At the moment I have a problem that I can't talk to anyone else about.
Not my Mum, as it would worry her too much, and she is not really as well
as I would like since Dad died. Not my brother Stephen. He's a great pal,
and someone I talk to a lot. However I'm sure this isn't something he would
understand, my vocation. He's an actor you see; he's just started a new
series that they say is going to make him a worldwide success; chased
by Hollywood directors some predict. I'm not sure that's what he wants,
but I'm proud of him. He's way too busy at present, and anyway, I don't
think he'd really understand. We are very different, Steve and I. I've
always been the quieter one, a bit timid and shy when young, and lacking
the confidence and
outgoingness of my older brother. I hate a scene, or when emotions
run high, whereas he thrives on it. That's probably why he is such a good
actor, he enjoys portraying the emotion. He has always stood up for me
when we were at school and helped me through those uncertain teenage years.
Yeah, he's a great brother, but somehow I think he'd be amused by the problem
I now have, and wouldn't appreciate how serious it is for me.
It concerns one of the young women in my church. She is the daughter
of one of our most devout and hard working families. Her name is Jenny
Clark, and she's been singling me out for special attention. I find myself
attracted to her; maybe just because she is giving me this attention. Generally
priests don't have to worry about women making passes at them, because
priests are
off limits. I've never been in this situation before. She's only 20,
and very lovely, and I suppose I'm flattered by the attention. When she
smiles at me, my heart nearly skips a beat. But I know it's wrong. The
emotions I feel are not for a priest. She often lingers behind after mass.
I haven't encouraged this, but I haven't discouraged it either, as I admit
I have enjoyed our little talks and I don't want to hurt her by pretending
I have other commitments.
I'm worried that Jenny's parents may notice that she often lingers behind.
They may think that I'm encouraging her. She's going to confession more
often than she used to. Worse still, what if other parishioners start to
notice something. What am I going to do? What if it causes a scandal? It
would be the big gossip topic amongst all the priests. I don't think I
can even bare to think of it. It would kill Mum. She is so proud that I
became a priest. I can't do this to her. I worry when I to go to sleep,
in case I
have more of such dreams. What can I do?
I didn't tell Steve everything either. Just that I was worried that a young female parishioner seemed to be getting too friendly, and that I was worried it could cause a scandal.
Steve didn't laugh at me at all. He did smile and remind me that he'd
always told me I'd have difficulty with the celibacy part of my vows. However
he did suggest that I apply for a transfer. To get away and made a fresh
start. Being the younger one, he said it was too easy being so close to
Mum, and being able to pop in whenever I wanted. He didn't exactly say
I was still
tied to her apron strings, but an element of that was still in his
advice. He said that as I was approaching 30, I should use this as a chance
to get out on my own, and experience life where I didn't know anyone, and
they didn't know me.
I think the talk with Steve was really helpful. I think I will go and
have a talk to Fr. Randall tomorrow. Maybe I'll even ask to put as much
distance between Jenny and myself as possible. Maybe that's just a bit
too drastic, but I will see what Fr. Randall says. I feel very strongly
that this is the right decision for me at present. I feel so much better
having made this decision.
While I waited, Fr. Randall rang Bishop O'Connor, who mentioned something
about Ireland. Apparently an unexpected position has come up in a small
village called Ballykissangel. Yes, my reaction exactly, but that's the
name of this village. It's about 70 km south of Dublin. I told him I was
interested, and before I could change my mind it was all being arranged.
I'm
to start as soon as possible, in no longer than two weeks from now,
and finish up here in this parish by next Sunday. Talk about quick.
I asked Fr. Randall if publicly my transfer could be announced as being
needed urgently elsewhere. I explained that I didn't want my Mum to know
that I had asked for the transfer. He said that he understood, and that
I could make the announcement from the pulpit on Sunday. Meanwhile I was
to make the arrangements to hand over my responsibilities, and he would
sort
out covering all my commitments after Sunday. I think that I'm going
to be so busy over the next days, that avoiding meeting up with Jenny will
not be too difficult.
I managed to avoid anytime alone with Jenny over the last week, but caught her eye a few times. I think that she's hurt and upset that I am going, but I'm sure she'll get over it.
Mum on the other hand was great. She said that she understood that I was needed over there, and that she thought it would do me good to get out on my own. (have I heard that somewhere before??) She said that there came a time when a man had to cut lose and move on to new challenges.
I wonder what it will be like. Very different from Manchester I think.
Will they ever show Middlesbrough on TV over there? I wonder if I can handle
it all on my own. I won't have Mum to talk to as easily, nor Steve's support.
He has always been there for me when I needed him. It is only when I have
found difficulty with problems concerning my faith that he has not always
understood. But that is understandable, him not having had the same
training and experience as me. I can't expect him to see things the same
way I see them. So now here goes. Ireland, here I come.
Actually getting into BK is already a story. I was trudging in the rain, regretting having given up my comfortable bus seat, when a little blue Renault van pulled up and offered me a lift. The driver was a very attractive young female named Assumpta Fitzgerald, the BK publican. She was very friendly as we introduced ourselves, but I noticed a chilling of the atmosphere when I said that I was the new priest. I don't know what she has against priests or the church for that matter, but I would like to find out more. I am very curious about her.
When she introduced herself, she mumbled her first name, as if she was ashamed or embarrassed by it. Such a lovely, unusual name, it really suits her.
We entered the village over a lovely stone bridge. It really is a very small village, consisting of only one street lined with shops and homes, and a few more outlying houses and farms. But very attractive. The pub (Fitzgerald's), is freshly painted in blue and yellow, and was straight in front of us as we came over the bridge. The church is to the left and up the hill. It too is beautiful. Who says man cannot match nature for beauty at times. My first impression of the village was great, I think I am going to like it here, I can just feel it. But it's not all going to be a bed of roses. Some of the villagers are going to need some very careful handling I think.
In the church I met my new parish priest, Father MacAnally, supervising repairs to the church roof. We went down to Fitzgerald's for a cup of tea. I can see one reason why Assumpta Fitzgerald has a loathing of priests. Fr. Mac really enjoys baiting her, but I think there's more to it than that. He enjoyed pointing out to me that I would need better transport than a bicycle to visit all my flock. I don't drive, but a motor bike might have to be high on my priorities, I get the feeling that Fr. Mac will want to keep me in my place, no team work unless it's on his terms and he is in charge.
Another interesting character I met today was a local businessman Brian Quigley. I am afraid I have probably got him offside already (more about that in a minute). So with Fr. Mac (one of those old fashion, I know best and I am always right types) and Assumpta Fitzgerald (I have no time for the clergy); I'm really doing great so far.
Talk about out being thrown in at the deep end. Within 5 minutes of
being shown my new home, I was being questioned by a young lass, not much
older than Jenny, who asked me if I'd ever had a girlfriend. I was a bit
taken back, not having been confronted by such a direct, personal question
before. At least not by a total stranger. I really wondered what I was
getting
myself into here.
I was a bit relieved when she introduced herself a Niamh Quigley, the
afore mentioned businessman's daughter. She wanted advice regarding premarital
sex with her boyfriend. Will I ever get used to this crazy place I wonder.
Still she seemed friendly, and I think she was satisfied with my advice.
At least I don't think I got her offside like I seem to have her father
and a few
others already.
After my brief encounter with Niamh, I headed back to the church to
see how things there were progressing. Quite a crowd was gathering. It
turns out that as well as the roof restoration, Brian Quigley has decided
to order a new electronic, state-of-the-art confessional, with sliding
doors, air conditioning and a fax machine. Unbelievable. Now at least those
of us who
were in the bus this morning know what was in the mystery flying box.
It was too big to get through the door, so it was being lowered through the roof, and this was attracting the large crowd, even the media was in force. I got trapped into giving an interview about this ridiculous contraption. Overall, it hasn't been a good day. I think I will try to list all the positives before I get into bed, or I might truly regret having come.
Firstly, I have successfully put a fair distance between Jenny and myself.
Secondly I have met a lot of very nice people. Padraig, who runs the local
garage, is going to sell me a small motorbike that will allow me to get
around. Niamh and her boyfriend, the local gard Ambrose Egan, seem to be
a nice couple who love each other and look like they will soon be getting
together, given a little time and adjustment. Brendan Kearney, a local
National School teacher, also seems very pleasant, with a good sense of
humour. Siobhan Mehigan is the local vet, and she too has been friendly,
helping me settle into this small community.
This little house here is perfectly suited for my needs, being next
to the church, and of a suitable size. So on the whole; maybe things are
not as bad as I first thought. Anyway, they can only get better I hope.
I asked Assumpta if I was in the 'Twilight Zone' I think maybe I
agree with her answer, Not the Twilight Zone, just out of my depth. At
least the way that she said it seemed quite friendly, even sympathetic.
Maybe she isn't going to be an adversary after all.
She refused to lend the car, but agreed to drive me up into the mountains
to Hassett's farm. In hindsight I know now that driving an unknown car,
into unknown mountainous areas, on the roads we had to negotiate, I would
not have made it. I would either have got myself completely lost, or would
more likely have gone over one of the steep embankments and not been found
until
the next day. Unfortunately, we didn't arrive in time, and I know that
not having been able to hear Tommy's last confession will make it harder
for his wife to cope with his death. Another black mark against me from
Fr. Mac. I suppose.
I still can't fathom Assumpta. She couldn't understand why reaching
Tommy Hassett before he died was so important. She stated in no uncertain
terms that if she ever died, she did not want the last rites said over
her. We had a bit of an argument about it. I have probably lost a friendship
here too. Still, she was probably never likely to be too friendly anyway,
me being a
priest and all. I'm very thankful she took me though.
The rest of the day went smoothly enough. I said mass in the morning to a large congregation. They were probably mostly there out of curiosity to see the new curate, and/or the new confession box. I think that many people see this contraption as a bit of a joke. You should have seen Brian's face from where I was standing, when the automatic doors started operating by themselves in the middle of mass. It was quite an entertaining introduction to my homily.
I have now met a lot of the villagers, and on the whole they seem a
very friendly lot, with lots of quaint Irish names. I think I am going
to be happy here.
I've also met Doc. Ryan who seems a competent doctor, with a calm no-nonsense
approach. Also Liam and Donal, two local lads who are jack-of-all-trades
for Brian Quigley; not terribly bright, but pleasant in a funny sort of
way. There's Kathleen Hendley who owns the general store on the corner
opposite the pub. She carries a small stock of most things you might need
if you run out, but for general shopping Cilldargan is certainly the place
to get the best value for money. Kathleen is an older lady who probably
won't see many things my way. She is definitely more in tune with Fr. Mac's
way of doing things. She also seems to be one of the means by which most
of the village's gossip gets passed around.
You could have knocked me over with a feather late yesterday afternoon, when I walked into my house. There was Jenny, standing in my house. I must have gone as white as a sheet, when I turned around and saw her standing there. I suppose it was quite funny really. She said something about a hug, but my rather disheveled state thankfully prevented that. Who would have thought that the liquid fertilizer would have its use?
I'd better start at the beginning and relate my two eventful days. I never saw Jenny arrive because I went out for a kick of Gaelic football with the boys. It was quite an experience, different to anything I've played before, but I enjoyed it immensely, until Ambrose gave me a shove in the ribs. It was painful enough for me to get Dr. Ryan to check it out.
While I was there, he told me about a small family living in a caravan. Brian Quigley was trying to drive them away by dumping manure near their caravan, and this appeared to be having a bad effect on the baby's health. I offered to go out and see what I could do, but ended up in a pushing scuffle, where I came off worse. So I came home to try to clean myself up when Jenny turned up.
I went upstairs to have a bath, which gave me time to pull myself together
and think about how I was going to handle the situation. I took my time
to prepare myself, for what I wasn't sure. I knew I couldn't run away this
time. I washed myself, then knew that there was no escape. I came down
stairs slowly. Jenny had laid out a meal for us - nice, but the candles
and
wine had me a bit worried - it looked like a celebration. I felt like
a fly that could not escape from the spider - awful isn't it?
I tried to explain to Jenny that it was a small town. She either didn't
want to, or didn't understand what I was trying to say to her. I thought
I might as well face the music.
"Jenny, what do you want?" I asked her.
"I want an explanation," she replied. I supposed I owed her that. I
tried to make it as painless as I could.
"I got transferred. It's as simple as that," I said. "When the Bishop
says you've got to go, you go."
"But you didn't say goodbye other than from the pulpit," she accused.
"Did you have a special relationship with all your female parishioners"
she questioned.
I felt a bit ashamed, but I didn't know what to answer. I was saved
from answering by the doorbell. It was Assumpta with Jenny's key to her
room. It was teeming outside, and Assumpta was worried that Jenny would
be locked out on such a night.
Did I catch the two women exchange a cool stare? No, it was so quick;
it must've been my imagination. I awkwardly introduced Jenny as the daughter
of some family friends in England. God, I hated it.
When Assumpta had gone, I again tried to point out to Jenny how Ballykissangel was a small town. Again Jenny just shrugged off my warning.
"Peter, we need to talk," she said.
"I know" I replied glumly "How?...Why are you here?" I asked She told
me that she had left home but not told her parents. I was not pleased,
and started to reprimand her.
"You never told me you were leaving," she accused me.
"I'm not your father," I patiently pointed out to her
"I don't want you to be my father," she retorted.
"I'm not your lover either," I calmly and rationally pointed out. (I
was feeling far from calm and rational, and my heart was beating so strongly,
I was afraid she would hear it.)
"Nothing happened between us," I pointed out to her.
"It was going to," she replied petulantly. I couldn't dispute this.
She was right. That's why I left when I did. I didn't have an answer to
give her. She gently stroked my face. I couldn't pull back. I knew I should
but a force I could not fight was holding me.
"I don't think anything has changed," she said.
As she said it, the spell was broken. The force that had been holding me transfixed weakened, and I was able to pull away. I knew that I had changed in these last weeks, and so had my feelings for her.
"You're not going to send me out in that?" she asked, nodding her head towards the uncurtained window where outside the heavy rain was pounding down. She then started moving upstairs to the bedroom.
The spell was completely broken. Jenny did not respect my position, and was prepared to throw both our reputations to the wind, - and what for???
I looked around the room. The half eaten meal, the candles and wine. I saw the key and picked it up. There was nothing else, but for me to sleep at Fitzgerald's. I blew out the candle and put my coat on, and headed out through the driving rain.
Luckily when I got there, the regulars were all distracted by a horse
race just as I entered the reception door. Assumpta came over and I asked
her for a room. She said I could use the one Jenny had booked. So I slipped
upstairs unnoticed. Somehow I feel that I can trust Assumpta not to say
anything. I wonder what she thinks about this. Actually, I'm sure she has
already
guessed. What a mess!!!!!
This morning I didn't have time to speak to Jenny as I had an early morning call out. Brian Quigley, with his 'able' assistants Liam and Donal, was trying to dump more manure. This time at least I was able to stop it. I knew that I had to face Jenny sometime and tell her that this is it. That I'm a priest and vowed to celibacy. I was hoping that she might've got the hint when I went out last night.
Well I didn't have long to wait. Jenny was waiting for me in the sacristy when I got back.
"At least last night it was your decision to leave," she said. I knew I had to tell her. I realised that I had been wrong to let her think that the transfer was not by my request. I admitted to her that it had been my decision to leave Manchester; that I'd asked for a transfer; that I'd wanted to put some distance between us. She seemed stunned by this revelation.
"You told me I was special. You made me feel special," she accused me.
"What's the point? What are you trying to do?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "Have it both ways? I don't know.
I wasn't thinking. I was feeling. These were feelings; not thoughts; not
logical, not sensible, but powerful feelings." I felt pretty confused,
and guilty too. I hadn't meant to make her feel more special than anyone
else.
"What feelings?" She continued. "Feelings for me, for a woman's body?"
My stomach felt all churned up.
"Jenny, please," I begged of her. I was feeling really bad. I turned
away from her.
"Please I need to know", she pleaded.
"Jenny, Stop please", I was now pleading with her.
"Are you ashamed of them?" she asked. I didn't know how to answer this;
I thought for a moment
"Yes, I tried to do the right thing."
"You ran away," she accused.
"I could have ruined your life", I tried to justify my leaving.
"MY life", she asked
"OK, Our lives", I replied. I wasn't sure where we were heading and
I was not feeling very comfortable. I realized that I should have spoken
to Jenny in Manchester. Running away had been cowardly. The phone rang.
Again, I was saved by the bell.
It was Fr. Mac. He didn't sound very happy at all. I was being summonsed
to Cilldargan straight away.
"I have to go", I said pulling on my coat and not giving her time to
reply.
I'm a coward. I hate scenes like this, when I'm not in control. As
I rode to Cillgardan I made up my mind that I had to have an honest talk
to Jenny and finish this embarrassing situation.
The opportunity came over a lunchtime cup of tea in my kitchen. Jenny had obviously also had time to think, and realised that what she'd hoped would be the outcome of her visit, was not going to happen.
"I keep walking out on you", I said with a smile, trying to keep it
all very light.
"Yeah, I think I can take a hint", she replied.
"I'm sorry", I said weakly, "I really am".
"I'm leaving, going home. I made a mistake and now I know", she continued.
"I'm leaving on the afternoon bus after the match. Will you see me off?
"You know I will", I replied, feeling very relieved, but also guilty
that I'd put her through the unnecessary pain.
At the bus she was sweet. "It was still nice to see you", she said
"And you", I replied.
"Well you'll know next time", she said, as she turned to get on.
"I'm a priest", I tried to reply.
"There'll be a next time", she predicted over her shoulder as she entered
the bus.
I thought about what she'd said as the bus pulled out. No, Jenny, I'm
sure you're wrong. Firstly I have learnt some important lessons too. Firstly
not to allow myself to get too close to any of my young, single, female
parishioners. Also to face problems before they get too big to handle and
not to tell little white lies either. Also running away does not solve
a situation either, it only prolongs the agony. In hindsight, I think I
have come out of the situation very lightly, and I'm now wiser and will
be more
prepared in the future.
I find Jenny's last comment amusing, a next time there won't be. Not
likely in BallyK. Who with???
Niamh - she's in love with Ambrose.
Assumpta - that's a joke. Apart from the observation that she is rather
her own person, and I can't imagine her having a relationship with any
man unless it's on her terms, a priest would be the last person she would
choose.
Siobhan - somehow this seems rather unlikely.
Kathleen? Not much chance there either.
No, Jenny, I'm sure you're wrong in your prediction.
Take for instance Eamonn Byrne. For the last few days Eamonn and some inspector from the European Union have been tramping over the mountains counting sheep. He gets a subsidy for them, so the bigger his flock, the bigger the subsidy.
Well someone has pointed out to Eamonn that the latest satellites can
now 'count the warts on your nose'. This got Eamonn rather worried, so
he spent several days and nights building a flock of wooden sheep, painted
white with black faces. He's placed them all over the hillsides. I wonder
if the satellites will notice that they don't move very much?
The church roof is nearly finished. I will be glad when it's all done.
No more dust or banging. The statue of St. John is being fixed in place
tomorrow; then the scaffolding can come down.
Niamh has decided not to cancel the reception, but to have a 'Hardly
a Wedding Reception' party on Saturday night. I think that it's a stupid
idea, but I haven't been able to talk her out of it.
I went outside and found Ambrose sitting alone on the bridge. I asked
him if I'd nearly been hit by a statue of St. Francis of Assissi, did that
mean I should have a career change and become a vet? He suggested that
I was poking fun at him. I wasn't. I pointed out to him that lots of people
had last minute doubts about commitment. But that commitment shouldn't
be feared.
That if he did, he would be cutting himself off from one of the richest
experiences that life had to offer.
Do I really believe this? Yes, I do. So why have I chosen to cut myself off from this experience? I have no answer to that. I suppose that I have accepted that marriage is not for me. That some of us are called to serve in ways that cut them off from experiences such as marriage, parenthood etc.
As a last ditch effort, I took Assumpta's advice and was economical with the truth. I told Ambrose that the patron saint of priests was St. John the evangelist, and the statue that nearly hit him was John the Baptist.
Anyway, my pep talk must have worked. Not half an hour later, Ambrose
came into Fitzgeralds. There was a sudden expectant silence. In front of
all their friends, Ambrose took Niamh's hand and asked her to marry him.
She accepted him, and all their friends gave a loud cheer. The party finished
on a much happier note than it had started on.
She finished off our conversation with the statement: "If it's going
to happen, it will happen". Isn't that another way of saying the same as
above? But who knows what is going to happen until it happens? Isn't Assumpta
really saying that if it's God's will for something to happen, then it
will. I have no problems with that, except it doesn't take into account
free will, and I am sure young Miss Fitzgerald believes in free will. This
could lead to a very lively discussion next time she's in such a philosophical
mood.
Over the last few days we've suddenly been subject to a pirate radio station in BK. He calls himself Angel 106.5FM. The whole town seems to have tuned in. This morning everyone I met enthusiastically greeted me with "Happy Birthday Father". They'd heard it on radio 'Angel FM' it seems. How the chap found out I have no idea. I couldn't imagine that happening anywhere else, especially not in Manchester. It was rather nice.
It made up for not being able to start my motorbike again. Luckily I was able to catch the bus to get to mass at the Cilldargan Hospital. Fr. Mac is insisting I get a car. Easier said than done, I don't know what with, I just haven't enough money for a car.
I met an interesting person in the hospital today. Judge Michael Bradley
- very cranky, and he obviously thinks the church is after his money. Fr.
Mac wants me to cultivate his friendship. I probably will, but not for
the reasons that Fr. Mac wants. Apparently, Judge Bradley became very bitter
and difficult after his wife died about 10 years ago. Fr. Mac also said
that the
judge was an excellent chess player, so that might be the means to
break the ice.
The day did finish very pleasantly. The regulars all gathered at Fitzgerald's
for a surprise get-together for my birthday. It made me realise how many
good friends I have made here. Niamh and Ambrose gave me some manuals on
learning to drive, and Assumpta is to give me 6 free driving lessons. I
felt I had to write it all down. It shows that I am beginning to be accepted
as part of this wonderful little community.
I went to visit Judge Bradley in hospital again. Assumpta thinks the church (meaning ME) only cares about him because he has money and no family. In my heart I know he is an unhappy man, and I'd like to help him. I suggested a game of chess, although I was sure I wouldn't be much of a challenge for him. Surprisingly he agreed.
It was a good icebreaker. He asked me about my parent's reaction to me becoming a priest. I asked him about his wife Emily. He obviously loved her dearly. With no children, he must have been devastated when she died. "You'd understand if you'd ever loved someone." He said. "Have you?" he asked.
I was a bit taken back, and unconsciously thought of Assumpta. Does this mean I'm falling in love? I'm not sure, but I hope not. She's a very interesting and yes OK. a very attractive young woman. But we are always at loggerheads. She has no time for the church nor most priests. I'm lucky she tolerates me.
"I don't know anyone who hasn't loved someone at some time." I replied
tactfully. I was glad that the Judge didn't pursue this line of conversation
any further. Unfortunately he had some sort of attack then, and he told
me to leave.
I visited Judge Bradley again. He was much better than when I left him
yesterday. He had replaced the knocked over chess pieces and we continued
the game. He obviously enjoyed talking about Emily so I encouraged him
in this. He told me how he used to drive her to the coast in their car,
even later when she was too sick to get out. He'd found it hard looking
after at
the end. She was in a lot of pain, and refused to go into hospital.
Then he told me that after a long time of her begging him, he had given
her a fatal dose of the morphine that he had been given. I was quite shocked
by this, and told him that all life was sacred in the eyes of God. I didn't
know what else to say, although it must have been very hard for him, seeing
her in pain, and she begging him to end it.
As I had to see Fr. Mac anyway, I wanted to talk it over with him. He
was too busy organizing my driving test for Thursday to listen. He said
that he'd take my regular Thursday mass at the hospital. He verified what
Assumpta had said, that the test was only a formality, and that priests
were never failed. This is the sort of thing that brings us into conflict.
He believes that it's OK to take advantage of our position, while I believe
it's the same as cheating.
I carefully answered. "Perhaps if you truly believe that what you are doing is right, and for the best intentions, then you should follow your conscience."
I made up my mind to speak with Judge Bradley as soon as possible and
reassure him of my understanding of what he'd done. Nothing is ever completely
black or white in life.
On the way into Cillgardan, I was able to drop in and see the Judge
just before the test.
"I think we should keep our promises if we can," I told him.
"What changed your mind?" he asked
"Let's say I heard the voice of an angel," I answered mysteriously.
We made a few more moves in the chess game, but then I had to leave for
my driving test.
Just as Assumpta was about to leave, I gave her my clerical collar to mind, and did the test as Mr. Clifford. I wouldn't say I passed with flying colours, far from it, but I passed, and that is all that really matters. We returned to the pub to find there'd been quite some betting going on, whether I'd pass or not.
It seems Ambrose found the culprit who'd been broadcasting illegally.
It was Kathleen's young nephew Daniel. Ambrose thought that he'd probably
only get a small fine. I felt it was rather a shame that his cheerful banter
would be lost to the people he used to cheer up, as he was very good. I
suddenly thought of all those lonely and sick people in the hospital. I
had an idea
of how Daniel could do some community service rather than simply fine
him. So I made a few phone calls.
Fr. Mac told me that Judge Bradley had asked how I went in the driving
test. So he rang them to find out that Mr. Clifford had passed. I don't
think Fr. Mac would have been as forgiving if I'd failed. I thought that
I must let Judge Bradley know myself, so went to ring him up, but he'd
already passed away. I was very saddened by that news, I would have liked
to finish our chess game and talked to him some more. He was actually a
very interesting man, and reminded me a lot of my Dad.
The nurse who'd looked after Judge Bradley found me, and gave me a set
of keys that Judge Bradley had left for me. She said that he'd said something
about me going a long way. I thanked her and took the keys. One fitted
Judge Bradley's garage, and in it was his car - a Jowett Javelin. All I
could think of was that God moves in mysterious ways. I now had the required
transport I needed, as well as my licence.
It seems that local plumber Sean Dooley is going to stand in the by-election, and many people (especially Fr. Mac) don't trust him, so they were trying to persuade Brian Quigley to stand against Dooley. At the wake Brian was declining, but I sensed a weakening there.
The church bell sounded woeful. OK for a funeral, but Niamh and Ambrose's wedding should be coming up soon, and a mournful bell will be embarrassing. At the wake we started a bell restoration appeal.
I watched an interesting reunion in Fitzgerald's tonight. There'd been
a reporter hanging around all day, covering the funeral, and now the by-election.
His name is Leo McGarvey, and it appears he's an old flame of Assumpta's
from college days. I got the impression that they'd known each other very
well, and I witnessed a very affectionate reunion. He's going to stay at
the pub, so it could prove very interesting.
The bell fund is not going very well at all. When on Assumpta's suggestion, I discussed the possibility of Leo doing an item on the church bell, he was not really interested. I was quite stumped for ideas. Fortunately Brian heard the bell again today, and he has offered to pay for the restoration himself. Very generous, although Assumpta suggested that Brian has ulterior motives. He's going to take the old bell down tomorrow afternoon, and has even organized a temporary recording until the bell is restored.
Niamh is now very angry about it, because Brian's been crying poor,
and saying he can't afford a wedding. Niamh says that she's not getting
married 'without all the trimmings'. So at the moment, Ambrose is left
waiting, and getting impatient. I may have some work on my hands here I
think.
Assumpta accused me of not keeping the church out of politics, like I'd said only a few days earlier. I just can't win. She always believes I have the worse ulterior motives, no matter what I do. Even when I have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
Niamh is trying her hand at matchmaking for Assumpta. Rather a dangerous
pastime I think. She was encouraging Leo to take Assumpta out. I was a
bit surprised that Assumpta wasn't all that keen to go, but in the end
she reluctantly went. I wonder how it's going at present? Will she be tempted
to return with him? She keeps her thoughts very much to herself. I shouldn't
really be thinking about it, but I find myself often thinking about Assumpta,
and I know I really care about her. I just want her to be happy. I'm convinced
that she's had some painful experience in the past, that's made her distrust
the church and the clergy.
The day started with Leo coming in to see me and asking what I knew about a man called 'One- tooth-Tommy'. Having been in BK only some months I suggested he talk to Dr. Ryan who has practiced in BK for over 20 years, and took over the practice from his father. I couldn't see how this related to the election.
He then wanted advice about Assumpta. He declared that he still loved her very much, as he had a few years ago in Dublin, and has never really loved anyone else. He felt that she seemed more distant now, as if she was thinking of someone else. She hadn't said anything, but that was unlike her too, to be secretive about it.
I suggested that instead of treating her with suspicion, he should treat her as a friend, and talk to her, and tell her how he felt about her. Leo seemed happy with my advice, but we didn't have time to discuss it any further, as the bells started up at that moment.
I knew that Brian was up to no good. After the bells had rung, he broadcast that the bells were brought to the town by Brian Quigley, Independent candidate for the seat of Cilldargan.
I went to turn them off, but the church door was locked, and Brian still
had the key. We managed to get a long ladder from Fitzgerald's, and put
it up to the window where the bells were. Only Assumpta was small enough
to squeeze through and turn the bells off. I was very grateful, but when
I went to thank her, she was very angry at something I had done, and was
spitting
chips.
She faced me in the pub after we had put the ladder away. Leo must have
taken my advice almost immediately, and told her what I'd said. She turned
to me with her big brown eyes flashing dangerously.
"I want to know what you've been saying to Leo? She asked
"He just wanted my advice, that's all," I defended. "I couldn't really
refuse.'
"I bet you couldn't," she spat
"I'm a priest, it's my business." I said helplessly.
"In future, I would be grateful if you kept your nose out of my business.
OK?" she stated clearly.
I didn't know what to say. There wasn't anything I could say. I just left to go and say mass.
The next strange thing I experienced today was during confession, when Brian came in. He wanted to know about burying some bones. He passed them to me, so I had no choice but to mind them until I could find out more.
As I was leaving, Leo cornered me and wanted to know if I'd been asked to bury some bones. I didn't answer his question, but the plot was thickening. I decided to go and ask Dr. Ryan myself about this One-tooth-Tommy.
It appears that he was an old hermit, who was not well but refused to go into hospital. He disappeared, presumed dead after the severe winter in 1947. Brian was now building on what had been his land. No mystery after all, it appears. However, Brian was able to persuade Ambrose not to hold up his building on the land, with an inquiry into the bones, if he agreed for the wedding to go ahead as soon as possible.
So that's that then. The One-tooth-Tommy was quietly laid to rest in the churchyard, with Brian, Liam, Donal and myself the only people present. And Niamh and Ambrose will very soon be wed. Brian has also decided to pull out of the election, as the polls were not looking favourable for him.
This evening we were all celebrating the forth-coming wedding, when
Leo was leaving to go back to Dublin. He was obviously trying to persuade
Assumpta to go with him, telling her there was nothing in BallyK to keep
her. I could see Assumpta was getting a bit upset, and I felt a lump in
my throat as I watched them. I was quite relieved when he was gone, and
Assumpta took a deep breath and started to serve the customers who were
waiting. I know that I would miss her if she left. The town would not be
the same without her. I enjoy the banter with her, and the unexpectedness
of what she sometimes comes out with. She is a refreshing personality,
and a loyal friend when I've needed one. I often wish I could be closer
to her, but after my
experience with Jenny, I know I can't drop my guard.
This announcement has been bothering me all day. I know for sure that I'm happy here, and that I don't want to go back to England at present. I also find it strange that if there is a need in Manchester, that they would particularly want me to fill it. It just doesn't gel.
Some of the local villagers are also preoccupied with issues at the
moment. There is to be an Irish festival this week, and Brian has borrowed
a ram from Eamonn and placed it in a cage high up on some scaffolding.
Although the animal is secured, with plenty of food, Siobhan is upset that
it's been caged, and was trying to get my support to stop Brian doing it.
I couldn't
see any harm in it, and told her so. Besides I had my own problems
I needed to think about at the time. So I don't think Siobhan is very happy
with me at present.
Assumpta was driving past when she saw me, so came over. She told me that no matter how bad the light, or how long you stared at it, or how much you'd had to drink, that statue would not move a whisker.
She noticed that I had something on my mind, and asked what was wrong. "They want me back at the coal face," I told her, and added that I didn't really want to go back. "What do you think? Should I fight it?" I asked her.
She told me to watch my back if I did, and was referring to Fr. Mac. I wondered then if he was behind this request for my return. He'd denied it yesterday, but I know he isn't really happy with the way I carried out my duties. His narrow way of just telling the parishioners what they should do and think was not my style at all. I decided to visit Fr. Mac and find out more about my possible move back to England.
He was at home, but not very helpful. I asked what he meant yesterday when he had said something about, if I had popular support. I asked him if he might support me to stay. He was not supportive at all, and just said that my bishop back in England was adamant that I return.
It was clear that he was not sorry to see me go, and would do nothing to help me stay. I even wondered then if maybe he had initiated my recall to England. I decided to make a few phone calls to find out. So I rang Father Randall when I got home. He confirmed my suspicions. He had heard that I wasn't fitting in. I agreed that it must have been a misunderstanding, and rang off.
The depression hung over me all day as I went about my duties. I wondered what I could do. It really wasn't very fair. It seems I am not the only one having problems. Assumpta seems to have something on her mind too. In fact so much so, that at 7 o'clock she was seeking out the peace and quiet of the church to sit in. She looked quiet distressed, but didn't want to talk about it, so I left her alone while I went to finalise the wedding service with Niamh.
When I came back, the church door was wide open, no Assumpta, but a broken window and glass near where she'd been sitting. I was worried, so went straight to the pub to she if she was OK.
She had a cut above her eye where either glass or the stone had hit
her. Under much protest she let me look at it. I cleaned it up for her,
and put a new plaster on it. It seems she's worried about Brian's "Bar
and Grill", part of the festival arrangements, out on the Dublin road.
She thinks that it might put her out of business, and she's angry with
Niamh for not telling her about it. I tried to reassure her, and then said
goodnight. I'm not the only one with problems on my mind.
It was Siobhan. She was very drunk and she'd climbed up the scaffolding and was sitting with the ram. Assumpta standing on the ground trying to persuade her to get down. I climbed up to try to persuade Siobhan to come down, but she would only do this if we released the ram. How do I get myself into these situations???
We lowered the animal to the ground, and put it back into its crate. Somehow the three of us managed to get it into Siobhan's Landrover and proceeded to drive it back to the mountains where it came from. Siobhan fell asleep on the drive, and it was left to Assumpta and I to do the dirty work.
Assumpta asked me what I really wanted to do, re going home. I thought
about it, and what I had got myself into that very minute. I told her that
what I really wanted, was to go where I was wanted. I asked her what she
thought Fr. Mac's problem was?
"You are," she said. "You rock the boat. You encourage people to think
for themselves. What he does,. what they're doing,.. the whole lot of them,
is holding this country back. But as priests go."
"Yeah?" I asked, wondering what she was going to say. I held my breath.
"We could do a lot worse."
I tried to imagine Brian's face when he saw what we'd done. I hope this never gets out. Fr. Mac would have a fit if he ever heard about it; I'd be packed off in disgrace. It's just what Fr. Mac would want. We thought that it would be funny to replace the ram with one of Eamonn's wooden sheep.
Brian's Bar & Grill was still going strong, in the early hours as we passed it. He's employing Liam and Donal as waiters, and it was doing a lively trade as we past. I suspect that seeing it like that, dispelled any guilt Assumpta might have been feeling about making a fool of Brian Quigley.
We took Siobhan home, then tried to get some sleep in what was left of the night.
At 10am it was the 'Crowning of The Ram of Ballykissangel' ceremony. After an inspiring speech from Brian about how the ram had saved BallyK, the ram was to be lowered and crowned with a cardboard crown. I joined Siobhan, Brendan, Padraig, and Assumpta, who were already watching the proceedings. We exchanged conspiratory glances. Well Brian did look a fool. Siobhan immediately decided that Dublin looked a good place to visit, and left very quickly.
Brian came into the pub afterwards, and was after Assumpta's blood. I tried to diffuse the situation, but Assumpta is still convinced that Brian is out to destroy her. I was equally convinced that this wasn't so, and promised to bring her proof.
I was obviously wrong. When I went to tackle Brian about it, he just dismissed it as business. He said that he would make her an offer she couldn't refuse. It was a publican's race on foot carrying pints of stout. The winner was to get the other's pub. I was to let Assumpta know.
I didn't think she would actually do it, but she said that she had nothing
to lose, and accepted Brian's challenge. I wonder what's behind it. Why
he's doing it? Assumpta just said that it was because Brian was a gambling
man, but I'm not so sure.
Everything went well. Ambrose was on time, with Timmy Joe as his best man. Niamh arrived looking radiant, and the look on Ambrose's face as Niamh walked up the aisle was pure joy. Assumpta looked beautiful too, in a dress such as I've never seen her wear before. Not exactly the type of thing she would normally wear, but then I don't know what she would choose for such an occasion. She certainly dresses differently to Niamh. I am so pleased that I was able to help bring those two together.
After the wedding ceremony, Assumpta insisted we get the publican's race between her and Brian over with. The glasses were filled, suitable shoes put on. Liam and Donal assisted Brian, whilst the other pub regulars and myself helped get Assumpta ready. The race was run up the main street of BallyK. When Brian stumbled Assumpta was able to get ahead and won. We then all returned to Fitzgerald's for the reception. Assumpta was obviously very happy, but I was surprised that Brian didn't seem too bothered. When I asked him, he said that Ambrose had already closed him down the day before; for fire regulations, so he'd nothing to loose.
I was relieved, it meant that I didn't need to feel guilty that I'd stuck down Assumpta's glasses. I mean I couldn't just let her lose the pub on a silly bet, could I? I looked around at all the guests. Most were friends I had made over the last months in this lovely village. I sadly realised that in a short time I would probably be gone from here.
I needed to get some fresh air. As I put my coat on I looked across at the happy couple, and Assumpta who was having a word to them. I knew that I would miss them dearly, and I didn't want to leave.
I walked over the road to Hendley's shop and sat on the steps. I was
feeling quite forlorn. Assumpta came out and joined me.
"So?" she said
"So?" I replied. There was really nothing to say.
"You having a good time?" She asked
"You bet." I replied, trying to sound enthusiastic, but only succeeding
in feeling foolish.
"I'll miss you, if you decide to go"
"Too late," I sighed. "That battle's been fought and lost."
"I don't think so." She said, and gave me a roll of several sheets
of paper. "Nearly the whole town signed it. They all want you to stay."
I felt very choked up when I looked at the sheets of paper. It was a petition, signed by nearly everyone I knew in BallyK. "I don't know what to say." I was nearly in tears. To think that I was wanted here by so many people.
"Hey it's not a big deal." Assumpta said, a bit embarrassed by my emotional
reaction.
"Yes it is." I replied. I was both laughing and nearly crying. Then
I looked at Assumpta, and felt a bit rash.
"What about you?" I asked, "You said that they all wanted me to stay,
what about you?"
She looked at me, but I couldn't read her expression. She didn't answer,
but got up and walked back to the reception. I knew that she'd been one
of the organizers of the petition, and I didn't need to ask her that question,
but I suppose that I just wanted to hear her say the words, that she wanted
me to stay.
I'm very touched by the faith they've put in me. I know now that I have something to fight Fr. Mac with, and fight I am going to. God, please let it be your will that I stay in BallyK, amongst these wonderful, down to earth people. It is the first place in a long time where I really feel wanted and needed.