They were just finishing when we walked in the door, so we were able
to have a nice morning tea together.
"Hmmm, Monday's child?" Lorraine said to Phyllis as they peered at
our beautiful daughter. She was looking particularly
attractive in a layette knitted by Phyllis, and she appeared to be
very interested in what was going on around her.
"Sorry?" I asked, looking puzzled and I wondered what on earth they
were talking about.
"Haven't you heard of the rhyme Peter?" Phyllis said. "It goes something
like this:
Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace.
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
And Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving,
While Saturday's child works hard for it's living.
But a child born on the Sabbath Day
Is fair and wise and good and gay.
"Alison was born on a Sunday, so I think you'd probably agree with the
rhyme," Lorraine added. Ali pulled a face but didn't
say much.
"Mum told me that I was born on a Friday," I informed them. "So I hope
I can fulfill this destiny and be 'loving and giving'. I
don't think I've ever heard of this rhyme before".
We had a very pleasant half hour together, but when Stephanie decided
that she needed attention, Lorraine and Phyllis
indicated that they needed to go. As they left, Phyllis promised to
return at around 5 o'clock to collect Damian and Jane. We
then had time to ourselves when we could settle Stephanie into her
new home. It was a very special couple of hours together.
While Alison fed Stephanie, I prepared us some breakfast and brought
hers in to her. I watched her feed while I ate mine. I'll
never get bored at watching Stephanie feeding at Ali's breast. It's
such a natural and beautiful thing to watch.
We had a quiet and very pleasant day. It was nice not having the younger
two children to worry about, and I felt very
appreciative of the Taylor's offer to have them for the weekend. Sarah
dropped in and left a casserole for our dinner, so we're
really being spoilt.
However, Stephanie was obviously not happy about attending church. Within
10 minutes of arriving she started to fuss. We
tried everything to keep her quiet; amusing objects to look at, a feed,
and even our fingers to suck. We passed her from one to
another but it soon became clear that she had to be removed if the
rest of the congregation were to hear what Rick was saying.
Ali took Stephanie to the sound-proof room at the back of the church,
but even that was not enough as I could still hear her. I
went and relieved Ali and took Stephanie outside. Once I walked her
around under the trees, talking to her softly, she quieted
down.
For most of the afternoon Stephie was only happy if I was holding her,
and preferably walking outside. When I sent Ali off to
have an afternoon nap, I took Stephanie for a walk in the pram, and
she fell asleep then. Later Ali took her while I prepared the
dinner. At 9 o'clock when Stephanie finally settled, Ali and I fell
into bed too. It hasn't been a good day compared to her first
day at home.
Stephie wouldn't settle and kept us alternately pacing the floor until
nearly 5 am, when all three of us fell into bed exhausted.
This morning everyone was grumpy as we were getting ready for school
and work. I left Ali asleep with Stephie and tiptoed
out. I felt guilty leaving Ali to Stephanie's mercy, but I didn't have
any choice. I only get 5 days paternity leave, and I've had all
those now.
When I rang Ali at lunchtime she'd just got Steph down, and was trying
to get some rest herself. I felt even worse that I'd
disturbed her. I hope we don't have too many nights like last night,
as I didn't feel very patient with the more troublesome
students at school today. As I found my head starting to nod off mid-afternoon
while I was writing up some notes, I
remembered the trouble Ambrose had in staying awake at work after Kieran
had given him and Niamh a hard time. I realised
then that anyone who hasn't experienced the effect of constant broken
sleep due to a baby can't understand what it's like.
I came home from work as soon as I could. I couldn't wait to get home
to my two beautiful ladies. When I stepped inside the
door, I was welcomed with more crying. I could see that Ali was at
the end of her tether, so once I'd confirmed that Steph had
been fed and was dry and she didn't have any wind, I put her in the
pram and took her out for a walk. Ali said that she'd spent
a lot of the day walking Stephie in her pram too.
"At least at this rate I won't have to worry about how I'm going to
lose the weight I've put on", she said, trying to put a positive
spin on it.
Once outside, Stephie calmed down and stopped crying. I told her about
how soon all the trees would be in full leaf and we'd
be able sit under them in the shade. I found myself walking in the
direction of Rick's house, and Stephie fell asleep just about
the time we arrived.
Rick was home and invited us in for some afternoon tea. He admired our
beautiful angelic daughter, who was now sleeping
peacefully. He wouldn't believe me when I related our experiences of
the last 24 hours, although he had noticed that Stephanie
was not very impressed with his homily yesterday in mass. He's disappointed
that the sound proof room wasn't as good as the
company that had installed it promised it would be. They probably didn't
know the volume some little children are capable of.
I was able to relax for a short while, happy in the knowledge that both
Ali and Steph were asleep and that Lisa was cooking
tonight's dinner. However, after an hour away it occurred to me that
if Stephanie woke, it was a long way home with a baby
screaming at the volume that our daughter is capable of. I thanked
Rick for the drink and his company, then I very gingerly I
wheeled the pram back home.
All in all I'd been able to give Ali a 2-hour rest. She'd fallen asleep
as soon as I'd left, but woke as soon as Stephanie did. I
persuaded her to stay lying down and I brought Stephie to her so she
didn't have to get up and feed.
Lisa had dinner ready about the time Stephanie had finished feeding,
so Ali and I took turns at holding her and eating. Later
while Stephie was having a catnap I was able to put the dishes in the
dishwasher, having sent Lisa off to do her study. It was
terrific that she cooked dinner, but she has her major exams in 2 months,
so it's very important for her to be able to study in
peace.
Jason is getting very good at Spaghetti Bolognese, so that's on the
menu tomorrow night. He's keen to learn to cook a curry, so
Phyllis has offered to teach him over the weekend with Jane and Damian.
They're going to make enough so that they can bring
it home for a meal for all of us. Phyllis promised to keep it very
mild in case it disagrees with Stephanie through Ali's milk.
At present nothing seems to agree with Stephanie; although this evening
she was fairly subdued. The walks must have done her
some good I thought, as I watched Ali feeding her. It made me feel
very emotional watching the beautiful picture they made. I
quietly picked up the camera and took a photograph I of them as they
were so absorbed in each other.
Lisa came down and complained, saying she needed to sleep as she had
a test tomorrow. Jane woke up and complained she
couldn't get back to sleep either, and the boys whinged because the
girls were adding to the commotion, and I was uptight
because Ali was upset. I can really understand how under such circumstances
babies are shaken and children abused.
Once I got the older children back to bed I could concentrate on Ali
and Steph. I changed Stephie's nappy, ignoring her cries
of protest, then told Ali to remain lying down and I brought Stephanie
to her to feed her there. We spent the rest of the night
with Stephanie between us, letting her feed whenever she wanted. It
was still a disrupted sleep, but at least we got some rest.
Stephanie is just as wakeful during the day. she doesn't seem to need
as much sleep as all the books suggest newborn babies
should. Then on top of all that, she wants to be held all the time
and objects being put down on her own in her cradle.
I found that singing to her helped reduce her crying. I put on some
old tapes and CD's, and sang them to her yesterday while
she was crying. It took a few minutes, but then she realised that she
could hear better when she was quiet; so she stopped. I
wonder if that's the reason Ambrose found playing some hard rock music
to little Kieran helped. I'm trying to remember the
rhymes and songs Mum sang to us when we were little. Ali remembers
a few from when Ben was a baby.
Sarah and David dropped in this afternoon and Ali was hoping for a sympathetic
ear. It was obvious that they just don't
understand. I don't think anyone does until they've been in that position.
We finally caught up by phone with Helen and Richard.
When we broached the subject it seemed clear that their little girl
appears to just feed and sleep and not give them any grief,
just like Bradley.
As a last resort I got Ali to ring Fiona in Sydney, and have a chat.
She was very supportive, having been through a similar
period with Chloe, who was also a very wakeful baby when she was young.
Fiona assured us that it does eventually get better,
and it's something we have to get through the best we can. I just hope
we can survive until then. She said that she was certain
that wakeful babies often grew up into very bright, active children.
She's offered to post us a kind of pouch that she used. It will
allow us to carry Stephanie on the front of us, leaving our hands free.
I suppose not many people have their first baby with four older siblings.
Both Phyllis and Lorraine have been dropping in
regularly and helping with the washing and ironing as well as providing
us with a meal or a cake. Their support has just been
tremendous.
Even though I know that Stephie is very demanding, especially at night,
it still hasn't dampened my enthusiasm for coming home
as quickly as possible when I finish work. Today I was happy to relieve
Alison and take Stephie out in the pram. It seems to be
one of the best ways to soothe her. When I took her from Ali this afternoon,
Steph gave me a 'look' that I can only say
reminded me of Assumpta; that sort of defiant look she had when she
wanted to argue a point. I can almost see Stephanie
putting her hands on her hips. I didn't dare mention this observation
to Alison, because I'm sure she'd think I was imagining it
(and maybe I am), but I'd hate her to think I'm still hankering after
what might have been if Assumpta hadn't died.
However it was really uncanny, and it does make me wonder again about
reincarnation. If it does happen, then there are lots of
interesting implications. Some people believe in it's existence implicitly.
They have no doubt that many people have had past
lives and continue to return in the future. I must ask Rick if he's
managed to find me any books on the church's beliefs on the
subject.
Could an ex-girl friend come back as a daughter? I wish I knew.
John and Phyllis have taken all three younger children for the weekend,
so that's giving them a break from the sound of Stephie
when she gets cranky, and it's giving us a break from having to care
for them when Stephanie is taking up so much of our time
and energy.
Hopefully it's a bit like people who live next to a railway line, after
awhile they don't even notice the trains at all. I remember a
family in my parish in Manchester who lived right along side the main
line coming from London. It didn't seem to bother them at
all, while the constant rumble of trains every 10 minutes nearly drove
me crazy in the short time I was visiting them.
However, I do think things are slowly getting a little bit better. I've
found that if I get up the moment I hear Stephanie starting to
wake, and I bring her in for Ali to feed, then usually she doesn't
have time to get to the loud wail stage, and she's more likely to
go back to sleep. During the day if Stephie is refusing to settle,
Ali or I walk around with her in the 'pouch' that Fiona posted to
us. We put her on the front of us, then connect up the two straps on
our back, a bit like a reverse rucksack. It took a bit of
getting used to, but we sure had an incentive to persevere. Stephanie
seems to like it.
The other standby besides singing, is still a walk in the pram, which
has done no harm to our fitness. Lisa took Steph for a walk
to the corner store this afternoon, but with exams only being a few
weeks off, we don't want her to feel that she has to give up
some of her study time to help. The boys offered yesterday, but after
the way they wanted to wheel the pram last week when
we walked down to watch the football, we both feel they're a bit young
yet, to give over the responsibility of a young baby to
them.
The garden is a real picture at the moment, and until today I hadn't
taken the time to notice it properly. The yellow of the late
daffodils contrasts beautifully with a number of red tulips and pink
hyacinths. Then there are small blue grape hyacinths growing
along the edge of the patio looking very pretty amongst the purple
of the violets. Fortunately the bulbs come up year after year
without us having to do much about them, as this year we haven't had
much time to work in the garden.
In late summer Ali planted some ranunculus and anemones corms. Now in
spring their splashes of bright colour contribute to
the overall very attractive setting. Whoever designed the original
garden did an excellent job, and now years later we are greatly
enjoying the fruits of their labour. I wish they knew the pleasure
that their hard work from years ago gives us now.
I didn't open my book for awhile, but just sat and allowed the peace
and beauty of my surroundings to wash over and
re-energize me before facing the activity that I knew must come later
in the day, when the children all came home again and
Stephanie woke up. Sometimes you just need to sit and soak up the atmosphere.
I think that hour in the garden was very
important today. It gave me the opportunity to recharge the batteries,
so that I had the energy to cope with the evening rush.
During the day I've tried to assure Ali that if she doesn't get everything
done, not to worry. If Stephie is being fretful then it's fine
to hold her and keep her happy. Again, I think that giving a child
lots of love and holding her when she wants to be held is not
necessarily spoiling her.
The boys have moved in together into Damian's room, so that Stephen
can stay with us in Jason's room. Phyllis and John were
willing to have him, but they understand that it's good for Steve and
I to spend time together. He's arriving on Friday afternoon,
and I'm very much looking forward to seeing him again. Steve is thrilled
that we've asked him to be Stephanie's Godfather, as
well as her namesake.
As we drove home I told him how our lives had changed with Stephanie
being here. I assured him that things were getting
better now that we were getting her into a bit of a routine. Or has
she got us into a routine?
He was thrilled to meet his new niece when we introduced them, and he
was very happy to hold her while we organised the
serving of dinner. We introduced Jason and Damian when they came in
from playing soccer in the park, and Jane when she
came down from her room. He'd met Lisa on his last visit, but he felt
he knew the others nearly as well from our letters. It was
a big happy family who sat down to dinner together tonight.
Steve had brought the children some videos that aren't yet available
in Australia, so once they'd agreed on which ones to watch
first, they all settled down, leaving us adults to catch up on our
news over a coffee. We discussed Stephanie's baptism on
Sunday and told Steve that Sarah was going to be her godmother.
Steve told us briefly that he was completely single again now, having
officially broken his engagement. Although the split was
amiable, it was still a big wrench after the years they were together,
so Ali and I didn't press him for more details. It's sad, but
these things happen. I know that there are lots of lovely girls out
there, and I hope Steve meets someone else soon to fill the
gap in his life. It worked out so wonderfully for me, so I hope it
does for him too.
It was good he was out of the UK when the news hit the press he said.
It would allow the issue to be old news by the time he
returns home. So besides being a joyful distraction, this short holiday
is serving another useful purpose for Steve as well.
We talked for a while longer, but Steve was starting to look tired after
his long flight, (and we're tired all the time), so it was
sensible, having over two weeks together, to go to bed early. There
were protests from the children when we suggested they
go to bed at the end of that particular film, and see the others tomorrow;
but we soon had them upstairs in their rooms too.
On Wednesday we all (including Jonno and Rachel), spent the afternoon
strolling around the miniature village "Cockington
Green". It is very English, and was built by someone who was originally
inspired by the small historic village of Cockington, in
Devon, which is only a few miles west of Torquay. There are a large
number of different buildings scattered over a large area.
They are all copied from different places in England, and built to
the same scale.
In one part there is a cricket match taking place, while in another
there was football being played; all with the correct sound
affects of the crowd. A miniature train makes it way through the village,
and there are boats moving through locks on the canal.
Everything is set amongst a beautifully kept garden that is famous
throughout Australia for the way everything is kept to the
small scale to fit in with the knee-high buildings.
Jane was totally enchanted, while the boys enjoyed the quirky humour
that was displayed. One was a miniature figure caught
under a normal sized cow-pat that appears to have fallen from the sky.
At the cricket there was a small dog lifting it's leg against
one of the cricketers, who was engrossed in doing his best fielding
out near the boundary. There were lots of these funny little
scenes that kept us older people interested. After giving all the youngsters
a train ride on the small steam train that chugged
through some of the village, we sat down to enjoy a delicious afternoon
tea in the very pleasant spring sunshine.
Yesterday Steve took Jane and the boys to the Questacon, which is a
hands on Science exhibition in 8 galleries, each having a
different theme. They all came home excited, having been allowed to
choose a toy, game or book from the shop there. Steve is
really spoiling them, but I suppose he's enjoying being the generous
uncle from overseas. He has suddenly acquired all these
teenage nephews and nieces, and he seems to have taken to the role
very naturally.
Tonight the children wanted to know which TV shows or series Steve's
been in. I don't think they really believed that he is a
'Star' in the UK. When he told them, they couldn't remember seeing
any of them, although both Jason and Damian thought their
mothers had watched one series he mentioned. I pulled out a tape I
had of a movie that Steve's was in. They happily watched it
after dinner.
"Gee, Steve," Jason said when it had finished, "You really are a filmstar.
Have you met Arnie Schwarzenegger or Bruce Williss
or Tom Hanks?" Steve shook his head.
"What about Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise?" Steve nodded.
"Wow, really?" Jason was most impressed, and asked Steve to tell him
about meeting these people. Steve explained that he'd
met a lot of them either at private parties or award nights, but that
although he'd been to the US, most of his work was in the
UK, and he was happy with that. Lisa then asked Steve about meeting
some other well-known Brits.
Poor Damian and Jane haven't seen many films so they felt a bit left
out of the conversation. To them Steve was just a very
friendly new uncle they'd inherited though us. I could see Jason was
already planning what he was going to tell the kids at
school next week. Lisa admitted that she didn't realise that in the
UK Steve was so well known. He suggested that if they kept
it that way, then he could come to Australia and just be an ordinary
person without being constantly stared at, as often happens
when goes out at home. He explained that it was nice being recognised
for the work he does, but it was also nice to be able to
blend in with the crowds and just be himself.
Stephanie has continued to improve, although last night she woke and
was crying before I could get to her. At least it showed
Steve what we're up against when we don't catch her in time. I think
he thought we were exaggerating when I'd described our
first few weeks with her.
I sat myself down in the armchair we'd bought for Ali to feed in. It's
now mainly used for that purpose during the day as Steph
seems to be having all her night feeds in our bed. When Steph had finished
one side, I took and burped her and changed her
nappy, all the time talking to her and distracting her from thinking
about crying. Meanwhile Ali had turned to her other side
when I handed Steph back. I was contemplating getting back into bed
myself, but I felt wide awake.
It had become lighter, so I returned to the chair to finish my cup of
tea and I remembered the dawn of only four weeks ago
when Stephie was born. Was it really only 4 weeks ago? I looked across
at the two most important women in my life, and I
knew for sure that all the trauma of the last few weeks was worth the
effort. Having Stephanie has added a whole new
dimension to my life. It's like it's my destiny to be a husband to
Alison and a father to Stephanie. Everything that has happened
to me before was all just leading me to my main purpose in life, to
be there to love and protect them. They have given my life a
whole new meaning.
Being Stephanie, our daughter screamed off and on through most of the
mass and then solidly from the moment Rick dropped
the first drops of liquid onto her forehead until Steve took her and
managed to soothe her. He definitely had the right touch this
morning, and she was duly baptised as Stephanie Assumpta Clifford,
in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
"I agree with you," he said as he handed her back to Ali. "She certainly
has a very healthy pair of lungs." We could only smile
and agree.
Lorraine and Geoff invited everyone back to their place for a party
to 'wet the baby's head'; that is to drink to her good health.
Hopefully also to her parents surviving the experience. The little
minx was on her best behaviour all afternoon, which made up
for her tantrums while in church. Especially as Andrew and Maree had
come down with 5 month old Bradley, and Helen and
Richard were there with Julia, both babies behaving like perfect angels.
It was nice seeing Andrew and Maree again. Bradley is a real darling.
He's so placid; Andrew couldn't believe how active and
lucid Stephanie is. I predict now that bringing up this little girl
is not going to be a bed of roses, but very hard work, and it's
going to take a lot of patience and energy. However, if we survive,
I'm convinced it will be very rewarding, and she'll grow up
to be a very determined young woman who will succeed at whatever she
puts her mind to do.
Tonight Steve and I had a long talk. I told him how some of Steph's
behaviour and 'looks' when she was frustrated reminded
me so much of Assumpta, and that it had me wondering if Steph could
be Assumpta reincarnated. He found the idea both
fascinating and amusing. He suggested that it would be interesting
to see Steph's reaction when we take her to BallyK. I'd told
him a few months ago that we'd been hoping to do this and visit him
next year..
This led me to tell Steve about my concerns at leaving the older children
behind, who might interpret it as them not being as
much part of our family as Stephanie. Steve understood my dilemma,
and agreed that it was possible they could think that,
although there was no truth in it. He pointed out that plenty of parents
go away on holidays and only take the children who are
too young to leave behind. But in our case it's not so simple.
We did a rough estimate of the cost of the fares for all of us to travel
to the UK, and it was rather exorbitant. Although
Stephanie would be free; Lisa, Jason and Damian would all be required
to pay a full fare.
Today, when Steve was holding her and pulling strange faces, she gave
such a clear smile that could only indicate absolute
pleasure. Trust him to get the first big smile. In fact, he's been
really good with her, and she seems to like being with him. He's
the one who seems to be able to stop her crying when the rest of us
have all but given up in frustration. He'll make a very good
father one day. It's a pity his other relationship has broken up. I
suppose it's not easy in his work, having to be away from home
at times, and the long hours he has to work.
It's sad to have to say goodbye again, but that's what comes of us living
on the other side of the world. At least we're fortunate
that Steve's been able to come over twice this year to visit us. I'm
still determined to investigate how we might be able to get
over there next year. There are rumours that there might be some cheap
fares in September as back-loads when the Olympics
are on, so I'm going to investigate that possibility.
They were aware that I'd hoped to go back and visit the UK next year
with Ali, but now with four extra children this looked
too difficult to afford. Also that I didn't want to consider going
without them. So they had talked about an idea that might
overcome some of these problems.
They all thought that the children, who'd all lived fairly narrow lives
before they came to us, would benefit greatly from seeing
something outside Australia. It would make them realise that there
was the whole world out there for them to explore later
when they were older. What Steve and the Taylors were proposing, was
that they would each pay for half the cost of taking
the four older children.
John and Phyllis have some money invested in a policy that will be maturing
next year. They argued that you can't take your
money with you, so they'd rather do something useful with it. Steve
just wants to make sure that Ali, Stephanie and I make it to
England. I didn't know what to say; I felt absolutely flabbergasted.
Their suggestion was that we take the children out of school for two
weeks, and add it to the two weeks school holidays to
give the children 4 weeks away. Steve said that if we wished, we could
spend the 4 weeks as a large group visiting the some of
the most famous sites in England and Western Europe, then to let the
older children come home, while Ali and I could spend
another few weeks visiting relatives while staying with him, and then
just the three of us could visit Ireland. In fact depending on
when we wanted to go, John and Phyllis might go with us and help with
the children during the flight, or they might bring them
back for us, if it worked out better that way.
The idea seemed to be almost too perfect. I was speechless for a few
minutes before I managed to at least say thank you. It
was just so unexpected. Steve explained that John and Phyllis were
so impressed with what Ali and I were doing for the
children, that they felt this was one way in which they could contribute.
There were tears in my eyes when I heard the announcement that Steve's
flight was ready to board. All I could do was hug him
and thank him from the bottom of my heart, and promise that I would
look further into the possibility of going next year
sometime. It was a very emotional moment, then he was being swallowed
up by the crowd moving down the corridor towards
the waiting plane. He gave one last wave then he was gone. I thanked
him in my mind again as I watched his plane take off and
disappear into the darkening sky, taking him back to his world, and
my old world, so far away.
After dinner, once the older children had disappeared upstairs and we
were taking it in turns to amuse our daughter, I made us
a cup of tea. Then I told Alison what Steve had proposed. Ali caressed
my arm when I told her about the solution that was
being offered to us.
"You deserve it," she said when I'd finished.
"Uh?" I looked at her inquiringly.
"Well look what you've given up by taking on all these children as
well as our own," she pointed out. "They want to help too, so
that the sacrifice you make isn't only on your shoulders."
"And you too?" I asked her.
"Yeah, I suppose in some ways", she replied thoughtfully, "but for
you to go home to England and to visit your friends in Ireland
is really important. It would be a real sacrifice if you missed out
on the opportunity because of the children. So this way you get
to go, and Steve and the Taylors feel they've done something towards
helping these kids to grow up having had a broader
experience of life, which can only benefit them in the future."
What Ali said made sense to me, but I still felt overwhelmed by the
suggestion they've made. I rang John and Phyllis and
thanked them for their offer. I told them I'd be over later in the
week to discuss it in more detail with them, but I thought for the
moment I wouldn't talk to the children about it yet. I let them know
that Steve had got off fine so far, and that he'd be home in
London by late tomorrow night our time.
Jennifer and Bill also had a difficult baby who didn't sleep a lot.
They found going for walks helped, as did a bouncinette (a bit
like a hammock that bounced up and down) with bright toys above it.
They concluded that you could cope with almost any
amount of wakefulness during the day, if you could get a decent night's
sleep. We were inclined to agree with that, but it is the
decent night's sleep that is our main concern. They've been lucky that
their baby sleeps from about 10pm until 5am. That's 7
hours of unbroken sleep.
Robyn had to have a caesarian because it was discovered after she went
into labour that Olivia had her umbilical cord three
times around her neck, so she would have asphyxiated herself if she'd
been born naturally.
We shared our different experiences, and admired each other's babies,
and had lots of laughs; like Helen blaming Paul's curry
for her going into labour early. We wondered where we and all our babies
would be in 10 and 20 years from now. We agreed
to stay in touch, and plan to get together two or three times a year
to see how everyone is getting on.
Being in Year 10 means that Jason has a graduation ceremony this year.
It's also school tradition that they have a Dinner Dance
(a 'formal' some of the students insist on calling it) to finish the
school year. Last week he and some of his mates investigated the
cost of hiring a suit and they were a bit taken back at the price.
I had a talk to him about the alternative of maybe buying some good
pants, a shirt and tie and new shoes which he could then
keep to use again. He could see the good sense in this, so Ali and
I offered to buy him these items for his birthday. Jason was
rather pleased with the suggestion. So last night Ali and I took Jason
out and he chose a black pair of pants, a dark blue shirt
and matching tie. He's asked Jessica to be his partner, so when he
showed her the outfit she approved of it. She is wearing a
dress that has a dark blue skirt and a black bodice. So they are pleased
that they'll look coordinated in the photos.
The party was a pleasant evening. John and I cooked the meat and Lisa
and Rachel passed around the food, leaving Ali and
Phyllis to alternate with Stephanie (who was having one of her I-want-to-be-held
all the time days, but not the worst we've
experienced), and general organization.
By 10pm John and Phyllis had gone home and the young guests had settled
down to watch another video. Lisa and Rachel had
earned the rest of the night off, so they'd gone out with Craig and
Ben, and I'd sent Ali off to bed as soon as Stephanie settled.
That left Rick and I to have another coffee and wait until 11.30pm
when we'd arranged for Jason's guests to be picked up.
I told Rick about the offer Steve and the Taylors had made. His reaction
was the same as Alison's; that we deserved it, and
should go and enjoy giving the kids an opportunity they'd never have
had in their previous situations.
In the front, where all the bulbs were, the ground covers are taking
over. The purple of the ajuga (Bugle flower) contrasts well
with the pale pink of a small geranium, and the white and grey of the
"Snow in Summer" (cerastum) that grows in patches
amongst the dianthus and the bright green violet leaves. It is all
very relaxing and it nourishes the soul to just sit and enjoy this
little patch of paradise that we own. There's a bird bath that stands
in the middle of this flower-bed and it's a joy watching the
cheeky blue wrens using it.
From where I'm sitting I can see our small pond and I've just noticed
that our first water lily has opened. I found two large
clumps of frogs eggs in it yesterday. I hope this means we'll have
tadpoles soon. I think Damian and Jane would find it
interesting to watch them grow. We'll have to cover the pond when Stephanie
starts getting mobile. She's 7 weeks old
tomorrow, and when I think back over those weeks it feels more like
7 months. I can't imagine life without her now; the wails,
the trying to be quiet not to wake her, the nappies and the constantly
full washing line; it's all become a normal part of our lives.
However, life with Stephanie is definitely getting better when I think
back. She seems happier and is more responsive now. She
smiles all the time, and recognises the familiar faces of the children,
and reacts sharply when she's confronted with a new face.
The children love making strange faces at her, and she follows them
with her eyes when they walk away. When they leave, she
practically blackmails them into staying to entertain her, or else
she will turn on her protests at full volume, something everyone
wants to avoid.
I can see us having a hard time when we have to wean her off some of
this attention, including the privilege of sleeping in our
bed, every night. And yet, I wouldn't change this life for anything.
When I lost Assumpta I really didn't think life was worth
living. I had difficulty putting one foot in front of the other. So
now, looking back at that time, I realise how good my life now is.
Having loved and lost Assumpta has made me appreciate all I have now
with Alison and Stephanie.
I needed that time wandering in Ireland to mourn my loss, and learn
to face the future. However, it would've been good to have
had someone there to talk to, who could've helped me pick up the threads.
In fact, if Assumpta hadn't appeared to me in my
dream when she did, it would've been much harder to move on. Her appearance
was certainly the trigger for me turning my life
around. Thinking back now, I'm sure she was sent to me; to help me
get my life back on track. I definitely wouldn't have been
able to form this wonderful loving relationship with Ali if Assumpta
hadn't encouraged me to do so.
I thought about how I'd feel if the situation was the other way around.
What if I died, would I be able to be so generous and tell
Ali to find someone else? I know I'd want her to be happy, but the
thought of another man looking after her and loving her, I
find very disturbing. Nor can I bear the thought of anyone else bringing
up my daughter.
She smiles at me now when I come into her line of sight. When I get
home from work, not only do her eyes light up, but I get
the feeling that Stephanie is very happy to see me too. Ali of course
is always happy to see me, and to hand Stephie over to me
at that time of the day.
I've had two cases of students attempting suicide, both probably not
intending to actually succeed, but more a call for help. It's
no good pointing out to them that with all the partying earlier in
the year, they've brought it on themselves. They know this; but I
have to try to take them from where they are at present and help them
see the options that are open to them now. They have to
be shown that it's not the end of the world. It does bring to our attention
the intense pressure these students are under at
present, and if they are under other stresses as well (ie. from relationships
or family problems), they can easily reach breaking
point.
I've been going into school at 8am every morning this week, and staying
later, so that I can make myself available to anyone
who needs to talk. While I've been able to help our own four youngsters,
I realise now that it's only a drop in the ocean of
problems out there. I wish I could do more.
One idea that I've toyed with before, and I'm going to discuss with
Rick, is the idea of a Youth Drop-In Centre. If we hold it in
the church hall, and staff it with suitable volunteers from 4 to 6pm
on week nights, it may help some kids get back on track, and
identify anyone who needs to be referred on to qualified counsellors.
We could set up some pool tables, a television and a
VCR with some suitable videos.
There are a number of older Uni students who might be willing to give
up two hours per week. Even Ali might like a break from
being housebound if I came home early and minded Stephanie for her.
We agreed that the idea was worth pursuing further with
the Parish Council as it would need some funding to set up.
I've tended to hover around the computer myself to ensure everyone has
a fair go at using it, and also to insist that they mustn't
include anything in their work that they don't understand. This means
that I often have to explain to them the information that
they've found, but don't understand. I'm encouraging them as much as
possible to write it all in their own words. It is very tiring,
but I can see how they're learning a lot from what I'm trying to teach
them. It's something the teachers don't have time for
individually when they have a whole class to supervise.
Lisa came and joined me this afternoon. She has her first exam on Thursday
and she's starting to get worried that she hasn't
done enough. To me she appears to have worked very consistently all
year, and I tried to point this out to her. I suggested that
she couldn't have worked much harder, and that probably it was just
a case of nerves.
She badly wants to get into the Law course at University next year,
so we hope she gets the score she needs to be offered a
place. I pointed out how her midyear results were very good, and she
only had to maintain this standard to get in.
I asked her was the worst possible scenario could be. She replied "to
miss out by only a few points".
"What then?" I asked her.
"Well I'd have to settle on a degree course in which the cutoff score
wasn't quite as high as for Law, like Arts for example." She
replied.
"So then what would you do?" I asked
"Do my best and try to change over into Law as soon as my Arts results
showed that I was capable of doing Law."
"So what would be the worst possible outcome if that happened?" I continued.
"It would take me a year longer before I was finished", came the reply.
"And? How bad would that be?" I asked, holding her by the shoulders
to force her to look me straight in the eye.
"Not the end of the World," she agreed with a smile.
I hope I was able to help her see that all her worries weren't major
ones, although they're probably totally unfounded anyway.
She's planning to study all weekend, and we've promised not to disturb
her. Ali confessed that after talking to David today,
she's glad to have a break from the heavy work load of setting and
marking exams and report writing. Although Stephanie is as
much, and sometimes even more work than being a teacher, she wouldn't
swap her time with Stephie for anything; and nor
would I.
Jason has almost finished all of his assessment items too, but Damian
still has a few tests to go. Jane is still working on her last
assignment which is on Space Travel. She has to write a story about
travelling to Mars, based on facts.
Thankfully, as long as Stephanie is propped up so she can see what the
rest of the family are doing, she actually sits quietly for
awhile without screaming for attention, or to be held. Jane seems to
have the patience to sit and talk to her and amuse her for
long periods of time. This has been useful with so many of the older
ones having to have their noses in their books, and Ali and
I are kept very busy with all the tasks that come with managing a family.
There always seems to be something waiting to be
done when we think we have some time spare.
Her responsibilities will include supervising the boarders doing their
prep or homework in the evening, as well as helping in the
coaching of sports teams. Lisa had written in her application that
she played hockey and tennis, and was familiar with a number
of other sports as well. If she accepts the position, and I doubt if
she'll not, she has to start on Monday 17 January.
Lisa and Rachel have finished their exams now, and they headed off this
morning for an all day and evening pool party to
celebrate, while I took the others to the local swimming pool this
afternoon to cool off.
Over winter Alison took both Damian and Jane to swimming lessons, and
I could see that they'd both become quite competent
and confident in the water. After watching them in the water with Jason
I'm quite relaxed about them coming here on their own
with friends, as there is a life-guard on duty to stop any dangerous
horseplay.
I watched Damian confidently chasing Jason at one stage and it was obvious
that being able to swim had done a lot for his
overall confidence and his self esteem. I think I might enrol all three
in the next stage of the courses offered by the Royal Life
Saving Society in January. It will teach them how to keep out of trouble,
and what to do in an emergency, which is a very useful
skill. It will also boost the confidence these youngsters have in their
abilities.
When I brought up the subject, Jason said it was fine as long as he
didn't have to study up any theory to pass tests in his
holidays. I assured him that most of the work was practical and there
wasn't too much theory.
Lisa has accepted the offer of a tutor position in Kendal. Rachel has
also been offered a similar job in a co-ed school in the
historic city of Chester. They are both very excited. They plan to
travel to London together, and have booked their flights.
Stephen has agreed to meet them at the airport and take them home to
his apartment for one night. Next day he will make sure
they are both put on the correct train to get them to their respective
destinations.
Jason looked very grown up when he left in his new clothes this evening.
He was carrying a flower for Jessica to wear on her
wrist; this is the fashion now instead of a corsage. We took a couple
of photos of him (under protest of course), before he left,
but he promised us that he'd get some done by the official photographer,
of him and Jessica and some of the four of them.
All his grades were a 'C' or higher, so we were very pleased, and I
think secretly he was too. It's a pity neither his mother nor
father came to watch. We did ring them and reminded them, and they
said that they might be able to make it. It's such a shame
that he doesn't get more support from his family.
I enjoy watching the excitement these events create, and I hope the
evening lives up to all their expectations. It was only as
recently as a little over a year ago that my emotions were still see-sawing
over the love of a woman. Firstly it was over
Assumpta, and then of course Alison. How quickly my life has settled
down to a steady rock solid confidence in my love, and I
now watch the next generation go through the same exquisite emotions
and doubts of a new love.
I don't envy them though. Give me the security of knowing I'm loved
and can return that love abundantly. Ali and I have been
together long enough now that we can generally read each other's thoughts
and emotions, without the need for words. I can
sense when she's stressed and when she's happy. We are secure in our
love for each other and have no fear that either of us
could be tempted away by another person. That is true love I think.
Ben is of course a little disappointed that Lisa is going away for a
whole year. He knows it is a great opportunity for her, and
that the 12 months will pass very quickly. I think he's a bit worried
she might meet a young Englishman who might tempt her to
break off their relationship. He is talking about the possibility of
visiting her there in the middle of the year, if he can save enough
from his casual work.
Tonight was the Youth Group Breakup Party. It was a disco in the church
hall with the same DJ who had run the Shearing shed
Dance earlier in the year. A number of the older students spent the
afternoon decorating the hall, so it looked very nice when
we arrived. We had Stephie and Jane with us, but as the noise was so
loud, Ali took them home. I stayed to help Rick and
Tony, but I was quite glad when 11pm came and I could go back to the
peace and quiet (I hoped) of our home, and spend
time with my two beautiful ladies.
Jason said he preferred the freedom of the Youth Group disco to the
formality of the Year 10 Dinner Dance. It was a lot
cheaper too. Lisa said that she enjoyed her formal for what it was,
but agreed with Jason that the Youth Group disco was a lot
of fun too. Damian thought it was fun too, but he's not that keen on
dancing as yet.
However I made sure that I was available at Trinity College when the
students came to collect their results. There were a few
surprises; some good, others disappointing. One girl couldn't stop
the tears when she realised that she'd just missed out in
getting the required score by only a few points. Her friend was also
worried, but said she'd have to wait to see how close this
year's cutoff score was compared to last year's. Until then she'd just
have to wait until January to see if she was offered a place.
A number of students who achieved low scores just laughed, knowing that
their results were a true reflection of the poor effort
they'd made. Some already had jobs to go to, so weren't really concerned.
I spoke to one parent of ethnic origin who was not happy with his daughter's
score, even though I knew she'd worked to the
best of her ability, and was a consistently hard worker. Her father
believed that she should have done better. I tried to explain
to him that not everyone could achieve a perfect score, or even nearly
that, even when they did their very best. He didn't seem
convinced. I gave his daughter a sympathetic smile and passed her my
phone number should she need anymore help. I felt sorry
for her and wondered how the rest of her day would be if her mother
only just accepted the father's attitude.
It worries me the number of similar parents who want their offspring
to become doctors. Here only those students who score in
the top 0.05% can get in. I get the impression that a lot of medical
students choose this vocation for the wrong reasons.
Although no-one officially believes in Santa anymore, I told them that
if they wanted a present from him on Christmas morning,
they had to make a stocking or other suitable receptacle that was clearly
named and hang it from one of the five hooks I've
screwed under the mantelpiece.
Damian and Jane made a hamper for their parents by filling a basket
with all sorts of goodies, some of which came from the
Taylor's garden. I took them over to deliver it, and for them to stay
for dinner. I feel sorry for their parents, as they really don't
seem to have the parenting skills needed to nurture their children;
as probably their parents before them didn't have either. I
only hope that we've been able to break that cycle with Damian and
Jane.
I was talking about this to Ali tonight, and she agreed that ideally
there should be some sort of support group for all new
parents. She said that she would've liked some other mothers to talk
to when we were having all our trouble with Stephanie,
instead of having to ring Fiona in Sydney.
She said that it would be good to hear from other mothers what strategies
worked or didn't work for them. Alison is now
motivated to see if she can start a weekly mothers group in the church
hall.
"All we need is somewhere they can come and relax for a little while
over a cuppa," she said. "If they are having some sort of
problem it could be very helpful to have someone else to share their
doubts and fears with".
I had to agree with her on that. You don't have to be a new mother
to have doubts and fears.
"If we could encourage others like Damian and Jane's mother, who really
have very little idea about how to be a good mother,
maybe such a group could help them improve, or give them ideas".
The old style churches were built along the lines of those in Britain,
and are not really suited to this hot Australian climate. They
do take a while to heat up, but when they do, they take a long time
to cool down. I didn't feel annoyed when Stephie's
restlessness meant I had to take her outside where the air was a bit
cooler.
It's funny to see how even in these older children, in this commercialised
and technological age, we've been able to instill some
feeling of excitement about Christmas, and relate it to the celebration
of Christ's birth. Even I'm feeling a bit excited about
tomorrow now; it sort of rubs off on you.
Santa had left a new Nintendo game for Damian, a Sony Playstation one
for Jason, and a cross-stitch embroidery kit for Jane,
that included the cottons and the frame for the project when it was
finished. Even Lisa didn't want to miss out, and she'd hung
up a 'stocking' next to which this morning she found a cosmetics case
with a few items to go in it. The children had also
organised a stocking for Stephanie, and in it, just poking out the
top, was a toy for her.
Breakfast was a relaxed affair as it was still quite early. We told
the children that we'd open the presents under the tree at
morning tea time, after which we'd pack both cars and go to 'Elouera'
where we were all expected for Christmas Dinner
(lunch).
Our relaxed breakfast more or less merged into morning tea, and before
we knew it everyone was seated around the tree in
anticipation. Jane as the youngest was designated to help me distribute
the presents.
There were oohs and aahs as the colourful paper pile in the middle of
the floor grew bigger, and interesting items were
unwrapped. Lisa fetched the for-once-empty laundry basket to clear
the floor, as gifts were being lost amongst all the paper.
Each child had a small present from "Uncle Steve", with the promise
of a bigger one still to come. I promised that I'd explain
about that later. They looked at me with curiosity, but the attraction
of all the other gifts they'd received, soon took their
attention.
Before we left, all the children added their own message of thanks to
Stephen in an email, and wished him a Happy (although
cold) Christmas. I added that I would tell them about the "big" present
later in the week when the excitement of today had died
down a little, and they were ready to think about next year. Maybe
New Years Eve might be an appropriate time to tell them.
Like last year, Christmas Dinner consisted of a roast Turkey, as well
as roast Pork and a Duck, with loads of roast vegetables.
All the hot food had been cooked in two large kettle barbeques so that
the house didn't heat up unnecessarily. John had lit the
one for the Turkey at dawn. The children's eyes had nearly popped out
of their heads when they saw the amount of food on the
table. There were bowls of cherries, nuts and sweets in the centre
of the table. Beside each place was a Bon Bon (cracker) for
everyone to pull..
Andrew, Maree and Bradley were there, as well as all the Gibsons, making
14 people, including the two babies. We'd asked
Rick, but he'd made arrangements for some of his family to join him
and cook Christmas Dinner at his house. That's really nice
for him. I wish my family had come over to Ireland to have Christmas
with me when I was a priest.
It was a very happy and noisy affair, and Phyllis and John commented
on how their family had grown in the last 12 months. We
all laughed at that; we hadn't even known about Stephanie then, but
Stephen had been with us. Stephie's behaviour was
reasonable, considering she was completely out of her normal routine.
Bradley on the other hand was miserable, until Maree
noticed his first tooth, so that explained why he'd been so uncharacteristically
out-of-sorts.
Like last year, after we'd all had too much to eat, and allowed time
for all the food to settle, we cleared away the remnants, and
packed up and drove to the Gibson's next door where the children spent
the rest of the day in the swimming pool. The evening
meal consisted of Ham and some of the left overs now cold, with a selection
of salads.
It was a tired, but happy crew who came home and fell into their beds
tonight. They were all pleased with the gifts they'd
received, and with the way their gifts had been accepted by their recipients.
It was truly a lovely day, filled with love and
generosity. These children are now so much part of our family; I'm
glad that we'll be able to go to Europe together.
Then while the children amused themselves with their new things, and
Ali and Steph had their regular rest, Rick and I sat down,
prepared to watch the cricket for the afternoon on the television.
It was the opening of the Second Test in Melbourne, between
Australia and India, but play hadn't started due to rain. This was
reminiscent of last year when the entire first day's play was
washed out. it's a pity, because I was really looking forward to watching
it.
They were still hopeful of a start later, so we regularly checked during
the afternoon while joining the boys on their electronic
games upstairs. This was a new experience for both Rick and myself,
playing against the boys. Needless to say, both boys
could beat us easily.
Later in the afternoon when the weather in Melbourne cleared a little,
the captains were ordered to toss. This was won by
India, who sent Australia in to bat. Play was extended, with the remaining
lost time to be made up tomorrow. At the close of
play this evening, Australia was 3 for 138.
Later Lisa came and said how appropriate it was with her already in
England. I had already talked to Steve about Lisa's job
offer, and he's going to help pay some of her fare. September fits
in very well for the rest of us, because the weather is still fine
then in Europe, and we all get three weeks holiday next year because
of the Olympic Games. Also Stephanie will be a year old,
so she'll be easier, (if anything is ever easy with her), to travel
with.
With respect to the cricket, I'm not as keen as Steve, but I was looking
forward to watching the second test against India on
the television. However it's been rather disappointing, with play having
to stop due to rain on four of the five days. Attendances
dropped off each day. Today it finished with Australia winning by 180
runs, leaving them ahead in the three test series, 2 - 0.
We rang Steve at 1am and wished him a Happy New Year. It was only 3pm
for him as he is 10 hours behind us. I really hope
that 2000 will be the year for him, as 1999 was for me. It was a great
year after 1998 was such a traumatic year, losing both
Mum and Assumpta.
Our party went well. We had 12 guests including Helen and Paul, David
and Sarah, Fiona and Barry, Phyllis and John, Geoff
and Lorraine, Rick and Michael, who was home from Singapore where he's
been working for the last six months.
Because of the excellent television coverage around the world, we had
ours on in the family room, so if there was anything
exciting happening, we could catch it. We saw the beginning of the
coverage at 9pm, when both Tonga and Kiribati were the
first two countries to enter the 21st century and the third millenium.
This was followed later by New Zealand.
At midnight it was our turn. Everyone charged their glasses with champagne
and drank to the new era as we watched the
magnificent firework display in Sydney and around the country. We could
see some of Canberra's fireworks when the rockets
shot high into the air, and we added our own meagre collection.
Stephanie was awake most of the evening, and she was delighted with
all the light of the sparklers and noise of the whistles. We
are very lucky that she will go to anyone, including total strangers.
She is not shy. As long as she's being held, and given
attention, she's not too fussy who she's with. So she spent the evening
being passed around amongst our guests. She seems to
be particularly taken with Rick, and he never fails to get a smile
from her.
In contrast, Julia, who was here with Helen and Paul, wouldn't go to
anyone else other than her parents. This made it harder for
them, although thankfully she did spend most of the evening asleep.
We stayed up until about 1am, and saw in the New Year in Tokyo and some
other Asian cities with our guests. When our last
visitor left we fell into bed, hoping that Stephanie might want to
sleep-in for a change too.
Today we've had the television on all day as we've watched the New Year
celebrations all over the world, and then later the
dawning of the new day in each major city. The dawn celebration in
Sydney was particularly well done, with singers placed on
and near the Opera House and habour. It was one of the most technically
advanced productions ever attempted, and it went
off without any major hitches. What else was so good was that it made
our children understand better how times differ around
the world, and why.
We now have one day left to get organised before we leave for a week's
holiday in Sapphire Beach. A few months ago Ali
suggested that we book a cabin there, as the largest one would be able
to accommodate us all, and there was a lot of activities
for the children to do. The Gibson and Taylor parents have also booked
a cabin that they are going to share with Ben. Sarah
and David are also joining us for part of the week, and have booked
a small cabin. So it should be a relaxing holiday for
everyone.