or do you want to run off to Jamaica? Because I'll drive you to the airport right now if you'd rather." But his eyes were sparkling with humor.

"Don't you approve?" she teased. "He's pathetically good all the time, almost as if he once were a priest or something."

"I do approve, of course. But I only ever want you happy Assumpta, that's all that matters."

"I am the happiest I've ever been." Her eyes soft and full of love told him more than the words.

"I know," he said.

The music began from inside and they walked down the aisle. At the front, Peter was standing next to Father Jack Burrow, his old friend from his seminary days. On Peter's other side stood his brothers, they had also flown in and brought their families, all seated in the church. Their friends from Ballykay and beyond were all gathered as well, Assumpta couldn't help but be a little overwhelmed.

When they arrived at the front of the Church, Brendan took her hand and placed it in Peter's. He whispered to them, "You two were made for each other," then kissed Assumpta's cheek and went to take a seat next to Siobhan.

"Hiya." Peter wasn't sure he could say more, she took his breath away with how beautiful she looked. Assumpta only took his hand, not trusting herself to speak, never realizing until now how much this ceremony meant to her and how nervous she would be.

Jack began to speak, "I've known Peter for many years and there is much I could say here today about him… but probably best to tell only after Assumpta has already said `I do' just in case. We'll wait for the reception for those stories."

A few laughs could be heard in the church and Jack continued.

"I never had the pleasure of meeting Assumpta before Peter called to ask me to preside over their ceremony today so I decided to come early and spend some time here in Ballykissangel getting to know Assumpta and listening to stories of her from friends to formulate what I would say to mark this occasion. I started each conversation with an unusual question, the same question for everyone here in Ballykay, "What is Assumpta's worst character trait?" I was amazed to find that each and every person answered that question exactly the same. I mean no hesitation, no having to think it through, same answer every time. It seems our sweet Assumpta
has a tiny, minor, once in a while, slight problem… with her temper."

Again, a few chuckles where heard and Jack gave Peter and Assumpta a huge grin before he continued.

"We all have flaws, we're all only human and she's no different than any of us. So I'm not trying to pick on you here Assumpta. But you must understand how shocked I was when I finally came to one person who answered this question different than all the others. Brendan, who walked Assumpta down the aisle today, gave a different answer and when I pushed him to explain, he admitted her temper was in the top 5 flaws."

Assumpta turned a little and shot Brendan a look, not an angry one, more of an `I'll get you later' sort. He only winked back.

"But Brendan also said, "Father, I think I know why you're asking me this, you're looking for potential problems in this marriage aren't you? Well, that won't be one of them. Peter's the only one who's ever calmed her and made her think straight when she gets like that." I knew in that moment I had my story to tell today."

"This is what marriage is, two people who recognize that the other makes them a better person. When someone brings out the best in us and makes even the worst flaws better, well then, that's why we are gathered today to watch Peter and Assumpta declare their love for one another. You both say these vows in full recognition of your
own flaws and your partner's flaws, but knowing that together you better, stronger, and closer to perfection than you could ever achieve alone. We, as your friends and family, are gathered today to celebrate with you and to show our support. We gather to show our belief in you both, knowing you stand here representing love, hope, strength and the perfect union. Peter, please take Assumpta's hand and vow to her…"

Then it seemed to fly by, they said their vows, exchanged rings and kissed when they were told to. Suddenly the Church was filled with applause and they walked from the alter as husband and wife. Outside he took her into his arms and kissed her deeply. There were whistles from the crowd of friends and family. Assumpta smiled against his lips, "We have an audience, remember?"

"So? You're my wife- finally"

Everyone made their way back to Fitzgerald's and were mingling and getting drinks. Niamh and Brendan served as bartenders for the night. Peter's brothers already teased Assumpta as if she had been part of the family for years.

"Sure he didn't bribe you into this?" "Do you know how smelly his feet are? He once killed our pet rabbit with the stink!" "Christmas is at our house this year but thanks ahead of time for bringing the stout." "I have it on good authority he's never even seen a woman's bra and the clasp on those things take some practice... I'm sorry to say you have to teach our poor, innocent, inexperienced brother." Assumpta hid a smile and thought back, no, her recollection was that he had no problem at all getting her bra off.

And their wives were easy to talk to, one took her aside and whispered, "We're so glad. I mean, he was always a good priest but he was also so lonely. Especially at holidays. He always looked so lost that we all secretly hoped one day he'd find someone. And he's great with his nieces and nephews, I just know he will be a wonderful Dad." Padraig stepped in front of the band and got the crowd's attention at the microphone. "Ladies and gentleman, Mr. and Mrs. Clifford!" The song began as Peter and Assumpta danced for everyone.

"...For so many memories we've yet to make
God don't send me your angels, I just wanna hear you say again
Forever love, say you'll love me
Tell me so, I can hold you in my soul..."

Peter held her close and whispered in her ear, "I don't think I've ever danced with you before."

"No, there was that one time at the Festival I tried to teach you Irish dancing."

"That doesn't count, it wasn't like this."

"Like how?"

"Holding you so close I can hear your heartbeat. Being able to do this." He leaned in and kissed her. His brothers made gagging noises. Peter pulled back, "They're annoying but they grow on you."

"Oh, well you're definitely related then."

"...When you smile with those eyes
Baby it's like you place a finger on my heart
And your lips next to mine
Make me think that maybe heaven's where you are..."

The song ended and the next began, Peter motioned for Siobhan to bring Regan over. Peter and Assumpta held her between them as they danced through several more songs and others joined the dance floor. Later in the night, Niamh took Assumpta aside from the crowd. "You are happy, aren't you?"

"Very." Assumpta beamed and then looked down at her daughter in her arms.

"If I didn't know you any better, Assumpta Fitzgerald, I'd say you had your mind set on him all along."

"Assumpta Clifford," she corrected. "And you know how much I've always loathed the clergy."

"Oh, yeah? Enough to marry one?" Niamh teased.

Peter came over to the two women and his baby girl. He put his finger in Regan's hand and her fingers curled around his. "What are you three ladies discussing over here?"

"Your wedding night." Niamh said. Peter colored and looked to Assumpta, she smiled, "We were not, stop teasing him Niamh."

"I'm not. I was about to tell you I got you two a room in Cilldargan and I'll watch Regan for the night."

Peter said to her, "That was nice of you Niamh, but we'd already decided just to stay here."

"I'd strongly advise you to change your minds," Niamh said, raising her eyebrow and looking around to see if anyone was listening to them. "It seems your brothers, Peter, along with Padraig, Brendan, Laim, Donal, and my father are planning quite a few hilarious interruptions to your night. Don't ask. But I have my ways of getting things out of Dad."

Assumpta asked, "Why would they want to do that?"

"It seems your brothers find it awfully funny, your wedding night, for some reason," Niamh said to Peter. "And they found it very easy to recruit some local help with their pranks."

"Well, thanks Niamh," Assumpta said as she was handed the keys to the reserved room. Father Mac made his way through the crowd and his voice was slurred with drink when he said, "Congratulations Father, ah, oops, I mean Peter." He swayed a little than righted himself, "And to you too Assumpta." He said her name with the same distaste as always. "I hope you two are very... happy"

"Yeah, right," Assumpta said under her breath.

"I think you're perfect for each other." The word `perfect' was said with a slight sneer. It reminded Assumpta of the Grinch. Father Mac drank generously from his glass of whiskey.

"You know Father," Peter took his arm to steady him, "you've had an awful lot to drink and we're not staying here tonight so you're welcome to Assumpta's room if you'd like." Assumpta tried to suppress her smile.

"How very kind of you, thank you," Father Mac replied as Peter guided him up the stairs. After they left Assumpta and Niamh burst out laughing.

"That'll teach Father Mac and the men a lesson all at once," Niamh said between giggles. "Two birds with one stone, I'd say."

"What I wouldn't give to see it," Assumpta agreed.

"Yeah, but you'll be busy with other things at that time." Niamh gave her a knowing look, "And after years of celibacy…" Assumpta was really enjoying the faith everyone had in Peter always doing the right thing and never, not even once, making a mistake, breaking a vow, or bending a rule. She kissed Regan, thank God he wasn't that good all the time.

Peter returned downstairs and he and Assumpta gave Regan over to Niamh. They left the party through the back door of the pub so they wouldn't be noticed and drove off to Cilldargan in her van, laughing the whole way about what could be in store for Father Mac. Once they got inside their room for the night, Peter suddenly seemed shy.

"But I've been fighting you off for months! Even though you're the one who wanted to wait, not me." She reminded him, "You're my husband now."

"Yes. And I didn't know this would mean even more because of that fact." He took her hands. "I love you."

"I love you too, Peter."

Later, they lay in each other's arms and Assumpta pretended to scolde "Ex-priests shouldn't know how to do that like that."

"But you liked it."

"I did. How did you learn... no, never mind, I don't want to know," she said dryly.

"A book."

"What?" She hesitated, thinking she'd heard wrong.

"Remember when I went and bought all those books on pregnancy and birth and babies and such?" She nodded her head so he kept going, "Well, I mean I was in the section on women's bodies and women's issues already so I happen to see this one on, you know… tips. So I got that too."

"Peter, I'm going to forget about the fact that we were barely back to being friends at that point, but why in the world would you think you needed tips anyway?"

"Well, I guess, well, just in case we ended up together on another night in the future I wanted to be more… prepared this time than last."

She could tell he was uncomfortable with the conversation but figured he just needed some reassurance. Assumpta said tenderly, "You are wonderful to me, don't you know that? You have nothing to worry about."

"I had no way of knowing that. It's not like I had a lot of experience to go on." His voice dipped so quiet she could hardly hear him. "I'd never made love before that night, Assumpta, with you, it was the first time I'd ever-"

"Oh, Peter." She hugged him tight, now understanding, and kissed him. "Wow, beginners luck," she chuckled. "Well, I mean what were the odds against us getting Regan?"

"It's not odds, it was fate. God knew what he was doing."

She sighed a contented sigh, "Maybe you're right."

Peter ran his fingers over and through her hair as he spoke, "A smart woman once told me that you can delay the inevitable or you can speed it up, but if two people are meant to be together there's no force on earth that'll keep them apart."

"And as usual she was right."

"That's a belief in fate, destiny, God, whatever you choose to call it, Assumpta. And I agree with you, I think we took a longer road to get here then some of the other choices. But no matter which one I picked, in the end, all roads lead to your heart." And Assumpta's response was to kiss him with everything she had. Then she began to move again and whispered into his ear, "And I can't believe you read a book, Peter, only you!"

They decided to spend their first Christmas morning together, alone, in Ballykissangel and have Christmas dinner with their friends at the pub. Then fly to see his family and spend New Year's Eve there. The three of them spent in the morning opening gifts and having breakfast together, Regan never quite got the concept of opening the presents and sometimes the wrapping paper was more fun than the gift itself. While Peter tried to explain to her that the red square goes in this spot and the green triangle fit here, she'd stuck a piece of the paper in her mouth and grinned at her Dad.

"How come she doesn't listen to me when I try to tell her something important?" Peter groaned. Assumpta laughed as she came downstairs, dressed for the day now and found Peter and Regan on the floor with the toys.

"Did you ever listen to your parents?"

"Yes. I always did what I was told."

"Of course you did." She rolled her eyes, "Well, then she's her mother's daughter." Peter handed Regan her new doll and she squealed with delight, hitting a rather impressive high note. He covered his ear with his hand and said, "Ah, you could say that again."

"Hey."

"Why are you dressed? You could sleep a little while we're at mass."

She put her earring in. "I'm coming with," acting as if she'd just told them they were out of milk.

He looked at her puzzled. "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?"

"Maybe the imposter doesn't have as bad of a temper, you might decide to keep her instead." When he still looked at her like something was entirely upside down and backwards, she sighed, "It's Christmas. Think of it as part of your present."

"It's an awfully big present." He stood up and crossed to her. "You're sure?"

"Just don't get too used to this," she warned. "I'll write up a list of chores you can do." She shook her hips suggestively, "And maybe by Easter you'll convince me to go one more time. Maybe."

"I can convince. I'll try real hard, totally dedicated to the task."

"I'm sure you are." She picked up Regan and put her in the carrier sitting on the bar, "Besides, I have three things I happen to be thankful for this year and maybe I should, you know…" She shrugged, trying to play it off as no big deal, pulling the strap around her daughter to secure her in.

Peter came up behind her and put his arms around her. "Thanks." His voice was warm and rich and she knew what that tone meant. He started to kiss her and nibble on that sensitive spot on her neck he now knew drove her wild.

"Later, Peter, later." She purred the words with her eyes closed, hating to make him stop especially now with her hormones so crazy.

"Wait, three?" It suddenly dawned. "What's the third thing?"

She turned around so she could look in his eyes as she told him, "Well, in the New Year Regan will be a big sister."

"Are you…" His eyes went wide and he looked at her stomach. "And you're sure?"

"Well, it seems I get the worst morning sickness on the planet every time you get me pregnant so I'm so sure that I don't think a test was even necessary. But I went to see Michael anyway, he called yesterday… Happy Christmas."

"Best Christmas gift ever." Peter said and pulled her against him. He kissed her with so much love and heat, Assumpta wasn't sure if they'd make it to mass. But they managed to get out the door and were walking down the road carrying a sleeping Regan, when the bells began. Peter put his arm around his wife's waist.

He smiled, thinking, Assumpta Fitzgerald going to Church- never. But a happy and satisfied Assumpta Clifford going to Church with her family, grateful for the blessings given to her- God's plan? Well, it was certainly the kind of miracle that could restore a man's faith.