Chapter 9: Peter Clifford's Journal (late 1998)

The End of a Momentous Year

by Jen Jolley


WARNING: PG Rating. This chapter contains some adult themes that may not be suitable for some children.
 

Sun. 15 November

I asked Alison to come with me to mass this morning. It's really great how she's got over her fear of being a passenger. However I'm still very conscious of it, and always try to make her feel safe when she's with me.

As we sat inside the Bundarra church I kept thinking about the momentous decisions I've made in the last week. In seven weeks time I'll be standing here again and getting married. A year ago I was still a priest in BallyK; maybe not a happy one, but I wasn't anywhere near contemplating marriage. Now suddenly my whole life has changed.

I looked around the inside of the church critically, and liked what I saw. I think it's quite a pretty church in a traditional way. The pews and altar are in a dark timber, as are the doors. The walls are a pale cream colour, which keeps the interior fairly light. The stained-glass windows are very attractive, and all the statues are clean and well looked after. I'm glad Alison has chosen this building for our wedding. 'Our wedding'; I can't quite believe it. It's all happened so suddenly, but I have no doubts. It's what I want because I'm sure it's what God wants me to do.

Alison told me this afternoon that Lorraine and Geoff want to give us an engagement party next Saturday. I suppose these things have to happen. I'd be satisfied just to get married and be done with it. But Alison wants it, and I don't want to spoil something she's looking forward to. I'm willing to go along with anything that makes her happy, I love her so much. Also, I
suppose getting engaged is a very special occasion, and so deserves something special to recognise its importance.
 

Mon. 16 November

Now that I'm settling down here I need a car. So this afternoon I went to look at a Ford Laser that'd been advertised. It's a more recent model than the one I've borrowed off Phyllis, and is white in colour; important in the Australian summer I've been told. It has air conditioning as well, so seems quite suitable. Alison thought it was a good buy when I told her about it.

When I spoke to John about it over dinner, he advised me to get it officially checked out by the local Auto Association first. If it checks out OK, he seems to think that it's good value.
 

Tues. 17 November

Before netball I took Alison to see the car I'm thinking of buying. She liked the look of it, so I'll organise the inspection for tomorrow.

Lisa is continuing to fit in well. Alison told her of our plans regarding a foster home, and she was very excited. She told Alison that she likes me, and hopes to one day find the same depth of love Alison has found with me. So that's nice. She also talked to Alison about her own father, whom she's hardly seen.

Tomorrow Alison is going shopping with me to buy some more clothes. I didn't bring a lot with me, and now I'm working everyday, I need some more. As a priest you take your working clothes for granted. Alison said that she was also going to make me buy something special for the party on Saturday.
 

Wed. 18 November

We went shopping this afternoon. Ali made me buy two pairs of pants and two shirts. She also persuaded me to get a jacket. It seems strange going out and buying all this. Mum, I used to rely on you and Auntie Jean to keep me in clothes, and I haven't bought much since you died.

I told Alison that I went to the bank today, and they've confirmed that I have enough money from my inheritance to put a large deposit on a house, as well as to buy the car. After going shopping we cruised around the general area near all three schools that we work at. I think we should be able to find something suitable. It's a generally well established area, with lots of older houses that are solid and well built. The land is a bit expensive, but as John said, that means it's a good investment. The other plus is that it has good public transport (buses) into all the main town centres; important for teenagers.
 

Thurs. 19 November

I picked up my car today. We've named her 'Henrietta'. She's a Ford, and because a car is female, she's 'Henrietta', as in Henry Ford.

It's amazing how time's been marching on. Steve will be here in nearly four weeks. He's agreed to be my Best Man. Alison is talking about the girls going wedding dress shopping on Saturday morning, so there's been lots of phone calls on the topic. I'm relieved to leave it all to them. I expect they'll organise what they want us to wear. I'd be just as happy being married without all the commotion, but Alison and Lorraine have definite ideas about what they want.

Maybe it's just as well that you're not here Mum; you'll just have to watch what goes on from where you are. I'm sure you're not worried about what the colours are, or what we'll eat, as long as I'm happy. I can assure of that. I'm very happy, tremendously so. Everyday I thank God for the way He's guided my life. It's hard to believe that it was only months ago that I was in the depths of despair.
 

Friday 20 November

Alison and I looked at two houses this afternoon. Neither was any good. The first had pokey, small rooms, and smelt damp. The second was large enough, but was very shabby, and needed a lot of repair work done to it. We just haven't got the time or expertise to do major renovations.

When we got to Alison's house, Rachel and Lisa were there, so we had a good discussion about the houses and how we'd operate as a family. Both girls were able to put forward some very mature suggestions, as well as some tongue-in-cheek ones. It's useful having their input, as they're so much closer than we are to the needs (and perceived needs), of today's teenagers.

We decided to write out a priority list of what we think we need in a house. We can then leave it with a couple of real estate agents who could ring us if they have anything suitable on their books. Geoff and Lorraine were home, so they also contributed to our discussion.

We came up with the following 'Must Have List':

  • 4 - 5 bedrooms
  • a study
  • at least 2 bathrooms with a separate toilet
  • large kitchen
  • large eating area (so friends are always welcome)
  • large outdoor area and yard
  • arge garage and/or parking area for cars (more than for two)
  • established garden
  • floors easy-care (for cleaning), and hard wearing (for maintainance)

  • Our 'Likes List' Was something like this:

  • a swimming pool (from the girls)
  • a separate rumpus room for parties (also from the girls)
  • a LARGE main bedroom (from Alison & I, for a quiet retreat from noisy teenagers)
  • bedroom with loft (also from Lisa)

  • It was a lot of fun, dreaming wild dreams. However Alison and I agreed that we're not going to take the others house-hunting. The final decision will be ours alone.
     

    Sat. 21 November

    Thankfully the party went very well. I wasn't looking forward to being introduced to so many people I didn't know. I met Alison's uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents. All were very charming, and it made me even more aware of what a treasure I'm marrying.

    Alison is such a gracious and caring hostess. She made each person feel that their attendance today was a real thrill for us, and the gifts they brought were just what we needed. She introduced me to them all, and her obvious pride made me feel ten foot tall.

    One aunt from Sydney had made us an engagement cake. It was a traditional fruit cake, in the shape of a heart, and was decorated with yellow wattle (representing Australia), red roses (representing England). The words written in icing said simply "Congratulations Alison & Peter". It was beautifully done, and when she offered to make our wedding cake, we gladly
    accepted her offer.

    Alison suggested three similar heart shaped cakes, two placed side by side, with the third one on top, in the middle, overlapping the two lower ones. Her Aunt Susan said she'd see what she could do. Alison is going to let her know the colours, but has already said she wants to carry frangipani, and use it for the men's buttonholes, so her aunt is going to start making a number of these flowers as well as baking the actual cakes.

    After we cut the cake, we were given the opportunity to say a few words. I went first, so thanked Lorraine and Geoff for giving us the party. I thanked all the guests for coming, some from as far away as Melbourne, and told them how much we'd appreciated it. I said how pleased I was to meet so many of Alison's family and friends whom I hadn't met before, and thanked them for their good wishes and gifts. I joked about coming out to Australia for a holiday, and not expecting to end up with a wife and a new job.

    Alison reiterated my thanks, then went on to speak about how she'd found Sarah hiding a handsome English cousin next door, and how pleased she was that I chosen Bundarra for my holiday. She said she'd like to finish her response by singing the song made famous by Elvis; "The Wonder of You".

    I'd heard her sing it a couple of times before, but tonight was so special. It was rather embarrassing at first, but also very beautiful in another way. and I had tears in my eyes when she sang the words:

    When no one else can understand me, when everything I do is wrong,
    You give me hope and consolation; you give me strength to carry on.
    You're always there to lend a hand, in everything I do,
    That's the wonder, the wonder of you.

    As she sang, she looked at me, and it seemed she was singing only to me. I'd felt a bit uncomfortable at first, being the centre of attention, but she looked so beautiful. I just forgot about everyone else and listened to the words, and felt as if there was only the two of us in the room.

    And when you smile, the world is brighter. You touch my hand and I'm a king.
    Your kiss to me is worth a fortune; your love to me is everything.
    I guess I'll never know the reason why you love me as you do;
    That's the wonder, the wonder of you.

    When she finished, she came to me and we embraced, as if there was nobody else around. When everyone clapped and cheered I suddenly came back to Earth, and pulled away a little. My face was all flushed and I felt very self conscious as we stood there, our arms around each other, receiving everyone's congratulations and best wishes.
    "I love you", I whispered in her ear, as we smiled and graciously thanked our guests.

    I wish I was able to serenade her like that. Maybe I'll try to learn the lyrics of a suitable love song and surprise her one day when we're on our own. I think she'd like that.

    At 1am it was a case of déjà vu, after David and Sarah's engagement party. Almost the same group sitting around over hot chocolate drinks, discussing how things had gone. It's amazing to think how much has happened in these last three months since then. I feel I've found another family here. I can't wait to see Steve, and introduce him to all these wonderful people. I know
    he'll think I've jumped the gun a bit, but I feel I know her so well. I have no doubts whatsoever that Alison is the right person for me.
     

    Mon. 23 November

    I think we may have found our house. Alison heard about it yesterday, from a friend who knew what we were looking for. So we arranged for an inspection after school finished, at 5 o'clock.

    As we drove up, I noticed that the garden looked a bit neglected, but it seemed large and pleasant, with lots of established trees and shrubs. In fact the impression was that it looked a bit sad, like a house waiting for a new owner to fill it with laughter and happiness.

    The agent unlocked the door and went in ahead of us. The previous owners had already left, and the house was empty. The first thing we noticed was its large size. I tried to imagine it full of young people bustling around. The front door opened onto a foyer, from where the main bedroom opened off on the right. It had an ensuite bathroom and a large walk-in cupboard for
    clothes. The bedroom itself was also large and long. There was enough room for a double bed nearest the door, and a small table and two easy chairs at the other end. Ideal if we wanted to get away by ourselves.

    To the left of the foyer was the lounge room which opened up into an eating area that was big enough to accommodate two tables if necessary. Beyond this was an open space that would be a sitting area and to the right of this was a roomy kitchen. All very open, so that everyone could be part of the action, whatever that was. There was another room that could be an extra
    bedroom or study off the sitting room, and a laundry off the kitchen. The layout was perfect for what we needed.

    Upstairs there were four more bedrooms, and a bathroom complex, with separate toilet and vanity and shower space, excellent when a number of people were all trying to get ready at once. The agent told us that the previous owners had been a large family, and so had renovated the house to accommodate this.

    The whole thing looked very suitable. Back downstairs, the living area had sliding doors that opened onto a large timber deck, with steps down to a paved patio and garden. Alison and I looked at each other, we both knew it was exactly what we were looking for. The house seemed to be pleading with us to fill it with lots of young happy voices.

    The price unfortunately was quite a bit higher than we'd hoped to spend, but we knew that in this area prices were higher than in the newer outer suburbs. We told the agent that we liked it, but we'd have to look at our financial situation again, because it was more than what we thought could afford.

    As we drove home, we noted how even the location was perfect. It's almost equidistant from, and in walking range of all three schools. As well as that, there's a fairly large shopping centre only a short walk away, and the buses to the main bus interchanges pass the front door.

    We both agreed that the house seemed perfect for our needs, but we didn't want to start out with an empty house, and no money to buy any furniture. We agreed to each pray about it. Somehow, I wasn't worried. I just knew that if this was God's will, He'd find the right house for us. If we couldn't afford this one, then another one would turn up. I amazed myself how relaxed I was over the biggest purchase I'll probably ever make in my life.
     

    Tues. 24 November

    When I rang the agent today, he said the owners were rather desperate to sell in a hurry, and had dropped the price by $15,000. I told him that at that price we were definitely interested, and asked if I could bring Geoff and John, and have another look.

    They were both very impressed when we showed them the house. So Alison and I signed the purchase documents, pending a building and pest inspection. As the house is already empty, and the bank has given us the go ahead, we'll settle on Friday 18 December, and move our things in on the Saturday.

    We're going to need a lot of furniture to fill its large empty spaces. That's another thing I'm praying about, as well as giving thanks for the way God has lead us to this most suitable house at an affordable price. If we needed evidence to be convinced that God had everything in hand, then surely this was it. John said he and Phyllis would love to help us get the garden tidied up, and he offered to see what excess furniture they might have. Somehow I feel quite relaxed about the problem of furniture. So far we've clearly been led to this house, so I believe that God will provide all we need to live in it.
     

    Wed. 25 November

    After school we had to drive past 'our' house once more. We both felt that it was a happy house which exhuded good vibes. It's in the same parish as Alison's school chaplain, so as I hadn't met him yet, we decided to call in, so that Alison could introduce me.

    Father Richard (Rick) Roberts is exactly the sort of person I would've chosen to marry us. He's in his early thirties, and appears to have his feet planted firmly on the ground. I sensed an instant rapport. He was very welcoming, and insisted that he wasn't busy, and invited us in for afternoon tea.

    He asked about where I'd come from, recognising my English accent, and inquired as to what had brought me to Australia. So I told him that I'd been a priest, and had come out for a change, when I felt that the maybe priesthood wasn't for me any longer.
    "Well, I suppose you won't be going back to being a priest then", he said with a smile, nodding towards Alison.
    I agreed that this was true. We told him about buying the house around the corner, and how we're going to use it so we can foster needy teenagers. He was quite impressed, and said he hoped they might like to join the Youth Group at the church.

    We chatted about how the Catholic Church in Australia differed from that in England and Ireland. We agreed that the Church faced similar problems the world over. It was a very relaxing half an hour, and I enjoyed myself immensely.
     

    Fri, 27 November

    Word has come back that our house has passed its building and pest inspections with flying colours. The bank is satisfied that we're not going to send it bankrupt, so will lend us the balance of the money we need to buy it. So now I also have a mortgage.

    To celebrate, Ali and I went back to the same Italian restaurant in Manuka that we went to exactly four weeks ago. So much has happened in those four weeks. I can't believe it myself; a job, an engagement and now a mortgage. I wonder what Brendan would say if he could see me now? I think he'd freak out. He's a deep thinker, and fairly slow to react to things usually. I'm sure he'd think I've rushed it all. But, I know it's right for me; for us.

    Alison told me that Lorraine has booked a local business to cater for our wedding reception. At present they're negotiating the menu. I'm very happy to leave it to them. The invitations have all gone out, and it's only four weeks until Christmas, and five weeks 'til the wedding. I'm so glad now that I lashed out at the gemfields and bought the amethyst necklace and ear-rings. They're the perfect gift to give Alison for Christmas, and will match her engagement ring.

    We've decided to spend two weeks driving around the south coast of Victoria and South Australia for our honeymoon. I didn't want to be away for all of Steve's visit, and so we've planned to save hard next year, and go to the UK and Ireland in about a years time, depending on when we can get leave.

    Everything seems to be falling into place. Alison asked if I had any objections to her asking her friend Fiona (who I'd met at the Halloween party), to be her second bridesmaid, and Fiona's daughter Chloe, as a flowergirl. Who am I to object, if that's what she wants? So now I'm going to ask David to be a groomsman. It just keeps getting bigger, and better??? Just between you and me, Mum, I think I'll be really glad when all the fuss is over.
     

    Sat, 28 November

    It's now two weeks in a row that I've been dragged out to shop for clothes. Still, I agree a dinner suit is a useful item to have in one's wardrobe, I suppose. This is where I differ from Steve; he enjoys dressing up. Maybe it's just as well he isn't here yet; you never know what he might've had me come home with. A velvet suit maybe????

    Alison didn't dispute my choice of a fairly plain, classic style, that should last me as long as I can fit into it, which I intend to be a very long time. No middle-aged spread or extra weight after marriage for me.

    As January will most likely be very hot, and jackets won't be needed except for photos and the like, Alison is planning to buy fancy shirts and ties for all the men, in colours to match the girl's dresses. Fiona is coming down from Sydney next weekend, so they intend to finalise all the outfits then. I've been given strict instructions that Alison needs Steve's measurements by that time. I've already told him to bring a fairly plain dinner suit with him, and we'd organise the rest from here.

    Alison talked me into buying another pair of light cotton pants (for summer), with another shirt and tie, and also a second jacket. I pointed out to her that there'd be no money left for furniture if she keeps making me spend so much on clothes. Still, I know that I've had very little choice in what to wear, since starting back at work, and I know I need some more things for the summer that's coming.
     

    Sun, 29 November

    As our house is in Fr. Rick's parish, we decided to attend mass in his church today. After mass, Rick asked us to join him for a coffee, and have an informal chat about our marriage ceremony.

    Again I felt that same connection with him that I'd experienced on our earlier visit. Alison and I had already agreed that we were happy to have the church's regular organist play for our wedding. We discussed possible hymns and music to be played with Rick. I think we've almost decided on Handel's 'Water Music' for when Alison walks up the isle. It's given us something more to think about.

    We've managed to agree on the wording we want for our vows. I think Rick felt a bit uncomfortable counselling an ex-priest on the responsibilities of marriage. He dismissed some of it with "well you've heard it all before, and said the same thing to other couples yourself many times, so I won't insult you by going over it all again." At least he accepts that Alison and I know what we're doing, and seems to approve of it.

    We had lunch with Geoff and Lorraine, who offered us all the furniture from Alison's bedroom. They said that they'd decided to buy a double bed, and set up her room as a guest bedroom after we're married. So that's one bedroom taken care of, only 4 more, and the rest of the house to go. Still, it's a great start, and we thanked them sincerely.

    We spent the afternoon driving around checking out some antique/second-hand places and got an idea of the prices we'd have to pay for plain solid used furniture. I can see that it's going to be quite expensive if we have to buy everything to furnish our house.

    However, I'm not going to worry about it. "God will provide", I assured Alison when she calculated the total cost of the basic things we're going to need. At present I've enough other things to worry about, that are more pressing than furniture for lots of empty rooms.
     

    Mon. 30 November

    I saw Damian again today. He really needs someone to protect him from the big dangerous outside world, and to teach him to stand up for himself. He sees himself as unworthy; and yet I could sense that he enjoys coming to see me and have my undivided attention for half an hour.

    He told me about a new puppy that his father brought home for him. I'm fairly sure that Damian, who doesn't get enough to eat under normal circumstances, is sharing the little he gets, with his little canine friend, Benjy.

    Damian is also under suspicion of stealing other student's lunches. He was seen eating a hot pie at lunchtime, out of a school canteen paper bag, and yet he never has any money on him. When I asked him about what he has for lunch, he said that he usually doesn't eat any. I asked him about the pie he had today, and he told me he'd found a $2 coin, so had used it to buy the
    pie.

    I have no reason to doubt his answer at present, but he was named as being in the vacinity when two lunches disappeared. Meanwhile, I'm going to make some more inquiries, and probably visit his home.
     

    Tues. 1 December

    I talked to Alison about Damian after netball. I told her that he really worried me. I'm going to visit him at home later this week, and see if I can do anything to ensure Damian has enough to eat during the day.

    Alison was very supportive, but she too feels helpless in cases where neglect is so subtle, and not intentional. The canteen at Alison's school has been providing breakfast in winter to try to help such students at her school. What really needs to happen is the education of parents like Damian's, on the needs of their children.
     

    Thurs. 3 December

    Some good news. A middle-aged couple, who are friends of Phyllis and John's, are moving out of their large family home, into a unit. The husband mentioned to John that they had to sell a lot of their furniture, because it wouldn't fit into their much smaller unit. John's ears pricked up, and he told them that we might be interested in buying some of it. When his wife heard what we needed so much for, they insisted that they didn't want any money for it, and were just happy to see it go to a good home.

    The only condition is that we collect it on the weekend of the 19 or 20 December, as they move into their new unit on Monday 21 December. As I've always said. God moves in mysterious ways. We were planning to move in everything that we have so far, on Saturday 19 December.

    The furniture includes a solid timber dining table that extends to seat up to 10 people, with matching chairs. There's a lounge suite and also three single beds with mattresses. They even suggested that we could have their excess bedding that fits these beds. It's just amazing how things work out. Well it's not really amazing. We just don't have enough faith, that everything can be left in God's hands.
     

    Fri. 4 December

    After school Alison and I visited several shops that sell beds and bedding to see what's available for ourselves. We'd talked to both Geoff and Lorraine, and John and Phyllis last weekend, so had a good idea about what we were looking for. We decided on a large queensize ensemble that had a long guarantee. We arranged for it to be delivered on the same Saturday as everything else. Everything is coming together beautifully.
     

    Sat. 5 December

    I decided to go and check some second hand furniture places myself this morning, and complete my Christmas shopping. Alison is tied up with Fiona and Sarah getting their dresses sorted out. They left at 9 o'clock this morning, giggling and laughing like a group of young school girls. You'd think they were being let loose on their first shopping spree. When they came back at lunch time they were carrying arms full of bags and parcels. I was told that they'd had a very fruitful morning, and I wasn't allowed to see any of it until the day of the wedding.

    I'd also had a fruitful morning. I saw a very nice old kitchen dresser, with lead-light windows in the doors at the top. I think it'll fit in well at one end of our dining area, and we could use it to store our dinner ware. I took the risk that Alison would like it, and put a deposit on it. I also found a pair of plain timber coffee tables, and a matching nest of three small side tables. The prices were all very reasonable, so I paid for them and managed to fit them into my small car.

    I also saw a large bedhead with matching bedside tables, and a dressing table that could be painted to match. Alison has voiced a few ideas about how she'd like to furnish our bedroom, so I decided to bring her over to have a look first. This furniture was all rather shabby, and would need to be sanded down and painted, so I didn't want to decide without her.

    The girls did divulge that the bridesmaids dresses they'd chosen were a grey/blue colour. They'd bought silk shirts and a tie in the same colour for all the men. I was given mine to put on, and was instructed to go and get changed into my dinner suit as well, and come back for their scrutiny.

    They'd done a good job on size, and as Steve is almost the same size, his should fit OK too. I have to admit I liked their choice, and when I returned for their approval they seemed pleased with the result.

    Alison says they're going keep the whole colour scheme in this muted blue colour with just a touch of yellow and white. She's chosen to have frangipani as her main flower, both in her bouquet, and for the men's buttonholes. I left them still trying to decide if our flowergirl, Chloe, will wear a white or yellow dress trimmed with the blue colour.

    I'm just pleased that Alison is so happy with everything so far. I described the lead-light dresser to her, and she said she was glad I'll bought it. We hitched up Alison's horse-float to her car this afternoon, and Geoff helped us collect it. Alison also thought the bedroom furniture had potential if we painted it all the honey colour that she has in mind, so as we had the float with us, we loaded it up as well. All of it's now stored in Geoff and Lorraine's  garage for the next two weeks. They also approved of my purchase of the tables, so with only two weeks to go before the house is ours, we have quite a lot to put in it now.

    We finished the day by going out for dinner with Sarah and David, and Barry and Fiona. It's so different going out as yourself, and not as a priest. Alison and I have both noticed how people react differently once they know that I was once a priest. So a while ago we decided that we wouldn't mention it, until people had got to know me better, or unless we had to do it, to avoid telling a lie. So we've never told Barry and Fiona what I did before coming to Australia.

    Our decision has led to some funny situations. After some good food and a couple of bottles of wine tonight, we were all quite  relaxed and Barry started telling a few jokes, including some about priests. Sarah looked anxiously across to me, but understood my smile and firm shake of my head. The behaviour of some priests has brought into question the respect that they once were given automatically.

    The jokes didn't hurt or offend me, and I managed to tell a few myself. I could sense the relief on both Sarah's and David's faces. When we were alone later, I explained to them that Alison and I preferred that my previous vocation not be brought up if it didn't need to. They understood why, and were quite happy to go along with our request.
     

    Sun. 6 December

    We had lunch with Fr. Rick after mass today, and told him how we were managing to gradually acquire all the furniture we needed to make our house a home. He mentioned that he'd heard that an adjoining parish was selling off a whole lot of crockery. The ladies of the parish were going to set themselves up as a catering service for a fundraiser, and so they were
    replacing a lot of their old crockery as well as some other items. He gave us the phone number of the person who was organising it, and we rang up as soon as we got home.

    It looks like we might be able to buy quite a lot very cheaply. They also had a hot water urn and a food processor. They're going to replace these with commercial standard equipment. We let them know we were interested in almost anything, as we were starting off with nothing.

    It's amazing how things work out. No, it's not really. If you put yourself in God's hands, then everything is possible. So why does it still surprise me when it all works out like this? 'Oh ye of little faith', I admonished myself.

    At least, when things work out like they are, there's no doubt that we're on the right track, and following our 'yellow brick road' to our ultimate purpose in life.
     

    Mon. 7 December

    I called in on Rick after school, and thanked him for putting us in touch with the people who were selling all the dinner ware. It's all a plain cream colour and will do very nicely for what we need. I stayed for a coffee and had a good conversation with him regarding the difficulties of being a priest. I told him how Alison and I had agreed not to mention my previous vocation unless it was really necessary to our honesty.

    We talked about how people treat you differently when they know you're a priest, and we laughed about my experience on Saturday night.
    "Yeah, some people, (mainly older ones), are practically in awe of you, and treat you as if you're only one step below God", Rick agreed. "then others look at you with utter contempt."
    I smiled to myself, as I remembered Assumpta's reaction to me on the day we first met, after I'd told her I was the new priest. She certainly wasn't in awe of priests, nor did she see them as only one step below God.

    "Of course," Rick went on, "some people use the failures of the Church, and the indiscretions of some priests as an excuse to dismiss religion completely. They use it to justify their own materialistic and self-centered lives".
    I thought about it for a moment before replying. I could see that I'd touched a raw nerve here. I wonder if any specific incidence has caused this uncharacteristically harsh response?
    "That may be the case sometimes," I agreed, "but I must say that these things have also turned away good people, who've been searching for meaning in their lives, and have become disillusioned by some of what they've seen. All we can do, you and I, is try to be a good role model, and do the right thing in the name of the Church."

    I really enjoy having conversations like this with Rick. It makes me think about things, and he understands where I'm coming from, and visa versa. I wish I'd had someone like Rick to talk to when I was a priest in BallyK. I could've done with his counsel on so many occasions.

    One thing I've only just appreciated is how many people in BallyK accepted me for myself, and didn't treat me differently because I was a priest. In fact, I think that was Fr Mac's problem; he did expect special treatment and didn't like it when it wasn't forth coming. Only Kathleen treated him as if he had some special contact or influence with our Lord.
     

    Tues. 8 December

    Alison and I collected several boxes of crockery and cutlery from the other parish after school. It's mostly in good condition, and means we'll have enough to eat off, no matter how many guests we have.

    Steve is arriving two days before we settle on our house. He's going to stay with John and Phyllis, and for security reasons, I'm going to move into our house as soon as we have the furniture in. I haven't told Steve that we're going to use his extra pair of hands to help us move in on the Saturday after he arrives.
     

    Wed. 9 December

    This is the last week that the students in our schools have to attend, before they start their long summer holidays. Alison is extremely busy finishing off the student's reports, and trying to organise everything for the wedding. As well as that, she's trying to sort out things for moving into the house.

    I visited Damian at home after school today, and the situation is even worse than I imagined. I met his mother who's a rather sad pathetic character. His father arrived home as I was about to leave. He was unkempt, demanding and rude. I could sense both his wife and Damian cringe when he came home. The visit didn't reassure me at all, and I felt as helpless as ever when I left.

    On top of this, I don't think I got through to the mother regarding the need for adequate food; especially for growing teenage boys. She seemed to think that Damain was wanting to eat more than he needed. I didn't even attempt to talk to her about hygiene. I think I might leave that to one of the female social workers who works at the primary school that Damian's little sister
    Jane attends. I can see that this family really needs help.

    I asked Damian what he was planning to do in the school holidays.
    "Not much"; he replied, "play with Benjy I suppose".
    I met the pup. It was a scrawny looking little thing, but it's the one bright thing in Damian's life at present. I can understand Damian sharing the limited food he gets with his little friend. I'm going to get Damian a book about training and caring for dogs. I think he'll enjoy it. Not only will it help improve his reading, it may also occupy him in the holidays if he's trying to train Benjy. At the same time, I think I may buy a large bag of dry puppy food, so that Damian's able to carry out the book's instructions on what's the most suitable food for a puppy to eat.
     

    Thurs. 10 December

    The days are rushing towards our deadlines. Tonight I escorted Alison to the Year 10 Dinner dance (or 'Formal' as the students refer to it). It was an interesting experience. These girls are all about 16 years of age. They arrived, mostly with partners, dressed up and looking much older. Alison told me that some girls can spend up to $1000 on their dress, hair, nails etc., and hiring a limousine to arrive in. I was amazed at the spectacle.

    When we arrived, the was already a 'Guard of Honour' of early arrivals lined up to watch and check out who was wearing  what; or who was with whom. It took Alison and two of her colleagues about half an hour to persuade all of them to come inside and wait, rather than standing on the pavement.

    By 7.30pm most of the students had arrived and found their tables. The teachers were seated at two tables placed strategically just inside the doors. Alison said that the school had found it less stressful for the teachers, to employ two people from a security firm to act as policemen. Their main task is to keep the students from wandering off and trying to reach the bar downstairs, where alcohol could be purchased. As all the girls and most of their partners were under 18, no alcohol was permitted in their function room.

    Before long there was a mass of bodies moving rhythmically on the floor. It was good to see them enjoying themselves. Apart from the unnecessary extravagance of a few girls, who'd gone overboard in trying to out do the others, it was a very good night overall.

    I asked Alison about girls who came from families such as Damian's. I wondered when there wasn't much money, how these girls coped. She said that many borrowed dresses from older sisters or friends. Some had mothers who made their outfits. Unfortunately there were always some girls who didn't come because they couldn't afford the ticket, and were too proud to ask for, or accept help. The school tried to identify any girls who might be in this position, but sadly, they were usually the ones most likely to insist that they didn't want to go.

    When I escorted Alison onto the floor we experienced some good natured teasing. It's good for me to mix with these young people, because the majority are just typical nice kids growing up in the 90's. Unfortunately most of the ones I see through my work are the ones with problems, and it can give a biased impression of today's typical teenager.

    I was a bit surprised when, while I was having a rest and talking to Sarah and Rick (their Chaplain), a sophisticated young lady came up and asked me to dance. I think that her group had dared her to do this, as there was quite a bit of curiosity about 'Miss Gibson's English fiancée.

    When the dance finished, I thanked her nicely and gently directed her back to her table. I gave her friends a wink over her head and smiled at them before I returned to the other teachers.

    That group were quite full of harmless fun. I saw another girl from the same group later asked David out onto the floor. I watched them out of the corner of my eye as the dares seemed to get more bold. I noticed with amusement one girl nodding towards Rick, as they seemed to be trying to egg on the girl who'd danced with me, but she was shaking her head. She reminded me a bit of what I think Alison might have been like at the same age.

    I smiled to myself. How I'd love to inform the young lady I'd danced with, that only 6 months ago I was a priest. She probably wouldn't believe me. Even now, I find it hard to believe myself with everything that's happened over that time.

    The whole evening was in good taste, and is a nice way to break down the barriers that have to exist in the classroom, where there needs to be reasonable quiet and direction from the teacher. I looked proudly at Alison, who was chatting to a teacher sitting opposite her, listening to the woman as if what she was saying was the most interesting thing she'd heard all day. Alison looked gorgeous in an attractive light green frock. Her hair was caught back loosely with a sparkling clasp. She's just so beautiful, both inside and out. I'm very lucky, and I constantly wonder what I've done to deserve being so blessed.

    "Do you think they approved of me?" I asked, teasing her in the car on the way home.
    "Yeah. Although I don't think they'd worry too much one way or another", she replied nonchalantly. "Now if you were their teacher, half of them would be in love with you, and then I'd be the target of some viscous looks."
    I laughed incredulously. "You mean that?"
    "Oh yeah, of course. It's just as well you're not at a girl's school. Good looking young male teachers are a real target, and have to be on their guard all the time. Some of these young ladies can be very bold and cunning."

    I told Alison how on my first day at Trinity College I'd been warned to be careful. I was told that I must never allow myself to be left alone with only one female in a room with the door closed. In fact, it's standard policy for the girls to see the female counsellor unless there is an emergency that prevents this; and then I would always interview the girl with either a friend or another adult present. In fact, it's really the same advice given to us at the seminary I attended in London. It's a shame the
    world has to be this way now.
     

    Fri. 11 December

    It's only a week until we settle on the house, and 5 days until Steve arrives. The students finished school today, for 6-7 weeks summer holidays. They don't return until 1 February next year, so next week we have the time to clean up and prepare for the next year.

    Alison and I did a little more shopping as the weather's really warming up now and I haven't a lot of clothes suitable for the hot Australian summer. Nearly everything is organised for our wedding, so that's a good feeling.
     

    Sat. 12 December

    How suddenly the unexpected can happen. Alison felt that she'd been neglecting Tornado lately. What with the usual heavy work load at the end of the school year, combined with our engagement and shopping for the house, she hadn't ridden him for a whole month.

    I agreed to go out with her, and was happy to ride her docile mare Ebony. We rode along some of the tree-lined gravel back roads that skirt around behind Bundarra, to give access to the properties there. Tornado really played up at first, and it took all of Alison's strength and determination to hold him in check. However, he gradually settled down, and after about half an hour
    Alison was able to relax a bit.

    She pointed out a large wedge-tailed eagle that was souring high above us in a thermal, looking for any sign of a rabbit or other small animal to bring back to feed its fast growing young eaglets.

    Because we were looking up, Alison didn't notice a piece of discarded paper by the side of the road. At that moment the breeze picked it up and blew it in front of the horses. Now Tornado being so skittish all morning, jumped sideways away from the paper, throwing Alison off guard.

    She fell off sideways, landing on her shoulder, and Tornado took off up the road. I heard the crack as her helmet hit the ground. I jumped off Ebony and managed to tie the reins onto the low hanging branch of a tree, and ran over to her.

    She lay there unconscious. I felt as if history was repeating itself as I looked down at the still figure that I now loved so much. The memory of Assumpta lying in my arms was just too much. I was sobbing as I gently removed her helmet, and felt for a pulse. The helmet was clearly cracked. I was praying and shaking so much it's a wonder I could feel it. It was only faint, and she was breathing shallowly, but thank God she was alive. I tried to gently ease her into a more comfortable position.

    I took off my windcheater, and made a bit of a pillow for her. I then remembered that at the last moment she'd put a mobile phone in the small pouch around her waist. I prayed that it still worked as I got it out. Thankfully it did. I decided to ring Lorraine at home, because she knew better how to describe where we were, than if I dialed 000 and tried to describe our location to a stranger.

    While I waited for Lorraine to arrive, I held Alison's unconscious body in my lap. I couldn't stop crying as I stroked her face. I told her how much I loved her and that I couldn't go on if I lost her. All the pain of Assumpta's death came back to me in those ten minutes. They seemed like ten hours.

    I was so relieved when I saw Geoff's car coming down the road towards us. Lorraine was just behind, in her car. Alison was just starting to regain consciousness when they drove up. Geoff could see that Alison was in good hands, and the ambulance was only minutes away, so he decided to drive off in the direction of Bundarra, to see if he could find Tornado before he
    caused an accident on the main road.

    The ambulance found us about 5 minutes after Lorraine arrived. Alison was conscious by then, but very confused and she was not feeling well. She frightened us because she'd lost all memory of the last 48 hours. The paramedics checked her over and declared that she didn't seem to have any broken bones. However she was badly bruised, and had lost her short term memory. To be on the safe side, they decided to take her to hospital for observation and possibly some X-rays. I went in the ambulance with her, and Lorraine said she'd follow as soon as she'd found Geoff and organised Ebony.

    What I found so scary, was Alison's loss of memory. She would constantly ask where she was, and why she was there. Then when I patiently explained to her about her fall, she'd listen, then ask exactly the same question two minutes later. This  happened at least five times. The paramedic said that it was quite normal in the case of lost of consciousness and concussion. They explained that she might never remember the actual fall. However, gradually she should be able to recall everything until just before she fell. I found it most unsettling.

    They've kept her in hospital overnight to monitor her progress, but she should be allowed out tomorrow. I sat with her all afternoon, then it was suggested I go out for awhile, as Alison was asleep. I rang Geoff and Lorraine, and gave them an update, because they'd left about an hour before. They're suffering a lot too, because this has brought back memories of Alison's car accident from three years ago. I felt I needed someone to talk to, so decided to drop in and see if Rick was home.

    He seemed really glad to see me. I told him that I needed a stiff drink and a strong shoulder to lean on. He mixed us both a strong Brandy and Coke, and I told him what had happened. Rick's a good listener and so I ended up telling him all about losing Assumpta and why I left the priesthood. He said he'd guessed there was a lot more to it, than simply my deciding that the
    priesthood wasn't for me anymore.

    Later in the afternoon Rick drove me back to the hospital, but Alison was still fast asleep. She looked so pale lying there. I accepted his invitation to go back to his place for dinner, and ended up telling him the whole story of how I met Assumpta again after her death. He was fascinated by what I told him, and never doubted my story. He said that I was very privileged to have had the experience. I think so too.

    He agreed that celibacy was a stumbling block for many priests and brothers in religious life. He said that so far it hadn't been a problem for him, and he prayed that it would continued that way. However, he too felt very isolated at times, and found that he needed another person to talk to in times of stress.

    Until recently, a priest in another parish here in Canberra had been such a friend; but a few months ago he'd been transferred to Western Australia, which is a bit far and expensive for lots of long chats. I said that I hoped we'd be friends, and that I was happy to lend an ear whenever he needed one. He thanked me for that.

    We'd both had a bit too much to drink, so when at 10 o'clock Rick suggested I stay the night, I accepted his offer and rang Phyllis. It's lucky I did; they were just starting to worry about me when they realised I was no longer at the hospital. It was good having Rick distract me from thinking about Alison, when there was nothing I could do for her.
     

    Sun. 13 December

    Alison was a lot better today, although very sore. She was released from hospital this morning, after the Doctor had checked her over one more time. She hasn't any broken bones, but her shoulder is badly bruised. She's really very fortunate, because it could've been a lot worse. Tornado is also OK. Someone in Bundarra had caught him by the time Geoff drove up.

    I think Alison realises what she put me through yesterday. She now has a vague memory of watching the eagle, but not the fall. She says the next thing she remembers is lying in my lap with me crying all over her. Lorraine insisted that she spend the rest of today in bed, so I hired a couple of happy escapist videos for her, and we sat and watched them during the afternoon. She's still very tired so I left early.

    The doctor has insisted that she stay away from school for a couple of days to rest her head. Then she can go back, as long as she takes it easy for a few days. She's so sore, she said she wouldn't be able to do anything else but take it easy.
     

    Mon. 14 December

    I dropped in to see Alison this morning, before going to work. Lorraine informed me that she was still asleep, but assured me that Ali was getting better quickly. I think she be getting impatient too, and giving her family a hard time.

    After school I called in and Alison was walking around. She had her arm in a sling, and I could see she was still quite sore. Luckily netball has now finished for the year.
     

    Tues. 15 December

    Alison is getting better and will be going back to work tomorrow. Steve is due to arrive tomorrow. I think John and Phyllis are pleased that he's coming over, and seem to be looking forward to his arrival nearly as much as I am. I expect that he's flying somewhere over the Middle East at the moment. I rang him last night and he was all organised. I'm so much looking forward to seeing him again; it's nearly four months since I saw him last. He's all I've got left now. I'm so glad we was able to find the time to get out here. He's a bit of a work-a-holic in some ways.
     

    Wed 16 December

    Steve arrived this afternoon. Phyllis and John came out to the airport with me to meet him. It was terrific to see him again; he looked really well. He and John hit it off straight away; they have the same wry sense of humour.

    It was good that John and Phyllis went out after dinner, because it gave Steve and I the whole evening to catch up. I was able to tell him all about our plans for creating a safe foster home. I think he was a bit taken back at first, but tried to hide it. He said that he thought it was a great idea.

    He asked about how I was coping with both your death and Assumpta's now. I told him that it still hurt to think about it, but that I was able to grieve and then concentrate my thoughts on the present and the future. He seems to be coping in the same way; forcing himself not to dwell on the past, but to keep busy with work and other things.

    I'd never told Steve about meeting you and Assumpta when I was sleeping in the haystack. But tonight we were so close, and I felt I wanted to share some of that peace the experience gave me, with Steve. He was rather blown away by what I told him. It was nearly midnight when I finished, and I could see that he looked tired, so we headed off to bed then. I think it gave him quite a bit to think about.
     

    Thurs. 19 December

    John took Steve to the cricket at the Manuka Oval today. It was the Australian Prime Minister's XI playing against the English team. I felt a bit envious that Steve and John could go all day, and I had to work. On the other hand, Steve's a bigger cricket fan than me, so it's really more appropriate that he gets to go.

    It was a very important match for England, because they haven't been playing all that well recently. England batted first, and embarrassingly lost their first four wickets for 26 runs. Steve told me later that he felt like leaving at that stage, and probably would've if John hadn't been there. However after that England picked up, finishing their 50 overs with 225 runs for 8. Angus Fraser had 16 runs (including 2 sixes) off the final over that was bowled by the Australian captain, Mark Taylor. In hindsight, these turned out to be the winning runs.

    When I joined them after school, the Australians had just over 100 runs. Things were starting to look dangerous for England, as a steady Australian partnership was starting to develop between Taylor and Marsh, with 20 overs still to be bowled.

    Taylor went out on 105, but young Marsh was still going strong, and finally went out at 185. Australia collapsed after that, and England won by 16 runs. Steve was very pleased. He jovially announced that he'd pay for us both to see the fourth test in Melbourne immediately after Christmas. It was a very celebratory dinner for us both tonight.

    Tomorrow while I'm at work, Phyllis is going to show Steve around Canberra, and we're going to try to have lunch together.
     

    Fri. 18 December

    We did manage to get together for lunch. Afterwards, I showed both Steve and Phyllis the office where I worked, and then walked them around St. Patrick College. I think it gave Steve a better understanding of what I do, and how this idea of running a foster home came about.

    After school I collected the keys to our house. It seemed a bit of an anticlimax after all the formalities and signing of documents earlier. Anyway, its now ours. Steve and Phyllis were already waiting at the house when I got there, and Alison arrived only minutes later.

    I could see that Steve was rather bowled over when I introduced him to Ali. The admiration in his eyes was very obvious. Thank goodness she's used to that sort of reaction, but it still makes my blood boil. I found both my teeth and fists start to unconsciously clench. I'm going to have to learn to relax, and handle myself better than I do at present when another male looks
    at her that way.

    I felt tense, and found it very hard to not to think about throttling him, when Steve whispered in my ears a few minutes later. We were walking from room to room, and he told me that I was a very lucky man.

    Grrr, I felt like reminding him that he has his own fiancée back at home, and that he was to keep away from mine. I put my arm around Alison's shoulders possessively. I suppose in our teenage years, the age gap between Steve and I meant that we never competed for the same girls. Later of course, I was out of the competition anyway. It was a totally new experience for me to have to worry about losing my girlfriend to my big brother.

    We walked from one empty room into another, and I was pleased that Alison left her hand in mine. It was my way of claiming ownership of her. Steve was very impressed and complimentary with what he saw of our house. He made a few suggestions regarding what furniture we might need, but I don't think he's aware of our financial restraints. He did say that he was very happy to help us move our things in tomorrow.

    After our inspection, Steve and Phyllis went home together, leaving me to follow in my car. Alison turned to me and started laughing. "You should've seen your face", she said between giggles. "I wish I'd had a camera. What did you think he was going to do; run off with me?"
    I felt rather foolish when I realised how obvious my reaction to Steve's look of admiration was.
    "Was it that obvious?" I asked sheepishly.
    Alison nodded with a big grin. "You should take it as a compliment that Steve is so impressed with your choice of a wife. I bet he never thought you had it in you while you were a priest. After so long as a priest, it's going to take him a little while to get used to you having a different life, especially as he doesn't see you that often."

    I realised that she was talking sense. "Come here, you" I said with a grin, as I pulled her close. "The sooner you're mine legally, the happier I'll be." I kissed her possessively, and as she responded I relaxed, and the tension slowly disappeared. We locked up and each had to go our separate ways. Thankfully the big day, after which we can stay together, is getting closer all the time.

    At the Taylor's we all had a very pleasant evening together. After John and Phyllis went to bed, Steve and I had a chance to talk alone for a little while longer. He gave Alison his seal of approval, and declared that she's exactly the sort of girl he'd have chosen for me. He said I was very lucky, meeting her so soon after losing Assumpta. He suggested that meeting her was exactly what I needed. He's probably right there.

    He went on and told me that over the last 48 hours he'd given a lot of thought to what I'd told him on Wednesday night; about meeting Assumpta and yourself. He said that I was very privileged to have experienced what I did, and that it had made him think more about his own faith and his future in the light of God's plan for him. I'm so glad I shared my experience with him now.

    It was great being able to talk to him like that. We haven't shared confidences or been this close for a long time. I'm so glad to have him as a brother. I hope his life and work sorts itself out as well as mine seems to be doing at present.
     

    Sun. 20 December

    I didn't write last night, even though there was a lot to relate, because I was otherwise occupied. I can see that in the future I'll be writing to you less often. Maybe only to record major events in my life. I'm just getting far too busy; and yesterday was very busy, and fantastically special too.

    We all started off bright and early. Alison had her horse float in which we were able to stack a lot of things. Geoff and Ben had hired a large trailer to help us, and John and David had their cars to help as well. We loaded up all the things that had been stored in the garages over the last few weeks and delivered them first. Alison and Sarah stayed at the house to sort out where everything was to be placed.

    Next we collected the large table and chairs that were being donated by the Taylor's friends. They also had a large matching sideboard that they gave to us as well, so that was a lovely surprise. We returned for the lounge suite and later the beds. All this furniture is in good condition, and we're very lucky to have been given it.

    Alison and I are still trying to think of what we can give these very generous people in return. At present they're insisting that they don't want anything in exchange. They claim that they wouldn't have got much for it if they'd sold it to a dealer. Whatever we do, we'll have them here for a meal with John and Phyllis, as soon as we're settled; to show them how their furniture is now being used and cared for.

    Our new double bed was delivered during the afternoon, and the house was starting to look lived in. Phyllis and Lorraine arrived with a picnic lunch for all the workers, and it was great to have enough sitting room for everyone to have a relaxing and comfortable break.

    I took a few photos of all the workers who were helping us. It was all very exciting for Alison and I, as we saw everything coming together like this. There's still a lot of work to be done, but the house is now livable, and we have one week of holidays before Christmas to sort things out. I just know we're going to be very happy here.

    After everyone left, Alison and I stood together in the middle of our living room, still surrounded by some boxes of books and things. We agreed that all the furniture had made a tremendous difference, but that we need a few more things like more bookshelves.

    I put my arm around her shoulders, and looked down at her with a grin on my face.
    "You sure this is what you want?" I asked her, nodding towards all the mess that was still left. "It's not too late to pull out you know. It's a big undertaking we're contemplating."
    Alison smiled back up at me, her eyes shining with excitement and love.
    "Yeah, it is a big thing, but I have this feeling that all this is what I've been moving towards all my life. It just feels so right."

    I gently pulled her close and kissed her; softly at first, then a long lingering kiss that became more and more passionate and deep. We only moved apart when the persistent intrusion of a phone ringing loudly, broke the spell. I couldn't remember giving anyone our new number, and felt annoyed at the interruption. It was Rick, checking to see if we were in yet. He had something he wanted to bring over, to contribute to our home. I couldn't feel angry with him.

    He arrived 10 minutes later, carrying a large roll under his arm. It was a wall hanging that he'd stored for a number of years. It'd been given to him by a parishioner when he left his last church, but was too big for him to hang up where he lived at present. It was of a typical Australian rural scene, with a little pioneer cottage, sheep and the usual eucalypt trees. There was even a little billabong for the sheep to drink from. It was handmade from a range of natural materials, fabric and string, and was very well done. We had the perfect spot for it on the large bare wall in the family room. There was even a hook in just the right place.

    We thanked him for his kind gift, and invited him to stay for some afternoon tea. We still had a lot of food left from what Lorraine and Phyllis had brought over. I put on a fresh pot of tea, and was able to extend what I hope will always be our usual warm welcome and hospitality to our first visitor. Alison excused herself to go home for a shower and to get changed, as we were all going out to celebrate our moving in.

    I chatted to Rick and was again reminded of how lonely a priest's life can be. I'm thankful that loneliness or isolation won't be a problem for me any more. Talking to Rick, I was so glad I'd made the decision to leave the priesthood. It's such a limiting life in some ways. I vowed then that I'd always try to be there for Rick, whenever he needed someone to talk to.

    We had a second cup, and I completely forgot the time, as I told Rick about Fr. Mac in Ireland, and described how we'd clashed over so many things; like being expected to have a car, but being given no financial help in getting one.

    Rick laughed as I related the incident of the 'sweating statue'. I described how Fr. Mac revelled in all the attention, and wanted to milk it for all it was worth, before the true story came out, and we discovered that Liam and Donal had put chip fat on the statue.

    I explained how Fr. Mac and I were always at loggerheads over something. I told him about the time that Fr. Mac decided that I needed a housekeeper that he'd lined up for me. He dragged me reluctantly down to Kathleen's to meet this woman, and when she'd turned out to be only about forty, and very attractive, he suddenly left it to me to explain how we couldn't afford her
    services. On top of that, when we left, he admonished me for not having let him know that the church finances didn't stretch to a housekeeper. He actually accused ME of placing HIM in an embarrassing situation. It still makes my blood boil when I think of it now, so many years later.

    I started to tell Rick about the time Fr. Mac tried to have me recalled back to Manchester by telling my superiors there that I wasn't fitting in. That's when I realised that Alison would be back to pick me up in 20 minutes. We were all going out for dinner and so I asked him to join us. Rick accepted my invitation, and I arranged to pick him up at his house in about half an hour.

    We had a very pleasant evening. Alison looked gorgeous in a dress of sapphire blue that accentuated the colour of her eyes. Steve's always a good talker when he gets going, and he had a lot of stories to tell about the various films and TV shows he's been in. Rick fitted in very well, and was able to add quite a few amusing incidents of his own. I think everyone had a good night, and it was a nice way to finish the busy day we'd had.

    As I'd insisted on sleeping in our new house from now on, Alison had to take me home after dropping Rick off. Even in the darkness, the house looked very welcoming as we drove up. Alison came in, and we wandered through the rooms once more, hand in hand, letting its warm, protective atmosphere envelope us. The feeling was so intimate, almost magical.

    When we came to our bedroom, I looked at the bed that I'd already made up for me to sleep in.
    "This is going to be our special place, our refuge away from all the cares of the world" I said to her, putting my arm around her shoulders.
    "Hmmm. an oasis to escape to, when we need to get away from all the chaos teenagers will bring", she agreed with a grin.
    "Do you want to escape tonight?" I whispered, raising an eyebrow as I looked down at her smiling face. She nodded, and I gently drew her into my arms and kissed her deeply. She returned my kisses with the same passion. I could feel her excitement and desire and it inflamed me further. I felt like I was intoxicated.

    We moved towards the bed without any words having to be said. We were in perfect accord as we laid down together and just kissed each other lovingly. My desire, so long repressed came boiling to the surface. Passion so long held at bay, swept through us.
    "Love me Peter," she begged, as she wrapped her arm around me and caressed my face.
    "I am loving you," I whispered in her ear. and I gave myself completely over to what she wanted.

    Our bodies fitted together perfectly; legs touching, our hips were perfectly matched. She draped her arms around my neck and I loved the smell of her. We made exquisite love, and I can only say that it was a rare gift, precious and sacred.

    Afterwards we lay in each other's arms and I knew we belonged together. I was so glad that we'd 'christened' our new bed in such a wonderful way.
    "No regrets?," I asked her, grinning down at her, aware of her beautiful body that lay next to me.
    "None," she smiled, and gently stroked my face. "I suppose I should be going" she added and started to move away.
    I started in surprise. "What?"
    "Peter, it's getting late; I have to go home," she said regretfully, at the same time lovingly caressing me.
    "Stay the night with me, please Ali," I pleaded. "I don't want to be left to sleep here alone after this".
    She looked down at me, her beautiful blue eyes full of love and something else I want to explore further.
    "I'll have to ring Mum," she explained. "She'll worry and think something's happened if I don't turn up".
    "Well", I grinned, "something has happened, but nothing for her to worry about." I kissed her on the forehead, and pointed her to the phone beside the bed.

    Alison spoke to her mother, and in a calm voice told her she'd decided to stay with me in our new house tonight.
    "How did she react?" I asked nervously.
    "Fine. She just thanked me for letting her know. I don't think she had any problem with it."
    "I don't either," I added, and pulled her back under the covers. I just wanted to explore her wonderful warm body all over again. This time we were more relaxed. We were in our own home, our own bedroom and we had the whole night to ourselves. My last thought as I fell asleep was "How could anyone deny themselves such deep and selfless love?"

    When I woke up, the sun was streaming through the inadequate curtains. Alison was still asleep, her long lashes resting gently on her cheeks. She looked simply enchanting, with her long blonde hair spread over the pillow. I just lay there and feasted my eyes on her, while I relived our love making from a few hours ago. I was amazed how well I'd slept, considering I'd never
    shared my bed with anyone before.

    I couldn't resist the temptation any longer. I wanted to make her conscious of my presence, and I needed to see the love in her eyes again. I gently kissed her. So gently it was like a feather touch, and she slowly woke up. A warm smile appeared on her face when it registered what it was that was stimulating her senses.

    "Good Morning, sleepyhead", I greeted her. "Did you sleep well?"
    "Hmmm. Very well, when I eventually got to sleep," she remarked "You didn't have any trouble getting to sleep yourself, I noticed".
    "Oh did my snoring stop you sleeping then?" I asked with a grin.
    "Well not snoring exactly, but after awhile you just snuggled up, and next minute you were so spaced out you reminded me of a small puppy we once had. It used to drink itself full, then fall into this deep satisfied sleep."
    "Are you telling me I just drunk myself silly with you, then went to sleep on you?" I reached over and playfully started to nuzzle her.
    "Yes, and I nothing I could do would .. "
    She broke off in a fit of giggles as I started to caress her all over with my hands and lips. Our playfulness quickly turned to passion, and again we experienced the same magic we'd enjoyed only a few hours before.

    Exhausted we lay snuggled up together, not wanting to get up.
    "You don't regret not waiting until we were married do you?" I asked anxiously.
    She looked at me and raised her eyes to the ceiling.
    "Peter, if I'd realised that it wouldn't have worried you, I would've had last night happen weeks ago. Don't you realise how much I wanted it to happen?"
    "I'm sorry", I replied. "I'm glad I didn't fully realise what I've been missing all these years."
    "Actually, I'm relieved it happened. This will take the pressure off our wedding night," she added.
    "Ugh, sorry?" I was puzzled by what she meant.
    "Peter, with all the stress of the wedding ceremony, the reception, and maybe a bucks night beforehand, it's not unusual for a couple to not be at their best by the time they're finally alone. I've heard plenty of stories of all sorts of things going wrong. When on top of that, there's the big expectation of sleeping together for the first time, it could spell disaster. Last night was just perfect; we were relaxed and happy, and not carrying any other baggage that could have spoiled it for us."
    "You are so wise, my Darling." I kissed her on the forehead. "I think I understand what you mean."

    "Yeah," she continued. "Take my parents for example. Mum and Dad ended up in two single beds on their wedding night. Dad had made the booking for the motel by mail, asking for a 'twin' room for their honeymoon. He thought that was clear enough. So when they arrived late in the evening that's what they got, 'twin beds'. The motel was completely full, so they couldn't change it. Mum always laughs about it and says she got a very good nights sleep".
    I thought about how many hours sleep we'd got last night and understood what she meant.
    "Dad's never lived it down though", she added.

    "Irrespective of wedding nights, I'm glad you stayed last night." I said, stroking her arm lovingly.
    "So am I," she replied and kissed me again. "Do you have anything for breakfast? Sarah and David said something about coming over later to help unpack."
    I told her I had some tea and toast, but that I'd have to do some shopping for other things.

    By the time Sarah and David turned up, we'd showered and even cleared away breakfast. Funny isn't it. For Alison and I to sleep together in the house was the most normal and natural thing to happen, and yet when David and Sarah turned up, I felt self conscious about it, and was glad all the evidence was gone. And yet Sarah and David have been living together for over a year, and I'm sure they wouldn't condemn us for it.

    Later on Steve turned up and asked how I'd slept? I looked at him quickly, feeling self conscious. I wondered if somehow it stood out in big letters across my forehead, that I hadn't slept alone. Maybe my feeling of contentment was so obvious that he'd noticed. I'm sort of feeling guilty, although my brain knows I've got nothing to feel guilty about.

    By lunch time our house was as ship-shape as it could be. We need more bookshelves, but other than that we've got enough of most things to start with.

    The carpets are quite worn in the heavy traffic areas. I pulled up a corner and discovered some good floor boards underneath. Alison and Sarah suggested pulling up all the carpet in the living areas, then sanding and polishing the floor boards. I'm going to ask John's opinion on this. I can see that polished timber floors with large rugs, are easier to keep clean, and would be more practical with a house full of teenagers.

    When Alison and Sarah tried to gently wash some of the curtains, they just started to fall apart in their hands. They're obviously quite old, so we've decided to just leave them for now, and then try to replace them slowly when we get back from our honeymoon.
     

    Mon. 21 December

    John had a good look at the floor boards and said that he thought that they might be oregon, and definitely worth sanding and polishing. So we started pulling up the old carpets. Steve came over to help us, and so did David, because he's on school holidays now too. It took us all day to lift the old carpet and the under-felt from all the living areas. We had to make sure all
    the nails were out too. Most of it's laying on the front lawn now, waiting to be taken to the rubbish tip tomorrow.

    We've organised for the sanding and sealing to be done while we're away. Looking at the bare floor boards at present, I think it's going to come up quite nicely when it's all finished. Sarah and David are going to take us out tomorrow to chose a large rug for the living area. It's their wedding present to us, so that's really lovely of them.

    Geoff and Lorraine are going to give us new curtains. Alison and Lorraine went out this afternoon and picked out the material. Lorraine is going to make them for us. The way our house is all coming together reminds me of when Kathleen Hendley's house was damaged by fire, and all the BallyK community worked together to help fix it up again.
     

    Wed. 23 December

    Andrew and Maree arrived from Sydney today for Christmas. When they heard that we were short of some bookcases they went out and bought us two nice ones from a secondhand store. They said one was for Christmas, the other a wedding present. John and Andrew borrowed Alison's horse float to collect them, and delivered them to the house this afternoon. They arrived, wrapped in some ribbons and a large bow.

    I feel a tremendous sense of belonging, when I see both families working together to help us in this way. Steve's present to us has been a washing machine that he went out and bought. It's an absolute necessity with a large family, and we're ever so appreciative. He also noticed that we didn't have a Christmas tree, so brought one of those with him when he arrived. He
    borrowed some spare decorations from the Taylor's that weren't being used this year, and decorated it for us. It completed the transformation of our house into a home.
     

    Fri. 25 December

    It's Christmas Day, and the Weather Bureau had forecast a top of 35oC. It felt hot as soon as the sun cleared the horizon. Alison and I went to mass together, in our new parish and afterwards I gave her the amethyst necklace and ear-rings I bought for her weeks ago. I think she was really pleased with them. For me she had tool box full of all the tools I've been borrowing
    off John and Geoff. She'd put it in a plain cardboard box, then wrapped it up. It was so heavy she couldn't lift it out of her car. It was just what I needed, so I was very appreciative.

    We went home to Bundarra, to eat Christmas Dinner(lunch) separately with our respective families, then after lunch all the Taylors joined the Gibson's for the afternoon, and a cold evening meal; not that we needed the food.

    John lit the 'Weber' Kettle barbecue outside early this morning. The large turkey was put in before mass, and was cooking away slowly when I arrived. We were very lucky that it wasn't declared a day of 'Total Fire Ban' or we would've had to turn on the oven and cook it inside.

    My arrival coincided nicely with morning tea. We collected around the Christmas tree and exchanged gifts. So much has already been given to Alison and I, but there were still small personal gifts under the tree as well. A home-baked Christmas cake for us from Phyllis, as well as their offer of the garden make over, a jar of nuts from Sarah and David, and a tie from Andrew and Maree.

    I'd bought a nice ceramic pottery dish for Phyllis, and some Scotch Whisky for John. For both the younger couples I'd chosen some other hand made pottery, and of course the leather belt for Steve as well as an Aboriginal dot painting that I'd found in a shop in the city. I think it will look great in his house in London.

    Steve's gift to me is a flight to Melbourne and a ticket into the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG) to see the start of the 4th Test between England and Australia. He's even got Alison's blessing to take me away, so close to our wedding.

    It's an important match, because the first test in Brisbane was a draw, while the 2nd and 3rd tests were won by Australia. So at present Australia leads the five test series 2-0. England must win in Melbourne to keep the series alive.

    We sat down to our Xmas dinner at about one o'clock. Apart from the turkey, there was roast pork and lots of roast vegetables. They'd been added to the kettle barbecue an hour before the turkey was ready. There were also fresh green vegetables and lashings of thick gravy. Steve and I had chosen some good wine as our contribution to the festivities. As at home, there were the traditional bonbons, and lots of fresh cherries, peaches and nuts on the table. The only difference was that here the fruit was in season, and was picked only this morning.

    To me it seemed a strange choice of meal to be having in such heat, but Phyllis explained that it was a tradition that the men were not prepared to give up, although the women had suggested that lobster and other exotic seafood was just as special, and more sensible in the heat.

    Thankfully, instead of the traditional boiled 'Plum Pudding' after the heavy main course, we had a frozen 'Plum Pudding' that was a compromise. It consisted of a rum flavored dark ice-cream, full of soft dried and glacéd fruits and nuts. It was very nice.

    This is the last time that Alison and I will be apart for Christmas Dinner. After everyone had eaten their fill, we cleaned up, then drove over to join the Gibsons for afternoon tea and a swim. Phyllis had made two salads, and Sarah and David had brought over a large ham, for the evening meal.

    After a refreshing paddle and water fight we had a short rest before Alison put up a net and tried to organise us into a shuttlecock (badminton) competition. While two were forced to be energetic, the rest of us just lazed under the shady trees, drinking cold tea and juice and discussed how cold it might be in England at the moment; and if they'd managed a white
    Christmas. It all just seems so far away. This doesn't really seem like Christmas at all.

    Alison put on the song "I made a 100 in the Backyard at Mum's" by Greg Champion, to unsuccessfully try to enthuse us into cricket. She followed it with Ian McNamara's reply to the first song "I took the Wicket in the Backyard at Mum's" but all she got was a cushion thrown at her, and a threat of a dunking in the pool. Steve and I were amused by the words of the songs
    though. I could appreciate that they reflected a typical Australian family get-together. On the whole, we were all just happy to laze around in the 37oC heat, and didn't feel much like doing anything energetic.

    The evening meal was attempted by most, to be polite, but we didn't really need it. After dinner Geoff produced an interesting video he'd put together from those taken over the years on holidays. I found it really weird, looking at Alison when she was 10 and 12, and later at 15. She was beautiful even then, but petulant and strong-willed when it came to what she wanted. She's grown up to be a far more caring person, and is very sensitive to others now. I love her so much.

    We didn't want to make it a late night, because Steve and I have an early flight to Melbourne tomorrow morning. John and Phyllis are going to drive to Sydney tomorrow, to have a second Christmas dinner with John's mother who wasn't able to come to Canberra, but had spent today with John's sister and their family.

    I kissed Alison and reminded her that there were only 6 more sleeps until we'd be together in every way. She wished me a very happy couple of days with Steve, and insisted that it was important for me to spend some time with Steve while he was here.
     

    Sat. 26 December

    We flew out of Canberra about 8 o'clock this morning. I was really looking forward to seeing the start of the fourth test, and spending time with Steve. I'm glad that Alison was so understanding about it so close to our wedding.

    Being with Steve today was just like the old days, when we went to the County Cricket together as teenagers. It was also very exciting as England's under a lot of pressure. Because England is the under-dog, and Australia is doing so well at present, I had no trouble joining Steve in supporting the visitors.

    We arrived at the ground at about 10 o'clock. We were two of about 52,000 spectators, so there's a lot of interest in this match. It's strange how yesterday (Xmas Day) it was 37oC, both here and in Canberra, and we spent the day trying to keep as cool as possible. Now today, after a cool change overnight, the sky is black and threatening to rain, and the temperature is
    still below 20 oC.

    The Australian captain, Mark Taylor won the toss and to most people's surprise, elected to field; sending England in to bat. Unfortunately, just after the toss, the light drizzle increased and the rain set in. Play was abandoned during the afternoon, but by then Steve and I had given up and decided to explore the city, near where our hotel was.

    The taxi driver suggested we visit the Victorian Arts Centre Complex. That's where we spent several relaxing and dry hours looking through what was on offer. As we entered the Art Gallery, we noticed the impressive wall of falling water. As well as the magnificent art work, supposedly the best art collection in the southern hemisphere, we were very much taken with the
    stained glass ceiling in another part of the building.

    Because of Steve's interests, we checked out the adjoining performing arts facilities. There was the Melbourne Concert Hall that included the Performing Arts Museum. It was advertised as the 'finest theatre museum in the English speaking world'. We both enjoyed inspecting the displays that illustrated the "World of Entertainment, Past and Present". In the same complex we found the Playhouse Theatre as well as the State Theatre that seats 2000 people on three levels.

    The choice of where to dine was difficult; there was as much to choose from as in London. I left it to Steve, he being more experienced at this. We finally decided on a restaurant in Southbank, near our hotel. Much as I don't like flashy places, being with Steve made it quite enjoyable. Steve was just enjoying being able to relax, and eat out anonymously, without being recognised and stared at all the time.
     

    Sun. 27 December

    Fortunately we still had the second day at the cricket. After the rain stopped play yesterday, the next four days are to be extended by one hour each. Although the rain eased overnight, today dawned overcast and blustery, so that leaded bails were needed to keep the wicket intact. Melbourne is notorious for it's changeable weather, and was described as having had four
    seasons in the last 48 hours. The crowds were down to only 25,000 people today, and Steve and I were well prepared, having brought our waterproof jackets.

    Our captain Alec Stewart opened the batting; and supported by Mike Atherton, completed his first century against Australia. It included 16 fours, and gave England the lead it needed. By lunchtime Steve and I were feeling quite optimistic that England was pulling itself out of the doldrums at last. We were amused when we overhead a few Australians grumbling that Mark Taylor had misjudged, by sending England in first.

    Eventually England was all out for 270. Although Australia was supposed to bowl 27 overs before stumps, it was reduced to 18 because of bad light. At the close of play, Australia were 2 for about 40, with Taylor and Slater both out, so it's looking good for England.

    It's a pity in some ways that we couldn't have stayed another day, as this match was starting to get exciting. On the other hand, I couldn't wait to get back to Alison. She was waiting to meet us at the Canberra airport, and had tea organised for us at her parent's house. It was nice to get back to her.
     

    Mon. 28 December

    While I was away, Alison had cleaned and sanded the bedhead and dressing table. She gave them their first coat of honey coloured paint today. We moved our bed out into one of the other rooms, and I started to paint the walls in a paler shade of the same honey colour. Steve had offered to come and help, so by mid-afternoon whole room had had its first coat.

    While we worked, we listened to the cricket on the radio. The day was still cool, about 20 oC, but sunnier than when we'd been there yesterday. This temperature is good for us while we're working. The crowds had picked up again to 43,000, and by the time Australia was on 127, there were two more Aussies out.

    Steve Waugh came in before lunch, replacing his twin brother. He battled for the rest of the day, running out of partners when Australia was on 340, leaving England a deficit of 70 runs after the first innings. By the end of play, England had reduced this lead to only 5 runs.
     

    Tues. 29 December

    Today we gave the bedroom furniture and walls a second coat, and with David's help even finished off the window sills and door jams. Again we listened to the cricket as it reached a thrilling climax.

    England batted steadily all morning, and was all out for 244 half an hour before tea. So Australia needed only 174 runs to win. It looked like England was going to lose again. England set off, determined to defend their lead, while Australia was just as determined to beat it.

    After 8 overs Australia had 31 runs, when they lost their first wicket. Slowly and steadily the Australian score rose, until it reached 4 for 130. After that once more the Australian batting collapsed, with England taking the last 7 wickets for only 32 runs, before Australia was all out for 162. This gave England the match by 12 runs. So now we've clawed back Australia's
    lead in the series to 2-1, with only the 5th test to come.

    Steve and I were ecstatic. We painted some pro-English comments all over the walls, before painting over them again. Alison follows the cricket loosely and said she'd love to accompany us to any future matches, especially if Australia should win. I threatened to paint her next.

    This winter I'm going to get her involved in following the local football more. It's not easy to keep up with Middlesbrough F C's progress here, but I'm detemined to improve this when we get settled in. I'm going to indulge myself by getting a satellite dish or something. Some things, like trying to keep up with your favourite football team back in England, makes it clear how far away from 'civilization' Australia is.
     

    Wed. 30 December

    The bedroom furniture was all finished and dry, so we were able to set up our bedroom today. Alison showed me the curtain material she's chosen, and I think it's going to look very nice.

    We met everyone at the church this afternoon for a wedding rehearsal. It all seemed to run smoothly, once we'd located the key, hidden behind a brick in the garden, and found our organist. She didn't turn up until Rick phoned her, and found that she thought it was Tuesday today. I reminded her that the wedding was on this Saturday at 2pm, and wrote it all down for her. I
    hope that means there'll be no hiccups on the actual day.
     

    Thurs. 31 December

    It's New Years Eve. All the Taylors, Gibsons, Barry and Fiona with Chloe and Fiona's mother, traipsed down to Lake Burley Griffin with rugs and baskets of food and wine. We found a good spot that gave us a clear view of both the lake and main bridge, and laid out our rugs and gear there. While waiting for the fireworks to start, we enjoyed eating cold chicken and other
    delicacies out in the open, on the balmy night. Later we watched the magnificent display which was simulcast with music broadcast by one of the local radio stations. It was quite impressive.

    I sat supporting Alison in my arms, and thought how great it was to do things as a family. I watched little Chloe get excited watching the rockets streak up into the blackness, then burst into a ball of coloured sparks. She was a little frightened by the bangs at first, but loved the whoosh of the rockets as they arrowed upwards before they lit up the sky. There's something special about seeing the world through the eyes of young children. "Look at the man in the lake, Gran," she pointed out excitedly when she noticed one of the organisers in a boat out on the lake.
    "I'm really looking forward to us having a child of our own", I whispered in Ali's ear.
    "I'm not so sure about that," she said, nodding her head to where Barry was chasing after Chloe who was heading straight towards the water.

    After the display was over, the oldies took Chloe and headed for home, while we younger ones insisted that the night was still young. We decided to see what other entertainment was on offer in the city, and see the New Year in there.

    We wandered in to Civic (commercial centre of Canberra), and joined a crowd of over a thousand people to count down the last 30 seconds of 1998. I thought about the year that's just gone. It's been the most eventful year of my life, and I hope ever. I'm sure 1999 is going to be much better.

    The others thought they might go on to a nightclub, but Alison and I decided to head home, telling them that we had a very busy few days ahead of us. Also, Alison had told her parents not to expect her home tonight, so we had something far more enjoyable than hanging out at a nightclub to anticipate.

    After a wonderful time lovemaking we lay together and contemplated what 1999, the last year of the century and millenium would bring for us. Only two more sleeps until our wedding.
     

    New Years Day. Fri. 1 January

    I couldn't avoid a Buck's night party tonight. The girls took Alison out to some secret location, so David and Steve had been instructed to take me somewhere.

    I went along with it, because the alternative was a lonely boring night alone, worrying if Alison was OK. I was determined not to drink too much, and invited Rick along as a safety measure. Steve gave me a really queer look when I announced that Rick was joining us.

    Rick's inclusion may have caused them to change their plans to go to one of the more exotic night spots in a less family oriented part of town. We ended up going to the same nightclub they'd attended last night. I could see that both David and Steve looked tired, and they didn't have the strength to resist when Rick and I suggested we go home to my house, and watch some horror videos that the girls probably wouldn't want to see.

    We bundled them into David's car and I drove home. They woke up briefly to go inside, but I don't think they'll remember much of the video. Half an hour after midnight seemed a suitably late time to return them home. There was no resistance when Rick and I hustled them back out to the car, and we delivered them both to their respective homes. I told Rick how much I
    appreciated his help and support, and indicated I owed him one. He's a good friend to have.

    Well it's already our wedding day, so I'm going to close now and try to get some sleep. I don't know how much I'll get tomorrow, nor when I'll find time to write in this journal next. This time tomorrow I'll be a married man. I thank God for all the blessings He's heaped on me these last months. I hope I won't let Him down.