Sun 2 Jan

For Alison and I, today was a special day, being exactly a year since we were married. And what a year it's been; full of changes and challenges. This year should bring much less change, but the challenges will always be there when you take on a teenage family and other commitments. Also much of the year will be taken up in planning for our big trip to Europe in September. The logistics of travelling with four children including a baby will require a lot of organization. Most of this will fall to me because we are visiting places I'm more familiar with than Alison.

Although it was our wedding anniversary today, we weren't able to do anything really special as we were far too busy getting
organised to go to Sapphire Beach for a week tomorrow.

The day started well, with Stephanie having had a good night and waking only once. As usual, she finished rest of the night in bed with us. I woke about 7am, and slipped out of bed carefully, so as not to wake either of them. I'd bought a beautiful ring for Ali a few weeks ago, and was able buy to a dozen long-stemmed red roses yesterday. These I hid in the bathroom upstairs overnight.

I managed to get breakfast almost prepared before Stephanie woke. When I went in, Alison was already feeding, so I wished her Happy Anniversary with an affectionate kiss on her forehead, and told her I'd hold off breakfast until she was finished. Watching them together, I felt such a deep overwhelming sense of love well up inside me. These two are the two most important people in my life, and I love them so much, it almost hurts.

Ten minutes later, with Stephanie gurgling and satisfied, I brought in Ali's breakfast and my gifts. On my knees I told Ali how much she meant to me, and how much I loved her, and I thanked her for the last 12 months. She in turn showed me how much she loved me, and gave me two beautiful photos of herself and Stephanie that she'd had taken professionally. They were different shots and each one was in a lovely silver frame. They'll be perfect for standing on my desks at work. Getting one for each school I work at was a good idea. I'll be able to look at them, and be reminded of how much I'm loved whenever things get tough.

We were able to have a peaceful breakfast together before a few thumps from upstairs indicated a waking of the troops up there. After mass, we spent the rest of the day washing, ironing and packing for our week away. We've booked a large cabin, and are all looking forward to having this holiday together with some of the other members of the family. Rick is going to look after our pets, so he came around to collect them during the afternoon. Damian and Jane helped Rick escort them and their belongings back to his house, and settle them in.

By the dinner time we were all tired and wouldn't have enjoyed going out. Lisa had made a nice dinner so that was really sweet; and so we celebrated our first wedding anniversary at home together with the children. We saved the top tier of our wedding cake last year for this occasion, so we cut it after our dinner, and everyone had a small piece. It has remained in perfect condition, so we wrapped the rest up to take and share with the others at Sapphire Beach.
 

Mon. 3 Jan

It's amazing that it's only 16 months ago that we were here last. So much has happened in that time. Then my love for Alison was only just awakening, and I was still very confused about where my life was heading. Now I'm a husband and father, with the added responsibility of supervising four teenage children canoeing on the lake, or surfing in the ocean. I feel so much older, and hopefully wiser than I did then. I don't think anyone could suggest I only look about twelve now, as a certain young lady described me nearly five years ago. However, I did enjoy myself like a twelve year old in the water this afternoon. I was very thankful for Sarah's and David's help in keeping an eye on them all, as Ali was tied up with looking after Stephanie.

Tomorrow is going to be a bit cooler, so we'll do the beach walk early in the morning. If we take our towels and swimming costumes we can have a swim at the sheltered beach at the end of the walk.
 

Tues. 4Jan.

John, Geoff and Ben took the youngsters fishing late this afternoon, and they caught enough fish to feed everyone for dinner. Jane and Damian are not as negative about eating the fish they caught as they were last year. With lots of salads there was plenty to eat.

Stephanie has been very good, considering this is a foreign environment for her. In fact, the change in her surroundings seems to have kept her amused. She is almost four months old now, and loves to watch what everyone is doing. She has kept someone, mainly Alison, tied up for most of the time. All the adults have given Ali a break, but she says she doesn't mind. The other four, especially the younger children, need almost as much constant supervision as Stephanie when they're in the water. I feel quite exhausted at the end of the day, so I'm very thankful for the help we've been given.
 

Wed. 5 Jan.

Jason had been sitting listening to our conversation.
"What sort of work did you do in Ireland, Peter?" he asked. "Were you a school counsellor there too?"
I realised that the younger three children didn't know I'd been a priest. Lisa did, but the topic hadn't come up in conversation in their presence before. There was no point in not being honest with Jason, but I did hesitate a moment before I told him.

Jason's eyes increased to the size of golf balls as I told him; and his mouth momentarily dropped open.
"You were a priest?" he said incredulously.
"Yeah," I smiled at him. "Does that make any difference in the way you see me?"
"Nn..oo, I don't think so," he replied unconvincingly. "But a priest is a specially holy person who is really close to God. You have to respect priests, even if you don't like them, because they speak direct to God. They get to hear peoples confessions and give out penance, and they can't marry and have kids."

"True; but do you have trouble respecting me?" I asked him.
"Nah, 'cors not;" he replied quickly. "It's just that we respect you different; for yourself, as a friend, not 'cos you're close to God. Priest's are close to God aren't they?" he asked looking for reassurance, now that he knew I'd once been a member of that 'holy' group.

I tried to explain to him that priests were ordinary people who felt called by God, to give up things like having a family, to serve God in all aspects of their life. I could see Jason's mind ticking away, sorting out this new-found knowledge, before he came up with another question.

"So why'd ya leave then?" he wanted to know.
I stopped for a minute, and thought about Assumpta, and everything else that led up to my decision to leave the priesthood before her death.
"I suppose the main reason was because I couldn't agree with everything that the church thinks is important, and wanted me to say." I replied
"Like what?" Jason wanted to know. "Like sex before marriage is wrong, type of things?"
Jason's question reminded me of my first meeting with Niamh, when she asked my advice about living with Ambrose before she
agreed to marry him. I smiled to myself as I remembered Ambrose coming to me for absolution, because he thought he might be pushed into sleeping with Niamh before they married. I also remembered my advice to Ambrose to only do some of the things married couples do, but leave out some.

I realised that Jason was still waiting for my answer.
"Well, I did find the church very inflexible on some things. It often seems to see everything as being either right or wrong; as black or white but never grey. The church doesn't seem to accept that in most circumstances something may be wrong, but in certain instances the same action maybe in the best interests of some people."

"I don't understand," Jason looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Like what sort of things?"
So I told him about visiting a lonely old man (Judge Bradley) in the hospital in Cilldargen.
"He was dying and didn't have any family. My parish priest wanted me to visit him, to encourage him to leave his money to the
church. I visited him because he was lonely and unloved, and he needed someone to talk to, as he had no friends."

I told my audience (the adults were all listening now), how Judge Bradley had told me that ten years before, his wife who was very ill, had made him promise to help her die if the pain ever got too much to bear. He'd been forced to keep this promise, when later she'd begged him to give her more drugs for the pain. He knew that they would kill her, but he felt he had no choice, so did it.

"Now the church would say this was murder," I explained, "and I was very shocked when the man first told me. We were trained to believe that 'all life is sacred in the eyes of the Lord', and I told him that; and that he'd committed a mortal sin. As soon as I said it, I lost the man's trust and friendship, and there was suddenly a barrier between us."

I related to them, how when I went home I thought about it some more.
"One person said something to me that made me realise that everything isn't as simple as the church makes out. The old man helped his wife to die, out of love for her, and to alleviate her suffering. He kept the promise she'd asked him to make. I found it hard under these circumstances, to agree with the church, and condemn the man for committing a grave sin."

"I think I understand what ya mean", Jason said when I finished. "Are ya sorry that you stopped being a priest?"
I didn't hesitate. "No, definitely not," I told him. "I realised that being a priest was not right for me anymore. It taught me a lot, and prepared me for the work I do now. But I'd rather be married to Ali, have Stephanie, and look after all of you; than be responsible for a whole congregation." I ruffled his hair affectionately.  I explained that I hadn't liked going home alone to an empty house every night, while everyone else went home to their families and loved ones.

Damian came over and joined in the discussion. I told them that I didn't mind them knowing about my previous vocation, but asked the boys not to pass the information around at school. I said that at school I preferred to be just plain Mr. Clifford, student counsellor, rather than ex-priest Father Clifford. I explained that all the adults knew, and Lisa too, and I didn't mind Jane knowing; but I suggested that they leave it until Jane herself asks one day.

Both boys nodded in agreement. I think they felt I'd let them into a big secret, and they wanted to show me that they could be trusted not to leak it. I gently cuffed Jason on the chin as he promised not to discuss it outside the family. Then they happily headed off to join the John and Geoff and the others who were going to see if there were some possums to feed in the trees near the playground.

Later, before going to bed, Lisa mentioned to me that Jason had discussed his new-found information with her. She admitted that she'd completely forgotten about my previous vocation until Jason had brought it up. I suppose it means that she's accepted me for myself as I am now, so that's good.
 

Thurs. 6 Jan.

Jason: "Gee Dame, what do you think about Peter being a Priest? For six years he married people and said mass and heard people's confessions."
Damian: "Yeah. I wonder if God's angry with him for dumping on him?"
Jason: "Nah. Peter still goes to church and tries to help people. The only difference is he doesn't do the priest jobs in the church, and he has all of us now.   I suppose that's why he an' Rick are such good friends. I wonder how Alison feels about marrying a priest?"
Damian: "He wasn't a priest anymore when they married."
Jason: "D'ya think he gave up being a priest to marry her?"
Damian: No. He gave up being a priest in Ireland. He didn't meet her 'til he came here."
Jason: "Gee, how d'ya know that?"
Damian: "John told me. Lisa said that Ben told her that Peter left Ireland 'cos a good friend died, and then his Mum died. He came to Australia to get over it.

It felt strange listening to two young people discussing my private life. Ali and I sat quietly. We both felt a bit guilty at eavesdropping, but neither of us were able to stop. Besides they would've heard us if we'd moved. I had to control the urge to laugh out aloud. After a few moments they continued.
Jason: "Did Ben say if the good friend was a girl?"
Damian: "No. I don't know, only that it made him very sad, as they were very good friends. When his mother died, Phyllis and John invited him to come to Australia for awhile.
Jason: Well I'm glad he came here, aren't you. If I'd stayed with me Mum an' Dad, I'd 'ave been in Quamby by now."
Damian: "Why?"
Jason: Well I was just followin' me brother Darren, who pinched cars. He and his mates were smokin' pot, and tried to get me to. I think Peter made me see how stupid it was to do that. I can see now that I'm much better off workin' at school and gettin' good grades. Then I can do lots with me life. I think I wouldn't mind joining the Army. The TV ads look real excitin'.

Damian: I think Jane is happier here. We don't get picked on at school like we used ta. And Benji's safe, and doesn' get kicked. He gets lots'a good food now. I hope Benji's happy with Rick. I suppose priests are always nice, and care for animals as well as people.

It was interesting to hear how these boys interpret their situation. I'm glad they're both positive about their futures. Also I found it interesting to hear what they thought about my past. I suppose as a child I was always a little in awe of priests too.
 

Fri. 7 Jan.

Jason came up while I was entertaining Stephanie in the shade of a large river red gum, while Alison was having a bit of a splash in the lake. He wanted to know if anyone had ever confessed a crime like a murder to me, and if I'd ever had to wrestle with my conscience about telling the police. I told him that there weren't many crimes committed in BallyK, but there was a time when I was asked not to tell the police some important information.

Jason's eyes lit up in anticipation of a good story. So I told him about Christmas over two years ago, when Kevin and his father were looking after Con O'Neill. Kevin had followed Con into a disused mine, where Con had discovered some hidden contraband. Con knew there was a mine-shaft just inside the entrance, so he called out to Kevin to be careful; but it was too late, and Kevin fell down the shaft. Con was terribly frightened thinking he'd killed Kevin, so he ran away. When the police caught him, he insisted that he'd only tell me. He finally confessed everything, asking me not to tell anyone. I managed to persuade him to tell me where the shaft was, and to let me tell the police, so we could get help for Kevin.

Jason was disappointed, and said that he had meant a proper crime. He asked me why I'd become a priest. So I told him that at the time it seemed to be the most obvious way that I could work for God. I'd felt I was being called to help people, and with
encouragement from my mother and our priest, I entered the seminary. I told him that it wasn't until I'd been in Ireland for over 2 years, that I realised how often I found myself in conflict with the church's teaching. It was about then that I started to think about leaving the priesthood.
 

Sat. 8 Jan.

Lisa has only a few days left now before she and Rachel leave for the UK. We had a barbeque for our last meal together here.
Stephanie had fallen asleep in her pram, so I asked Phyllis and Lorraine to look after her, so that Ali and I could go for a walk along the beach alone, for one last time.

I directed Ali along the same route we walked the first time we kissed. The moon was close to full, so like last time it lit up the path for us. It was warmer than last time, but other than that our surroundings looked the same. Of course Ali and I are somewhat different people now. At that time we talked about why I'd left the priesthood, but I hadn't been able to tell her about Assumpta then. It seems a whole lifetime ago now.

On the beach I took Ali into my arms, and we shared a passionate kiss. Thankfully we don't have to wait for snatched moments
anymore now; well we do, but only because of constant interruptions. Thank goodness the children need to sleep at night, and we have most of that time to ourselves.

Although the beach wasn't totally deserted at this time of year, it was still very beautiful. We sat down on the fast cooling sand and watched the moon's light shimmer it's reflection off the unusually quiet ocean. We listened to the quiet motion of the waves, as each one broke on the sand followed by the next one. The moon light was enough so that we could see the water trickle back down to meet the next wave rolling in. It was very peaceful and relaxing, just feeling the rhythm of these natural forces that have been repeating this for hundreds of years on this beach.

We knew that tomorrow would bring the hustle and bustle of packing and the drive home. Then there'll be the washing and sorting, and the work needed to finalise everything for Lisa, so she has everything she will need in the next twelve months. So we savored the gift of this restful time together, and enjoyed the utter beauty of it to the full, before walking slowly back to our responsibilities.
 

Mon. 10 Jan.

He is now almost 15 years old, which is the minimum age at which anyone he can enter employment. Like Jason, Damian wants to earn some money so that he can have some to spend on our big trip in September.

With only two days to go before she leaves, Lisa is very excited, but she's also getting stressed. She's having difficulty trying to fit everything she thinks she'll need into one large suitcase. The phone calls between here and Rachel's home have been almost non-stop since we returned home from Sapphire Beach.

We had a farewell party for Lisa and Rachel at our house this evening. There were about 20 young people, as well as both their
mothers. Geoff, Lorraine, John and Phyllis all came to wish the girls a very happy year.
 

Wed. 12 Jan.

I decided to take everyone out to a family restaurant for dinner, as a treat and a distraction from the fact that Lisa wasn't with us. I don't think Ali and I appreciated the calming influence Lisa had on the two boys. Being older, but still an adolescent, they often listened to her and Rachel's opinions, whereas they often dismissed our views as being out of date and not in touch with their generation.
 

Thurs. 13 Jan.

Fri. 14 Jan.

After his lifesaving class this morning, Damian came home and had a shower and dressed himself neatly for his interview. He's put together a folder containing his most recent school report, a reference he asked Rick to write, and the certificate he was given for being the most improved student in year 8 last year. He looked nervous, but waved bravely when I dropped him off outside the Supermarket office.

When he came out half an hour later he was smiling. He's been asked to start on Monday. He was carrying a bag containing the
company's distinctive striped shirt. They want him to wear it with black pants and shoes. We bought these on the way home, so
Damian is very excited.

The boys emailed Lisa, to tell her about Damian's new job, and to let her know how their lifesaving classes were going. I asked her to email a reply as soon as she got it, to let us know that our messages were getting through. I also asked her to let us know how she's finding it so far, and wished her well in this new experience. At this time of the year it's probably colder and darker there than she's ever experienced before.
 

Mon. 17 Jan.

Tues. 18 Jan.

Wed. 19 Jan.

Thurs. 20 Jan.

We'll started on a management plan first, as it will show what funds are needed. There's still a lot of work to be done. It's been
suggested that the church employ a part-time youth worker, who as part of his or her role could oversee the centre with the help of rostered volunteers. This is an interesting suggestion, and we both agreed it had some merit. Rick is going to look into it further with the Bishop. There seems to be a lot of support for a centre from many of the parish families.
 

Fri. 21 Jan.

Mon. 24 Jan.

It's only a week before all our youngsters go back to school. I return to work this week too. So today we went out with all three to get their books and any new uniform items they needed.

Jason is now entering the last two senior years of secondary school, so he has to wear a white shirt, instead of the junior grey one. We purchased two new white shirts and a new senior blazer and tie. Damian was generally OK in that his shirts from last year still fit him. However, he'll need more things when winter comes.

Jane naturally needed a whole new set of uniforms. She's very excited about starting at St. Catherine's next week. I was just thankful that I could charge all the school uniform costs to the fostercare administrators, who manage it for the Government. It must be very difficult for large families at this time of year, especially when it is only a month since Christmas.
 

Thurs. 27 Jan.

There was also information from a company that hired cars that were suitable for large families like ours. The children have been pouring over brochures we collected from a travel agent here a few days ago. They want to travel to London and Paris, but also asked about Disneyland. We promised to look for a European equivalent, but failing that, we may take them to visit Dreamworld in Queensland in the future.

I'm surprised how narrow is the experience of these children. They've hardly been further than Sydney, and don't have much concept of the world outside Canberra, except what they see on television. This naturally has a strong American influence. Damian and Jane expressed some interest in seeing windmills and dykes in Holland after looking through one of the brochures.

Jason asked about visiting a place where they experience 24 hours of darkness and daylight. I tried to explain how far north (or south) this would be, and also how in September we'll actually experience the equinox when all places on the earth have equal hours of daylight and darkness. A geography lesson then followed, and I think they understood my explanation.
 

Fri. 28 Jan.

Before we could book our fares we had to fill in all the paper work applying to take the children out of the country and for their
passports. We naturally had to get their parent's permission for this.

Jason's parents didn't mind. They happily signed, but said something about Jason thinking that he's better than the rest of his family now. I started to deny this accusation, then realised there was no point in pursuing this misconception. If it's what they want to believe, nothing I can say will change their minds. If they think that Jason choosing to stay away from the negative influence of his brother was indicative of him thinking he was better than them, then nothing I could say would persuade them to think otherwise.

Damian's and Jane's parents were more concerned, and at first refused to give their permission. I tried to explain to them what a wonderful opportunity it was for the children, but got nowhere. I promised that I'd make sure that both children sent a postcard to them from each different place they stayed in. I also reassured them that the children would come back to Australia in time to start the fourth term in October. They signed hesitantly, and I assured them that their children would have a wonderful time.
 

Sat. 29 Jan.

So Ali and I are thinking about spending just over two weeks travelling from Paris, through northern France, through Belgium and finishing up in Amsterdam, before returning to London. This will expose the children to two foreign languages, and some different customs, something that is almost impossible in Australia. We have to find the right balance between doing too much in 4 weeks, and seeing enough to make the long trip worthwhile.

Phyllis and John think it's a good plan. They are going to leave Australia in early August, and will meet up with us in London a few days before the children fly back. They will then accompany the three children back to Australia, and look after them for two weeks until Ali and I return. They are truly two wonderful people.
 

Mon. 31 Jan.

We she came home this afternoon she was bubbling over with excitement as she told Ali about her first day. By the time I came home she was ready to repeat it all again to me. It appears that she had a very good first day. Emily is in her class, as are a few more girls from her primary school; so Jane is very happy. Tonight we have a number of forms to fill in and information to return. Alison told me later, that Jane's pastoral teacher, Mrs. Wilson, who she also has for two subjects, is experienced and firm, but also very caring when the girls are having problems. So we are thankful for this.

Jason also had to report to his school this morning; mainly to check his classes and timetable. If it was all correct, and Jason's was, then they were free to leave at lunchtime. Tomorrow is their first normal day when all the students return to classes.

Like Jane, Jason also arranged to meet Jonno so that they could arrive together. Jason certainly looked very grown up in his white shirt, senior blazer and tie. I think he must have grown a couple of inches over the holidays.

I went back to both schools last week to tidy my desks and sort out any problems that had arisen over the weeks while the students were on holidays. I also worked from the Centacare Office on a few things related to my work. There are a number of new counsellors starting this year, so one of my tasks was to help them settle in and show them the ropes. I will generally be at St. Patrick's College for the first half of the week, and at Trinity College on Thursdays and Fridays this year.

I feel quite at home here now, and rarely get ribbed about my English accent. Of course I have managed to Australianise it somewhat so as not to stand out as much as I did when I started. That's one thing about Canberra, being the country's national capital and centre for all the embassies, it's a very cosmopolitan place and so is mostly very accepting of people for who they are, and not for where they come from, or how they speak.

At least in this work I can work with people, which is what I enjoy, and was one of the things that attracted me to the priesthood. This way I can do the work I love, and have Alison and Stephanie, so I feel very fortunate and blessed.
 

Tues. 1 Feb.

Damian has now been working at the supermarket for 2 weeks. He did an extra shift yesterday when some of the older students had to start back at school. He was told that he'd picked up the register skills very quickly, so he doesn't need to wear the "I am a Trainee" badge any longer.
 

Fri. 4 Feb.

Our three children were all tired by the end of the week, but they seemed happy with their teachers and classes so far.
 

Sat. 5 Feb.

Stephanie is almost five months old now and she loves being in the midst of any activity. We brought her portable cot, but she refused to settle down in it. In the end we left her up, and she was happy being passed around from one adult to another for most of the evening. Then suddenly about 10 o'clock we knew that she'd reached the end of her co-operative mood.

Ali quickly fed and washed Stephanie, and dressed her in a sleepsuit. I ushered everyone into the car and Jane who sat next to
Stephanie distracted her while we bade everyone a hurried farewell and were off. As expected, Stephanie was fast asleep when we reached home, and I thankfully was able to carefully transfer her to her cot so she didn't wake up.

I looked down at her peacefully sleeping form, and my love for her welled up inside me, until I felt I might burst. How could anyone chose not to have children I wondered. To me she looked like a perfect little angel. However, as is still her nightly routine, I know that in a few hours time she'll be back in our bed. We haven't worked out how we're going to break her of this habit yet, and insist that her proper sleeping place is actually in her own cot in her bedroom.
 

Mon. 7 Feb.

We are even getting used to not having Lisa with us. An email arrived from her today. She seems to have settled into her new role as a tutor very happily. She's been in contact with Rachel who's also happy with her school. They are going to meet up next Sunday and spend the day together in York.
 

Wed. 9 Feb.

He said that he had some sad news to pass on. Ambrose Egan, the local gard and a good friend, drowned last year while trying to rescue some people who were trapped by the rising tide. His wife Niamh, and son Kieran, both found his death very hard to cope with, and so had moved away to Dublin for awhile.

A few months before this tragedy happened, Sean Dillon, a long term resident who'd left BallyK 20 years ago, returned after his wife died in England. He and Niamh became friends, and just before Christmas they married. They are thinking of leaving BallyK and moving to London.

On a happier note, Brendan and Siobhan are the proud parents of a little daughter Aisling. Brendan said that he was enjoying the parenting role. He and Siobhan remain friends, but have agreed that anything closer might spoil the good relationship that they now have. They are raising Aisling together without living in the same house. A very interesting situation Ali and I both thought. I can only assume Aisling is far more placid that Stephanie is.

Brendan also said that he'd been promoted to the position of headmaster of the Ballykissangel National School over a year ago now.

I'd asked Brendan in my letter about what happened to Fitzgerald's. He explained that after Assumpta died, the pub was auctioned, and Brian Quigley bought it. Niamh ran it until Ambrose died, and then Brian leased it to Oonagh Dooley. When her family moved in, to everyone's surprise, (including Brian's), her husband turned out to be Paul (alias Sean) Dooley, the plumber who became the local member of Parliament after the death of Bertie O'Doyle. He spent 6 months in gaol in Dublin for bribery, corruption and tax evasion, but was now out. I can understand him wanting to change his name, especially when staying in the same district. They have two children, Dermot and Gráinne, who are at the local BallyK school.

Another change since I left, is that Padraig has gone. Not long after Assumpta's death, Kevin left BallyK to live with his mother and further his education in England. Padraig really missed him, and not seeing a lot of future for himself in BallyK on his own, he followed his son to London.

I'd also asked Brendan about St. Joseph's and the new curate. Brendan said that my replacement was also quite young, and he was straight out of the monastery. He was very caring, but extremely naïve. For example, he didn't know that he was supposed to get paid a stipend as a priest, and had no idea of shopping when he first arrived. Being Irish, Kathleen was more tolerant of his short comings than she'd been of any perceived ones of mine.

I can see that when we go back later this year, a lot of things will be different in BallyK. I suppose life is like that. Children are born and grow up; adults get older, and people die. I wonder how Fr. Mac is now?

I'll reply to Brendan in the next few days, and thank him for all the news. I'll also congratulate him on his promotion and convey my sadness at hearing about Ambrose. At the same time I'll let him know about Alison and Stephanie, and our plans to visit BallyK in September. I wonder if I should ask Brendan to tell Fr. Mac, or should I leave it as a surprise? I wonder how they'll react to me, and the fact that I'm now married? I suppose I'll be able to sense some of the likely reaction when I hear from Brendan again.
 

Thurs. 10 Feb.

It's been interesting to see how Jason has started to take on the 'Big brother' role in the family since Lisa left. He offered to help
proof-read Damian's research a few days ago. He also seems to be more responsible in watching out for Stephanie. Last night when she started to grizzle he checked her and found she had a wet nappy. He actually offered to change her nappy for us, something Lisa often did. Ali hesitated, but knew she had to let him do it. He did quite a good job for a first time.
 

Fri. 11 Feb.

It reminded me of the quiz we held at Fitzgerald's, as part of the Pub Tournament against the McLogan team from Cilldargen. We were behind when Donal, who normally wasn't considered the smartest person in BallyK, saved the day by unexpectedly answering the last very difficult question, to win the tournament for Fitzgerald's.

As I reminisced about the quiz and the circumstances surrounding it, I remembered how difficult a time it was for me. Assumpta had just come home with Leo as her new husband. I'd never in my life felt so hopeless and depressed about the future as I did at that time. There was of course a lot worse to come, with the devastation of Assumpta's death after the euphoria of discovering our love for each other. I pushed these sad thoughts away, and thanked God again for how wonderfully He's looked after me.
 

Sun. 13 Feb.

It's hard keeping Stephanie cool and comfortable in the heat. When she can't sleep she gets cranky and can make us all a bit short tempered. We are considering putting an air conditioner into the living area downstairs. It's a pity these older houses weren't built for the hot Australian climate like many new houses are now. John and Phyllis designed their house to minimize the effect of the sun in summer, but maximize it's free energy in winter. Maybe we'll get an expert to look at our house and see what could be done to modify it to improve its energy use.
 

Mon. 14 Feb.

In some ways St. Valentine's Day has become very commercialised, but if it stimulates people to tell their partners how much they appreciate them, then that's a good thing. It's very easy to go on living and take each other for granted. Only if people feel that they have to spend a lot of money to show how much they care, is the day spoilt and commercialised. Ali's little chocolate and note was appreciated far more than anything expensive she could have bought for me. The flowers were not very original, but Alison was very pleased to receive them, and they looked lovely in the living room.
 

Tues. 15 Feb.

Ali has promised to go to the carnival and watch Jane swim. It will give Alison the chance to catch up with some of her colleagues too. I've promised to try to organise my lunch break so that I can be there to see her race. We rang Jane's parents and invited them to come and watch too.
 

Wed. 16 Feb.

His training at McDonalds has made him think about leadership. At dinner he announced that he thinks he'd like to be in a leadership role in the Army. We are just thrilled that he seems to have lost contact with most of his former mates, and has only had a little contact with his brother Darren, who was the one who tempted him to get into trouble with the police.

Darren dropped out of school last year without completing any qualifications. He told Jason that he's making some effort to find work, otherwise his unemployment benefits will be cut. However, he's not really serious about working. Jason commented to us how silly Darren is to keep going on like this. He sees Darren's only future being in gaol, if he continues this way.

I thanked God when I heard this. Only a year ago Jason was heading in the same direction, and now he sounds more mature than Darren. I'm thankful for the opportunity I've been given, to show Jason an alternative future to what at the time was probably inevitable. I'm also very thankful to Jonno and his family, who had enough faith in Jason to stick by him when he was in trouble, and gave him the support he needed.
 

Thurs. 17 Feb.

From the brochures, Jane has asked to see Madurodam, a city in miniature in the Netherlands. She thought it sounded like Cockington Green here in Canberra, so we'll have to see it for ourselves. The children and Ali would all like to see the places in Holland where the people still wear the traditional costumes as their regular daywear, so I'm trying to find the best locations for this that will fit in with our time allocation.

I'd mentioned about Anne Frank's house in Amsterdam a few weeks ago. Jason said that his English class in Year 9 had read it as a class novel. Ali found a copy when Damian expressed an interest in reading it; and now Jane has started reading it. So this famous house that has been preserved intact since the end of the war, is now on our itinerary as well.

We are at present trying to plan 5 days each in France, Belgium and the Netherlands. We will do this before returning to London to put the children on the plane for home. Ali and I will then go across to Ireland for about a week.
 

Fri. 18 Feb.

Jane has a very slim little body that seems to glide very easily through the water. She came third in her heat, so that was very nice and she was thrilled. She scored three points for her house and was congratulated by Emily and a few other friends who came to escort her back to the main group.

Unfortunately I had to go back to work, but Ali stayed to watch the rest of the program. She said that although Jane didn't make the 50m freestyle final, she did swim a leg in the 4X50m relay, and her team won that race. So Jane was very excited when she came home with the Blue 1st ribbon pinned to her uniform.

One thing that caught me by surprise when I arrived at the large Aquatic Centre where the carnival was being held, was all the
coloured balloons and streamers in the different house colours. The cheering that went on was almost deafening, especially during the races. Between the races there was chanting and challenges issued from one house towards another. I commented on all this team spirit to Alison. She explained that most of the girls were very proud of the house they were in. They usually stayed with that house for their whole six years at St. Catherine's, and often there was a family tradition as well. On sports days, support for their house was taken very seriously by most students.

Some student house leaders had arrived as early as 7.30am to set up their banners, balloons, and other coloured paraphernalia. There was a cup given at the end of the year for the house that displayed the greatest house spirit over all the sports carnivals held throughout the year. The closest I've ever come to experiencing such near hysteria, was at football matches in England.
 

Sun. 20 Feb.

I took a book and a cool drink outside into the garden this afternoon and found a shady spot to park myself. I had a quiet rest while Ali and Steph had their naps inside.

What I like about this garden is that it's constantly changing. As one plant loses its flowers and recedes into the background, another comes forward with its floral display and captures our attention. Today it's the hydrangeas that are looking magnificent, standing out from the crowd, and providing a backdrop for the small pink coreopis and diasca. There are also a number of New Zealand hebes in flower, as well as the pretty gauras (often called butterfly plants). The pink and white Japanese windflowers are also starting to get ready for their autumn display.

I noticed that a few leaves on the cut-leaf birches were starting to turn yellow. The end of summer is not far off.
 

Thurs. 24 Feb.

I could tell that Michelle had something serious that she wanted to discuss. She didn't want to be overheard, and insisted on the door being closed after I tried to discretely open it. I asked if she understood why I should keep the door open. She nodded, but pleaded that I close the door. We compromised by opening the curtains. This meant that we could be seen, but our conversation couldn't be overheard.

Once that was settled, Michelle told me that her friend Amy was pregnant and hasn't told her mother. Her father died late last year, and her mother was finding it very hard to cope. She was making Amy's life hell, and Amy felt that she couldn't talk to her. Amy is missing her father terribly, as they were very close, and her father used to be the mediator when she and her mother had an argument. And now, as a final straw, her boyfriend and father of the baby, wants to end their relationship. Amy was too scared to tell him about being pregnant in case he thought she was using it just to keep him with her.

I asked Michelle where Amy was; then sent her with a note to collect Amy from class. Amy was very shy and hesitant at first, but didn't bear Michelle a grudge for having told me about her problems. It took a little probing at first but then the whole story came tumbling out. She tearfully told me how she was frightened that her mother would call her names and throw her out when she found out about the baby. Now that her boyfriend has walked out of her life, she felt she was completely on her own, and had nothing to live for.

I understood how Amy felt. After I lost Assumpta so soon after losing Mum I felt there was nothing left to live for, and I would have gladly died. Amy first lost her father, and now on top of that her boyfriend has left, just when she needed him most. She's not close to her mother at all, and as she's suffering from morning sickness, she can't explain why she's not well to her mother. She also has two younger brothers who she's trying to help come to terms with their father's death. However, there seems to be no-one in the family who can help her. There was another flood of tears, and Michelle tried to comfort her. All I could do was offer a sympathetic ear at this stage.

When Amy had calmed down a little, I asked her what she thought she'd achieve by killing herself. She replied defiantly that at least she wouldn't have to go through with all the difficulties she faced at present. I asked Amy to think of her mother's reaction when she heard that she'd ended her life. She agreed that her mother would feel pretty awful, especially so soon after losing her husband. And her brothers, how would they cope after learning she killed herself? Amy said that they'd feel really bad, because she tried to shield them when her mother was having one of her depressions.

Her grandparents too would be terribly upset; especially her grandfather who was so very proud of all her achievements so far. There were more tears as she contemplated their reactions to hearing that she was pregnant. We agreed though, that they'd be more upset if they heard that she committed suicide.  I went on and had Amy think about how her death would affect other people. Michelle said that she'd never get over it if Amy died that way, and nor would Michelle's mother, who Amy had talked to at times when her mother's moods had driven her out of the house.

We talked about how the rest of her classmates, and her teachers would feel. We discussed together the reaction of everyone when one of their classmates died in a car accident two years ago. The whole school was very upset. Amy admitted that she still remembers the horror of seeing the film of the mangled car on the television news every time she passes the site where the accident happened.

Amy was beginning to understand how her death would affect so many people around her, even people she didn't know well. I told her that life is very precious, and not something that should be just thrown away when things get tough; and I agreed that things were very tough for her at the moment.

"We are sometimes put through terrible experiences that are nearly impossible to bear, so that we can learn from them," I said.
"How do you know that? Things couldn't get any worse that this."
I agreed; and pointed out that in that case things could only get better. I explained that if she tackled one problem at a time, then she would come through the situation a stronger woman, who could look forward to a bright future.

"You sound very sure of this, " she retorted challengingly. She looked me in the eye, but appeared more cheerful than she'd been so far. I looked directly back at her.
"Amy, I believe that we are here on this earth for a purpose. I believe that some of us have to experience terrible ordeals for a reason that usually won't be clear to us at the time; but they are part of God's overall plan for us."
"You sound like you are speaking from personal experience," she stated. She was starting to look beyond her own problems, and that was a good sign.
"I am." I said simply.

She looked interested, so I thought it would do no harm to tell her a little more. I reasoned that it might help her to think about the possibility of a brighter future, no matter how dark it seemed at the time. I explained to them that I hadn't told many people about this, as it was still a very painful memory.

They both nodded, so I told them my story of how several years ago I'd lost my mother at just the time I'd got up enough courage to tell the girl I'd loved for three years how I felt about her. They both were listening attentively, so I went on and related how I was amazed to find that she cared for me too, and we joyously started to plan a future together. Then suddenly, in the wink of an eye she was electrocuted, and died instantly. I described how at the time, although I never seriously contemplated killing myself, I would've been very happy for someone else to take my life, as I felt I had nothing to live for. I just wanted God to take me. I told them that I left the town where it all happened, and all our friends and everything that reminded me of her, and came to Australia.

The girls were silent and I wondered if I should say anymore. In the stillness I had the feeling that I should continue and finish my story. I'd only shared it with a few very close friends, and I hesitated to open myself up to two young girls I'd only met an hour or so before. What if they thought I was being stupid? But something was pressuring me to go on and complete what I'd started. So I told them of the experience I'd had, that made all the difference as to how I now see my life.

I described how in a dream Assumpta came to me and reassured me that she was at peace and very happy. I related what I'd seen, and how I was taken to see both my parents, and that they too seemed very happy and at perfect peace. When I'd indicated that I wanted to stay there too, I was clearly told that my time hadn't come yet, that I should go back because I still had things I must do in this life. I continued, and told the girls that I met a being who appeared to be pure light, and who I interpret as being our heavenly father. Radiating out from this being I'd felt perfect love, and all the pain and sadness that I'd carried with me after my mother and Assumpta had died was gone. I too just felt perfect peace.

It was obvious that my story had affected them both, and they didn't laugh like I'd feared they might.
"You were very lucky to have experienced that." Michelle said after a moment.
I agreed that I felt very privileged having been allowed that experience. I told them that I didn't understand it, but I'd lived it, and it had helped me a lot in my darkest hours. I told Amy that I believed that she too was here for a reason. Maybe to support her mother while she sorted out her life, and came to terms with losing her husband, maybe to help her brothers, and nurture this little baby that was growing inside her now. I pointed out that there might be some other important role that she was here to perform; our next Florence Nightingale or first female Prime Minister. This brought a smile to their faces.

I explained that Amy's mother could be helped with grief counselling, and her brothers too could be helped. I pointed out that her baby needed her, because it was totally dependant on her, and she had to think of it too. I suggested that she go to talk to a doctor or family planning clinic with Michelle and get herself thoroughly checked out.

Michelle suggested Amy stay at her house for a few days if her mother agreed. So we rang Michelle's mother who turned out to be a really sensible but caring woman. She was very supportive when I explained the situation, and she offered to come to the school and collect both girls. She was happy to take both girls to the family planning clinic for Amy to be checked out, and suggested that she go with Amy to tell her mother. This wonderful lady is also going to try to get Amy's mother to seek some grief counselling, as she is obviously going to need support over the next few months.

I felt quite drained when they'd gone. As the female counsellor had returned, I briefed her on what had happened, then I decided I needed some fresh air. I told the office staff that I'd be out for an hour, and I walked home to have lunch with Ali for a change. It was great to be able to switch off from other people's problems for a short while, and have a quiet meal together.
 

Wed. 1 March

The Youth Centre plans are coming on well. Bishop Armstrong gave Rick the name of a young man who intends to enter the seminary next year. This year he is finishing off a postgraduate degree in Social Work, and he needs to earn some money. The bishop thinks that he might be a suitable manager for us. He lives in at the University, and his name is Shaun O'Connell.

I agreed with Rick that he sounded promising. Rick had promised Bishop Armstrong that we'd interview him and see if he was
suitable. It seems a good idea that if he is going to work in the Centre, that he should be included in the future planning of it. We
arranged for one of the parents who is on the parish council to make up a panel of three with Rick and I, and we'll interview Shaun early next week.
 

Thurs. 2 March

His advice to Amy had been to "get rid of it". This offhand and careless attitude had made Amy realise that she was better off without him. She is going to a counselling group organised through the Family Planning Clinic with her mother, in order to understand what her options are.

Mon. 6 March

We were unanimous in our decision to offer Shaun the job for 25 hours per week. Frank Anderson as a lawyer will draw up a
contract for the bishop's approval. Rick will ring Shaun tonight, and tell him that the job is his if he wants it, and that we'll have the contract ready as soon as the bishop has approved and signed it.

Shaun indicated that he wants to work on his thesis in the mornings, then come out to the Youth Centre ready to open up by 4pm on Mondays to Thursdays. The centre will be open until 8pm, and also on Saturdays from 12 noon until 8pm. We have decided not to open on Fridays when we have Youth Group, and to defer deciding about the hours it will open during the holidays until after it has been operating for a school term.

As the manager, Shaun will be in-charge of opening and closing the centre. He will keep the coke and snack machines stocked up and help with any counselling. On his suggestion we will ask the Parish Council to form a Youth Centre Committee of 3 to 5 people who Shaun will report to. This committee will be responsible for the budget and the roster of volunteers who will work in four hourly shifts.
 

Wed. 8 March

Poor little thing has probably been feeling very sore. I remember many years ago when I had a wisdom tooth coming through. It made my whole mouth and jaw sore. At least we know what was wrong now. Hopefully now the tooth is through the pain will disappear. Ali is just hoping she doesn't start to bite because Maree is talking about weaning Bradley as he has been biting her.

Stephanie is sitting up now. We have to surround her with pillows and spread her legs out, because if she gets excited, she throws her arms up in the air in jubilation. Then suddenly she falls backwards, or sideways, and then of course there's tears.

She is 6 months old now; half a year. We've come a long way. She is such a powerful but engaging personality. She can be very charming and smiles when someone or something amuses her, but if she doesn't get her way the thunderclouds set in and we all know something has displeased her. We have tried to ignore this, but to our regret. If she decides to object by crying, it's almost impossible to ignore her.
 

Thurs. 9 March

She thanked me for making her realise how many people cared enough about her to be affected and upset if she had killed herself. She said that she appreciated that I'd shared my personal experience with her, and she assured me that it wouldn't go any further.

Her morning sickness has got a lot better now. Partly due to the reduction in stress I expect. Her mother told her that she'd support Amy if she wanted to keep the baby. She would take time off work for several months to help Amy with the baby that's due in August.

On Amy's request, I went with her to speak to Mrs. Robertson the principal, and explain the situation. Mrs. Robertson looked a bit taken back that it was myself, as the male counsellor coming to talk about a particularly female problem, but she didn't comment on it in front of Amy.

I let Amy do the talking. Thankfully Mrs. Robertson was attentive and listened to Amy explain her problem, and her proposal to continue at school for the rest of the semester. They both agreed that Amy should then take the rest of the year off, and resume her studies next year.

Mrs. Robertson sought me out later in the day to asked how I happened to get involved in this situation. I had no choice but to explain to her why Amy's friend had been so worried, and felt that she couldn't wait until the female counsellor returned. I assured her that this sort of thing didn't happen very often, but that neither the girls, nor their mothers had expressed any concerns as to my handling of the problem. Mrs. Robertson agreed that it was obvious that Amy had no problem in asking me to accompany her to face 'the dragon' about the situation.
 

Mon. 13 March

We are having a family party for Damian on Saturday out at Elouera.

Planning for the Catholic Youth Centre, as Bishop Armstrong wants to call it, is coming along nicely. He wants all the parishes on the south side of Canberra to have input, because he doesn't want just one parish to 'own' it. It will start up in St. Jude's hall, and the interim management committee that the bishop has appointed are all associated with this church. However, he wants to spread the load and responsibility over all the parishes in the region, and each parish has been asked to provide at least one or two volunteers. The bishop has asked Rick, Frank Anderson and myself to go on the interim committee with two other parents. The centre will open to the public on the first day of Term 2.
 

St. Patrick's Day, Fri. 17 March

After mass the boys changed into casual clothes, then each class set up their stall or activity to raise money for the school's main
charity for this year; to provide money to help set up and equip a new school in East Timor. All the schools were destroyed in the fierce fighting last year after the countries vote for independence. One of St. Patrick's old boys is now a priest there, so the school will send all the money raised to him.

One of the biggest fundraisers was the "Dunk Tank" which was set up in a large plastic lined swimming pool. Teachers had been coerced into volunteering to sit on a seat above the water. Students then paid $1 to throw a ball at a target above the person's head. If their ball hit the target, a catch was released and the teacher, or other 'victim', feel into the water. A number of teachers came well-prepared, wearing wetsuits. The principal agreed to participate if the students were charged $2 per throw when it was his turn.

Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to escape this experience either. I was lucky that it wasn't until in the last few minutes when I went into the water twice. It was quite cold sitting there once I was wet. Fortunately I was prepared with a change of clothes, so I quickly changed once my turn had expired.

Another very successful stall was a "Sponge Throw". This was along the same principle as the Dunk Tank, but was run by a junior class. They had prepared a large cardboard shape of a person, with a hole cut out for the head. Again teachers and senior student leaders were persuaded to volunteer to put their head through the hole to allow students who'd paid $1, to throw wet sponges at them. At least this time only the head and neck became wet.

At 2pm, after all the stalls had been cleaned up, there was a concert put on by the Year 12 boys, and at 50 cents entry fee, they raised nearly $500. The rest of the stalls brought in about $2500, so the principal thinks that a cheque of $3000 can be sent to East Timor; so that's very good.

At Youth Group tonight everything was green and had an Irish theme. We played music from The Corrs and U2, then watched a video of the film "A Love Divided", which is set in Northern Ireland. It tells the story of a young couple in which the wife is Catholic and the father is Protestant. It initiated some lively discussion afterwards on tolerance. I'm amazed at the large proportion of people here who have Irish roots.
 

Sat. 18 March

Phyllis made a large chocolate cake in the shape of a wombat, and iced it in a brown and grey frosting that she brushed the top of it so that it looked like real fur. With small chocolate buttons for eyes, and a small smooth round chocolate biscuit for a nose the effect was impressive. Damian was very touched, and thanked Phyllis for the effort she'd gone to. I made sure we'd taken a photo of it before it was cut and eaten.
 

Sun. 19 March

After university he inherited some money from his grandmother who'd died, so he used it to travel overseas for about a year. He spent a number a months in Kenya and then later he went to Equador, where he worked with a priest who'd been at his school a few years before. This is when he first started thinking about becoming a priest himself.

Meanwhile, he said he's happy to help the kids here and agreed to speak to the Youth Group one night about his experiences.
 

Tues. 21 March

We are gradually getting together a list of suitable volunteers who are happy to give up four hours of their time every week. We need to make sure that we always have at least one female volunteer present, so we are still looking for some more women. Trained counsellors from Centacare have offered to run a training day for our volunteers, so that they will be better able to identify young people who may need some help. They will also be shown how best to help these youngsters if the need arises, and avoid creating bigger problems out of small ones, which is always a danger.

A local electric business has been very generous in donating us a large television set and a VCR, so the young people can watch a video if they wish. We have started up a video library as well as a book one. We were very fortunate to have had a large foldable table-tennis table donated to us, and we've bought two medium sized pool tables at cost price from money that has been donated.

These will be set up in the main hall at the stage end. At the other end near the kitchen, we will set up the snack and drink vending machines, and tea and coffee facilities. There'll be a couple of tables with chairs set up, and we're also looking for anyone wanting to donate some comfortable old lounge chairs.

St. Jude's Parish has managed to raise $1000 over the last few months. The bishop is trying to get all the parishes in the south of the city to do the same. The diocese has committed itself to fund Shaun's salary from it's Youth Budget. So generally the committee feels that we have everything under control, and we're on target to be ready for the opening at the moment.
 

Thurs. 23 March

I probably wasn't really needed, but the school preferred there to be two staff on each bus of 40 students, so I'd been asked to
accompany them. The principal's philosophy also is that it's good for the student counsellors to get out amongst the general school population; to be seen, and for the counsellors to meet the students in some of their regular activities. For me it was more enjoyable and relaxing than what I normally do in my office.

At 2.45pm we started to round the students up. The teacher in charge of the excursion, Mrs. James, (who'd travelled on the first bus), asked us to count the students onto the two buses and make sure no-one was missing. Meanwhile she went to the office to settle the account.

This we did, and we made sure there was exactly 40 students on each bus. Everyone was accounted for, so Theresa, (the young teacher with me on the second bus), and myself chatted to the driver while we waited for Mrs. James to return from the office.

A few minutes later the first bus moved off. I was a bit surprised that I'd missed seeing Mrs James return, and that she hadn't popped her head in the door of our bus to make sure we had everyone on board. We pulled out behind the first bus and followed it back to school.

As we neared our destination Theresa reminded the students that as it was still 15 minutes before the close of the school day, they were to meet on the front lawn when they got off the bus. This was so that they didn't disturb the rest of the school who were still in class.

We pulled in behind the other bus whose students were already moving onto the lawn. Joel, the young male teacher who was the third teacher with us, alighted carrying Mrs James' bag and folder. He was looking around with a puzzled expression on his face. "Where's Mrs James?" he asked. "Isn't she with you?" I looked blank.
"Why would she be with us?" I replied. "She was travelling on your bus".
"I know," he answered. "But when our bus driver took off, I assumed she must've got onto your bus."

I sent him to the school office to ring the War Memorial, while I helped Theresa supervise the 80 students on the lawn who were already trying to escape to their lockers. I was glad it wasn't me who had to explain how we'd lost a teacher and left her behind.

Joel came back a few minutes later looking quite embarrassed. Mrs. James had already rung the school 10 minutes ago, and she was very angry. She'd come out of the building just in time to see both the buses disappearing in the distance. She had a dentist appointment in half an hour, so Joel excused himself to go back to the War Memorial to pick her up. Theresa and I exchanged a smile, but found it difficult to keep a straight face when we were asked about Mrs. James' disappearance by the students.

When the bell went, we dismissed the students and headed inside. The story of the teacher who'd been left behind had spread like wildfire amongst all the staff. I felt rather sorry for Theresa and Joel. It's something they won't live down for a long time. I suppose they're just thankful it wasn't a student they'd left behind, and an irate parent they had to face.
 

Fri. 24 March

I've been asked to go on a Year 9 three-day bushwalk next week. They needed someone experienced in hiking and able to drive the small 12-seater bus. By sending me, it didn't reduce the Physical Education staff as much. I just hope it goes more smoothly than yesterday's excursion.
 

Sun. 26 March

Tues. 28 March

Wed. 29 March

Ian, the teacher in charge, drove one bus, while I followed in the second bus with the assistant teacher Liz and 11 students. Our
destination was Budawang National Park, which is in NSW, east of Canberra. It took us about 2½ hours to get there.

We turned off the main highway to the coast about 20km before reaching the ocean. We then had half an hour driving through the forest to a creek crossing. This was the start of their hike. The students had been divided into four hike groups of either 5 or 6 students. They were sent off at 10 to 15 minute intervals by Ian, each group having the same map and route to follow.

While Ian supervised their leaving, Liz and I drove the two buses a further 20 km up the track to the finish spot. Here we left one bus, locked it up, then returned back to Ian and the start in the other bus. We arrived back just as Ian was letting the last group leave. It was 11am, so we shared a thermos of hot coffee and some cake that Liz had provided. After we'd given the last group enough time to get well ahead of us, we packed up and left the empty thermos in the locked bus and prepared to follow the students on the first leg of the walk to the first campsite, our destination for tonight.

Today's hike was quite easy, and by 3pm we'd arrived at the designated site. Three of the groups had arrived ahead of us and were busy setting up camp. The missing group, the third to have set off, consisted of 5 boys, and was the one Ian thought might give us some trouble.

It consisted of one problem boy who always thought he knew everything, so didn't bother to listen. This turned out to be Ryan, Kyle's younger brother. Ian had found it difficult to place him in a group, because no-one wanted to work with him. The other 4 boys in this group were two pairs of good friends who were generally well behaved and co-operative, so Ian had added Ryan, to make up a group of 5, the minimum number he would allow as a group. I was glad to see that Damian was in a cheerful group of 3 boys and 3 girls. Ian said that the two boys had probably invited Damian to share with them, so that they wouldn't be asked to put up with Ryan.

While Liz and I set up our tents and prepared the fire, Ian took the radio up a small rise behind the camping spot to see if he could make radio contact with them. They weren't answering and he was getting a bit concerned. Then, just as he returned, the group walked in.

They were not a happy bunch. They had taken a wrong turn on one of the tracks, and so hiked about 5km longer than they had
needed to. It appears that when they reached this track junction, in his usual manner, Ryan had insisted they turn left. The other four all believed that they should turn right, which turned out to be correct. However, Ryan had insisted that he was right and he declared that was going his way.

All the students had been instructed that under no circumstances were they to split up the group unless a person was injured. To do so would result in the whole group failing their hike. So these boys thought that they had no choice but to follow Ryan in the wrong direction. Ian said that he would have a talk with the group after they'd eaten, but the priority now was to get their tents up as quickly as possible, then cook their meal.

After we'd eaten, Ian took Ryan aside and suggested that he needs to listen more to the others. He told the whole group that they had to communicate and navigate more by consensus, or some of the group could fail this part of their course. They agreed that they would try, so it'll be interesting to see how they go tomorrow. Ian is going to send them off first in the morning.
 

Thurs. 30 March

One unpleasant result of the rain is the appearance of leeches. We had quite a few. They seemed to bother the girls more who were wearing white sandshoes and socks. Of course, the red mark of the blood on the white socks also made their presence more obvious.

Again the same boys group seemed to be having trouble agreeing on which way to go. We came across them arguing at a track
intersection. Ryan was completely disoriented, but was trying to convince the others that they were at an intersection that was actually 1km further ahead of them. The other boys this time were standing their ground. We sent them off ahead of us and shadowed them for the rest of the day. Ryan seemed to resent this, but I think the other four boys were happier knowing that we were close behind, in case Ryan chose to argue with them again.

When we reached our campsite close behind Ryan's group, both the mixed groups of six students had arrived and were setting up their tents. The all girls group of 5 had not yet arrived. They were the group who had the wet sleeping bags, so Ian was a little concerned to know if their bags had dried out.

I quickly set up a tent while Ian tried to contact the group on the radio. Ian decided to leave Liz to do the cooking, while he and I started to hike back. Liz had a radio, and we arranged to call her and let her know what we'd found in exactly one hour, if we hadn't returned by then. At that time she would stand on a small knoll 100m away so that we had the best radio contact. We carried our rucksacks with a tent and a sleeping bag each, and some emergency food. We'd left all unnecessary things behind to lighten our load. This allowed us to move quickly.
"However," Ian pointed out, "you never know when you might have to carry a student's pack, or even a student. So it's best not to carry anything extra just in case."

We retraced our steps for about half an hour, coeeing and calling out regularly as we went. We were almost out of time for getting back, and the sun was going down behind the mountains when we heard them. They had taken a wrong turn earlier, so were running behind schedule. They had tried to radio us but they weren't able to make contact. Their one watch had stopped, so when they thought the light was fading they'd set up camp in the clearing by this small creek. This was probably a little earlier than they should have done it, but they'd picked a suitable spot and were already set up.

They were all fine, and the sleeping bags had dried out successfully. Ian assured them that they had done the right thing, as it was always best to be safe than sorry. However, it was advisable to carry more than one watch. The radio battery may have gone flat because they'd left the radio switched on unnecessarily.

While Ian radioed Liz and checked to see if everything was OK at the main camp, I set up our tent. Liz assured us that all was fine with her groups (including Ryan's). They were all cooking and having their meal. She said she could cope on her own and was happy for us to stay here with the girls. We were only about 2 km apart, but it was too late to pull up the girls' camp and amalgamate again.

Ian and I quickly made a fire and we cooked up the spare dried meal package we carried. Ian made an interesting pudding out of dried fruit and a powder mixture with water, and we washed it all down with 'Billy Tea'.

After dinner we showed the girls how to set up their gear inside the tent so that they didn't get wet if it rained. They were all very tired, and as a number of torches no longer had active batteries, everyone was in their sleeping bag and ready to fall asleep by 8.30pm.
 

Fri. 31 March

Because everyone had retired so early last night, we had no trouble getting the girls up and moving soon after sunrise this morning. We reached the main group just as Liz was preparing to send the second group off. It was only about 8km to the bus, so we sent the last groups off at ten minute intervals.

Liz had had a quiet night. Damian's group had invited her to join them at their campfire when they heard that Ian and I would stay with the girls. They'd toasted marshmallows and shared a hot chocolate before they too had retired early. The group that had caused all the trouble earlier, seemed to have settled down and started working better together. Ryan had probably been forced into co-operation through over-whelming peer pressure.

The last leg of the hike was reasonably easy, being mostly along an old logging track. All four groups were waiting for us when we walked in. Ian and I drove the bus back to pick up the other bus we'd left at the start, while Liz supervised the students having morning tea, lunch, and afternoon tea rolled into one. When Ian and I returned, we loaded the buses and returned to school close to the time we'd told the parents to expect us.

It was good to hand them all back to their parents safe and sound, with nothing worse than a few leech marks. It was great to see Ali who'd come to pick us up. Jason and Jane were looking after Stephanie, so we didn't hang around. Ian as teacher-in-charge, insisted that he would wait until the last parent arrived, so we were able to get away quickly.
 

Sat. 1 April

Damian was particularly caught out as he had a soccer match that started at 10am. When he came down, all the clocks showed just after 10am, so he nearly panicked until Jason called out "April Fool". I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Damian try to physically thump Jason. Luckily Jason ducked, and then apologised to Damian. After catching my eye, Damian then said sorry to Jason for getting so mad at him when no damage had been done. Jason then offered to go with Damian to the soccer and watch Damian play, because the Trinity College team was playing an unpopular rival team from the north of Canberra on our local ground. This gave me the morning off to relax, so I thanked Jason for his offer.

After having been away for three days it was nice to have a quite relaxing breakfast with Ali and Steph. I promised to take Jane to her hockey match this afternoon. With weekend sport and part-time jobs, Saturday is often more chaotic than weekdays. For us Sunday is often the only day we can call a day of rest. We try to keep it this way by discouraging the boys to take work on Sundays and not playing sports then too.
 

Fri. 7 April

The television and VCR proved fairly popular, but there were some complaints over the choice of videos available. It seems that unless a movie is rated at least 'M' (ie. for mature audiences of 15+), it's too tame to be interesting. The pool tables were in constant use, and we even had some waiting their turn. The table tennis table was also used, but usually as a second choice to playing pool.

The upgraded kitchen handled heating the pies and pasties very well. Two ladies from the Ladies Auxillary who volunteered to try out the kitchen for us in this way, were pleased how it all worked. They prepared a large platter of fruit and cheeses to follow the main course and the distribution went smoothly. There was tea, coffee and fruit juice available afterwards, but most chose a can of soft drink from the vending machine.

On the whole the group seemed impressed with the centre. Our main concern is that we don't attract drug dealers or people who just want to make trouble. We have installed a phone link direct to the local police. If there's trouble, we only have to press a button and a phone will sound in the police station. They are only 3 minutes away, and will send a car out immediately. This is of course if we are in a situation where we can't actually speak on the phone and explain the problem.
 

Sat. 8 April.

Mon. 10 April

Fri. 14 April

Her enthusiasm and joy were such a contrast now to when I first met her. She was almost blooming and I could see that Michelle was just as delighted as I was with the change in Amy. I wished them both a happy Easter and a nice rest.
 

Sat. 15 April

We have booked a cabin in the Snowy Mountains as a family holiday over Easter, so we will use these first days to recuperate and build up the energy to cope with 5 days of hiking and other outdoor activities. Last year Lisa and Rachel were here, and they organised the children to paint hard-boiled eggs. Ali and I really miss Lisa's help, and the positive influence she had on the younger ones. We've sent her a large parcel for Easter, but no chocolate eggs. We included a number of photos of Stephanie and the other children, and also one of Shaun in the nearly ready Youth Centre.

For Easter I've bought some chocolate Easter eggs. The youngsters have asked that I hide them again. I'll have to do it inside the cabin. Next year I suppose Stephanie will be old enough to toddle around, so I expect that finding hidden eggs will be part of our Easter tradition for a few years yet.

Stephanie is starting to make talking sounds. She appears to be saying "Dada", but I don't think it is directed specifically at me or anyone else. It's more a sound she makes when she wants someone's attention, or she wants to be picked up.
 

Wed. 19 April.

Thurs. 20 April

Fri. 21 April

We came across wallaby tracks in the sand on our route, and the evidence of wombats from their droppings left on rocks and logs at the side of our trail. There was also evidence of wombats digging into the cutting at the side of our path. Although there was a lot of birdlife, and we disturbed some lizards running over some logs, the only mammals we saw was a lone echidna waddling along ahead of us. When he heard us, he made a very quick dive sideways into the bush, where he buried himself in the lose soil left where a wombat had been digging. All that was visible when we reached him was the top of his back which of course was covered in sharp quills like a European hedgehog.

For dinner we had brought rainbow trout with us from Canberra. Ali had frozen them at home, so now they were defrosted and ready to cook. We wrapped them individually in aluminium foil and cooked them with butter and some black pepper in the oven with some semi cooked potatoes and other vegetables. They were delicious, and it was not really a sacrifice in giving up eating red meat.

We joked with the children what we should give up next year, and I suggested they have bread and water instead; but they weren't keen on that. They have all been very good in trying to give up something they really enjoy doing. Both boys decided to not play with their Sony Playstation or Nintendo over lent.  They seem to have been able to keep to their decision. Jane found it much harder to find something that she could give up. In the end she gave up watching television over the last four weeks. She did however persuade the boys to tape her one favourite program, so that she could watch it after Easter.
 

Sat. 22 April

We stopped in a lovely spot for morning tea. We were already above the tree-line, so found a sheltered spot beside a small alpine lake. Here, high above many of the surrounding peaks we could see across their tops. To the south-west we were looking into the alpine parts of northern Victoria, and to the south-east we could just make out the rounded summit of Mt. Kosciusko. We felt we could see for hundreds of miles. To the north we had a spectacular view of the Geehi Gorge, and more to the east the Snowy River valley.

The day had started out clear and crisp, but by midday as we were approaching our goal it was comfortably warm, and the children discarded their outer layer of clothing. Stephanie had dropped off to sleep in the backpack, and Ali was able to keep an eye on her, to make sure she remained comfortable while we climbed higher and higher. The children found it hard to imagine that in two months time all this would be completely covered by snow, as far as the eye could see.

We reached the summit in time for a late lunch. The wind was quite cool here, and everyone reached for their windcheaters, even though we picked a sheltered spot, just below the cairn that marked Australia's highest point. Stephanie was still asleep, so I took the pack off carefully. I was able to prop it up with a stick someone has discarded, while I ate my lunch. We took a rather comic photo of her rolled up in this pouch that was held in an upright position by a small bent tree branch.

After we'd finished lunch, we had an 8 Km walk back to our car. I was amazed how many people there were. It reminded me of hiking in Great Britain, where no matter where you were, in good mild weather, all hiking tracks were full of people. Up to twenty years ago, there was a wide public road all the way to the top of Mt. K. Now this road has a locked gate, and is only open to vehicles in emergencies like fire or accidents. We joined lots of other people in walking back along this road to the gate near where we'd left our car.

Sun. 23 April
The children rose early this morning to find their Easter eggs. I'd hidden a number around the cabin, but had given them each a
number of written clues as to where they should look. They had a lot of fun trying to work it out, then asking each other for help
when they were stumped. We did have to remind Jason to let the younger ones look, even if he was the one who worked out the clue.

After a big breakfast of bacon and eggs on toast, we all went to mass in Jindabyne again. Ali had packed a picnic lunch, so after mass we drove in the direction of Thredbo. We had our lunch in a park adjoining an Animal Farm on the banks of the Thredbo River. Afterwards Alison and Jane browsed in the Craft shop, while the boys explored the Maze.

We continued on to the tourist Ski Resort of Thredbo Village, where we took the chairlift up Crackenback. It was another clear day, so the views over the valley and across to Mt. Kosciusko were superb. At the top we followed a short walk on a marked track, but as it was starting to get colder, we decided to head back down to the village for afternoon tea.
 

Mon. 24 April

After having some morning tea that we'd brought with us, we left Alison to look after Stephanie, while I accompanied the three older children on their first activity. This was rafting, which was to travel downstream over rapids and around rocks through a narrow gorge in blowup rafts.

With four other tourists, we were driven 7Km upstream in two four-wheel-drive vehicles. Here we were meet by Chris and Terry who had two rubber rafts ready. We were each fitted with a helmet and life jacket, and with the other tourists directed to the two rafts. We helped Chris carry our raft to the water. With Chris in the back, he maneuvered us downstream. It was hair-raising and exciting and the children loved it. The whole journey took just over half an hour. Alison and Stephanie were waiting on the river bank when Chris brought us in.

We had some hot soup out of the large thermos we'd brought and some sandwiches, then it was my turn to look after Stephanie, while Ali went canyoning with the older ones. Again they were issued with helmets and life-jackets. This time they started in a different stream to the one used for the rafting, and it only followed the same route in the end when the two streams joined together.

The activity was a lot of fun and quite safe at this time of the year, as the water level is very steady and not too cold. In the spring when all the snow is melting, it's much more dangerous as there's so much water gushing down, and it's very cold.
 

Anzac Day  Tues. 25 April

There are dawn services and mid-morning marches of returned soldiers everywhere, from the largest capital cities to all the smaller towns dotted all over the country.

It's our last day here in the mountains, and the boys had asked to go fly fishing, while Jane's choice had been to go horse-riding on a real trail ride. So we decided to spent half a day doing each activity. Ali and Jane were happy to stay at home this morning with Stephanie, so I took the boys to a nearby trout farm where we were shown how to cast the light flies and catch these fish. We had a good morning and were able to take home enough for one fish each for dinner. However, they weren't a cheap meal. Of course we paid for the instruction and the entertainment as well.

After lunch Alison took the three older children to a riding school where they were booked in for a two hour trail ride through the National Park, while I stayed back at the cabin and cleaned the fish for dinner, and looked after Stephanie. I even managed a few pages of a book I'd brought with me while she had her nap.
 

Wed. 26 April

It's Bradley's first birthday on Friday. Although it's a very busy time for us, Ali and I decided that it was an important milestone, so we will all travel to Sydney to join the rest of the family in celebrating this significant occasion.
 

Fri. 28 April

We arrived at Andrew and Maree's house in the late afternoon, just as Bradley woke from a long nap. He was pleased to see so many people, and seemed delighted with the small ride-on car we gave him as a birthday present. The older children had a great time pushing him around on it.

Stephanie was fascinated with Bradley, and couldn't take her eyes off him when he was in her range of vision. She doesn't often see people near her own size, so is very interested when she sees them.

We all had a lovely time. Maree had organised lots of party food, and had made Bradley a birthday cake in the shape of a '1', that she'd covered in cream and soft sweets. She placed Bradley in his high chair then put the cake in front of him. There was one large candle that we lit, but we had to be careful, as he wanted to touch the dancing flame. Jane was allowed to quickly blow it out for him, but he started to cry when the pretty flame was extinguished. However, he stopped and listened with interest when we sang "Happy Birthday" to him.

When Bradley was allowed to touch his cake, he quickly had both fists in it. Andrew was able to capture a couple of delightful shots of the little fellow with cream all over his hands and face, and grinning from ear to ear.

Being in a Youth hostel meant we had to be in by 11pm, so we left the party early so that we had plenty of time to make this deadline. Besides, Stephanie was tired, so soon after 10pm we wished everyone goodnight and were off. The older children were also keen to try out their new accommodation. We were lucky to have a six-bed family room (dormitory) to ourselves with its own bathroom.
 

Sat. 29 April

Continuing around Farm Cove (where the first crops for the new colony were grown over 200 years ago), we walked past the Opera House to Circular Quay, where all the ferries come in. We took the one bound for Manly, which lies about 10Km away on the other side of the habour. The journey across the water was most interesting. Ali pointed out Fort Denison, an old convict prison that was built on an island in the middle of the habour. We could also see Kirribilli House, the official Sydney residence of the Prime Minister. The whole journey took about 20 minutes.

From the Manly Wharf on the habour, it was only about 300metres to the other side of the isthmus, where we found the long sandy Manly surf beach. Here we sat at a picnic table and indulged in fish and chips, some fruit and a milk-shake or coffee.

We had a wander around the commercial area, while Stephanie had a short nap in her stroller, then returned to the wharf where we caught a ferry back to the city. On our return we wandered through the historic Rocks area which adjoins Circular Quay. This was the very first part of Australia settled by white people in 1788. There were lots of interesting shops and boutiques, but the children had had enough after an hour, so we sat down and had some drinks with a snack then returned to the car.

The children had also wanted to ride on the monorail and visit Darling Harbour and see where the Olympic Games are going to be held. None of the children have visited any of the sights of Sydney, so Alison and I promised we'd try to organise a week there in the next holidays, as we really had to get home at a reasonable hour tonight.
 

Sun. 30 April

About seventy people came, so that was very encouraging. There were also some journalists present to cover the story. Rick spoke about the need for such a centre and how it was my original idea that we'd discussed that had started it. We'd then taken the concept to the Parish Council and the Bishop who had agreed that there was a need for something like that. Rick said that without the support of both the St Jude's congregation and the Bishop, the project would never have got off the ground. He thanked various organisations, congregations and individuals who'd made a contribution, either monetary or in giving their time. He made special mention of Shaun's help since having been appointed the manager.

Rick then invited Bishop Armstrong to say a few words before asking the Archbishop to bless the building and the work of the centre, and declaring it open. The St. Jude's Ladies Auxillary had organised afternoon tea in the new kitchen area, and people were able to sit down and enjoy their refreshments at the tables and chairs that were there, or on the extra chairs we'd brought in for the occasion. They were then free to wander around the centre and see for themselves what was offered.

Both the Bishop and Archbishop came over and congratulated Rick and I. I'd met Bishop Armstrong not long after I arrived in
Canberra, and so now he asked me how I found married life and my 'instant family'. He explained my background briefly to the
Archbishop who raised his eyes in surprise. I couldn't tell if it was approval or disapproval of what I was doing. However, I had the feeling that Bishop Armstrong bore me no ill-will about leaving the priesthood, and that he strongly approved of what I was doing now.

The centre opens its doors to Canberra's youth tomorrow at 4pm. I helped Rick and Shaun reorganise the area after all the guests had left. With the new school term starting tomorrow, there was plenty to get organised at home, so I declined to stay longer than was needed. I wished Shaun all the best for the first day, and told him I'd catch up with him later to see how it went.